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Off The Record: What's Your Favorite Story to Tell, Over and Over Again?

#elitecontroller#lumi#waterworld#billgates#headhead
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 [Music] welcome back to the amazing episode of of Z record we have the great and G Nick go ahead Wonder we are going to start the show and we have a special guest in silent mic I say that's bad in silent mic I think he's kind of German I'm straighten I feel like I'm in glorious bastards dude you guys are amazing act amazing aren't you part German in oh never mind he's Italian like gorami gorami I'm German according to your wife but like yeah you look German she said thanks but like I'm also Irish too but

0:50 she's original white I feel like that's all the same it is that's not nice no it is it's it is it is you have to me bro if you're like right there England German Irish same same yeah you guys are Anglo yeah Ang yeah you're Aryan no I'm just kidding aran's different so um here's a really fun one I'm excited for this this is a great promp what is a story you always fall back on one you've told so many times that you nearly have it memorized a classic your story I think we tell so many of the same stories on news all the ████ time that we don't even remember that we do until people go you said that ████ already dude anytime I say a story I feel like I'm saying piss yeah yeah let's get pissed they get pissed story get pissed

1:42 all right one time I uh okay this is a good one I was picking up Tiff from work she worked at like Loft in Oldtown somewhere right I just came back from playing basketball running games all night right and I'm ████ thirsty I couldn't find my water bottle and I was in the back seat of my my car and I'm waiting outside waiting for tip to come out I found my gallon jug and it was like a clear Arrowhead one and I was just grabbed it started drinking it and right when I drank it I felt like something was wrong was something terrible in the water my cheeks filled up and I I spit it back into the bottle and then I put it up to the light and it was yellow they're cigarettes pee it's pee Joe it's pee PE I'm talking about cigarettes you're in Gatorade in the arrowhead bottle that's weird brosia bro

2:33 and at the moment is it is it lighter fluid it's orange juice is Arnold Palmer Brain get there you never seen I hate Arnold Arnold Palmer dude I can't even say it right donate your brain to science you're a moner you never seen someone Ash their cigarette inside of a water bottle the whole thing turns yellow it does happen that's not the goto thing PE that's not the go-to thing but that's just funnier than saying PE cuz I know the story already I hold it up to the light and I see that it's ████ urine and I just start spitting oh dude it tasted so ████ terrible and just recently I've been able to tell the story without like having to be like like driving cuz usually my eyes start watering as I tell the story and I'm spitting outside the car and then I realized that my dad has this really

3:25 cool habit this really cool thing where he likes to pee in bottles even the big big ones dude bigger the better right yeah big you drank you golden showered from your dad my father dude my own ████ does that mean he dumped out the water just to pee in it or did he add to it was it diluted no he yeah it was probably diluted he told us this story you guys don't remember I remember that's not the point I remember this is a story talking video and some Joe's the commenter right now call this a Story Don't You Remember story dude so I started spinning out and I'm just sick to my ████ stomach dude it was awful it tasted so bad and my dad dad doesn't drink a lot of water he drinks a lot of coffee oh ████ he got the orange pee just a lot of ████ it's just bad it's just just not that it's not it's kind of worse that it's your dad's piss yeah dude way worse what the ████ my dad's dick was on the ████ spout and I put my mouth on it

4:15 dude see we get new details when we retell it and and then I'm just sick to my stomach Tiff comes in the car she's like hey babe Tres to give me kiss and I'm like don't ████ kiss me I'm freaking the ████ out the pain kissing his dad's dick but if I'm you're ████ suffering n dude I couldn't did you drink any of it or did you no I spit it back out as soon as you tasted it oh dude it was so bad what it taste like oh man it just ammonia it tasted like rancid like I don't know how to explain it was it was nothing like I I've never tasted anything like it to this day I still have't would you if you were my piss on my face no no would you drink your own PE cuz you know how some MMA fighters were doing that their PE therapy yeah but like that can't be good no it's stupid I'm doing that 127 Hours level I'm doing ████ survival if I'm be grills yeah I'll drink my own piss

