0:05 Welcome back to a a very PSA episode of Careful Boys. Today we're going to talk about the very first time that somebody had peer pressured you into doing drugs. Don't do drugs. I I peer pressured myself. You were alone? It looked so fun that I wanted to go try it. But how did you acquire the items? knew that people drank and smoked I think the gateway was drinking and smoking. Uh-huh. And because they looked like they were having such a good time drinking and then it was so Well, if it's really that bad, why are adults able to do it? Like if it's really that unhealthy, humans still do it. That was my logic behind it. And then I was like, well I got to try this. And then so I got a bunch of my friends
0:55 to look for cigarettes that were maybe half smoked and on the ground. Oh, wow. And then we would light it up. What age is this by the way? Maybe third or fourth grade. Third or fourth grade? like yeah, maybe 10, something like that. Yeah, so So we would just run around and look for it. And then um Yeah, we would just try smoking it. So like you would turn it on and then you just like and you're like, I don't get it. Like it's doesn't taste like anything. It tastes gross, right? So we pick up cigarettes off the ground. And then my friend's brother saw us do that and he was like, what the ████ And then he actually just gave us a pack of cigarettes cuz he thought that was so gross. Yeah. Well, he was like 13 or 15 or something, right? His own pack of cigs? Damn, what a cool kid. Back then people just sold you cigarettes. Yeah. Dude, there was one dairy that was
1:45 near a high school and everyone knew that you could buy singles. You could just walk up and give them a quarter and they'll give you a cigarette. station? You gave them a quarter, they gave you a cigarette. Wow. And then um Yeah, so like my friend's brother had like all these skater guys that came by. You they were smoking and all that. And then so I thought I was cool and I was just like And everyone's like, you don't even inhale. And I'm like, what's that? And they're like, you have to take a breath after you take a puff. And then we all tried it and all of us were like and we were coughing and ████ And I don't know I don't even think I enjoyed it, but like it just became a thing and I don't know I I feel like everyone that starts smoking cigarettes, this is the story. You just do it until you start liking it. Yeah. But you don't like it, it's gross.
2:36 Where do you force yourself to like I started smoking at 13. Like 12 or 13. Yeah. And then you smoked for like 25 years or some ████ Yeah. Wow. till I was I think 6 years ago, right? Yeah, 2019 was my last year. Ooh, wow, dude. I remember you trying to quit smoking and you kept on going back and forth and you finally just did it. Yep. Did you go cold turkey? Yeah, quitting smoking was probably the hardest. But that was that was I would say people say marijuana's the gateway drug, but I think um cigarettes and alcohol is. Yeah. Cuz then you start drinking too with your friends and then and then there's like probably some weed there one day or or whatever and then you just or like you go to a rave, you know? What was it like what was it like the first time somebody presented you with like something more hardcore?
3:28 Um Actually our friend Eddie got me into ecstasy. Dang, really? Yeah, because Eddie He came back from a He came back from a rave. And he goes, bro, Like no, it wasn't like your gay grooming experience. Damn, just dunked on Subi. wait, wait a minute. I don't think your grooming experience is listen to the whole story. 360 windmill dunk. That's history. Off the backboard. Yeah. Cuz I think by that time I was already smoking weed. Jeez, guys. I was already doing all the other stuff. Like yeah, smoking weed or whatever. almost doing something else, smoking something else. Almost. Smoking some ████ Almost smoking ass. I never did um That was my first chemical. I think that was my first gateway to the to the non
4:20 I feel like cigarettes, weed and alcohol is like here. And then ecstasy, acid, psychedelics and all that is like here. like How were you so brave to just like take it? Maybe after I started trying all these substances like drinking and smoking weed and whatever. Yeah. I just didn't see the negative effects of it. Oh. Like you know what I mean? So people say like you can die. And I'm like, I didn't ████ die. Mm. Oh yeah, that makes sense. Like what do you So and then no one can actually Up to that point you're okay. They're like it's unhealthy and I'm like, but I can still outrun your old ass. I don't know. So I I never got a satisfying answer of why it's bad and unethical and wrong and I so I just didn't feel any guilt cuz it felt good. Kids always
5:11 think they know everything. That does make sense though if someone is like a symbol of bad health telling you that it's not healthy to do something, it's like you're just not going to listen to them. Like whatever. Yeah. And then so Yeah, I just never felt like uh it was just one of those things where it's like, what's the next thing I want to try? past that you you had the same sentiment of like, I've been okay up till now, why not? Yeah, so by the time he introduced me to E I was mind-blown. I was like, this is ████ amazing. Like this is like it was like being awake, but now you're in alien worlds, parallel universes, all this stuff. So I felt like every time you take a different drug you're like in a different dreamland. And then I was like, how is that bad? I don't understand.
