0:00 [Music] welcome to another gay episode of careful boys where we have with a steve straight guy green or what is it the wrestling thing when you get hit i'm hooking up you got hit in the face but that doesn't matter like [Laughter] that just made me stronger than ever that's one of the best ████ salamanca uh that character came to life man the guy uh he was he was hard to crack i'm not gonna lie so i i know you guys are not the most easily embarrassed but can you remember anytime that something embarrassing happened to you in public and you were legitimately embarrassed in public oh god do you guys
0:50 know about my mom at my boy scouts meeting yeah yeah was she ████ farted yeah that you that was legit that's it your mom ████ breaks wind that was that's very important to me no i really care i really cared about boy scouts and at that time it's one of those where like you're about to get in that age and boy scouts is like you have young guys and slightly older dudes and so you're always trying to impress the older dudes and it's one of those things where like if you get caught with your pants down you're getting roasted for the rest of i don't know how long so for me that mattered a lot and then my parents are never at any of those you know meetings or whatever and this time i'm like they're getting promoted or whatever and then she farted and i'm like i've never heard any other parent fart but you and you're someone that preaches
1:41 classiness and elegance all the time and you just straight let one out well analyzing that elegance did you know what she was thinking at that moment she didn't want indigestion she got ████ mad at me because i'm like uh she got mad at me for getting mad at her and i'm like why'd you do that like i like you why can't you walk out or whatever and she goes i didn't know it's gonna happen i was just stretching and i'm like when you stretch with only one butt cheek you know what the ████ you're doing don't ████ lie to me oh so she was just trying to be like silent and it didn't did she when she lifted up like this she lifted up i've seen that exact same motion at home she knows what that was how loud was it it was like ████ movie loud like ████ and everyone's like like american pie yeah like that kind of ████ yeah and i'm like oh my ████ god like it sounds wet yeah
2:32 that was one of my most embarrassing moments my whole life i swear wow so that your mind automatically goes there when you think embarrassed huh yeah cause i might you know when your ears get ████ hot and you wish you could disappear but you you can't like that i'm like oh ████ did you guys ever go through the phase of being embarrassed of your parents just like how they dressed and how they walked and how they ████ just existed yeah it's a lot of pressure to have cool parents i wonder why everyone goes through that because like i'm i just like remember seeing how they dress and i was like dad can you just please wear a t-shirt like you're always wearing a ████ button up like can you be like these dads and just wear a t-shirt dude my dad would come on his tiny whites with my friends around during sleepovers really what the ████ yeah i'm like what the ████ is with this guy why did you do this i didn't give a ████ he didn't give a ████ he's like it's the weekend i'm not wearing
3:22 pants but he's like were you embarrassed by it was i impressed were you embarrassed by it yeah but how old were you though i don't know like all the way through my teenage years dude oh ████ high school level that's ████ horrible but he knows what he's doing right like he's not yeah of course yeah his video tapes to prove it but he's just so used to it i think because especially because like i had the same friends around kicking it all the time yeah so i don't think it's his home right so he's like this is my ████ cat i remember um well um i went to dinner with my friend and his mom right and his brother and we came back home and then um his dad's like a ████ prankster right and uh when when we uh when we opened up the door that fool was looking at uh like the like the tall mirrors like those body mirrors or whatever and then he was flipped like in like upside down bent over and
4:12 he was shaving his ass yeah what the ████ for why for what and then he was like dad what the ████ are you doing japanese family right so like they just do pervert jokes and ████ and he goes i was shaving and he was in tears crying he's so i could picture that i was dying so i pictured this fool he was probably like waiting for us to come home and as soon as he heard it pull up that fool had his butthole wide open and he was shaving his ass and and then she was like you're using my which i think she was using like hers like ████ blade too and all that and like i know but my friend was like ████