5:06 survival you do a lot of things for survival well you just ask if there's a tap within like I if I can walk five steps to a tap I think I'll probably drink water they don't do it for survival they do it for training yeah which makes no sense okay well then to answer your question no I confronted my dad about this and I called him I was like Dad you when you pee in the bottle you have to throw this ████ out I just drank out of the ████ bottle and he's like well you should have ████ you should have looked at it and I was like look I get it but at the same time I was like you have to take some blame too you if you pee in a bottle you can't just leave it he didn't laugh oh he was laughing I would laugh I was going to say if he didn't laugh he's a sociopath everybody was ████ busting up dude okay everybody was bust my issue is if I'm that thirsty I don't think I would have spit it out like not that I would taste it and want it not that I would taste it and want it but I drink so fast you're not even thinking yeah it's going

5:56 straight down before it like hits the Flav I'll I'll say this yeah no no I'll say it is there was no ████ way dude no you know what I mean like I feel like there's a second it goes down your throat before it hits the flavonoid are you is he even a real Drinker is my thing is Right tequila or whatever you put down the hatch and then it like you it goes half down before you taste it because as soon as it hits your lips yeah I guess it was warm it was probably warm would prob smell a little bit too yeah the smell probably and and this is why I started wearing no strips cuz I'm my mouth breather I can't smell very well you know what I mean well if you were Kevin Cosner Kevin cner and he purifies his piss to drink would you drink it too opening scene of Water World ises the context yep never even seen Water World how good's the text why I said that how good is the technology I don't know dude it looks like I it looks like he just peed in an hourglass and then I don't drink my piss and I don't eat my poo Bill Gates Bill

6:47 hey Water World Bill Gates drinks his own ████ how no you ever seen this video no drinks his own ████ so Bill Gates is that why he got pied in the face Bill Gates um he he's part of like this water curing system thing and so like they had him like piss and ████ and some stuff and then he was like drinking it how do to prove it filters how do we really know and ████ it's probably like the vaccine the game saline or some ████ n that ████ went into a cocka machine and then the other side there was a Kirkland water bottle waiting and then he just went like o look at how purified it is you're probably right yep ████ I what a scam hey thank you for sharing again though that was an amazing story it's a great story even though I heard it for like the fourth time thank you so much yeah thanks a lot for that dude I've already heard the story sorry sorry sorry yeah I hate this video what a prompt what a prompt it's just a fun it's just a fun story it's a good story this will be an alltime video no no doubt I could wrap it up I got um

7:39 very very classic story of the literally first moment I met Mike song Have I Told this story yeah is it when you're in a dance circle it is when I'm in a dance circle tell it again thank you for remember do you remember nope forg exactly I remember me and I don't pay attention when you talk I listen I listen to when you talk bro I don't but then when Nick is I'm all yours the crazy thing is I try to pay attention when you talking I still don't get it yeah I know all right so uh we're at we're incoming freshman going to UCI right and then so there's this thing called spop student parent orientation program it's not like the fiscal year started yet it's just you go to an orientation where you know people teach you about ████ school life and ████ and then to make it orientation Nick question Nick shout out that's a good Nick question I'm just freshman or is it like incoming Juniors as well freshman do you have a picture of the lanyard uh no I don't but that's also question um

8:31 we're going to how big is the map campus it's pretty big actually 22,000 ft for just like after lunch and what did you eat for lunch yeah do they provide lunch or I hope it wasn't Pizza cuz I get TI this all day please don't get me going today's video is brought to you by Lumi what is Lumi well for all of you smelly people out there who are also very organic and you don't want to fill your bodies up with dangerous chemicals and you go you know what I'd rather be natural this this is exactly for people like us it is a wonderful deodorant designed by a OBGYN which is a ████ doctor this is made for the most stest stest of smells but it's super safe too because you got to make sure that the

