0:00 if you had to would you rather your mom or your dad if you had to answer it if you really had to oh my God welcome back to another amazing episode of careful boys today we have Jesse mom hard-hitting question of the day how would things be different if your partner was the same ethnicity as you oh I think I would hate it yeah I'll tell you something I don't know I wouldn't know because I never uh had a serious relationship with a Japanese girl Why didn't it was you're against it no Kimiko no uh no problem no proximity you never had Japanese people around you that they're ugly [Laughter] nah just kidding I did okay remember and uh the school we went to in junior high
0:50 right yeah there's tons of Jeff there was a girl I was like had a question she liked me back right and then right when you know we were starting to talk or whatever she was so ████ shy that her friends would do the whole pushing her to come talk to me and then she would just run away as soon as we're like ████ right about one feet away she would run away and I and I had a Mac she was very pretty I wanted to talk to her and then I got kicked out of that Junior High so I didn't lost lost love right there yeah there it is sometimes I think about her so that's the closest it could have been well no that was yeah that was the closest time I dated a Japanese girl what do you think a marriage would be like if you were in a Japanese marriage like you and her 100 Japanese well I mean it's hard to determine personality but I bet that culturally it would be so much easier because they could I'm assuming she can speak Japanese right because there are a
1:41 lot of Japanese Americans that can't ████ speak Japanese but I'm assuming the one that I get with is can speak so they can talk to my parents even though my parents can speak English they're it's not that good so then they could have a more meaningful relationship deeper conversations um we could probably continue teaching our kids Japanese if we get married and stuff like that too and then so culturally it might be easier there's just a lot of things that are just unspoken and it's just like it's there yeah there's just things that you don't have to like teach each other you know yeah take your shoes off and freaking of the house yeah that is true I feel like that that Dynamic makes me uncomfortable because it's too familiar it's too close it makes you feel paternal it makes you feel like this is like a family member which I know is incorrect for me it's kind of it was like I think that's why I
2:32 actually never dated my exact ethnicity and culture because it didn't feel interesting I think because of that but now being almost 40 I'm like I could totally see if I were to marry though it does make things way smoother and easier yeah because it's like we're on the same page like almost 50 already now the other 50 is just your personality versus like oh we gotta get on the same page starting at zero and build like everything because like culturally like we already know like um you know like some some Asians they bow or some do whatever or something you have to hold with two hands or like there's like all these things all right right I actually think it'll be harder for me if she was from Japan harder what about Japanese American like that would be the same culture because I don't consider them the same culture so it
3:24 would like it'll be like dating my parents because like it'll be so like it'll be you know what I mean yeah yeah that's like dream right because that there's a there'll be a culture Clash there yeah because there's a there's an American aspect to it that they're not used to that is true yeah but I do think in general it should be easier because there are like just in in the Multicultural relationships that there's like there's more there's more things you have to kind of discuss in friction because um just the way you do ████ is so different and they'll be called they'll be culture shocked but what I do like about my relationship now because we're interracial it almost creates like this ████ filter like force field because like my parents to me I felt like were really
4:14 toxic and if my relationship if my wife was exactly my ethnicity there's no stopping that that's being passed on they're gonna talk to talk to her the way they talk to me they're gonna demand the same things like like give me your ████ keys to your car in your house or whatever like I own your or my property too because you're an extension of my son oh yeah because they can't communicate to her there's like a ████ thing and then on the flip side Geo's family is not toxic but what's cool is because I'm uh something else there was almost like a ████ Pocahontas John Smith like we had to like like earn each other's like Rapport every single step of the way you know like you want food I I play music yeah food music and then we were like you
5:05 know we kind of you want King Taco slowly built it from from scratch yeah yeah yeah yeah you know versus like if I met like like a Taiwanese parents like oh I'm bored I like to do whatever I don't care you go to Harvard you know like no I didn't go to Harvard oh oh get out of here yeah yeah what do you think about that there is the Foreigner pass because then when your parents are like oh ████ I don't know this culture they're on their best behavior and they have to really get to know you for you and you get to know them for them rather than all these like true screening through the the culture yeah yeah because when they're too comfortable then they know the script yeah and they can judge you or whatever but they're they're if it's a brand new culture they're probably nervous about if they're breaking any cultural rules
5:55 you know did you ever date a Korean guy I didn't never oh well because of like kind of similar to what you were saying like my parents don't have a healthy relationship and we didn't have like a healthy family Growing Up So my worst nightmare is marrying my dad and becoming my mom a lot of those like very stereotypical toxic Korean man traits I'm like oh yeah never never what are some of the top three violent rage filled ████ that's true I've seen it damn yeah so you've never even been attracted no whoa that's remarkable and then like if you had like a Korean I don't even like BTS I'm not even like physically attracted you know like this I do but like not like those guys but if you brought like a Korean boyfriend home like it was just there's