6:01 Yeah, so I was like frying acid when I was 14, whatever. And then everyone else is just doing it, so it's so normal. Your circle of friends, right? And it's like to me there was no difference between hey, let's go to the park and play basketball versus let's go to this dude's garage smoke some weed and some acid or whatever. So that just became the thing to do and you know so many other kids that did it that I don't know. Yeah, there was never any guilt though. What happened at the point when you like said no to something? Cuz then you say that like you never did heroin. Heroin scared me because of Well, it wasn't around. Oh. Especially like it would teenagers didn't do it. Well, at least in LA like from
6:51 my journey started from like 13 till like maybe I hear people doing it like in college and on, but it was still not like Try meth, right? Meth was popular in high school. Yeah, but I never really got into it. And it could be like I just I don't know. Like it didn't really do anything to me. I actually tried crack, too. That was crazy. Didn't you say didn't you say that crack was actually really good? ████ bomb. Best ████ I ever had. The first time I did it That's what they say though. They put it in a joint and then it's called a primo where you smoke it with weed. And I was like, what was that? Cuz that was like some crazy next level euphoric ████ And then everyone was laughing cuz they're like, yeah, dude, that was a primo. And I was like, what? And then I I never seeked it out until the future my friends were all smoking this thing
7:41 and I think I got so much into drugs that my it was like my 14th birthday and you know how people have like New Year's resolution? Dude, we're only at that year. I know, crazy. And then my my goal for for at 14 was 365, I'm going to be high on every every single day I'm going to be high on something. Holy cow. And I accomplished it. And I and at 15 I felt so proud of myself because I was on something every single day. One of the dumbest kids I've ever Right? So That was my goal. That was my ████ goal. And you know um It's so like impressive that you came out like this. Yeah, fast forward to You're the exception to the rule. Don't try this, kids. Don't do this. I think you really have a different body
8:32 than like other people like for sure. Your brain is just different. For sure and I I wonder how different it would have been if I didn't do it. First off, you doing crack one time is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like it was amazing. I never did it again. Nobody did. He was like, it was dope, but I stopped. good hors d'oeuvre and you're just like, wow, what is that? That's enough. No, I actually smoked with my friends for 72 hours the next time. Cuz I really wanted to see why they were smoking it. crack fest? Yeah, cuz they dude, they were hardcore. Like they were so hooked. And you came back from that? I didn't understand why these guys were so addicted cuz like we would go smoke and then we would just stay up all night and then like I would just follow them and smoke smoke smoke and they would run out of money, so they would go break into a house and like steal stuff and then they would sell it
9:23 and then buy more crack. And the way that they were acting Sounds like a bit. But it's not. It's hilarious cuz by the last day I was like in someone's apartment and I was trying to sleep on their ████ floor and I was like, dude, this is so uncomfortable. Like how can anyone sleep on this thing? And I couldn't I couldn't go to sleep. And then I finally got into my bed and I was comfortable and I was like I still don't get why people want to stay up all night and do this. And then so I'm so lucky that the most addictive stuff I didn't get hooked on. Wow. Cuz my friend one of my friends actually went to prison for his addiction because he was so cracked out that he would like go through this string of robberies just so he could he he I think he had
10:13 like tens of thousands of dollars one weekend blew it all just on crack. Just crack? I thought I thought crack was cheap. Well, that's how much crack they smoked. Yeah. Put it in numbers breaking records. Yeah, zombies, baby. And then it's so he it's so funny you would never picture him to right now he's such a square. time how much money are we talking about? Like how much does crack cost back then? I don't know. I never like got into it like them. Oh. So I remember being taken care of most of the times, but there was two occasion one is the first time I tried it and I was like whoa, this is like a massage every cell was having a like a little Thai lady like going like this and stepping on my cells back. Yeah. But it lasts like 30 seconds. So I can see why Why they keep doing it? Oh, I want the hit. I want the
