0:00 yeah and there and then the teachers don't care who do the teachers pay attention to not the smart kids not the average kids just the hot kids oh my bad thought I was right thought I was [Music] right so we've been sitting here we've been talking to Lieutenant Aram showa for quite a while now uh for maybe just a couple minutes you got into a little bit about your marriage and I think we need to tap more into that give us more marriage advice like tell us something that you guys went through what what was your rough patch you guys got Stay Together For What 21 years you said 21 years how and you got married after 6 months yeah well I I I proposed her after 6 months how do you propos real quick real quick it was horrible she was watching a TV show on TLC called Trading Spaces love that show I just got her
0:51 birthday her birthday is February 11th and it was Valentine's weekend I had the ring we went to a nice balcony restaurant in Pasadena I was going to do it but it felt so official and cheesy I didn't do it oh the next day she comes over we're getting ready to go to a hike I I just got off of work I'm showering I come out she's sitting on the couch and I see that she's watching TV I go back to my closet I pull the ring out and I you want to get married and I pull in the ring wow and she said I thought you were going to ask me on my birthday that's thought she said yes she said yes you and we didn't go on that hike we went actually went to her um her her M her her family's house where were only her mom and sister were that were at I mentioned earlier her dad got sent to prison uh he did some he was a he owned an insurance company and did Insurance fra and got you know wrapped up in that U so that was our first rough
1:42 patch right when we I was considering proposing to her it's a scary thing for it's a big decision for any guy to do and as I was saving up money for that ring her family's house fell apart because Dad got arrested right and dad was the only bread winner there's seven kids and a wife that it's always been a stay-at home wife and their life turned upside down and I'm like man am am I marrying is this girl wanting to marry me because I'm rescuing her from her situation oh and so I did you know I was I was a kid I was you know in my young 20s and I I'm like how I test this Theory I'm going to break up with her dumb move right what Alpha honestly Alpha that's Alpha because if she was really into it she was going to do one of two things
2:33 either divulge that she never loved me and that she was doing it I didn't NE love you anyway hit you back yeah I started watching Cobra Tate damn it or she was in to fight for me and what she ended up doing I did it and like after a DAT it was a dick move it was after date on her porch and I said I don't think it's working out and she ran crying she said I loved you broke my heart right on the spot I ran to did you say I was just testing I was just testing it was like a cake Korean drama right theic it came I ran after her uh I held her and I said man you know I'm really in a conf I was I was I said I I said I don't know if you love me or if I'm you're using me as a vehicle to escape what's going on and she said are you stupid I love you that's some insecure ████ that you had to work I was an insecure guy I I really was yeah he said young 20s I get it making a big move in my life right how
3:24 old were you when you proposed like mid 20s no uh I think I was 24 or 25 oh yeah that's young yeah wait so how did you how did you get through the explanation that you were just testing her like in that moment that was one of the first indications that doing stupid ████ if they love you it'll work itself out cuz she didn't ask for an explanation well you told her the truth she didn't ask for an explanation that's big boy ████ though you had to actually be a big boy real quick yeah you did you know what I mean you went you were this big and then you had to be this big yeah pretty much damn and um so that was first Rocky patch mhm and then having kids is life-changing man you know right right after we had our third kid living in a 900 ft house holy ████ the Eon went to ████ ████ pack the economy went to crap and my wife balancing three kids I'm I was demoted from my job because
4:14 the economy was bad and uh I I had to lose my spot that came with a bonus position it was a 5 and a half% raise uh car allowance and I lost all that and simultaneously I got into a really bad mortgage I had an adjustable rate mortgage because I didn't know is this 2008 yeah and so my my mortgage went from $900 to like $1,800 it doubled and I wasn't making that much money what were you doing at the time what do you mean were you an officer still I was a detective and I got demoted oh because the city had to make budget cuts too everybody was hurting and so luckily I got a job at Dodger Stadium because if you're a cop you can work off duty as a cop and it was a pretty cool gig actually he got paid pretty good money to just walk around with a headset and tell the security guards what to do it's like being mercenary yeah but sometimes I worked harder there cuz Dodger fans you know
5:04 Dodger fans crazy and I come home smelling like beer and mustard stains and stuff like that um because they don't know you're a real cop they just think you're security and they disrespect you um but I I had to do that and of course of a season when you're in season it's like a full-time job and so I'd come home exhausted never had a day off but I did that to to pay my mortgage and the reason why I was doing that was because I was stupid CU my neighbors and Friends weren't paying their mortgages pocketing all that money and the banks were working with them yeah I wanted to work with the banks I'm like just give me a fixed rate refy me you can't you're underwater you're your house is devalued right so I had no choice but to short sale and it was a big decision with my wife oh no cuz we're like man we work so hard for this house and now we're going to lose it after 8 years and not only that we're going to be ineligible to buy because your credit takes a hit for seven years oh but this is where having
