0:00 I'm like, she's not selfish. She takes care of others. >> He's checking boxes, dude. >> Yeah. I'm like, that's really cool. I'm like, I like Megan. That is really nice. And you see her tie her shoes. Doesn't know how to do it. You're like, >> Megan doesn't know how to tie her shoes. >> Time to rip the band-aid before you make it [laughter] to fifth grade. It's magic. >> Welcome back to another episode of the Careful Boys. Um, what was the way that you understood or you perceived like wifey material when you were in your early 20s versus like in your 30s or now? >> In my early 20s, it was just a butt, like a nice butt. >> So, just any gender. [laughter] >> That's why he works with Bart so well.
0:51 [laughter] >> I was his wifey. >> Ho's a hole. Great parameters. For reals, in their 20s, you didn't have anything else past the butt. You were just purely >> No, it was like, >> no. Come on, Bart. >> I don't think I was even thinking about dating to marry until my 30s. >> Wow. >> Yeah, cuz it was just I I live in the moment, you know? I'm not thinking about like I'm going to marry this person. >> What was dating for then? Dating is just whatever is having fun now. >> Just crushing, dude. Just crushing. ████ playing. >> Oh, >> yeah. like literally like in playing >> and then enjoying life together. >> Oh, okay. >> And then so like >> cuz starting when I was in elementary school, I thought everything was supposed to be. You're supposed to get married. >> Dang. >> I thought it was so easy for me to break off break off relationships cuz like
1:42 within like 3 months I'm like this isn't going to go where I think it's supposed to go. Peace. >> He's like she got bad grades. ████ you, man. >> She got a C was good. >> Yeah. All my relationships are so easy cuz I'm like where is this going? What are we going to just be ████ and sucking all day? And I was like, peace. >> That's a good thing to do, though. [laughter] >> That's great. >> Well, I always had it in my mind where it's like, you're supposed to go through a lot of trials and tribulations with people and then they're going to be right for you at different stages. And I was like, bro, I'm like 20 years old and this person is dope for me right now. And I and I that's what I was thinking but I wasn't I don't in general I wasn't thinking much about future in other aspects in life either like I wasn't thinking about my retirement my house like you know some people plan it all
2:32 out. I'm I think I always just lived in the moment. So e that's how I approached relationships is like do I like this person because they're fun to hang with. Yeah let's hang even more. And then it just so happened that you hang with them so much that you're together for two years. So, I don't know. I never really put much thought into it. But you did you guys plan it all out? Like were you like ready for like every single person I'm dating I'm going to marry them? I didn't I didn't plan it out. But the way that I viewed it is when I date, I felt like um I'm putting this band-aid on and the longer we stay together, the more it's going to hurt when I rip it. So, I was really scared to get to the 2-year mark and then we have to rip it. >> Mhm. >> So, I was like, if we're going to be dating having such a great time two
3:22 years in and I can see that we're going to have to rip it, I'm like, we might as well rip it now. So that was always like how how I viewed it because I didn't want to go three years in, four years in and then ████ ████ it's not working. Ah, and now we're like, "Oh, my heart hurts. Your heart hurts. We almost made it but then we didn't ████ make it. What the hell happened?" I didn't want to get to that point. And then so I think my gauge ever since even in high school was uh because obviously you're really dumb when you're like 16 or 17, but the same theme that actually crossed all the way from 20s to 30s and 40s was could I see this person being the mother of my children. >> And when did you start thinking that? >> Like ████ 8 years old. >> Shut the ████ up. Seriously? >> Yeah. >> Damn. >> Yeah. So So even like when I'm with my like let's say you play house with your friends or whatever. I had a girlfriend when I was like eight, right? And then I
4:12 would see like um like her open up her lunch pail and she had string cheese and then like she gave it to her best friend first. I'm like that's dope. [laughter] >> I'm like she's not selfish. She takes care of others. >> He's checking boxes, dude. >> Yeah. I'm like that's really cool. I'm like I like Megan. That is really nice. And you see her tie her shoes doesn't know how to do it. You're like >> Megan doesn't know how to tie her shoes. Time to rip the band-aid before [laughter] we make it to fifth grade. It's over, I think. >> What about you? What were you going to say? >> Um, well, no. Yeah. I I think just in response to that though, I think that's why like the the random societal system that we've all developed of like dating and then making somebody your girlfriend and then being engaged and then being married. Like that four-step process. I
5:02 think that's what it's like designed for in a sense, right? It's like the band-aid rip gets ripped off like at the dating to girlfriend or official part, right? Because if you're if you're dating somebody, you're dating somebody. You're it's trial and error. You're just having a good time. And then maybe you'll vibe past the good time. >> Yeah. >> You know, and then from there, if you're like going to ask somebody to be like your partner, like your significant other, your girlfriend or whatever, that means you're hoping for love. You know, it might not come, but you're definitely hoping for it. And if you're hoping for love, you're probably thinking about marriage subconsciously. You might not be like, "Yo, I'm trying to like have kids with her and but you're just like hoping that it's just going to go to the next level." Um I think Oh, and I was scared of loving someone that wasn't good for me because I think love to me comes not easy, but like I can see myself getting
