0:00 I wasn't even in a relationship I was just like this is it I'm going to you were just siing basically following around with an umbrella I was goingon to I'm going to ask her out and then she goes oh I saw you my little brother brother brother oh [Music] man welcome back to a very heartfelt episode of careful boys today we have two lovely ladies over here it's Aaron and Jess my longtime homies we got colen over here and then we got Ria say hello to Ria and sub right next to him uh let's figure this out who takes longer to get over exes typically girls or guys guys depends on the Contex no guys guys from from your experience through life uh probably girls girls take longer to get over them we're talking about typically yeah from your own like
0:52 not I know that's hard I think I think it's different own personal context than men I feel the opposite way I feel like it's men but own personal contacts women what what does that change what what for what context are you talk you know what my guys has a has an ex that just you know just she won't die she you know what I think he's great too um but maybe you I do something else with your life find a hobby it's like B so you've been in relationships where the past ex of the dude you're with currently will not stop calling him at all hours he has her blocked she makes Google numbers not a good look start she makes Google numbers just to scir around that what is she talking to him about when she calls him she's just like I
1:43 wish we could be cool also this is Karma and you know who you are get a hobby man that's wild uh yeah yeah and it's like it's been years it's been years years get a hobby years I thought this was like a week years no years and how long ago were they together like years years wow they were together like I think she's the exception to the rule three years exactly that's what I was saying cuz I think typically it's guys because they don't deal with it right away instead they're like this girl hurt my feelings in seventh grade and now I hate women it'll deal with it right away no I don't deal with it at all usually true they just brush it under the kind it and yeah they're like Band-Aid to cover it up and then they'll deal with it l and become so yeah that is true most guys really don't cuz then what
2:34 what how do you deal with it what does that even mean for a guy do you think you actually ever deal with it I think it's a waiting game waiting until you feel better I don't think they actually ever really deal with it yeah I think for most guys they do a Band-Aid and then they move on to the next and then they don't actually deal with their ████ you just get good at stuff that's true yeah you just get really good at the distraction there you go you get good at thetion yeah I think in general people choose their own form of of escapism so whether it's finding new people which seems to be a Common Thread for most people is as soon as somebody gets out of a relationship now they're dating immediately just to try to fill that Gap or that void uh Hobbies going out with friends I think any form of escapism for that individual is usually what happens I think it'd be funny if like every time you start a new hobby and you're just
3:24 like really bad at it yeah distract yourself with losing like shuffle board wasn't for me you just try all these like okay I can feel worse yeah that could happen what about um did you have any xes that you didn't get over quickly uh you got one that you're not over right now back in Arizona a safe space no I'm over it but it it did it did take me a minute for sure yeah it definitely took me a minute but I do I do think men in general do take a little bit longer to get over yeah just cuz I feel like men probably are in relationships Le less often than women are like meaning like they don't date as much as women like they don't meet people as much so once they find somebody they kind of tend to cling on to that one girl and once they get out
4:14 of the relationship it's like I don't know that's how I feel and I feel like I don't know in my experience I've always seen girls at least where I'm from where like they'll be in one relationship get out of another one and like maybe even like a couple weeks later they're like wait who women I cannot do that I know I know a dude that does that you go selib it for so Sal it no sorry Mom no I'm relationship hopping yeah no it's never it's never been my thing like I I thoroughly enjoy being single like you're the side like you're the bonus like I like yeah like if I'm with you then like it's because I'm like very much happy to be with you and I'm very happy being with myself you were the side like bonus to it like you're the side quest that like I got all the points with side quest cuz we all know those are where you get the points yeah you have to be happier with them you yeah you have to be happier like they have to be added not like your whole thing and Aaron your schedule's
5:05 busy you're always going to festivals and stuff yeah what's your like did you have one a guy that you took a long time to get over yeah my last one oh the last dud you with yeah like the LA the one that like you had met a few times like Prett yeah like he was probably my last like wait did is it the soccer guy that lived with us Dam that guy was really cool see he's America's little brother way to make it like worse no I mean like just funny she's still not it and they got along so well they were actually like really close yeah she brought she brought them around and just like they were great together would like them so it was like to hear that like it didn't work out I was like disappoin yeah but that's probably why it's harder to get over no I mean honestly like I mean I I generally don't know like I'm a firm believer of like soulmates and stuff but I don't know if like you'll ever actually get over that person I think you can grow and like he and move on but