5:55 a good wife and God intervenes so we we rent a house in Eastville beautiful house that we thought we were going a rent to buy um on year four we're like this doesn't feel right it's not our home it's somebody else's home as much as we've decorated to try to make it a home it's not our home and then other external factors like the population boomed in that City and um I I don't know what it was but um right after the economy went bad and we moved into that rental house I had an opportunity to work um a specialized unit on an overtime basis and and then the economy started getting better and the people in the city were like well we need this enforcement more and more and I worked a ton of overtime so much but I was working so much that I we couldn't spend it so we were just pocketing all that money next thing you know my savings blew up enough to put an FHA level down payment down but I'm like my credit's still shot no one's going to sell somebody a house
6:46 that has uh a short sale right it might as well be a bankruptcy and um my but my wife to my wife's credit trusted me that we would dig ourselves out um so I'm talking to a friend about this who happen to work at uh a mortgage company and they're like hey um I was just curious uh what do you think about trying to buy a house now I said I can't I did a short sale oh yeah you're right but I said you know what I haven't run my credit in a while let's just see where it's at so to see how much more work I need to do runs a credit and the short sale is not on there wow wow like enough time pass or something no so that company went under like a lot of board companies did when that company went under they couldn't report you have to report to maintain those records and they couldn't so it fell off somewhere wow that's so sick that was God in ring right there it's like when a cop doesn't show up at the court date you're like
7:36 hell yeah and so that what happened when you got demoted from detective all the cases you're working on just went no no they other people together I was Junior so there was other detectives but I was Junior and um so so we we bought this house and we and what ended up damn was supposed to be it was a fixure upper big time and then you know another tragedy but bigger blessings came at beyond that and we built Dream House our forever house there um but man knowing that my wife from her perspective knowing that I would do whatever it takes including taking a security job cuz that's like a demeaning thing for a police officer it's like being in the major leagues and saying hey I'm going to play in the minors also cuz your your co-workers are just regular dudes sometimes right yeah right absolutely yeah which is I mean same thing with my current co-workers but but you never want to go backwards in a career right and security is considered you know when you're a
8:26 full-time police officer that's a pinnacle of your profession and you don't want to go below it's like demoting yourself um but I I wasn't too proud I did that because the job was there and it was good money and it was enough to pay the bills and I was proud of that even though I lost the house I did the honest thing I paid Faithfully uh even if it it was double and I could have cheated I could have done what everybody else did and didn't pay and got rewarded for it those guys not only got away with it they restructured their mortgages but they gave him $35,000 on top of that to move out you know by the way hell people would stereotype you and say an Asian guy would know his credit score you didn't even check your ████ yeah financially I'm I'm a broken Asian person like defect but I learned a lot like today I'm very you know I own real estate and you I'm in a good position now but it wasn't because I had a good Mentor or anything because I learned a
9:17 lot of lessons along the way and I I I never want to go back in that again and my wife say same thing she had the security knowing I would do whatever it takes and I had the security knowing that I had a woman that would stick by me no matter what and that's a lot of confidence is in a relationship and the big obvious that's the unbeatable pair right there if the dude's down to do anything and she's down to stick by him no matter what it's unbeatable on top of that like the word divorce is never an option cuz we've had some hellacious fights where you know I've left the house you know I sleeping in the car or whatever um early on but divorce was never an option for us no matter how mad at each other we got my wife threatens assassination before divorce that's a good one that's that's acceptable she goes we're not getting divorced just going to kill you and I'm like that's that's an honorable that's can you get that filed legally like she threatened me can I should you
10:09 go to jail can you get a restraining order on her that'll be so funny if I put a restraining order on her and I never exercise it but this may be more like uh a different subject what kind of relates I I think it's harder to find that these days oh yeah because you the level of expectation thanks to social media has given people SK views of what people are right some people aren't Riders dude that's the problem I got a ████ Rider all these boys are Riders that's the difference you you pick good people and you keep them as close as you can that's why when people say this like oh people aren't loyal I'm like who do you surround yourself with because even in my past relationships I had the faith that all of the women that I've dated would have gone through the trenches like some of them would have probably complained my ear off but they still would have gone through the trenches
10:59 with me yeah I mean you you also have too many people giving advice from so many different directions like you got you got M Khalifa telling all women to get divorces all the time like that's who's looking Her Like She's credible exactly that she sat in that chair brother are you know but also if you want if you want to if you want to take a good whiff of it you can but but I do think people sometimes I need sanitize myself now they they're they're loyal to and they pick the wrong person so like let's say there is someone who and loyalty but it's like a oneway relationship because they don't know who to do that for they're not filtering people out correctly yeah yeah and you know maybe an insecurity thing but like sometimes women think you know like what do you have to offered in relationship well nothing cuz he's the bread winner he makes he takes care of me I just have