6:46 no like force field right it'd be like your parents would just my mind totally slipped that whole thing that you painted like yeah my parents would talk to if I had a Filipino wife or girlfriend they would speak to her with familiarity that because even my so my mom is like very like she thinks she's gentle and she's like very nice and she goes with everything but her her judgment and her like ideals are very like strong so uh I remember it being in college like all of my friends were over in the living room and they're just like we're just all watching TV been hanging out for a few hours so you know just chilling and then my mom expects like if an elder walks in the room everyone stands up yeah like that's what she expects you know so she comes in and because everyone's Asian like she's like this
7:39 and I'm like oh sure and then she was like tell me like I [Laughter] think the lectures like refugees or something and then like I'm like no we're ████ American watching TV God damn it you know it's like and that's already like so if my wife could speak Chinese yeah and she could directly communicate in Chinese yeah but that's some real toxicity but yeah that's what's funny to me because like when people see Asians dating Asians right they go like oh that they're dating their own kind but in reality to me going outside of Japanese is already interracial or like mixed relationship because there's to I didn't even I don't know it's it's hard to like it's like it's not even
8:29 common in Asia to be dating cross country yeah absolutely so like that's already a big deal so then going beyond that and then like dating black white Mexican whatever right to me that's not that different from dating a Vietnamese because the language is different the religion is different there's so the only thing that might ties together is like certain things like Confucianism and the philosophy might be same so there's like that unspoken rule that maybe within the Asian Community it's yeah it's gonna be closer than dating someone who's like Spanish or whatever right but still it it doesn't feel as homey it still feels foreign so then but maybe it's because in the in the U.S it's like there's so many generations of
9:19 like white or black or whatever that they don't really see that difference in in and they just see Asian as Asian even in Chinese is like that so my mom's Taiwanese and my dad's Cantonese and the way my mom views my dad it's like [Laughter] they're like polite Asian way you know how about for you having a Filipino wife uh it so if she was white yeah I mean I never you know I don't know because it's like she's halfway there she's halfway there but she doesn't look it so it's like I guess I'd be more sexually attracted to her if she was white because then it would it reminds me more of my sister
10:09 it's more culturally appropriate yeah yeah so that would help you did kind of you did kind of go against your culture though by not marrying your your family member I know tell me about it so we'll see what happens he's so defiant dude good job for Breaking the Chain he didn't want to do it but he had to do it that's why my family didn't show up at the wedding I know but Nikki is more is she more culturally Filipino or culturally her family is the most Americanized like group of Filipinos like I've ever met like they're they had the ████ American flag outside because the dad was in the Navy right and so it's just like everybody came here and assimilated Nikki's Grandma was very much like I want the kids to learn English so that they they get integrated really easily and you know it's just very much like that and she was
10:59 basically when I first met her I couldn't understand ████ words she was saying like Nikki's Grandma um total Filipino grandma like who came here from the Philippines right uh but then like as time went on I can now completely understand her but like it took ████ a decade bro or took like Pro I probably got it like around six years now like you could actually understand the words or you could understand what she's trying to communicate I couldn't understand like even she was in my ████ ear L like right I'm like I don't even know what she said there's like ah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm just like yeah yeah yeah 666 she could be saying like your ancestors are ████ ████ ████ oh I hope I hope that you guys can have a caterer if you do he's ████ or something right I'm like that's so sick oh my God 6666666 I like you a lot yay except me that's literally how it was for a while
11:51 um but now it's different so but then she's also just got Alzheimer's so it sucks because I just got done talking with her and yeah it's on the way out geez yeah maybe she always did you just didn't realize I would have no idea like genuinely no clue she never did what about for Tiff you like I mean she's Salvadorian right and the Jew I think did you date anyone for your short freshman year that was it this one girl I was talking to for a little bit like before I started into if she was uh she was also Salvadorian but she was like half Persian oh that's it that sounds highly exotic it was weird nice um I hated it okay I didn't like the mix I'm just kidding um but yeah I know I didn't really grow up around a lot of like
12:41 East Asian girls East Asian American girl it's like there wasn't really would you culturally be technically uh Singaporean Chinese I don't even know what that would be honestly really if I'm being real or Taiwanese well what your your Dad's because when my dad immigrated here he assimilated really quickly because he he came here when he was like nine or ten oh okay yeah and um he was getting bullied a lot so he just like when people talk to him on the phone they think he's either white dude or a black guy on the phone like he's just like he's like what about when you guys eat as a family he's like Elders gotta get the food first or like do you have any of those we're like a it's so inconsistent across the board like so much of what we do is very American so much what we do is like very Chinese but like it's there's no consistency there's no like every Chinese New Year is different like
13:31 you know okay like it's all kind of freestyle okay it's all freestyle well it's like well usually for a while we go to our grandmas right and then as we got older and as things changed we're all like scattered we don't really do stuff it's just kind of like it's it's more of an afterthought than than some Chinese you gotta stick to this tradition yeah you know what I mean like so everything's all over the place so it's kind of our own rules so with that man like I think no matter what kind of girl I would date that's not like how we grew up it would be completely different and I think no matter what I think I am drawn to the the difference in cultures because I do like learning about other people's cultures I love training like you know just just shooting the ████ about it so on Tiff's side does do they practice like cultural things a lot stronger than you guys do definitely yeah yeah like
