0:00 You're loose, brother. You know, >> bell pepper. >> Whose ████ is this? Tiger. >> Apparently, Bart's got the nastiest story. Nastier than anything he's ever shared here before. >> Me and Anthony are in the kitchen talking about Teslas and an Then Bart comes in. He goes, "I have a really nasty story for you guys." >> This is the nasty he was doing. He was, "Go ahead. Take it. Take it. No, this is the nastiest that has ever happened to me. >> So, it's going to get graphic. Okay, so yesterday I was like, "Hey babe, can I tell you something nasty?" And she was like, "No." And she walks away. And I was like, "I got to share with some guys so bad." She said no. She said no.
0:51 >> Like, Tao, what are you doing right now? >> She hates that stuff. So, you guys know like when I clean my butthole, I finger my butthole, right? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. He ████ telescopes. >> That's how That's how I clean it. >> How far is it now, though? >> It's real loose. >> It's It's I That's how I keep it clean. >> Okay. >> So, I'm taking a shower yesterday. >> This is crazy. >> Oh, no. I was taking a shower yesterday and I was at the end of my shower. Done with shampoo, done with soap, just standing in the water. It's just rinsing. About to turn it off. Right. >> You already captain hooked yourself. The >> I already captain I did everything. I look over on my shoulder and there's a ████ piece of on my shoulder. >> You have a cocka parrot? How the ████ HE HAS A COCKA PARROT. >> I was like, "What the ████ bro?" I'm like, "What the ████ is this?" And and
1:43 then I looked at my hand discomfort and ████ >> Wait, you didn't even notice. >> Your whole hand. What the ████ You didn't feel it? Nothing. >> You're telling me this happened? You were periscoping your butt >> and a log and a log came out. A full loose log came out. So, it's never happened before. >> Debris. So, apparently I was like cleaning out my ass. I didn't know how much ████ was on my fingers. Then I probably went like THIS TO CLEAN. There's a ████ nugget ON MY SHOULDER. WHAT THE UP? >> NOING WAY. >> YOU DIDN'T SMELL it or nothing. >> You have no nerves in your fingers. >> I'm just going through the motions. I got a schedule to keep. I'm not like feeling I'm not like fingering my ass
2:33 going, "Oh, does this feel good or not?" >> No, but like if you're going through the motions, you don't know if there's a physical change from water. >> YOU DON'T FEEL IT ON YOUR FINGERTIPS. LIKE, IT'S KIND OF LIKE MUD. >> I have more questions. >> Liquid, solids, and gas are all included in the story. You do your ████ first, then you shampoo your hair. >> That's crazy, dude. That's actually >> That's your order. >> That's your order, BRO. >> THAT SHOULD BE THE LAST THING you do. >> Getting your hair on your shoulders is THE QUESTION. >> LITERALLY, HE'S GOING LIKE THIS AND HE'S GOING LIKE THIS WITH particle fingers. >> Or he's cleaning his butt. He's like flicking it around. It's dripping from the ceiling. >> Clean your ass like that. Do you normally more while you're doing it? >> No, it's never happened. And that's why >> SO YOU SHOVE IT ON YOUR HEAD AND YOU DIDN'T realize >> maybe go through my normal routine.
3:24 >> Maybe I did. So um and also I have water softener so everything feels slippery. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Actual debris should not feel >> Well, here's the thing. I look at my fingers. There'sing pieces of bell pepper and stuff on it. >> No. I WAS LIKE >> BELL PEPPER. Then I look down at the drain below me and there's ████ ████ on the drain too. How much? Like if you had like a cup's worth. >> No. So imagine >> like nuggets. >> Imagine you took a ████ on the ground. >> Yeah. >> And then you took a super suck and you blasted it like that and it's and then like it spread around but not a full sh. So I think what happened >> when I was fingering my ass I think my I had a natural instinct to push back and I think I actually it into my hand and I didn't know. >> That's called an orgasm, dude. That's it.
