0:00 Sons of Anarchy brought you back together. >> Started like >> about brotherhood. Okay. >> How does the song go? >> And then we just realized this world. >> Yeah. Come on, brother. >> Welcome back to another exciting episode of Careful Boys, where, you know, we're always giving relationship advice because we're your big brother out there. So, there's this trend going on TikTok called date till you hate. You heard about it? You kind of touched upon this last time because you're really really scared to like rip off a band-aid too late. >> Yeah. >> So, the way that some of these people or at least in that concept, it's a Tik Tok trend and relationship theory >> where you continue to date someone while emotionally withdrawing until you develop resentment and no longer want to be with them. >> It's presented as a strategy to avoid a difficult breakup conversation by letting the relationship end naturally
0:50 and fizzle out. Though of course experts warn it can prolong pain, cause more damage and be a form of emotional avoidance. >> What's the point? >> That's weird. >> Have you guys ever done that? >> A lot of relationships like end that way and it just ends pretty bad. >> Me and Gio even got there. Date till you hate and then we got it straight. >> Date till you hate till you love again. Do it again. Was your intention to end the relationship, but you're like, I don't want to just full on break up, so like, let's just let it >> No, we talked about it many times to end it. We talked about it a bunch. >> I think some people are just avoiding the talking about it. >> Confrontational. >> Oh, non-con. No, we were confrontational. We call that avoidant behavior. >> Avoidant. Yeah. >> Oh, so it's like you already hate them. So then when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter. >> But neither is a trigger puller. Like they're both just like, "You break up
1:40 with me? No, you break up with me." It involves so basically the elements like uh the slow fade right it's a form of slow fading where you emotionally check out of the relationship allowing negative feelings to build up over time and the intention of that is to be able to endure misery now so that leaving later feels easier cuz you will dislike the person >> so you dis you disassociate and then just start >> it's like distancing that's kind of slow ghosting >> kind of a copout to yourself though >> yeah but how much of that is because you got a ████ up head and you're seeing things weird and then you're battling it out with them in your own mind cuz you have demons and then it's like >> that's just a stupid ass way to handle conflict >> unless you're both that that type of person. >> But I think both people could have demons and I think the younger you are the less self-aware of those demons. So it's always usually the other person's >> That's true. Yeah.
2:30 >> But the older you get, the more you like take responsibility and you're like, "Oh, I can see how I contributed to that." Well, some people they they they whatever perception they have, they think that's the only way it could be and that's the only objective thing instead of going, "Well, maybe they see it differently cuz the truth is somewhere in the middle." You ever had a breakup like that? >> Um I I I don't know if that was ever the intention to be like, "All right, I think I need to be out of this relationship, but like I'd rather just kind of like I don't know. Like I I I'm not trying to break up. I don't want I don't want to look like an ████ I've never been like that. I think I've But maybe subconsciously that was part of it because nowadays I think you have to do stuff like that to learn that like that's not tight for you. It's not worth it. >> I always just break up cuz I thought I'm more of an ████ if I'm leading them
3:20 on. >> Nowadays, I feel like that's a >> I feel bad. I for sure feel bad. >> Never when you were younger thought to yourself like I don't know. I don't know what this is going to be. I don't know. You always ripped off the band-aid? I would maybe think about it for like a week or two. I'm like, "Oh, ████ Should I do it?" I'm like, "Damn, I really don't have any more feelings." >> But in that week or two, you probably weren't like acting like everything's normal. And then like you were just like sulking your own misery by yourself. You You might have been distant, right? >> Um I'm distant emotionally. So like let's >> Yeah, that's exactly what it is. >> Say she comes and sees me. Hey, whatever. Right. And that would kill me even more. >> I'm like, "F███, she ████ still loves me. I don't feel ████ What the f███?" >> Yeah. And then are even though you're feeling that, are you also going you ████ >> Exactly. >> So I think so now I'm acting this. So now I'm acting right cuz I'm like ████ now I feel really bad. I feel I'm just
