0:00 [Music] let's put you guys into a scenario okay hiya you're a cool karate guy already you have stolen a u-haul truck oh ████ that's very practical to be honest and police are are after you not practical because it's it's pretty slow i'll steal a different clock yeah what are you going to do drive that's interesting anybody else hot take hot take the plates yeah just go to another u-haul rental location and try to hide there for a second as i find a different vehicle duh next question that's dope pull it into a u-haul location that's full of other u-hauls and then crawl out and then hopefully it gets all mixed up and then you run some rock that's really smart he should have done that didn't do that no he just drove up no he uh he decided that he was going to call police dispatch and ask them to please stop chasing him that's pretty funny
0:51 that's pretty funny i respect it he's courteous you know he's just like hey i don't want to you know do this whole chase thing maybe they give like creativity points or something like that yeah that's that's pretty good he's very honorable i feel like he stop please can you please stop like seriously what did he what did he do like other than steal a u-haul just told you oh that's all that that's what brian laundry should have done you should have called the ████ can you guys just not look for me please like not did i just cut it out i just like the brazenness of that i was just like hey can you guys please not chase me right now how long was he getting chased for do you know they don't say how they said it happened at 1 40 a.m if we try to carry the cops excuse me it's really annoying or if he at least like call the fake crime nearby like if he drives by mcdonald's like i'm calling for mcdonald's on whatever whatever street they're robbing me right now they'll have like weapons or whatever they could maybe hopefully
1:42 distract or dilute the force maybe dude if brian landry was like i'm in a u-haul truck and then he drove to a u-haul yard i think that's a really good idea yeah he would have ████ which is trucks dude uh ████ boom [Laughter] over dude ████ idiot what a ████ dude that's why you have to go to a tunnel with another car and then the time you park your car do you hold there and you go into a different car and then you go out like that or in like heist movies yeah they take the truck that they're driving it or whatever and then they go into a bigger car oh in the trunk and then they close it you take your u-haul right off a cliff but then a c-130 comes up you just happen to get right into it like a pot you're dropping into a pocket yeah and then the c-130 goes into ████ nasa station oh ████ that's fascinating no way that's him you whisper to like a butterfly and
2:33 then you fall down and the eagle catches you yeah and then you're like okay how much did it cost to steal this u-haul truck guys wow that's way more than the u-haul what are we doing i'm not going to business you could have bought one we're the negative dude they saw these u-hauls are like 20 bucks a day huh yeah man you know people are doing that now to just do a rent-a-car because it's way cheaper especially in hawaii yeah do people are doing that people are doing it to live in right now like yeah people because of like covet and money struggles people are are renting u-hauls and they're just driving them up into the mountains and sleeping in the back sleeping in the back are they just stealing them yeah ████ yeah of course wait wait wait twenty dollars perfect in town but then they charge you per mile ████ that's like if you don't drive because like i ran a u-haul recently to pick up a sofa and i paid 100 bucks so i go to silver lake so maybe i did i did it the
3:23 wrong way obviously did you get the 1995 deal or whatever i think i think so yeah did you get the the crate what's called the ████ the dollar i also got the dollar as well so maybe they added like a bunch of blankets i did they didn't charge for the blanket you had a ramp yeah it came with a ramp oh was it a ramp or was it what yeah did they add all these fees on you yeah you probably pay for insurance dude it was just like the normal one that like you pull out and then it comes down is it like 5 pm to 5 pm or did you go like half day dude you guys know u-haul bro like i obviously ████ up because i did it the wrong way but i'm going to ask you guys next time for the u-haul hockey well you didn't ████ up that much because you can get caught by the cops that's true i didn't do anything illegal oh i see does he have a reason why he stole the u-haul once again i'm asking more questions it doesn't say it's just well they actually it actually says that he did try one maneuver it says that um he did that stop thing where he stops and the deputies get out and they come up to the
4:13 car dude and grant them auto that worked are you serious is there a video of this i want to know i wish you well so they're like stop and then they're like all right we could surround him and he goes fake get out ████ like you get 0 to 60 in like 20 minutes what's what's the top speed on a u-haul bro that's like probably like 60 60 285 that's crazy probably like 65. i love watching police chase videos because you could literally hear their decision-making should i make a left should make them not make a right oh ████ i ████ went over the curve oh ████ and they smashed another car you could just see them going like this they make a left swimming right oh ████ i went straight why'd i do that t-bone they keep distance though because they're afraid of like scaring the driver yeah spook at the driver why are they chasing them at all on them just chasing them just keep it just to keep them just to keep the tail
