0:00 thank you [Music] a drunken man poops on a PT Cruiser good you gotta be drunk to do that you should good which by the way it's not a great car I don't even see one on the streets anymore not good cars a long time you might need to drive to like Riverside or something it's wrong you have to watch certain seasons of the office to see that car yeah you got to be doing a certain amount of meth to be around that car oh yeah it's like a Bakersfield kind of car yeah big through Riverside I agree yeah Irvine models for the car were sweet though I love the inspiration that it drew from Hot Rods they should have made it a hot rod instead they made it like the sap they made it like the Saturn version of a hot rod like a station wagon when they put the wood panels on oh yeah
0:52 did you dude it's gross I think you're being sarcastic okay I do like with panels on a car though I ████ can't stay though like those old school wagons with the wood panels they're ████ safe another car that makes me mad is a smart car which one the family truckster you're not a fan of that which one's that from from uh National Lampoon's Vacation oh that's funny dude the uh David So hates this I don't like it the Honda Element I think it looks like ████ of the element yeah oh the boxy element is that because it's reminiscent of like the Scion generation yeah exactly toaster cars TC I'm telling it looks like ████ the Nissan Xterra so this cat he he um takes a Duke on a a part PT Cruiser as he should as he should which is right I think it's just a good take right it's a
1:42 PT Cruiser if you're gonna ████ on a car that's like one of those come on man he was drunk but then yeah so then the CEOs who showed up the the officers who show up noticed a natural ice beer was in the cup holder of the PT Cruiser and they're like oh man like this isn't just a guy who like has good taste on cars this guy is probably inebriated right so that changes the conversation ████ on his own car ████ on his own vehicle today did he find like a zema in a ████ in the cup holder too that one was drinking zemas but like that phone had a PT crew like he ████ on a PT Cruiser as he should yeah he ████ on his own car oh it was a natural ice it was a natural life um so so then the the officers are like okay well let's interview the the um the
2:33 perpetrator even though it's his own vehicle and it's America but it's fun um there's it on a scale of one to ten how drunk are you and he's like I'm out of five I'll be honest I'm drunk well he's honest I'm telling you but he's out of five yeah he's I could be drunker he's like hey this beer hand me that 98 in the ████ cup holder right because I'm not gonna do the breathless I'll just tell you so then the uh based on that response not the 10 level how drunk are you on a five of drunk so then based on the response um the officers began conducting a sobriety test but he already said this ████ but then they're like is he like this like air traffic control arm touch your nose I am so then they're they're conducting the
3:23 tests part way through the man made a face of shock he grabs his ass he drops his pants to his ankles and then he starts to defecate on the rear bumper of his own PT Cruiser so he has more ████ he had more ████ he ████ once and then he should have got pulled over and then he got pulled over there that that is this ████ this is the moment that's the one this is the contest dude give him a ████ medal bro it's done I don't even know what I would do if you're someone just started ████ in front of me because it smells so bad without the water oh yeah like you're like you pull someone over and they just start ████ just ████ that's why you pour the Natty Ice on it like do you turn around to give him a little bit of like honor but then you're like wait but you're like okay so I gotta like yeah watch the eyes on you at the same time what if this guy like eight maybe like 10 000 less eggs than you like maybe his chips don't
4:14 smell like as bad as your ████ small they still smell bad without the water okay the charge is what public indecency is what's the actual formal charge DUI so that's a good question I think it was yeah public intoxication right driving right he was not driving I think I would have just tased him so he could just ████ more all over the place just taser and get the rest of it out that guy was about to assault me and then just tase them and then throw them in the back of the police car don't forget to turn off your body Cam and then yeah and he's gonna smear ████ all over the back of your dad uh you can if can work for the police department oh my God they would love them they can't uh you do what you do again oh yeah the cops would love them
5:04 hey sides [Laughter] random ████ bit oh I'm so mad about that so funny uh so then he gets arrested he's taking the hospital for a blood draw on the way there he notices that the um the officer is using his GPS he's like man I'm the drunk one here I I have to get give you directions on how to take me to jail you ████ ████ that's hardcore dude this
5:56 guy's sick whoa yeah he's shot in his own PT cruises I ████ hate this ████ piece of ████ car but he's also kind of dumb because then that's when the cops usually go swim in the back seat oh ████ yeah so while they're at the hospital and they're drawn's blood the man also mentioned that the nurses were not drawing his blood but instead said it's all beer I'm not gonna lie to you you're just drawing pure natural life this guy's a chill guy good dude he starts doing this what a great dude so they they gave him the death penalties would you let that guy babysit taika yes only drunk though not sober he was administered uh 50 000 volts to his Cranium that was his last meal
6:47 what was his last meal um he had some nuts nugs and Jimmy chunks some 7-Eleven burrito fish I called everyone ████ on his way out believe you're a cop and this guy starts ████ in front of you you just start crying because you're like I wanted to catch burglars and not deal with hey feet on the street this is the reason why I'm not working at the hospital and I want to be like Denzel Washington in Training Day what if you're corrupt hotter than him ████ in the cruiser though yeah at least on the pizza in his own Cruiser on PT Cruiser yeah which is by the way if you're gonna ████ in a car that's the car to ████ and it doesn't sound like a TP user guys he ████ drinks Zima and drives the PT Cruiser dude disguise everyone's Uncle who got a PT Cruiser got a little