11:04 hit. But for me I was getting tired of the same feeling. Cuz it was too much. You're a variety guy. Yeah, you don't have an addictive personality. Saved you. Yeah, maybe I do. bee sampler kind of guy. I want some mozzarella sticks now. A sampler for sure. I'm lucky that my addictions were lightweight. Like it was weed and nicotine. That's what I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop that, but then like my friends were like really into the hard stuff. And for me that was too intense. So you smoked crack when you were 14 years old? No, crack was about 17. Oh, ████ Did you say seven? Oh my 17. No, no, no. Oh my god. Years old. Yeah. Like weed all that stuff drinking and probably experimenting from like 12 or 13 and then 14, 15 is when I got into
11:55 psychedelics like more of the ecstasy, the acid and I think after acid um my mind was never the same again. Wow. Because you just think completely different after psychedelics. What do you What do you Can you point out what like you felt was like noticeable? Were you rigid before and then I think when you're a kid well, maybe it's just me growing up, but I think I started to question like you start to you start to one question has so many answers and you would see that where before I think you would just take one answer for a question. So like let's say why do you have to go to work? Oh, to get a good job, right? And it's like yeah. But when you're a kid you you you you listen to that and you go wait, but why do you have to even work in the
12:45 first place? And then you think why does the system work in this way where you have to work and make money and Gotcha. Why can't you just choose not to or how come you can't be taken care of? Drugs made you a critical thinker. Yeah, seriously. Steve Jobs said the same thing. Steve Jobs after acid were you like, you know what? I think I'd let a girl eat my butt. You think that's where the ████ happened? But it stemmed from why do I have to work to I think I would let a girl eat my butt. It probably it probably felt good on your acid, huh? You're like yeah, actually I think I would let this happen. Maybe I should do some acid. No question. I just felt yeah, you know when you're a kid you feel invincible because it's like well, that didn't kill me. What else would work? Yeah. So then and then you're around other like hardcore party kids that are just like
13:36 we would we would do this thing called um suicide and that night it's like you pop in you so so it's like you compete how many substances you took that night. So one would be like okay, I'm on E. I I'm high. I'm ████ dosing right now with um you know, I got some liquid like LSD and on top of that I just took this and then it's like and then you're like really well, I'm I'm on this this and this. Is anyone like ████ you didn't do all that ████ You didn't do a line. I think everyone's just like whoa, yeah. They're all supportive. Yeah, they're so supportive. Supportive environment. And I don't I don't know. It's like the world is everyone's doing the same exact things, but there were some like so like let's say if you're going to raves and you're doing E or whatever, you don't want methods around you even though everyone's actually doing meth.
14:26 It's the weirdest thing where they're like oh, you do meth and then everyone else like secretly is smoking meth. Whoa. But they're all ewing about it to each other? I think it's one of those shameful drugs. Oh, because it's a low class drug. Yeah. And I remember in high school a lot of girls loved meth and they always said like oh, I have to study for my midterms. So uh That's the excuse. It was a it was like a girl choice of drug when I was growing up. Meth being a girl choice is wild. It's a girl drug? Damn, these girls do meth, man. What the I agree. Like as in like you wish you could do it or That was so that was so unexpected. I thought only girls could do that. Yeah, that's a girl's drug. Lame. What are you guys doing smoking meth? You guys are all girls, man.