4:10 straight lying to her. >> Yeah, that's rough. >> And then you get a ████ and you're like ████ Why? Why could >> you fall back in love? >> I'm like, man, why do I let it get to this point? >> See, that's where she messed up. She's got to give you the ████ and not let you bust. >> Whoa. >> Cuz then you can't have that postnut clarity. >> I know. I mean, that means, you know, cuz I get I get suckered back in. >> I'm like the girl version of like when you when I'll give him another chance even though he ████ me up. >> You know, >> I broke up with a girl. She baked me some Rice Krispie treats, sucked my dick, and I became her boyfriend again. >> That's acts of service guy though. >> That's pretty >> acts of service. >> It's not so bad. And then Well, we ████ still broke up afterwards. >> What a gesture though. You know, >> I should have trust >> Rice Krispies. That's pretty good. >> And she gave you fellatio, dude. Rice Krispies and a ████ is pretty crazy, >> right? That's a ████ dope ass come
5:00 back to me. >> A home run. >> Stop wars, brother. >> I would have been the ████ if I had gave another chance after that. >> I mean, some people use it, like we've kind of touched on for avoidance. Uh, it's it's a way to avoid the difficult, painful conversations associated with breaking up, especially if one person is afraid of being the bad guy or facing conflict. Another's exhaustion. Some people are tired of the dating scene and the disappointment of searching for a partner. So, preferring to let a relationship collapse slowly rather than start a new one might end badly. And then there's no one-sided breakup with it. Right. It's seen by some as a way to ensure a breakup is mutual if they also build resentment. Your partner builds resentment. >> Okay, I now I get that. Yeah. >> Yeah. So, >> I've also seen some people where they probably should have broke up, >> but in their mind, it's worse to be
5:51 alone than to have someone >> and they kind of just mutually coexist in this kind of no man's land, too. This episode is brought to you by the RP Hypertrophy app. Want to build muscle but don't know where to start? Get jacked with the RP Hypertrophy app built by Dr. Mike Israel, who've you've seen on this show. This app features over 45 pre-made training plans to help you get the results you want. Everything here is backed by science and the very latest in research, so you know it's going to work. And the very best part, it's super easy to use. Our subscribers, that's you guys, get a discount by visiting rpstrength.com/rpmuscle. That's rpstrength.com/rp
6:41 muscle. RPM muso link in the description below. >> Yeah, I' I've seen that. That's also if if like the other facets of your life are dependent on that person, too. >> Oh, yeah. >> Cuz then it's a mess. It's what like is a messier breakup. Yeah, sometimes you just don't want things to be inconvenient everywhere else. Even if you're emotionally checked out, that's like the weirder lesser of the evil. >> That was where me and Gio was at or like if we broke up and this is like JK Films, JK party, like heyday, like 100% everyone on board. I'm like the ripple effect of this is crazy. So we so we better be ████ crystal clear on what we want to do. And we like tested it out for like like 60 days. >> What do you mean tested it out? >> You had like a break. We had a break that no one knew about, but with within us where we like, okay, we're just going
7:32 to be broken up. You live your schedule. We live I live my schedule. >> You still live together. >> We live together. We couldn't >> Did you know? >> You probably told me, but you know, I forget cuz I I had >> He didn't know during the time. We didn't want to let anyone know. >> Damn. You couldn't even tell Joe at the time. >> We didn't want it to be like false alarm cuz it's one of those where it's like if you go >> Oh, okay. >> If you sound the alarm, it's there's no going back. >> That's true. >> So, we're like we better be ████ sure about this. But then we started watching Sons of Anarchy again and then we got got back. >> Sons of Anarchy brought you back together. >> Started like about Brotherhood. Okay. >> How does the song go? >> And then we just realized this world. >> Yeah. >> Come on, brother. >> That we realized that we actually want to work work on it. We actually really work on the >> Wow, dude. Charlie, I don't even ████ say >> sons of Anarchy. >> He brought you guys back. >> Yeah, we live for like 30 to 60 days.