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11:03 o l u m e d e o d o r a n t.com never put me in a spelling B thank you Lumi for making this holiday season smell a whole lot better now with this I can have family again my lunch it's at the cafeteria it's called Brandy Wine actually cuz Lord of the Rings theme is Middle Earth for the residents of one section of incoming freshman yeah I lived in ████ Whispering Woods anyway i' probably be moror dog that would be sick that I don't think they were trying to perpetuate evil but other than that well Evil's dependent on the perspective yeah that's a very slithering thing to say cross world deck okay that being said um both oo this is getting good people

11:53 going to beat me up after this video Yeah well it's cuz you're a Hufflepuff of ████ I know the hell that is squd right so uh so there's this um they end up throwing this dance uh on the last night are you a dancer at time uh I no that's the funny thing uh I thought I could dance whereas Mike song he ████ can dance and he's like ripping ████ up right but the point is there's a giant Circle not a lot of people are ████ going in the circle it's like yeah it's a little bit awkward but I still enjoyed it I think it was like ████ exhibit get your walk on you know at that age you know even though you're AGC walking a little bit I jump in this this Cipher if you will and next thing you know I get a ████ tap on my shoulder I turn this angry Korean

12:43 looking dude just ████ going off on me I'm not skillful enough to actually understand what's happening but I am aware enough to know that if I'm getting called out I Won't Back Down doesn't matter I'm not going to back down so we start going rounds and in a in a very very dance lame way it starts getting really intense right and there's a moment you sweating maybe good question cuz that's that means you're ████ pushing if you so we're going round for round in a sense maybe like one and a half at a time was it Head to Head yeah it was very head-to-head people were chanting Head to Head were you sore afterwards it was so cool dude did Nick cannah pop out with like a microphone or something uh he wasn't alive back then yeah and then from there right there's a moment where Mike's shoe kind of falls off his footo now here's the thing I was that aware of battle culture I just thought it was like respect to like

13:35 maybe go grab it and like give it to him to show like you know respect but he which is a way smarter battler and Dancer than me was like oh this ████ going to use this as a prop against right so as I start reaching down towards the shoe full runs over and he kicks it out the circle he kicks his own ████ shoe out of the circle and I was mind blown cuz I was like this don't even want to wear a shoe and that's when when it got so intense that a staffer had to come in way split us up going to be a turn into a fight bro I would have had to move dude put your shoe put your shoe off you're him can't see what happen you can you can so I'm hitting it and then I'm hitting one of these and then I'm stealing his ████ and I'm ████ out dog I'm out dog and he would have beat me yeah that's the play right the shoe he for sure would have beat me get your welcome

14:27 get I would have been out out dog it's pretty good but then ironically that was literally the first moment we met we ended up becoming best friends after were you like that was a that was a hard battle and he's like I know yeah you hit him on AOL Messenger I was probably like yo man that was hard he was probably like no that was weak did you ever ask him why did you call me out out of all the people there cuz he needed yeah he needed somebody to ████ on so he could prove his ████ what about there's 20 other ████ people when you're introducing yourself to the ████ the the mass public you need to you need to start with a very very good it's like a warm-up bout make a splash you know what I mean his introduction you guys Cool Kids on Campus after that people high-fiving you in the ████ hallway and ████ lowkey yeah even though really he just dunked on me but yeah lowy but they knew your face yeah yeah I was like Associated by associ like those are the guys that danced okay easy mode ready

15:18 easy mode so uh I am 19 years old I fall asleep I fall asleep and like my hand like ████ falls asleep too and like we all this happens to all of us but mine wouldn't wake up and it's like this this is not a bit it's not a joke this actually happen it's medical ████ you right my nerves in my wrist were dead this happens now no no no this happened to be 19 and so um this doesn't happen anymore I don't know why it wouldn't happen anymore but yeah this didn't hasn't happened to me since thank God but yeah my my hand Frozen like this like I can't use my nerves to lift my wrist at all so it's like completely like this this I'm right-handed so now I'm like holy ████ what the ████ and of course I'm such a ████ troll and I'm such a ████ ████ that my parents are like what are you talking about