5:04 his face went like pale that's hard to recover from i loved it though dude i couldn't ████ wait second hand that's ████ hilarious hilarious yeah it's not your dad an easy and easy quick thing that happened to me i was at the beach when i was 16 with like all my friends and you know when you're with your friends you just dare each other to do stupid ████ we're at the beach i think it's like at a balsa chica there's like this girl laying in the sand just kicking it she looks like she's about our age and my friend's like oh go doctor i've never ████ done that in my life i don't know how to do that but um they're like one of my friends manages to talk me into this idea that it would be cool if i full speed ran and did a front flip over her to impress her and she's just what like sunbathing yeah just chilling oh no and then she dies that's true this is orion story i'm sure eventually she died but not
5:54 today he doesn't flip and kill the seagull later she had a final destination pyramid of things happened to her but not now yeah it's not quite a cinematic it's more this happens to me i died so like i go and i'm like yeah that's a good idea because like i was excited because i could do really good front flips at the time so i go i'm like i go around like this like i'm gonna run across and i run i'm gonna do a full speed front tuck it's gonna be dope i didn't take into account that when your trunks are wet they get heavier oh and you're on sand and on my side kind of sucks you in so as i launched up i basically jumped out of my trunks butt naked oh my god what the ████
6:45 that's true i really was but then the the sad part is like they didn't come all the way up they went around my ankles as i was in the air so i ate ████ coming down with the pants around your ankles around my ankle so i just immediately went like this and put sand on it and i pulled my shorts up everybody's like 15 dudes behind dying laughing this girl is dying laughing looking me dead in the eyes like just laughing her ass off and i i couldn't you know what if i was if i was who i am today i would have because it's a ████ great origin story but i didn't i was i was legitimately embarrassed i wasn't clever enough to turn the phrase with your confidence oh dude ████ yeah i was like there's no worse thing that could happen to me but now but hey that woman's name ryan's wife yeah her name is ryan's wife crazy crazy damn i think i got one this i wasn't yeah okay this one's actually pretty rough it's probably like ████ ████
7:35 probably no no no no no this is a good one so i was eating this watermelon right yeah uh i think i was like i was by myself and i've embarrassed myself i was like i was like should i have dessert probably i should have dessert now this was good i i think i was like 24 25 and this is after i started tr i i was uh we just finished a training session and we went to go eat with some of my teammates and usually after we're training we're just like super thirsty so i was like pounding waters i was like drinking a bunch of electrolytes and ████ and uh this is an old town so shout out to ████ old town um i was like okay i have to go get some of these clothes that we were gonna put uh heat press for some brands or whatever so i want to go to h m and i want to try to get some samples yeah get some blanks so i went there and i want to try them on in the bath in in the dressing room
8:26 and i just finished um trying all the clothes and i was putting my sweats on i was wearing gray sweats like heather gray okay like this so you can see you can see and all that yeah yeah so that was kind of sweat i had the sharp pain like in my in like my bladder area and i was like what the ████ and then i started peeing oh you couldn't control it i just couldn't i couldn't control it i started peeing i soaked my ████ sweats dude in the feeding room in the fitting room you unhappy what the ████ does that mean as a kid or whatever no dude i was 24. i was like ████ a couple days ago dude i started you just put it on and it went dude that could be a serious condition yeah but it was the only time it happened so i was like that's ████ i'm good yeah yeah so i
9:16 started peeing my pants and i was like what the ████ and you couldn't stop it this is really good bro i couldn't ████ stop and i was like jesus christ i'm in the fitting room like what the ████ am i gonna do you just drank all that water too well it's all it's all my ████ pants now so so you just stole them no no and i'm like ████ dude so i'm like all right i have this hoodie how do you i tie it around to my waist to be like okay this should be fine right in discretion but it's but and then this is the ████ up part i was like hey i came for these clothes i already peed my pants i'ma buy these ████ clothes so i go and eat my piss ████ stain in my pistain sweats and i i pay for the ████ clothes what did you do you just did you put the tag and you go peep today's video is brought to you by audible listen to the new audio donkey series