5:56 like I for sure know like that was a that ████ me up real lovely for like like a very long time what was it like cuz I didn't I don't think I saw you around the time that it had ended um I mean we broke up in like 2019 how many years were you guys together we were together for three but we also like had like ending things like we had planned to like get married the following year like oh my God damn it got that we had some like end results like we had told our family like that we didn't want to do like big weddings that like this is what we wanted to like we had a end like there was an end date so like not in a like not like that but I don't know like it it just it it showed a lot it you know like I learned a lot but I also feel like that that very much so made me not want to like cuz that was a lot would it mess you up if he showed up like tomorrow and I
6:46 don't know actually I've had I've had thoughts about that or like cuz I have like really really intense like dreams and a lot of them feel like Multiverse dreams like it's something that I'm like oh this ████ is doing this in another universe but I I don't know like I genely have no idea yeah cuz he also like black mired me like I like know nothing of where like I know nothing black mired you yeah like he like cuz I'm I'm not that type of person like if we end like you were part of my life like we're going to like we grew a far apart or whatever the fact but like I don't delete stuff like I don't delete you from my Instagram like I don't do any of that like I don't know it's like like hey you can see me like glow up and get better but also like you were there like I I'm not going to kill you but like for for that like he did but his style is like his style was total opposite Off the Grid in your life basically did not hear from so you don't even know if he's like lost an arm or I
7:38 think he's still alive some we froling I'm about in Vegas maybe the last thing but like for me it's I don't I don't think I would like I don't know it's just nice to know if you're not dead or alive you know cuz like it literally is like a Black Mirror like I can't see you I have no idea who you are but he and he's the only one that's ever been like that like the rest I'm actually I'm actually still friends with like my first High School boyfriend ever oh that's really cool that's cool like we still talk on Facebook like he What If tomorrow he was like I thought about it for 30 years and I love he's with the girl that like we stopped dating for to like so he could go like they're actually High School sweethearts it's really sweet yeah I have a story like that too that's crazy they're married yeah everything but like yeah this was this was a this was the one so I don't I don't know I don't I've never even before him like it's never like he changed that like I've always been like that I've always been like
8:29 really good about like if I'm with the person I'm with the person but like I I don't mind being single this dude was like a very like he knew how to like be a GU guy yeah like instantly like when you meet him you're like oh this dude's like part of the gang now robbing it on their face huh keep robbing it on the face because also like you have to give him props like we threw him into like the party Ro exactly yeah you know the house like he was there all my girlfriend's best guy friends oh what's up like what a crazy environment and everybody's going to judge you the second in that environment did a dope job of that like I do give him props like he did a really good job of being good friends with like people I cared about like they were very close she's my best friend like he integrated very well it's a it's a skill I think and that's I think that's why it was harder literally like a divorce basically like we had cards together like we like I co-signed a car for him like it was like a like a joint little
9:20 family I was I'm really happy you guys broke up I'm so happy you broke up was like yeah I was like same fight I'd be yelling from my room he he turned into a he oh no he never he cried a lot never cried cried a lot he was very jealous was jealous wrong people yeah it was a lot of anger that like you didn't realize happened is that crazy that goes back to the you only see this one side exactly exactly what it not many people like really see that he seems so likeability that you get to when you're in a relationship is just a different level it doesn't mean it's like just romantic part it's like the vulnerability that get to when you're with that you're not going to see his emotional intelligence just wasn't that dude seemed so laid back it's crazy to imagine him like he is with everybody
10:12 except for and he used to be like that but there was just one one one day it just switched over just switched and like aggressively got she was Dana says that all the time like I said cuz we were wondering we're like what happened you goto he didn't just stop talking to Aon he stopped talking to me he sto talking to everyone he wanted to forget that whole like he went to Vegas he even got to the point where like he like stopped talking to his friends like I have no his own friends yeah I have no idea if like he's even I hope he's still doing soccer cuz that was like his passion this dude was like a dope like Freestyle trick soccer you know those guys that just I I hope he is because that's a lot of what his dreams were and like yes I was very young I do know like it wasn't always just like we like it was 50/50 of like if we fought or whatever but like you know growing up and looking back like I really hope he like made it like
11:02 that's what he wanted to ████ do for sure in those like tunnels under Vegas he's like the mayor of the crow people down there yeah I think that's what happened he has to be this is like a different guy like the version that I'm seen in my head when you talk and then this version well it was it was like watching like someone we met turn into something totally different like most of them stayed but like yeah it was like watching like a person that or he was always that person it just took time for you to see it and good example he couldn't regulate his emotions was it the white dude AR he looks Argentinian he look you guys actually we came to your house before like the big my house yeah we has no memory anymore yeah with Dana when they were dating they like had big gauges he gay bro got too if he's emotional cries a lot you