4:16 >> So, I think I ████ into my hand and I didn't know >> your prostate, brother. And then since I'm I'm going >> This is what I don't get. Okay. When you wa >> Okay. Soap is liquidy, >> slippery. >> Yeah. But when you ████ it in your hand, it's like you have a clay nugget in your hand and now it's thick. It's like you have Vaseline there or like you have the texture changes and you didn't recognize and you were smearing it all over your body and you didn't smell it either. I didn't smell it until after I would haveing smelt it and then I smelled it after. I WAS LIKE OH WHAT THE OH AND I LOOKED AT THE DRAIN. OH, >> IT'S like a momentto dude. Heing forgot his finger was in his ass was backwards. >> And I was done I was done with the shampoo and the soap. So all the smell good is gone now. It's just water and and I'm like a goddamn what THE IS GOING
5:08 ON. >> BRO, HONESTLY, if if that just happened to me, the last thing I would do is go to my wife and be like, yo, I got to tell you this crazy. I would have to sit on that for like 2 days before I figure out if I tell somebody. >> The first thing she's going to be like, "Did you bleach the ████ shower?" >> You're going to have to delete this video when you sell your house. >> She was taking a shower. She's There's bell peppers everywhere. Dude, bell peppers. >> Yo, imagine he didn't recognize and he dried off towel covered init. He put clothes on and he goes, "Man, the dog's s███." Huh? He's all blaming the dog. >> So, this is this is a process that you've done most of your life. >> Yes. >> And this the only time this happened. >> Only time it's ever ████ >> which means if you're going through the motions, you always shampoo after you wash your ass. >> Which I can understand if you
5:58 >> No, no, no. I usually shampoo then I wash my body. When I wash my body is when I clean my ass. >> Okay. So why why did >> you was rinsing? >> I was rinsing. So I was rinsing I was rinsing it off and then I was cleaning my ass and then I think that's when I decided to push on my ass and ████ in my hand and then so you know your hands just come back up doing its thing. >> So you're saying you do a rinse and then you like wash your whole body and when you wash your whole body you wash it again? >> I think so. That's probably what I don't know what my hands do. >> It's just like a quick little a quick little nothing. Yeah. A little nothing. >> Were you pretty like horrified after? >> Yeah. I'm like, "What the?" And I'm standing in the shower. Whose ████ is this, TAO? I'M TRYING TO PUSH the ████ into the drain. I'm like, "What the?" And then I look at the bottom of my foot like, "Okay, good. There's no ████ there." I SMELL MY FINGERS. OH, why does it smell like ████ And I'm just standing there.
6:49 He's like, "My finger WAS JUST IN MY ASS." SO, I re I retook a whole shower. I retook a whole shower. I have ringorm soap for jiu-jitsu. I ████ scrubed the ████ out of my fingertips. I smell it. Still smells like ████ I'm like, "God damn." >> How long was your hand up there, man? >> And then I And then I took rubbing alcohol. Iing did it to my hand. Still smelled like ████ I'm just sitting there like, >> "Damn, that was crazy." And then that's why when Gio just came home, I'm like, "Babe, I got to tell you something." She goes, "I don't want to hear it." >> Wa. >> She didn't go in the shower and go, "Smells like." >> So she still she still has no idea. >> No, she has no idea. That means even that first time he was washing his hair, like you you really close your eyes when you wash your hair, huh? >> Yeah, >> dude. What if you found out Taiko was taking little nugs and putting in your shampoo bottles? >> He's just ████ into the shampoo
7:40 bottles. >> How do you How do you do the smell, >> dude? I don't know, man. T's a smart kid. He'll figure it out. It's the ratios. >> There's a It's two-part discovery. He also releases a toxin. >> At least you're willing to take accountability. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was so I've never seen ████ on my shoulder before and if you ever saw ████ on his shoulder it ████ up. >> It will blow your brain. >> I can't even imagine >> cuz you're like you look at you're like what the ████ >> Yeah. >> Why is that? >> What's going on in my life? >> Is there an extra GUY IN HERE? >> WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? >> Did you have ████ in your hair? Did you >> No. No. No. No. >> Who did that? >> It was just on my shoulder. >> If you had to quantify the total amount of ████ in there, how many ounces do you think that was? fluid ounces of like >> Yeah. How? Like, do give me a visual. Like, >> maybe like A OTTER POP SIZE. >> OH MY GOD. >> SPREAD. But But spread around.
