0:00 [Music] oh man i love uh articles i get to show you guys something gross you just showed us something yeah yeah yeah yeah to be honest is it better or worse than the last one this one might be worse i can't look oh hey the last one went on patreon only so where's this mike almost threw up i didn't know i think the idea of this one is worse i don't even think this is a patreon i think this is like safe but i oh god show me it's oh okay i see and it's not it's not in the headlight is it a ████ arrow through someone's head like a ████ bro we saw a titty explode and you think of arrows that's pretty huge decrepit jitty that's an this is irreversible alien tint yeah all right so listen to this a 28 year old texas woman who was
0:51 struggling to lose weight discovered that the cause of the difficulty was a 20-pound tumor growing on her ovary which was filled with hair and teeth yo okay how does that happen is that a baby how do tubers have hair and teeth on it because that does happen i think it's a baby she was growing ████ cousin it dude don't people like uh actually get born with like heads right here or like some weird ████ like when you're getting black right here yeah wherever oh you're gonna show us the tumor ████ yeah they took it out yeah what is he causing it it might be a baby so it's 20 pounds and it's growing on our overlapping that's big two baby boxes oh what is that that doesn't freak me out that much because i don't know what it is yeah i don't know what it is they gotta crack it open dude but they need to put like a quarter next to it or something so you know wait i need to see that ████ up close that
1:41 looks like an alien egg sack that looks like an alien egg they need to pop it open dude where's the teeth you said hair and teeth too but they cut it open probably was it like half alive how's it grossing it's blinking at me [Laughter] so the thing that's crazy is um did she think she was pregnant so it was sucking all the nutrients like she would eat and then um all of the useful like nutrients would go to that tumor and it would just grow and grow no way you feel good right like she has to feel off oh yeah she felt like ████ but look at this i mean this is nice too like look at her weight loss glow up before and after that's put your squat on mommy it's a great story so like i'm proud of you yeah alien tit was not a good story this is a guess yeah it's great because like once they found out that's what was causing it she
2:32 dropped like 103 pounds or something yeah maybe that's my issue too yeah maybe we all have two ways on our ovaries your ovaries are ████ up man yeah look let's give it up again look at that nice well she became asian wow she became asian not only did she glow up into a skinny girl but an asian girl she went from a mexican chick to eight up to that tumor again 20 pounds shout out to the tumor that's like the new weight loss program find your tumor with teeth on it every fat person's running their doctor i think i got a tumor i think i have what she has yeah so uh was it a tumor or was it a baby well here's the part that here's your the part that disturbed me was so they they kind of were looking into what it
3:23 could have really been yeah and they think that what happened was when she was born she actually had a twin in the womb shut the ████ up whoa and then what happened was because there was a weird abnormality where that twin might have just like that's ████ voldemort might have absorbed it yeah you know that happens we're like yeah they fight quinn absorbs the other [Laughter] yeah so she might have absorbed her twin and then that is the remnant of like her twin the twin was just like sucking nutrients trying to stay alive oh ████ so she was actually a siamese girl she's a siamese gal just chick dude dan you think after her though like you think she had like voices in her head too and then suddenly she cut that out and now she's like
4:13 you think that's just real what twins talking about like feeling each other's pain and ████ you know you think that's real only if they feel each other's joy as well you know what i mean during sex you know so the reason they really they think that is because she comes from a family lineage of a lot of twins so they're like oh dude that seems pretty practical then but isn't it common when you get a tumor you just grow weird ████ things in it like an eyeball or some ████ and you're like because it's the genetics the programming of it like the dna was like oh make an eye here make an ear here and it's like that's a shoulder bro she's like a creative character for like a video game yeah that's all ████ up it's got bugs yeah that's all it's a mutating mutated mr potato yeah it's a mutating when you say that the the tumor was sucking up the nutrients that's when i'm like that's a ████ being right there you know what i mean selfish and why is it yeah right like needs you know it's got the
5:03 survival mode of it that needs to like feed in order to stay alive you know what i'm saying yeah and she was she was sad because she thought because he had to take it out that she wouldn't be able to have kids because it was on her ovary but yeah but they said that all the eggs are just going to move to the other side of kids yeah that's pretty crazy yeah isn't that awesome her kids are going to be asian or what is she asian no she doesn't think she's like an abg all of a sudden what the ████ that asian baby girl man the ████ is that what asian baby girl her name is jamie conwell what's that hot asian so she went from white to asian like this like 90s thing where a bunch of girls you know asian asian girls like had this it's called asian baby girl right yeah they have this motif that yeah crazy eyelashes you ever see an asian chick with blonde hair and her roots are growing out she smokes cigarettes wearing a spaghetti strap and like fighting everybody no but i think i get