11:55 cool with dudes all the time was that that means he was well with dudes I mean we did meet from my my GBF so you never know oh best friend oh well that's such a good example of like a guy that has the different traits with other dudes but then like but see that's also what I fell for because like you were so sweet you had that vulnerable side yeah and fun so like you were so kind with other like you know what I mean that was the that's what I'm saying gay guys I mean I would know if a guy is gay I'm gay if anything bad happened he would just be like oh it's Aaron's fault it's Aaron's fault that I'm not professional soccer star it's like oh maybe you could uh wake up earlier I don't know like yeah my AC maybe maybe be younger oh
12:45 damn yeah I could see that being a rough one for you cuz of like I didn't know that you had done so much for him like yeah we we were just very intertwined yeah like I was I was fully invested like I was fully ready like I I was set you were you were happy about it no he was he was one of my best friends I was so ████ upset I was so upset but he was a dick to her at the end and she would be crying and stuff and he'd just be yelling at her for no reason other than the fact that he's upset because he stepped on a wood ship and went up his foot and he couldn't practice for a while he's like I remember we were at Splash house and he was just trying to he just wanted attention and so he's like pretending to give a tour of Palm Springs he doesn't know anything about Palm Springs we're just walking around he jumps off the belt a wtup goes up his foot it gets infected cuz he doesn't take care of it and then he's like Aaron this is all your fault why I'm never
13:36 going to be professional I was like guess it was my fault for you to get drunk and like jump and I'm the one that was like maybe don't do that and it was just all that he did a Super Mario oopsie and blames you yeah he got really mad at the fact that I was like I don't know if I was just trying to like man be it and be like not like letting you get mad but like helping you but like he just wanted to get mad you were willing to be like Spong I'm like to try to make excuses for why that makes sense it doesn't but then like how did he logically try to paint the picture that it was your fault for the wood chi in his foot Ohad because yeah we were at Splash house because of me this was my friend oh because of you they were it because of me we were here he could have there's a cutaway of her setting it up and like iing a perfect chip I placed a chip there and stood it up oh my god dude yeah that's crazy now I remember
14:29 yeah I remember you remember the guy right because I remember the soccer dude constantly uh commenting on my Facebook I mean my Instagram stuff and I was like hey that's cool he was very involved like I said he was around us for like 3 years like he was really involed should reach out well that makes sense 2019 before the co like right before like just the trick is just don't date cool people I guess yeah but then isn't that funny like I feel like because he's disappeared so hardcore that the effect of him coming back would unfairly be heavy oh it's kind of not fair because it's like obviously if you showed up at your door that ████ would be like shocking to your system I can joke around and laugh but like I have no idea actually what I would do like none whatsoever I couldn't I couldn't even like fathom it that's the meanest thing you can do to somebody is just completely ignore them too and and see
15:20 that that's my thing like I'm just I'm not like that like even if you hurt me like in my brain like I didn't kill you like to me like you you don't in my head you don't give a ████ if alive or dead right now that's how I look at that or maybe that's how like he's portraying it but people deal with things differently too you just let them do what he's probably using a burner account just looking at all ████ exactly like I don't know you could you really could be I if anything I I just hope you're not dead like basically at least for my my assessment of idiot dudes if you're going to go through that much to make a demonstrative effort to show that you're blocking someone out you're also doing this and looking at their ████ yeah absolutely I hope so cuz I had a great couple years the time to delete everything who is that kind of time yeah I just I just don't I just don't you you were a part of my life like I think you should be there what if you just got kidnapped that sucks man I hope you got
16:10 unna then that's yeah he's in Afghanistan right now he's just like he's like why would anyone pay my Ransom he's at Afghanistan making sure he doesn't die doing the soccer if he runs out of Tricks they they destroy this like electric sh new trick drop the ball new trick he's a pro and afan being as honest as you can even if it makes you look cocky is anybody not over you oh I'm not I'm not that cool like if you've had people like reach out from your past I love it you know I'm just kidding somebody else my question is when you like going through this process are you more hung up on the person or are you more hung up on the decisions you made in the relationship oo that's a cuz for me that's what I found out like I got over I got over the person pretty quickly I was for years I
17:01 was like more hung up on like decisions I made like why did I stay in that relationship so long or why I let this person do it's more of a self-reflection on you and trying to I literally avoided dating for like a long time because of that mine was the person yeah yours was the person why what happened was she a good one what the ████ oh ████ it was allergy anyways check it out ████ the ████ you thought cleared it up here no it was in high school and I was like doing all this ████ for this chick freaking and then she was just like oh wow raining and I came out there with an umbrella and I was like B and I wasn't even in a relationship I was just like this is it I'm going to you were just sipping basically following her around with an umbrella bro I was going to I'm going to ask her out and then she goes oh I saw you as my little brother brother brother oh
17:52 man oh man this was in the high school bro no that's a Canon event for every dude just like that's hilarious have you have you ever hit anybody with the you're like my brother all the girls hat yeah you had your hat right oh my God bro that's when the the nice angel boy choy was just like and then the ████ demon demon time boy demon time I was fuing that's what made me ████ break dance my whole ████ High School career look g g break dancing for a broken heart to sound design your own St I'll never let guys friends own me no I was training so