8:30 >> That's a whole ass. No. That's proof that when you have a water softener, it could just slip out your ass. You don't feel it. That's some people's whole ████ >> No. I I I shot on my hand and I literally didn't know. >> Dude, are So, are from here on out, the people want to know, from here on out, are you going to change anything from your routine? I'm going to be very conscious of not pushing back. >> That's still a good ratio if you've done it all your life and this is the first time it happened. >> But it's a pusher. >> That's not bad. >> You were pushing your finger out. >> It's pretty good free throw percentage. >> I don't know why when the finger came out, the ████ came out and you thought it was your finger. That's what happened. >> Oh, okay. Mystery solved. Yeah, cuz he has his ████ It's so deep in he jabs two fingers in there. >> When Indiana Jones is about to steal the artifact and he puts something similar
9:21 and he swaps it out. >> It's what it is, dude. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Also, this guy's just saying, "I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to push my finger out." That's literally a sh >> Honestly, what that means What that means to me is you're too deep, dude. No, >> YOU'RE NOT CLEANING YOUR ████ ANYMORE. YOU'RE NOT CLEANING YOUR ████ You're full penetration. >> I was just on autopilot. >> You're cleaning your G-spot. >> It's like having a reverse gag reflex. Like it's down there. >> Reverse gag. >> What a reflex. >> That's like a phantom finger. He does it so deep. He already took his finger out and he was still feeling the finger. He's like, I should push that out. >> Wait, so you guys never ████ on yourself in the show? >> I like that, dude. >> How did you do it? Look, when I look look what honestly when I knew Bart was my guy was when he talked about how he
10:11 cleans his ████ and he gets he gets a little finger in there. That's what you do. >> I get it. I understand. >> I like to be clean, >> but I don't go like I don't go knuck deep. >> Maybe for how deep you go. >> I go like maybe a finger. >> How about a shower glove? Is that out of the question? >> The hell is that? >> That's inconvenient. Get put a glove on and then ████ finger his butthole >> or a dispos that's going to leave evidence. >> I don't want to put on a glove every time I need a shower. I I'm willing to say this is might be a little early. I'm willing to say that was a one-off, but it's not going to happen again. I don't think >> I hope so. >> I think it's like pregnancy where if you you know, you've opened yourself to that experience, it's going to start happening more frequently. >> Yeah, honestly, that's probably true. >> Just getting older and your ass is getting looser. Three fingers to clean your ass. Get on your shoulders is so ████ traumatizing. I don't want to see it ever again. >> Like this. You look bel you got ████ on both and you're like, "Oh, suddenly
11:01 Suddenly one shoulder is really not that bad." All right. It's so ████ disgusting. >> Do you have like the shower head detachable that you just go spritz? >> Yeah. There's all over the handle, too. >> Do you have a bet? >> I need to get one soon. >> You don't You don't have a bet? >> Well, we just >> No, I don't have one. >> I honestly I expect >> I need to have one. Yeah, >> I think that's >> I used to have one. >> Damn. >> All right, guys. We need a GoFundMe for Bart's bedet. Link in the >> I don't think you need to change anything. It's already a good uh percentage so far. Or we need to get uh like Bart like some butt plugs. >> Butt plugs. >> Plugs. >> Cuz now you're loose, brother. You loose now. Loose. >> Yeah, that's your reputation. >> Bartt plugs. >> You got a loose hole now. >> How many fingers do you use? >> Just one. That's a thick. >> Do you alternate though? >> No. >> Alternate. And then afterwards you go.
11:56 >> So Gio could live for the rest of her life not knowing this song. >> She going to know. So she gonna know >> usually you're you're cooking up an edit right now. I can see. >> But I mean like wouldn't she want to know? >> Tag Gio. Tag Gio. Tag Gio. >> She should want to know these things. It just escalates like a ████ >> If this happened to her, wouldn't you want to know? >> I would want to know. Let's I'm like, it doesn't happen to just me. You You must have in the >> There's a complete difference. I might want to know in an entertaining way via like a social media clip that he's going to put with some text >> versus me just hearing that fresh out the shower. >> Yeah. I wouldn't want to witness it. But if she told me, I I would I guarantee this food didn't even bleach the ████ shower after. >> I didn't. >> But maybe that's your mountain to climb though, because it sounds like all your your like crazy traumatic poop stories are in the shower. >> This is just This is just your thing. >> He shat on a ████ tile.
12:46 >> Hopefully diarrhea out of grout. >> And honestly, out of like worst case scenario, if you're going to fit somewhere, it's probably the shower, you know? That's not the toilet. >> That's better than behind that sign when you were running. Yeah, actually that's pretty crazy, too. >> Or in your house >> or on the 15. >> Oh, no. No. In your backyard with your dogs. >> On the 15 is scary, probably. Wait. When was the last time? How old were you when you had that last story? >> On the 15. >> No, when you uh >> I think which one? >> No, when you were in the shower. >> North or South. >> Oh, that's got to be like 2008 or 2009. So, that's >> You're due for one then. >> 24 25. >> Which means now we're going to cut that in half cuz you're geriatric, >> right? So like now in like 10 years less. >> Yeah. >> You're going to have another story. >> Yeah, it's about right. It's a good average. >> Yeah, that's true. >> Hey, give it up for Bart, you guys. >> Nasty.
13:37 >> ████ That is ████ nasty. Great story.
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