10:06 funny my way on audible hosted by jb smoove take a deep dive into the lives of six black comedy icons paul mooney flip wilson mom's maybelline dick gregory rudy ray moore and red fox hear how these fearless heroes of black comedy broke color lines and made it to the top by doing it their way featuring commentary from cedric the entertainer d.l hughley godfrey margaret cho dion cole sandra bernard and many more listen on audible now go to audible.com funny my way no no let me scare you no these are these are my sweats oh you put them back on okay yeah yeah yeah you could do that that works yeah the clothes that i tried on was a bunch i went to go i'm waiting in line and
10:57 piss-soaked i'm shocked you're you're willing to buy clothes at this point yeah no because i was like well ████ it i'm already here people paying attention or not i would imagine yeah like i just felt really uncomfortable like ████ this is brutal but was there was there a puddle piss at the fitting room so i had all my like my gym bag with me so i just i i had a towel in there damn you're pretty nice you cleaned it all up i cleaned it all up so it was all good i put it back in my gym bag and i was like ████ dude this is ridiculous so all i have is piss soaked ████ uh sweat and i was trying to smell like do i smell like bad boys thankfully it was mostly water thank god still smell like ammonia though yeah but your boy is standing in line doug there's people in behind me there's people in front of me and i'm waiting i buy the clothes and i parked on the other side of colorado you got a good walk of shame ahead of you so your boy walked probably
11:47 like 10 minutes you're your own rose parade well who's really looking at your dick dude i felt like a lot of people were like dude it's heather gray so it's like great yeah and then it's a dark colored spot and i have this hoodie and i'm clearly trying to cover it up but what do you think it was from like getting punched in the kidney no it wasn't even that like i have no to this day i have no idea and i tell my girl and i was like super embarrassed walking back to my car and i was like ████ i'm gonna own it who gives a ████ like i'm in this place there's a funny story i'll tell it later whatever and my girl's like why didn't you tell like call me i could have picked you up i was like no ████ way am i going to call you to pick me up because i peed my pants i'm a ████ 25 year old man hey if you want to ████ get away with it because you said you have you what i wanted to get your car 10 minutes took me 10 minute walk you got to just start
12:37 being like what khan is a real place the government's ████ covered up you guys aren't even freaking out they've been covered for years it's ████ 100 real you guys know if you ████ understand how real it is the gym i worked out was in that area so it's like i'm like there's a good shot i'm gonna bump into someone that i know or like that would be a nightmare a client oh my god covered in piss like yeah i don't think i'm gonna train with you anymore dude i was a kid but still like this one always sticks with me just because every time i think about i'm like jesus ████ christ um so i was at my friend stanley's stanley wong's house we were watching the power rangers we're probably nine years old but i'm well beyond potty trained like
13:27 probably by like four and a half years so all of a sudden i'm just like in his basement or i'm upstairs with them watching power rangers and all of a sudden i think i have to fart and then i just load my ████ entire jeans up like load it completely up that's not your fault dude ████ that's like fall short ryan's dying right now dude i completely loaded it up i load it up you know what i mean dirty diaper yeah yeah yeah like i filled my shopping cart i've never heard it would say loaded up yeah yeah yeah yeah and so i go to check out your cart is full yeah the cart's full so then i'm like oh ████ this is actually crazy i'm like okay well i live five houses down and we live in townhouses right so every house is like basically linked but i'm like man i'm so far away i at
14:17 least have to like fix the situation so i'm not like trailing snail trailing the whole way home [Laughter] so then uh i go downstairs so he's a basement everyone has a basement and i go into the basement bathroom their house is immaculate by the way there's no reason to ever clean up anything in this house because it's always beautiful like it's very minimalist there's really not much in the house yeah except for your logs of ████ okay i'm like i'm like it's basically commercial time i could i can take off my underwear and like i could probably get away with this for a while putting my jacket over because i had jacob we live like in in virginia so there's always a reason to have a jacket so i was like i'll put my jacket over like this i could tie it off and but i but i do it around here and so i'm and i'm pretty good and then all i have to do is like kind of cheat