7:37 wasted have a good night jeez and got killed with fifty thousand what was the worst situation you guys had to ████ in public him oh is it in public or like pulled over I'm like ████ I got a ████ somewhere there's no bathroom I was at a um youth group thing for ████ church and of course the bathrooms were like oh sorry they're closed it's like they're being blessed dropping or whatever at church yeah I go to the woods and I just take the fattest ████ next to a window at the church I like to take a full diarrhea blowouts your eyes rolled back yeah it was a liquidation scene so that's the problem right there was nothing to wipe with what so ████ ever loose nah foreign
8:27 can pull honesty from his heart and give it to the people a man does not ████ around no I I have two hands no I'm proudest moment I was like 13. I like scooped the back of my ████ like oh God and and then with my other hand and then I went to the water fountain yeah two hats the water fountain elbow elbow the water fountain clean this butter and then elbow the water fountain so you pulled up your pants with ████ hands well it was dark it was dark it would have been better if you're walking to the water remember your thumb her pants around your thumb hook it you guys know how to walk let's not ████ lie can we not lie yeah can we be friends and not who don't mind yeah yeah I
9:17 wobbled I pulled my pants up enough to where my shirt hung down enough and then I wobbled my way to the water fountain did my thoughts that's pretty gangster I mean it looked like a Saginaw it's just like that guy is Saturday that's kind of like ████ sore the guy with ████ in his hands was kind of sweet guy with brown gloves he was just sagging he's ████ fly when I was like when I was a kid um Iraq I rushed into the bathroom public bathroom take a ████ and then when I was done there was no paper and I was like ████ what am I gonna do right the copiation room but there was no one there was no one in the bathroom so I I did a mission impoopsible style I still had my pants around my ankles right so there's two things I could have done go to another stall whatever I just
10:07 went under oh sure ████ crawled got to the next toilet and realized it was a glass man there I sat down I used that toilet paper finished up ████ left dude the door was locked the ████ wasn't flushed I just left that ████ room no one way in General's gonna be like what mystery what was this accomplished oh ████ did he go under or did he go over it's like where did he get out of it so we lost the kid in the toilet get out but it's true you do walk into some public restrooms and you're like wow
11:01 who did this and why it's like CSI ████ I do remember when I was a youngin probably third grade I pooped my pants in class I did one of those who farted right classic until I could go to the restroom when I went to the restroom obviously waddling with a giant lump coming out [Laughter] um it was a dry ████ it was a dry ████ so there's nothing wet or juicy poop your pants in third grade yeah what are you disgusting you were an adult you literally just talked about like who s████ all over the wall you shat on the walls and ████ had to tell Geo about it after you ████ went to her house at one time right so grown ass man that was a shower wall he was sick hold on he had food
11:51 poisoning yeah yeah almost your excuse he scraped it off the enamel with his fingernail what'd you do I read crowded that tile you sucked so bad at it that the chicks had cereal are doing season three on you ████ all right then I guess I'm done with my story yeah you like it yeah ████ oh yeah you want to hear the rest I hate how comfy he is now I waddled to the to the restroom and I think to myself I'm like all right cool at least I'm in the safe space right uh going to the stall and then I try to pull my pants down but the thing is uh I pull it down and I see my underwear and I see a ████ steam but I don't see the ████ oh man it's really bad we lost control dude ████ the loose cigar that's you five seven one that's a Houston we have a problem where'd it go
12:42 so I'm looking around for a second then I hear a plot and I realized it was stuck to my ass a little bit again oh it plops on the floor so I just hear I don't see it right and then I don't know why but my dumb ass at the time as a kid what I had what I thought to do was like I'm gonna wipe my ass or I Gotta Throw This underwear away I can't wear this underwear anymore I was gonna tuck right so I had already before taking off my pants I take off my shoes so you're Barefoot so I got socks on mirrored the mother yeah and then I ████ pull down my pants I can't find it here I plop I'm gonna turn around I step in my own no no no so there's just a giant ████ like dude I'm gonna throw up dude I'm gonna throw up actually it was funny oh my God from there it was just like just double crisis so I basically had to like
13:32 maneuver in the small spot threw away that sock I threw away this underwear I was wiping my ████ wiping my foot it was just it was a mess it was a mess and I fully remember every part of the details you must have been panicking you turned into an adult though because like you solved that problem that's why you're probably so mature most kids would probably just start crying and then just like come out of the bathroom dude that's why you're a cool cup t-shirt on with my dick dangling and I would be walking out like I failed I think I would have stuck my foot in the toilet and try to flush the ████ out of my shoes they'd go in a panic mode oh yeah I would have just had a T-shirt and one sock on wobbling outside teacher so in your group in your group The kinjas your motto is fear none did you fear anything in that moment are you actually feeling fear is that when that was born see the
14:23 thing is I I feared nothing in that moment but the first part of that scene is respect all I had no respect for myself oh that was the hardest part and you know what when you like throw away one sock when you're a kid like that's like a really weird and big deal oh you didn't throw both of them away no because I I don't know only one of them had ████ on it right but the thing is like what do you ever do with that other one sock that doesn't have like its cousin it's a spare you know what I mean I can't figure it out or worried I was more worried about telling my mom where the other sock was yeah such stupid ████ to worry about right it's a black sock and this is a this is a great at least they're both I don't know what the ████ happened black sock gray sock I don't know what the ████ happened same ████ once you lose track of one it's it's over after that it's a ████ Domino I just remember being scared to tell my mom that's all [Music]
15:17 foreign [Music]
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