← back to the archive // episode file

109 Live Animals Found in Woman's Luggage

#animals#illegalfish#armadillos#luggage#porcupines
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 [Music] in failed trafficking news oh no they got caught oh wait ████ is it that oh i hope it's not that truck in texas or wherever which one what are you talking about who's the house right now dude chill out bro damn bro how much do you know too much do you know that ████ was sad though i think i don't know died in the truck dude ruined it no this has nothing to do with a bunch of deaths in the truck that sucks though dude ryan has assorted power no this is this is about 109 live animals found in a woman's luggage in massive airport wildlife trafficking what kind of animal 109 why are we doing all these things of my industry today there's so many articles of i bring this up because i know that we

0:50 have an expert in the room when it comes to smuggling and trafficking things in general and i see that when there are flaws in the world people need to be educated it has to do with one smuggling joe's wheelhouse two wild animals also joe's warehouse so you could tell us what the market value women joe's will house getting his ████ eaten out by women big time big time big time how to get points on your next flight ████ i got you know i got i got i got laid because of that story that i told or ada hookers ████ out and then afterwards a girl was like that ████ that should turn me on so much and i was like oh is that a red flag no dude that's the right flag she's like can you hand me a 20 and get on your knees and eat this box

1:42 i can't believe that brought me so much game i was paying everyone after that i couldn't stop cleaning the ████ up shall i say 20 bucks that's it that's pretty good be a break already a hundred girls lined up and i ate them all can you believe that they're paying me i must be good at herself gigolo now dude joe's killing it bro so two women have been arrested in thailand for allegedly yeah thailand uh 109 for allegedly attempting to smuggle at least 109 109 live animals in their luggage including porcupines i knew it yeah small ones you knew it no i was thinking about little small round things some porcupines armadillos uh you know how like people have those little hedgehog things yeah probably

2:33 hedgehogs by a couple of those you know what gerbils are for what else they need more animals ghosts you stuff them up your ████ a couple of ████ like gekko looking iguana things gekko looking iguana things yeah all right anything could roll into a little roll you know like a little ball yeah yeah uh kind of kind of roll into a little roll yeah i know what he's talking about even though he doesn't know what he's talking about armadillos a little ████ whatever you can shove up your ass right bart and the luggage would shove off your ████ ass you could put it on you can put a samsonite luggage samsonite here you think it's stuffing a little sandwich that is quality luggage yeah none of that remo ████ none of that ████ briggs and riley ████ what the ████ that what's that lifetime warranty dog you knew i didn't even know you don't know do you guys think halfway through this video joe and bartlett be like so sam's

3:24 tonight luggage man he's promoting his car you guys ever travel for a living i do when i hit this cbd [Laughter] right wrong at rocket this is tushy it's tushy i do all the time i wonder who i am and who you are i know it's a good joke because he does nothing to say dress smiles just laughter oh including porcupines armadillos turtles yup chameleons he was right they're all rollers and snakes how do you know that what the ████ is wrong with you

4:19 those organizer things that chicks love and little squares little boxes you just take these animals just roll them right up and just put them in each one and then just leave a little hole in the little zipper and then get a little straw that goes down so everyone get air you can share it together close the rest of it you're talking like they ████ snorkeled crazy thing that was the ninth take that was the best take yeah yeah yeah for this ad read that was the best take we had look at hill you knocked out the park it's got the superstar where's going straws are available online you know calm your smuggled animals down so the incident occurred at bangkok's oh man it's hard to pronounce are you a stroke that's pretty close i was just gonna say suvarnabhumi airport and call up tim asking whatever as two indian women

5:10 tried to make their way through airport security when officials spotted a couple of suspicious items in their suit and saw a ████ arm poking out they were rustling around why is there a little tail coming out of your ████ samsonite bag following a routine x-ray inspection according to a statement released by thailand's department of national park 30 skeletons all these skeletons in there dude no cap dude that's for a while that's crazy oh ████ upon further investigation authorities discovered a total of at least 109 animals including two white porcupines two armadillos 35 turtles 50 chameleons and 20 snakes so who's gonna survive is that the whole game it's like how many animals can we kill in here whole pet store that's what's worth money like what the ████ yeah that's ████ were they going to raise like