14:22 and then you're drawn to that yeah that was a change like having what do they do they paint the skulls during Mexican Halloween but like for instance like how they gather with family is so different than How We Gather a family right everyone's drunk yeah and they have like well they do like every ████ weekend like the the frequency of how they would get together and hang out I was like this is tight like you guys do this all the time all right cool like and and just um how they communicate with each other how it's like like you know Chinese people are like hella critical and everything you know like when I go hang with their family it's just like not much judgment you know what I mean that's hard to imagine and yeah no and that was like weird for me and I it took me years to figure out like I I I don't know why I like hanging with your family so much they're just so chill and then now that you and then I hang on my family a little bit
15:12 and then like ever sometimes every there's always talking ████ about something and I'm like all right bro and then you realize like oh yeah that's what it was right you know but um I don't think it'd be yeah I don't know if it would be different could you even imagine I couldn't even imagine yeah like if I dated like what kind of what Joe said like if he dated someone that was from Japan or if I dated someone that was East Asian American or if it was just the same as you like same style upbringing same style family just times two now of course I think it would be easier to like communicate certain things like there are certain but someone that celebrated Chinese New Year like every other year yeah or just certain unspoken things that I don't even think about like sometimes I'm like why is that weird for me to explain this to you and then like for instance like certain family gatherings like how we gather certain rules like unspoken rules that I wouldn't have to explain but then
16:03 again it's like it's not that big of a deal at the end of the day like it isn't big of a deal it could make things easier but it's just like all right you got to work through it anyway regardless you guys are like that's how I kind of see it right like I'm already with this lady with my wife so it's like we did we figure out how to deal with this or we just complain about it yeah like one thing I've had to explain to smack a lot was that when um Filipino parents are giving you stuff like for some reason anytime we see my parents they just have craploads of just stuff and they're just like take this take this and in the beginning like smack and be like oh it's okay I don't need like the polite thing would be oh no no it's okay but that's actually not polite yeah the polite thing is to take everything and act like that's exactly what you needed for real whoa like growing up right like kids my mom would always like be mad about like having to serve other people at the house like like at least it was more
16:54 about how she didn't like my dad so in my head growing up coming over yeah going to other people's houses and them offering you food you always say no because you don't want to be a burden right like so that was in my head yeah but then I go to Tiff's family's house oh that's bad and then they're like hey eat some food I'm like no it's okay it's okay but then they're gonna go oh yeah I think in my head and it's you know all the way around yeah exactly with um with your boyfriend's like Colombian families or anything like super different they're very Americanized oh okay yeah what would you what would a Colombian American family like be like it's just straight up like
17:45 a regular American family they should look cooler yeah just talk about sports all day or something stuff like that no well his stepdad's White Sports yeah that Tucker Carlson you know they say something like that just like like normal things they're not very cultural oh it's you just mentioned that he's adopted look because I heard adopted I was like oh so he's culturally Colombian or like ethnically Colombian but he's Americanized because his parents adopted him but it's not what I heard right okay well that's like what happened to me because like I got you know they do the warning thing when you're coming into the family like oh wait do you see the Filipino side and I'm like backyard barbecues are ████ crazy guys you guys are blowing my ████ mind over here dude
18:36 placement egg rolls it's all potato chips too so it's like but that's also another cool thing about dating like or just being with you know someone that's of a different culture you kind of see how many ████ similarities there are too and I think that class probably entice people way closer yeah so culture and ethnicity because like there are a lot of Asian kids that grew up hella wealthy that I just don't have any common things and even the way they operate like they ████ piss me off but like there's a lot of uh people out there that group exactly like me and then they're you know why black whatever and then we're like some of the closest friends because we just have so many of those shared memories and like if you grew up eating a ████ square ass pizza for lunch at
19:27 school and you know what you know what I'm talking about like you have those similar memories of everything like yeah there's and then yeah you share that space together and I think that that that isn't spoken of enough because you know yeah classes kind of the easier way to unite with people for sure but I think like Vibes and personality types right like so like I met um Hannah's family and then her brother and dad are similar to me and how I think and then her two little brothers are similar to my nephews that we live with in Hawaii yeah and then so for her she felt like home and my dad and I'm dynamic because it's so close to The Vibes of her family right right and her her parents are as chill as my parents you know they don't really fuss about a lot of things and and I mean they were both cool with us not having a wedding or buying rings and doing a lot of formal ████ and when they
20:18 met it was chill and I think those the only difference was the language barrier so I think like that's really important too is like your your your your immediate homes Vibe and upbringing and like how familiar that is with the partner and it's kind of Freudian right because it's like oh you want to ████ your parents but if you have someone who reminds you of your family and that Dynamic is there it makes sense yeah yeah it will gravitate towards what they know yeah what feels familiar for sure you want to ████ your dad yep hardcore would you eat it I am gravitating to what I know if you had to would you rather ████ your mom or your dad if you had to answer it if you really had to oh my God a very tough question but it's a toughie we know it's tough but we ask hard-hitting questions here we're not afraid to pull any punches what about
21:08 you your sister well that's my number one that's my dream that's my dreams
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