5:52 there, you know? So I had like especially in the phase that I was in 15 16 where you're doing ████ like hoodr rat type ████ All the chicks that I was into were hood rats. So I'm like, "F███, imagine having the mentality, I'm down to die for this ████ and that ████ sucks." >> So I'm like a >> C average and ████ >> Yeah. I'm like, "Yeah." I'm like, "I don't want I don't I don't want to be like cuz you know at that time >> it's like how down you are, right?" So, like if if like if Nick and me were in like the same gang or whatever, I'm down to take a bullet for this ████ but this guy's also a methhead sucking dick for ████ for ████ crack. And you're like, "F███, I'm going to end up having to take the bullet for this guy >> so you can suck dick." >> So, that was my m that was my mindset. >> That's what your life is going to be, dude. >> A methhead sucking dick for crack. >> You know what I mean? Because you're if you're down for your homies, you don't distinguish you don't distinguish the
6:42 homie. The homie that's a validictorian, I'm down to take a bullet for you, too. The other homie that is always getting in trouble, always like start stealing other gangsters, chicks and stuff, and is always getting jumped at clubs, you're also down to take a bullet for him, too. And I started to realize there's no nuance for Barb. >> I'm like, dude, I don't want to ████ fall in love with the chick that's going to pull me. >> Yeah. >> No, cuz it's like if you're if you're that type of a committed person where it's like when I commit, I commit. and then they are not worthy of that type of like commitment, then I can kind of see where you're like, "Ah, ████ I don't want to get myself cuz I I I stick to my obligations regardless of how s█████ they are." >> Yeah. >> Or or that's just the part of the learning curve. You're that type of person where you commit when you commit and then you get screwed so many times
7:33 and then you're like, I I don't commit that easy anymore. >> I still commit when I commit, but now I just don't commit easy. Yeah. >> And that's that's the whole part of learning. Nick's an anomaly. So, okay, I think we can excuse the romantic story at which his existence is, but that's at 15 16 like how are you going to know what you're supposed to fall in love with when you haven't learned who you are yourself? All right. >> I I knew I was ████ So, I So, >> that's an anomaly, too. >> When I was 15, 16, I knew I was ████ I know I was 80% ████ but there's still like 10 or 20% that was self-aware enough to go don't believe everything you see and feel right now. >> And I would always tell myself that. >> How many% ████ are you now though? >> Now >> now about now maybe 50/50. [laughter] Nice. >> That was good numbers. Progress, man.
8:23 >> He's not less ████ It's just one who can acknowledge that he's ████ is also just lightweight genius. >> Yeah, >> that's true. But I I I did go like like you know when you're a kid you're like integral type R you know there's a part of me that's like you're [clears throat] only going to like that now you stupid ████ you know and I'm like ah that's true >> you don't like it now >> right-hand drive is pretty sick >> you see how much that sold in the auction >> I know dude ████ like 100 or 200 grand >> yeah holy ████ >> freaking >> if we only kept our childhood cars >> but we wouldn't have kept it that nice hell no bro >> I do remember when I was in like my first like really long-term relationship uh and I was like I want to marry this girl right like you have your settings and you just understand something >> and then for you know whatever reason the relationship don't work out >> and I just remember immediately thinking
9:14 okay these are all the problems cuz you never look at yourself as like being the biggest problem you're just like oh this is what I realized that I need for myself so now I have this invisible list of checkboxes and the next person I started dating like fulfilled all these check boxes is and I was like, "Yo, like my list is good." And then for whatever reason, I just couldn't get myself to like see myself falling in love with this person. I really had a good time. We were dating for like 9 months. >> Oh wow. >> But like I just couldn't pass some invisible threshold even though she checked all the boxes. And then I was like, I think my list is ass. >> Is it a chemistry thing? What do you think it was? I think it's just like a >> Yeah, maybe chemistry and feelings can't really be put into a checkbox in a certain way. You can kind of add details that might define some things that lead to it indirectly, but like the perfect chemical concoction for like how you're
10:05 going to actually mesh with them. Like that's that's just a feeling. >> Can I add add a checkbox to that list and tell me if you changed everything? >> Sure. >> If she was a very spontaneous randomly just gives you ████ out of nowhere. >> That's the trick. Honestly, >> that was on the list and >> she did it too. Yeah, it was great. [laughter] >> That's a keeper. >> That's a good Carfax. No, >> I've been in a similar experience >> title >> for both of us. Everything checked off and we're just like, but why is it that it's just there's something like there's a wall there. It's just weird. And then I I just think there's emotional and like just there's vibes and things that you can't really check off on a list. Like it's not a job resume, you know? It's like you got to vibe as people and see the world the same way. Cuz for me, it took the trial and error to know what
10:57 I needed as a partner. And it wasn't until like way later where I was like, "Oh s███." So my actual criteria, and I think this will be pretty constant for a lot of people out there. If you can find someone that's like one has a well, at least for a female, right? Like from if I were to date again, it's she has a solid ████ relationship with her father and her brothers. That's a big one, dude. Cuz like I saw a huge difference when like they don't and you will be you'll be dealing with a lot of the trauma that they went through. Unless they healed from it, that's completely different. That actually makes them better. But that's a big one. Another one is um they have to have a hobby or they have to do some ████ on the side from work. when they have like hobbies or like they go