5:04 on them if they need to grab them but it's like this and then they'll do the whole pit maneuver if it's safe oh yeah i've done that i just put need for speed dude i know that ████ yeah i get a burnout costs so much what is it well even if the chopper is on every chase there has to be a cop close by so that if he does stop they can come up they run out yeah or they could surround them dude because i watched the movie heat i'm like dude just drive to the airport cause then the choppers can't trace you because they're getting into the airspace airspace dude that's actually legit what do you think would happen if he drove to area 51 and he tried to drive into area 51 would he get shot first for sure and are the choppers allowed to go into that i don't think the choppers would go in because this was about to get blown up because he's probably not like inching and slowly where they have time to like react it's just like this was driving
5:55 him we're gonna stop his ass i feel like the chopper will be flying towards area 51 and like hey you guys got it yes and they're just gonna pull back and wait to see what the ████ happened [Applause] remember back in the day everyone's um like escape plan was go to mexico like every time across the border dude yeah like a high-speed pursuit or whatever every in the movies it was always go to mexico right do you think that actually worked back then i feel like it did work because it's like the moment they uh you get across borders they don't chase you anymore no but like while the police is like ████ right all this ████ right they're on your tail can you have you seen that successfully done where they can cross the border without any stopping i love the idea that the police are on you and choppers are on you and then mexico's like hurry get the ████ yeah right come on
6:46 no no there's i feel like if you were smart you wouldn't go like so you know like the border between um mexico and the u.s where san diego is like one yeah like you wouldn't go through there you would drive through somewhere else where there isn't like a million cars and i mean where the great wall is yes where the great wall is yes i do know the way that it is sounds like you've done this like even in the in the movie sicario they can't just go across the border like because you ████ up relations and then you can start like like countries are just waiting for reasons to go to war with each other unless you bring a particular unit uh you're right that's the whole premise cardio having that one chick on because of the jurisdiction problem or something yeah and then they still got into a firefight like on the freeway that's true yeah it gets so delicious that was a very cool scene though yeah like blue streak i'm a federal rally i'm not a rally [Laughter]
7:36 martin lawrence dude he's so underrated dude i love he doesn't make movies anymore huh what you love here she's so good i haven't seen him in ages oh he did bad boys three didn't he yeah was that any good i don't know when did that come out martin lawrence is one of the funniest he's so flying dude you guys wear black knight one of the best premises ever dude the idea for that movie is ████ ridiculous so good and only martin lawrence he works at like a medieval times type place right and then he sees a necklace in the pool or whatever and he tries it he falls in but he falls through a portal was the first black knight people in medieval times the place where he portaled through is like so like where they built that medieval times was where this castle used to be or whatever yeah in america
8:28 like all of a sudden you know it's still in america too it's the best dude his old show martin was so good too i like how he played the shaniqua or like the neighbor and then he played all the characters his best movie was blue streak though that movie that movie is so ████ good i used to watch that movie like i don't even know how like how many times a week i watched that's the one where he would watch that and wherever he hit it it ended up being a police station right yeah that's right you put the jewels he has to pretend to be a cop and then he he starts getting put on cases yeah yeah because he's a super cop he turns out to be a great cop that ████ was tight what's the movie where he was uh he gets beat by another cop because a cop thought there was a oh there was a b he was trying to hit the b but then uh the survey the civilian footage shows like police brutality
9:19 so that cop gets fired and then now uh but martin lawrence becomes a security guard and they end up being partners he goes ████ you do you guys remember i remember that yeah i don't remember what it was called it's really it's really absurd yeah that's a ████ funny ass setup yeah that goes to his car and he goes oh ████ i left my key's in there again he's like ████ whatever and then the cop he sees of course the black guy next to a car and he's like oh this motherfucker's trying to steal it and mine's like no no those are my keys those are my keys and they go step back in the car sir and he goes oh ████ there's a bee i'm allergic to bees he's like starts whacking him and then there was a civilian ████ ████ so stupid they're both security cops yeah they're gonna be secure security guards together and they end up changing the force
10:09 [Music]
// end of tape