8:23 >> That's a long time for a coordinated break. 60 days >> and then we and we even had a rule where like because we don't want it to conveniently fall back in place like we really want to like what are we going to be? So even for our meals like we made it a rule to not consider each other. Don't go hey I'm going to eat lunch. Do you want me to order? Just you just do your own thing. I do my own thing. We live life. That's it. >> It's a good rule. >> Holy crap. Good thing uh good thing you had cable. >> Yeah. >> FX. >> Yeah. How did you how did you maintain optics around like your work environment? >> I think that part was easier cuz it's like we already we already worked >> as if you weren't together. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You weren't romantic in the work. >> Yeah. Like we weren't like I wasn't ████ like hugging up on her when we're ████ doing writer circles and stuff like she was already doing her
9:13 producing stuff. I'm working with Joe and Casey. We're like we don't even work together. >> Yeah. >> You guys weren't stowing away and making out somewhere? >> No. So, when did you tell everybody like after after you guys were fine? >> Oh, I don't remember. Might have came out on like uh JK News or another series we had called Hanging with JK where it like the it naturally got there cuz there was like no real reason like, "Hey, by the way, like me and Nick actually haven't talked for a year." Like, there's no reason why that would need >> And Gio didn't tell anybody either, huh? >> No. >> Damn, that's crazy. >> I didn't know about it. >> Most people don't make it back out of that. That's >> for sure. after a break like that, >> let alone by Sons of Anarchy. >> Mhm. >> Riding through this world. >> Don't make fun of it. >> But I think we we we don't make fun of it. >> We really loved each other. It was just we didn't make time in our days and
10:03 priorities for each other. >> So, we really did deeply still care. Um, and there's just a lot of misunderstanding. So, we had to like just have to fix it. >> That's tight. >> Yeah. So, the resentment wasn't like I guess like the full on turn into full-on hatred. we were still able to have empathy for each other and then I think that was like a good route back. >> That's also the hard like you went the hard mode that most guys aren't willing to do which is cool like you have to do real work to come back after that. >> I mean I've been or I've always considered my past relationships fortunate that like things were always amicable. Um so like I think that there would be moments where I resented the relationship but never the person. I could still fully love the person but just like not love our relationship. So I think, you know, and I'm I'm still
10:53 like cool with like all of my previous relationship people for the most part that were like real relationships. I'm not talking like dating or anything like that, but and I still I still have that that empathy that like we we went through something very private together. So like I'm always going to like uh not feel for you, but like see you in a different category of like human relationship is all. But like even if I was like that was a bad relationship that did not work out. >> Yeah. >> And I think I think people should like on this whole date till you hate thing. I get it. I'm not I don't look at that and like dude that's the worst you should rip off about. I get it. Sometimes it's like self-preservation too. >> Yeah. kind of makes you feel like better about like the experience. And then because if something like let's say you do rip off the band-aid and then like there's a higher version in a shorter
11:43 period of time of drama that could like also weigh on you going into your next relationship, >> you know, versus kind of like, okay, like maybe that was a little bit of prolonged pain, but I might be able to process it more clearly going into something else and being a different version of myself. So >> that's true. I have a friend who like was in a relationship so freaking long mainly because every time she would try to initiate breakup talks, it would get so insanely dramatic and it would be a laborious time that like let's say that I I I felt like talking about breaking up. I had to make sure that I don't have work the next day because the fighting would go to that level with them. >> Wow. >> And for it went on probably like maybe ████ five or six years longer than it should have because of because of that
12:34 like dramatic thing of like oh I want to leave but whenever I bring it up you won't you don't want to like go and you make theatrics and ████ you know like some people >> so it's based on fear >> like threatening suicide >> it's well everything like yeah it's a good strategy if you want to keep your girl >> across the board like can you imagine being in some ████ like that where like even just the bringing it up is going to be like a two or three day ordeal like you don't even have time to talk about breaking up. >> I might as well just stick together. >> Yeah. >> If I want to keep my job. >> That's why they were together so damn long. >> Damn. >> I also find it really interesting where you don't know people are doing um what is it? Date date until you hate. Like there's some people that they they always talk so great about the relationship. All their social media looks so awesome. And then they break up and you're like, "Damn, what happened?" And they go, "Oh, it's been bad for a while." And you're just like, "What?
13:26 Every time I've seen you, it's been perfect. Like, when did this and they're like, "No, trust me." It's like crazy that you don't really know like >> cuz all they've been posting is how perfect the other person is. >> You have no idea. >> And they put it on in front of you like they do a good job and it's just like you you have no clue who's really happy. I I've seen straight up Instagram couples do a brand deal and then right after they start ████ fighting and I'm dying laughing my ████ eyes out >> and then I'm just like if the world only knew what you were like people be commenting oh relationship goals and ████ and I'm all like you have no ████ idea. >> You might have a better one than these people. Yeah. Do you have no idea?
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