5:54 it yeah yeah you get the vibe ask david david's abg he's from sacramento he'll tell you we're always sucking on lollipops they're out there sitting on honda civics bamboo hoop earrings yeah they have the lipstick with the line outside they kind of resemble chola sometimes but typically they don't have sometimes they got the house arrest ink lit on oh oh damn i like dangerous women that's an asian baby girl but yeah isn't that crazy that she lost that much weight she weighs 147 now and she was uh what was it 2 50. i want to see her start doing tumor commercials tumor commercials like i had ovarian tumors and look at what i used to look like and look at me now i can only think of like lizards and stuff but there's snakes straight with two heads that are both alive yeah yeah like humans get that like we're joking about voldemort but but there is there
6:45 ever been one that's alive yeah humans got that like the two heads are like stuck to each other type thing they like these twins like this or whatever when they always have shows on tlc and they're alive yeah they're both talking to each other like this oh yeah those are that one that freaks me out there's two girls yeah yeah and then some of them even talk about having sex yeah well but they're they're joined like here right they're not like just two heads and i have no clue it's scary no no it's not like a singular body and two different heads into the person well you know let me see the google sometimes sometimes it's just an extra head like here that's like dead i've seen that i didn't but there's something oh these yeah it's these i don't like that dude why not i don't like that at all i don't know you gotta look at it mike look you gotta look at it you gotta get over here not like this right here they share a body yeah they share the body but the brain
7:35 reality show but the brains are both rocking on their own yeah yeah two separate ways i wonder if monsters increase they talk about the logistics of living with each other and like having boyfriends what if i make you wipe my ass because i don't want to use this hand you got to use your hand only so it's like two people with one body and they gotta like i don't like that dude that really scares me yeah that scares me i'm i'm wondering who has control over what limb well or what do you feel like do you what if i got a poop so they got two spinal cords probably right yeah that's that's what it's about the right brain famous old asian people that chang bunker that's that was called siamese twist
8:26 i thought that's called tango now they're now they're all old and ████ it's the same guys wow like that that kind of i get it like maybe your skin just kind of didn't separate them that one's a little bit like you don't share one body you're just connected at the end and if they were born in 2020 they can probably surgery yeah those girls they share a body or the guys poopers are yeah if you guys if you guys ended up like having a conjoined twin and they said we can try to separate them but one might die would you go for it i'm doing it dude no i'm giving my brother a life you're gonna die well if like that's the worst case yeah but then what if he dies i'd be very sad see but then at least i'd be free no i'm like nah we're buddies dude i mean if you're used to it if you're used to it then you don't know what independence feels like yeah that is what you grew up i mean like if you as a parent yeah the parents are making the call and then the doctor's parents hey looks like you had your twins came out but they're stuck together we can
9:17 try to save one oh yeah chop one of them off before you can finish the sentence i got a butcher knife and i cut that's exactly the medical terminology a little bit less mouth to face yeah which one's prettier oh geez what's the kaiser permanente policy on this they're like we don't cover this here how common is that i can't be confident one in three what no one i hope to god the one that i save is an ████ it's gonna be like one in three million yeah and what's even the rate of twins less than one percent whoops if you're conjoined twins can you use the carpool lane yes i think you get a lot of ████ dude like you should ████ go to disneyland for free yeah honestly joint twins occur once in every 50 to 60 000 births that's not even that much it's not that's like one a day and 70 of the conjoined twins are female
10:08 70 is there a reason why this happens is there like a genetic predisposition that like can be identifiable or is it just like we don't know didn't eat enough wheaties that's crazy i didn't know is that common i'm sure yeah i'm sorry if i heard nobody's feeling it's also crazy that there's varying degrees of how conjoined they are yeah like the other one you just showed the lower halves are joined it looks like it's here the other one wears four legs yeah so they're full they're fully developed lower half and this one is like you consume the baby inside and now they're on your uterus the girls on the tv show they just have two legs no they just have two heads yeah that's what i mean but like two normal legs they share one body everything else is like normal that's crazy and then they i think they it's like divided imagine the pain though like we get pain from bad posture and ████ yeah all right but do you think
10:58 they're constantly holding each other up though so it's like it's not that bad it looks like they have a pretty cool light one's head's like this yeah this gotta hurt the left side of your head and so she's like how come i get how come you get to be the straight neck like how come like can we trade because maybe she's doing this to be like nice like when you're in do you think she's an airplane it's kind of like this right do you think do you think that when you're like that though it's kind of like how come you're like there's jealousy or is it like we are one yeah i can't be jealous of my left arm and how do they fight it i ████ hit each other on their head like ████ you ████ yeah they're like yeah yeah would you feel it oh if i hit stop if i hit him in the head they stopped laughing because you punch your shoulder nick stop laughing dude [Music]
11:50 [Applause] [Music] you
// end of tape