16:08 Steve of course Your Hand Works shut the ████ up and like also this looks kind of funny right like come on so so then he looks West Hollywood nobody believes me yeah they're all like haha wayho and ████ but then I'm like no really I can't move it and then they're like yeah right St whatever and I started slap I started smacking my hand on cabinets and ████ like that and then and then they're not believing me they're laughing like you guys are and then I turned I turned up the water in the house where to where the steam is rising I shove my hand into it and I'm like see I can't ████ even feel the ████ and my mom runs over and grabs my she's like Stephen oh my God what the ████ is going on and then I had to go to the doctor doctor's like yeah you have this type of py where like we don't even know when the yeah type of paly can't remember what it's called but the they're like it's it's happened to people it's happened to people who like

16:58 fall asleep on benches outside like the homeless people and stuff like that he was like explaining to me and I was like holy ████ that's when something falls asleep for too long too long the the blood didn't go in there for long enough your nerves are dead and we and nerves are so tricky we don't know when they'll regenerate we have no idea and there is a chance that you'll never be able to move your hand again I was like what the ████ are you talking about dude crazy so then I have to I have to go to physical therapy and this is the worst part of the whole entire Endeavor so in physical therapy I'm there this is like early 2000 I'm there with guys who served in Iraq got their legs blown off and ████ like that right and like you're talking to people and like what happened to you it's like oh dude ████ I IED and ████ I was in a jeep serving in the ████ 20 223rd I'm like oh my god dude I fell asleep watching

17:50 Superman and I fell asleep my hand I fell asleep with my hand watching Superman 2 Christopher Reeves and and this guy like really and then what the ████ really and I'm like yeah yeah and then um so then the worst part too is I'm like I have a brain I'm a human being all this stuff but the nurse is like is like Stephen can you take the red ball and put it through the red hole the red uh uh ball hole and I'm like yeah of course I can ████ do that she talking to me like I'm a little kid like my my wrist is limp I'm not de I'm not dead I know I have a brain function I like I don't have like a plate on my head the ████ are you talking to me like this for and then I'm like of course I can and then and then like to show off I'm like I'm like oh jeez this really oh and then she's like yeah it's okay Stephen you can do it you can do it that's a boy and ████ yeah it's like that like like you go from being like why are you talking

18:41 to me like this to be like oh I need the encouragement really helps yeah I need thank you thank you actually but yeah it was like that so then you know thankfully it took like 3 months holy ████ eventually my and yeah like it was like weird but eventually my rist start to come back and then yeah now I know you're a liar why cuz you can't beat me at Halo taking 3 months off Dog I'd be grinding every dayer I have an elite controller that's why you're such an idiot I have a ████ Elite controller SW the parts out dude I swap the parts out so I can move my my fingers faster and yes you're right I cannot move to this day I can't move this this Dum as fast as this throw but guess what I don't need it cuz I have a elite controller I spent $150 on that ████ he moded up H worry about it dude an idiot bro kills me hey

19:31 were you were you kind of like depressed during that time like scared that's ████ crazy ████ dude cuz like I couldn't get by like you know I finger blast was my jam and then I I was like I lost I lost got so good at that I lost my trick shot you know you're Ace in the no hook shot like Kem without the hook shot yeah it's like I'm ████ it's over right yeah so yeah scary scary times that is scary but yeah than that's the worst part seeing people who served and like they really went through some ████ and I'm yeah that shirt looks really good on you Mike what is it it's a careful Boy shirt you guys could go on the link below get it right now what a [Laughter] [Music]

20:27 transition

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