15:20 But yeah, it's crazy cuz I I forget how many years I spent Yeah, you really did a lot yeah. How did you You were in the dance crew for a long time. You avoided all this ████ How the ████ did that happen? I don't know. I think it was just I think everybody You know what it is is like when you're you're sober or straight edge for so long that reputation precedes when you walk in the room. So like if I come around people are like oh, random do nothing don't ask him to like smoke or do anything. You never felt curious though as a kid of like No, not really. Damn. I never did. But then it's that it's like people already knew. I think it's just because I was like cool that they're like oh, you're not going to I'm usually the one pressuring people to do stupid ████ So it's like to pressure me kind of would be like pretty stupid. Pointless, yeah. Yeah, they'd be like no, he's not going to do it and it's more like
16:10 it's people thought people who did drugs thought it was cool that I didn't. So then they didn't they never tried to like give me nothing. Same with alcohol. Anybody who drinks around me it's like I'm not like a buzz kill, so they don't pressure me to drink. That is true. It's like I'm already going to be doing s█████ stuff as a sober human. Right. Yeah. None of you guys had like this crushing curiosity of wanting to try it or were was there like a ounce of maybe fear involved where you didn't want to do it because of that? I feel like all the DARE commercials worked on me. Me, too. I was a scaredy cat, bro. The DARE commercials like when you saw the fried egg and ████ I was just a scared Catholic boy in general and guilty as ████ and I just could never do it cuz I could never tell my mom that I had done it and I feel like she would just be devastated, so that was it. That was that was me younger and then as I got older I think I got more curious because
17:01 I had more intention as to why I did the things that I did. Yeah. just take drugs and party and make terrible decisions. That's crazy. Weed. I used to get a thrill out of being high and my parents not knowing and I'm just sitting there eating dinner and then I just feel like a secret agent right now playing mafia. They just knew and they were just kind of not not uh I wonder how many I don't know. They probably knew. Yeah. But in my mind I'm like man, YOU DON'T I'M SO HIGH right now. They probably smelled your clothes and ████ and like god damn it, he high. You know what's funny is like I was in the classic situation of a it it sounded like I was lying so hard and I think to this day my parents don't believe it, but my friend Matt who you know was like he had started smoking and
17:51 I wanted to like you know when you want to be that friend to force your friends to quit something? So you take their ████ So I took his cigarettes and it was in my pocket and then um I got them out of there and I hid them in my in my house my parents' house. But the my pocket still had the tobacco You know like the tobacco ████ falls off the So then my mom was doing my laundry and was like why is this in your pocket? And I had to do that I was holding it for a friend, mom. And they never believe that. Even in movies that's not true when the guy's saying that. But I was like no, please. I know it's so typical, but I was like trying to like keep my friend from smoking and to this day she probably thinks I was like smoking and ████ I think you were. You're a smoker. That's what it is. You smoke uh Ryan still does crack. Yeah, exactly. My mom always guilted me. She's like you're the big brother. Your little brothers look up to you. They will do whatever
18:42 you do. true though. I And that ████ worked on me so good. I never touched a ████ drug. It is true. That that was a good duty that you went on. Maybe kids that get into the drug it's cuz my brother got high. Like maybe kids It seriously was. that do get into it are already they have their mind made up like me before they even get into it. You know, it could be that not not so much peer pressure, but they've been wanting to try and then someone brought it in front of them and they're like ooh. I think it just depends on your friend group. If your friend group is doing something, then you're going to do it and most likely. That's how I started doing it. Like when I was in high school it's like I wasn't planning on smoking pot or anything and I was like the straight edge dude a little bit, but then my first time smoking was like outside of a party and all these dudes like passing a blunt around and you're like all right, I guess I'll pretend. Also if you're a kid and you've been
19:35 controlled and like hyper fixated on what you can and cannot do there comes a point in time where like you also are getting in trouble for ████ that is minuscule to the point where you're just like ████ it. I might as well. I might as well do it. Yeah, that's a good yeah. Or sometimes you get groomed. Yeah. That happened to me. Like Subin's case. Stop to it. People don't talk about that. The way that you But somebody was brave enough to talk about it today, so we appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you, Subin. I didn't get groomed, man. You get for talking about deep ████ He said he said he got groomed, man. I didn't get groomed, man. It's Get the ████ out of here.
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