15:08 out cheat out and nobody see my butt cheeks and then i just got to get home after this but that's fine like it's close enough to like it's like dusk-ish i'll be fine did you bust one of those who ████ farted all right that's him that jojo's coward doing that ████ i don't do that ████ technique so i was like all right so i dispel that ████ i go back upstairs and then i'm like i'm just gonna watch power rangers standing up you know what i mean bro i'm like yeah let's finish this thing off let's see if okay tommy's a green ranger let's see if he stays that way and and then he didn't go do you smell that steve no he honestly just stanley was ████ oblivious because we're just into the show we can't believe we all love the the pink ranger yeah we all want to have sex with her face yeah so we'll just wait for more of that ranger in the meantime
16:00 i'm not kidding it's been maybe 37 seconds max stanley's mother decides i'm just gonna go clean downstairs oh she goes down the ████ stairs and i hear a bunch of cantonese and i'm like oh no because every time patty starts doing cantonese and a certain inflection i'm like oh i'm in trouble because i hear steve i heard because she she doesn't say words normally unless it's english and steven is english so i'm like god damn it i'm busted she found my underwear i'm not even kidding it didn't even take like three minutes oh she ████ zoned in on that ████ and she already found it well you hid your underwear in the back i hid it in the bathroom under the sink and i just put it under the sink and i was like i'll collect the shell on my way out well i was like dude what i'll do is on the way out i'll just tuck the ████ in my ████ album
16:50 on my way out you were gonna pocket your ████ how come you don't want to throw the trash what that's my underwear my mom will know if i don't have underwear yeah dude guys are forgetting dude bart's been an adult for too long he's not connected to neverland she could probably smell the ████ right and as a kid you probably had ████ smear on the handle and she's like what the ████ i bet it's dripping out of my socks yeah as a kid you think you're getting away with murder but you're not probably look like a tremors trail so then i do what any self-respecting young young adult does on the virgin movie no i start crying immediately please please please don't tell anybody please don't ████ tell anybody and she's like i won't tell anybody but then of course carol hears about it and everybody ████ oh no
17:40 yeah that doesn't matter she probably thought it was right i still went home with my ████ cold butt cheeks like in the wind damn yeah that's that's a pretty embarrassing one that was awesome yeah but you were ████ how old eight it's worse when you're a kid it's worse when you're 25 years old brother i was getting my dick sucked four years later dude but at least now you can the most embarrassing ████ happens when you're a kid though because it's like the end of the world yeah like you know you guys ever get like embarrassed like after the fact like years later that sounds already way too oh like you realize that you should have been embarrassed yeah so um i was in high school and i was playing in the summer basketball league and uh man it already feels so stupid all right uh this kid his name's mike right and uh we're in the summer league together and he was
18:30 like a little bit um you know he wasn't skinny that's all i gotta say fat boy mike let's go yeah big boy and so we would always just get into you know when you're playing basketball people start talking ████ to each other right and then there was this thing where you know when i i would like ████ up or whatever the ████ happened on the court he'd like dude how long you talk ████ and you call me a fat ass right like ████ you dude you're ████ fat ass right yeah yeah yeah clap back and he would always be like what look you're ████ fatter than me dude and like ████ you you're the ████ fattest dude here right there's two fat guys fighting about two fat guys ████ shaming each other and it literally wasn't until like after college that i get hold of like a photo from like summer league and i finally found out i was clearly fatter
19:21 you ████ see yourself every day right you don't know who you are it's so good i was just ashamed of myself for you for a while ████ fatty the fact that you're just in like denial like oh my god you ████ fat ass cause i was so confused that he was he must have been like he was you're fat dude he's like what the ████ he must have been like dude anthony's ████ nuts yeah not just him but probably everyone on the court was like this was crazy oh wow yeah nobody challenged me you're like this guy's not they're not gonna ████ with this guy yeah but uh by myself years later i was extremely embarrassed or they're like yo it's blimp versus blimp it's a blimp off
// end of tape