6:00 are they all babies because they're so small bro so you can kind of get contacts in this photo you'll see a bucket just a bucket wow ninja turtles but then you'll notice the suitcase by sam's tonight in the back and then those green cases right there as well are holding other animals are they alive they are alive i don't know everything's alive you know that big ████ machine they have to throw all the contraband like stuff into this just like whoop the ████ animals go in there too just grind it's gotta go through wow so that's like literally just in a case they're all you know some of the bigger animals are segregated in their own basket with ████ straw or whatever good for them good job and that's literally how they're put into the that's ████ wild they are wild so they weren't supposed to get through customs is that the idea i don't know what they were thinking

6:51 about the x-ray portion what the ████ were they thinking like maybe they're a hookup person that's supposed to go like that that guy like called in sick or something yeah put straw we're fine yeah dude don't cover them up sensors i remember one time um we went to the airport to pick up uh uh fish from the smuggler um he's a legit ████ fish smuggler what kind of fish yeah arowanas asian arowanas they're illegal arowanas are crazy the metallic ones yeah the longer yeah but then the asian ones they're like um they're super colorful and then they're like this small red on the fence yeah but they're illegal in the states i forgot the reasons why it's probably because they're invasive not in vegas apparently because i know someone you can have an arowana but i think it's like it it it has something to do with southeast asia's like trade laws and

7:41 stuff like that and how they take care of it and it's like banned in the u.s most people have the silver arowana which is from south america but it's not it i don't think it has anything to do with invasiveness but anyways a gold one sick looking dude it might be an agent so we get there right and then the guy is like i don't know he's like in his mid-50s right he has this dyed shoulder-length hair and he's trying to look like a boy band guy right and then we're waiting in the uh in the in the whole waiting room and i'm asking my friend i'm like dude like are we doing something like i mean illegal because like these fish aren't supposed to be here like why are we waiting goes no no he goes he just wanted it to like meet here because he's getting the shipment and we're just going to divide it at the airport and just go home with it sounds very naughty and i'm like on the up and up i know right and i'm like all right so how the ████ are we gonna do this and i'm just asking him like so like

8:31 what about the fish and wildlife game and all that they're like yeah they come and i'm like so don't they have to check and like i'm just sweating bricks right i'm just like this is ████ nuts man i can't believe this so we're in the cargo like airport side where they drop off shipments right we're in the waiting room and then the guy he's with this like lady and ████ and like they're talking he's just getting restless and he kind of taps over to her and then she pulls out and opens up her purse and pulls out a little remote control car and this dude gets like a little remote right and this this dude is just laying back slouching like a child and he's ████ around with the remote control car in the lobby just fidget it's just just ████ running and a part of me was like yo when am i gonna get a chance to play right but then the other part of me i'm just like man this just feels so awkward like shouldn't we

9:21 meet him outward like somewhere else like like ████ like what if we get in trouble like we're smuggling illegal fish right now right and then the thing comes the wildlife game guy goes and he looks at the box he goes how many have or had that many fish okay and he just checks it off and he walks away does nothing like literally nothing he didn't even look inside no well well the way the way that they smuggle this ████ though is they mix it with other fish cause then they hide it and if you're if you don't really know your fish you're just going to look at and be like okay they're okay they all kind of like they got drugs or whatever i don't know right wow we and then we go to the ████ parking lot they just divvy up the the the pets and then we leave and i was like that was the most ████ awkward ████ i've ever experienced dude joe if not for the fifth amendment of the united states yeah you'd be in federal prison for smuggling some illegal fish this the

10:13 amount of stuff you're like oh i used to ████ run drugs i used to run illegal fish i used all kinds of ████ he's like i eat hooker ████ i don't give a ████ that's not illegal steve oh it should be charity it's a non-profit organization in prison you should be in the ████ you should get the death penalty locked up dude where's your poetic justice [Music]

// end of tape