18:43 hard to the point I was getting air flare you know you know good you can't get air flares unless you're yeah it's a key component heart's too heavy I feel like every boy should go through that every Bo yeah every boy that has gone through that I think it's fair yeah that's how you become a man oh okay I think it's fair yeah cuz after that I that's pretty wild that you never forgot that no I never forgot about it because after that I was just like training so hard and I was just you know what I don't even want to make a relationship do you do you know what became of her whatever happened to her oh yeah she married this like this I think this military dude got a kid broke up divorced and ████ went head to hell and she became single mom yeah I was just like you're happy about it I knew it it takes guys longer loser that's probably why the dude blocked you cuz he doesn't want you to see his ████ and go whack that's an interesting angle
19:36 what about you Ryan has anybody yeah oh yeah's go Ryan what's up just host everything all the time it's he be in the hot seat too I mean I mean at this point obviously like I think I'm friends with a lot of my major um exes yeah we're cool not like friends like we go kick it yeah but they cool if you see each other I've full circled a lot of um most of them where like we I not not that I went on this campaign to do this but eventually at some point with each of my major relationships we we've reached a friend level where we were able to talk about the things that we like did wrong with each other cuz like I think as you get older something comes up with one of us and we one of us contacts the other and just goes hey like sorry that I did this thing and um how has it played out to shape who you are and like we actually wanted to know like there's some ways that we've really like cuz I've been in some tumultuous
20:27 ████ that should have never happened never gotten so bad and uh I was also curious like did the things that I do have a negative effect you feel today and I really wanted to know like and uh and then we were able to exchange a lot of ████ and grow from it I think better in that way than if we were like still together trying to like hash it out right or never spoke ever again yeah exactly I think that more than anything like a nice mix of like awareness and accountability to a nice closure yeah and it had nothing to do with like wanting each other back or nothing like I think that we've reached with everyone I've ever dated we've reached points of like we were not meant to last that longer than that we've in some cases even stretched time but the most important thing was like knowing that if there was a lasting damage from what we did if there's anything I can do today
21:18 or if there's anything we could we could talk about mature and doing a lot of self work what if some to be a better person when you came back to that girl wait what you asked her like what was it and you're expecting a deep conversation and she just goes oh your dick was smoke that's usually the opener that's so so we've already discussed that oh my God you're expecting substance discuss that is that simple just like the whole time you're like ████ what was she text me back small dick small dick no the the main thing was because I've never had clean breakups oh ████ I think my early relationships especially were very like messy they're very like like uh dramatic damn K drama over here yeah and so like that was the because you don't get to see what happens the day after usually and then um a lot of it was really
22:10 geared towards that like one of my exes was like yeah you were just and and things that I was in denial about like I thought I wasn't so bad yeah you know and then she's like no dude you were pretty you pretty messed up you're pretty mean you said this to me and I and I didn't register it because I didn't want to admit it was me so I think like knowing that actually played a huge uh key element in why my relationship today works it's because I'm no longer like acting like I didn't say that ████ you know what I mean but when people let you get away with it as a guy this is why I don't like when girls let guys get away with ████ they will never register as a memory of something they did if you let them if you allow them to forg even if they don't register it in that moment hopefully sometime in the future there will be some self-reflection exactly and I think like my ex telling me like dude no you said this to me and I'm like I did like and I had to take a word for cuz I
23:01 really have no recollection because I was that protective of my own memory like no I'm going to come out being the better guy or all your exes got together and they're just gaslighting the ████ out of you oh my god dude there is there's relationships like that bro I had that I actually had that in high school no joke like a club there were four girls that I dated in high school and they all became friends over hating me nice he you brought people together my mom's ex all play poker together they play poker people together my mom's first ex-husband who was a bass player and a rock band was playing like poker with my dad and then my stepdad was like maybe Eline too and my mom's like Get over me that's always kind of tie in like a sarcastic funny I was like I want to go it sounds interesting yeah I think the
23:51 best thing you can do like getting over X's is to face all the ████ you did wrong and just almost like let it destroy you I think as a guy from the guy side I think a lot of guys are like you said guys don't deal with breakups initially at all and I think there's a window where you're going to forget all your sins and you can't like learn from them or atone from them so you really have to be like you know it's a tough choice to make but you kind of got to be like where was I the villain and how can I stop being that if you want to yeah that's mature that's the only way to grow travel helps too no I think that's a girls Thing by C catch flights that definitely helps for girls hell yeah that's a girls thing yeah traveling after a breakup very much and then the then the reflection hey you can reflect in the water of the beach
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