11:47 like volunteer or do something they have a purpose that's bigger than them because I think people become hedonistic guys too if they don't have like a thing to do I think they become like like kind of destructive cuz you you just want to consume you just want to drink and that's like a lot of corporate friends that I have like they don't they don't have a hobby so they just ████ get wasted on the weekends I think that's a that's a big one >> it's pretty sick >> yeah I don't I Sounds like a bunch of show guys. >> Are you the third one? >> Sounds like me. >> Third one is um they have to have friends. So like a lot of people >> I don't like that. I like I'm isolated. >> So you could ████ control them. >> Of course. >> I like them to start out having friends. [laughter] >> I take them out one by one. >> But like pay attention if they don't. It's a red flag if they don't have friends that are like they've been
12:38 friends for like 5 10 years. >> Old friends. Yeah. People with no old friends scare me. >> Yeah. Especially girls that's like, "Oh, I'm a I'm like one of the boys. I don't have any girlfriends." >> You need to have friends of both genders. Specifically friends that are not frenemies. Watch how they ████ chill with their friends and what they talk about. Cuz I realize those friendnemy girls, man, they can ████ them up. Like they'll say some crazy ████ and ruin their relationships because they get jealous and stuff. And I'm like, "Dude, stay away from those." And then I think that those three things really like I was like, "Okay, if they don't have that, they're going to be a solid person." >> That's a good list. >> That's his checkbox. But also spontaneous ████ is probably on that list >> probably. No. Yeah. >> That's gay though. Shut up, Ryan.
13:28 >> Have you been with the >> scheduled scheduled? [laughter] >> Have you been with the same chick for so long? Would you say you >> looked for the same things? >> Yeah, for or how did you know that she was going to be the one that goes through all those different >> Well, I think what what Anthony was saying and what Joe was saying about chemistry, I think we were just drawn to each other like chemistry wise. Like we just always had that. I think >> for whatever reason, >> she got lucky, man. >> That's what I'm saying. But then also too, I was also looking at the things of who Tiff was. Like she was a family oriented person when she would go like when she wasn't out going to parties on the weekends. She was always with her family and her family parties, whatever the ████ right? hanging with her cousins, whatever. And I was like, "Okay, that checked the box. She's not a little, you know, little in these streets." [laughter] And >> at the time when I was like 17, like 18, 20, like that was important.
14:19 >> Yeah. >> Because ████ football team is important >> cuz like I would go out to these parties and stuff cuz I would do all that stuff. I would be social and I would like be like, "Man, I would I would hate it if my girl was out here." You know what I mean? Like you just see you see the debauchery and you see all the craziness and you're like man like I don't think I could date any of these chicks. Like that's what I was thinking in my head. >> I didn't like clubbing but I went because I thought that's what you're supposed to do. I me too. Me too. >> I didn't like it ever. >> I didn't like it and I was like this is whack. Whatever. But and then the other thing too was just her values of who she was as a person. I'll be like, "Oh, she was really sweet. She was way nicer than I was. I was kind of, you know, I was like the rude one and she would kind of like soften me up and I'll be like, "Oh, okay." So, it's like all those things, but then we were dating for so long. It took me 10 years to ████ propose to her, which is kind of a long time because in my head, I'm like, I don't know yet. Like, ████ could happen. Like,
15:11 >> and in my head, I was thinking we were dating when we were in high school. So, a lot can change from beginning of high school to like your late 20s, right? And we were getting her career. She was very motivated. She was always working. She was always like, she was a badass in school and work. And I was like, man, like this chick is she's on top of it. So, like all those things made me like, you know, love her more and really see her as more of a partner as we got older. And then after we got married and when kind of ████ hit the fan a little bit in our lives where random things pop up and unexpected turmoil, right, then you start to see who they really are as a person even more and you see how we kind of like hang with each other and stick with each other when there's hard times. So that kind of solidifies or changes how you see your partner as you get older, too.
16:02 Because I feel like once you think about marriage as an adult, it really is like how hard you could stick with your partner during ████ up craziness. Because, you know, there's only going to be more of that as we get older and [snorts] as we have kids or whatever. So, I think for me it was always like, "Yeah, we'll see. We'll see." Like, it started off with good like a really good foundation and we just got, like you said, like just got super lucky. >> That's crazy. You leased the car for 10 years. >> Yeah. And I was like, >> every every two or three years, the car is like, do you want to just buy it? You want to buy the lease? Nah, I'mma lease for another three years. >> I plan on buying it, but I'm not going to sign it. >> It's already paid off. You might as well just own it. It's like, no, I'm going to keep leasing. [laughter] >> I like my payments, actually.
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