11:49 to look pretty for him well no you do you do have to offer stability loyalty you those are things of value and I think they don't they discount that as a value item I do laugh though when people are like it's like oh you know women want to you know women need to take care of the house and give you peace and I'm like this ████ will never give me peace everything else yeah sure but the peace part ████ scream ████ scream and yell one thing I left out to give her big props too is she homeschooled her kids from the very beginning all four insane that's legit that's big props for sure I understand some people watching might be like what the kids were in school what did she do all day you know yeah I get that but she no she worked her ass off these kids super diff we have a buddy so some sometimes there's everyone not everyone rides right we have a buddy and he he
12:39 thinks that homeschooling means just teaching your kids how to dance that's it that's all we do actually that's not yeah that's not no you know what it is who's going to tell him how come you guys made that choice to Hom school so I had the opportunity to work uh as a part-time school resource officer uh and I learned fast it doesn't matter if they're from a good District or a bad District kids are ████ right yeah kids themselves yeah and they're and then the teachers don't care who do the teachers pay attention to not the smart kids not the average kids just the hot kids oh my bad thought I was right thought I was right my experience in public school was awesome I had a great Public School experience but um the eye opener was when I was I was kind of against it my wife was for it and we went to a convention where parents that were
13:30 exploring doing it went and the table I sat at was a two cops a firefighter and two teachers and the people that had the biggest impact on me were the teachers I can care less why the other First Responders did I'm like why you're a public school teacher why are you not putting cuz public school system was broken and this was back then more so than it is now so I wanted and and the other thing was I wanted to control uh what their foundations were and they don't teach about God in school and if you wanted them to teach about God in school you had to Shell out thousands of dollars and Tak to private school like Christian School like 30 G's yeah and even then those schools had their own set of problems right drugs happen peer pressure happens I wanted them to be able to do a couple things to um have common sense so you know if I clean the guns they were there you know four or five-year-old learning how to clean guns right but these are these are all
14:21 practical things you talk to how many kids today can't even change a tire or don't even know what you know how to change a light bulb for instance so I wanted to teach them basic skills and I learned all four of my kids are different my oldest child my daughter she struggles with u math but I mind you I teach them all the same my my middle two boys my two boys they're math geniuses all the same curriculum and my youngest is just genus at everything and they're all taught the same from the same curriculum you know aptitude everybody has a different aptitude level so so if they were in school they wouldn't have been nurtured in those they would have been like my daughter H she struggles she she does good in English and everything else so we're going to pass her along she sucked at math like no let's drill math and you don't get that oneon-one unfortunately unless you control yeah
15:11 until you're in Direct Control so we catered uh we we adjusted their curriculum so why would hold them back and my wife would hold them back in one grade and move them up in another so um so I liked that ability and then they all had a foundation of God everything was the curriculum we used uh was christian-based so everything was surrounded Christ so we got and then you know what kids not only are in school for eight hours when they come home they have three hours of homework our entire homeschooling day was less than 5 hours at some point you know and then they got old enough it was on cruise control they went on the computer and did schooling themselves so dang do you worry about like the social part of things I did and what I really learned was the kids social cues reflect the parents so in the 70s and ' 80s when a lot of people were homeschooling the people that were doing it were nerdy right antisocial and the
16:01 kids as a result it's oh he's a nerd cuz he's homeschooled no he's a nerd because his parents were nerd that's true cuz that's how we all saw those kids but it was cuz their parents were nerds yeah but if you look at kids now you my kids are super social but they have a smis of the social exposure that's that kids do right um I think they're more mature a lot of parents tell me that your kids are more mature because they're used to having conversations with their parents we're always around each other and what's the next for them making friends what do you mean like where do they connect oh I think personality like I remember being at a birthday party once and this Dad I never met before comes in goes hey your son's pretty popular at school huh I'm like yeah he's actually homeschooled he's oh that kid's a natural leader so I think just my my son doesn't fear anything when he was one and a half years old I hear I'm I'm taking care of two of the kids inside the house and I hear Dad Dad I I can't
16:51 find him anywhere in the house and I get to the backyard and he's hanging from the the the eve of the uh neighbor's garage so I had a ladder leaning on the fence and it was he climbed the ladder and it leaned just to the edge of the garage and he and that's that's him he was adventurous he was the one that he jumped off the top of the bunk and injured himself and I looked like a bad dad at the ER you know that that was him so I think it's just Personality yeah yeah yeah they pretty much all make friends easily awesome
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