0:00 Hey, what was stuff that you used to jack off to before you had porn? >> Star Trek Seven of Nine. >> What? Star Trek? >> Star Trek Seven of Nine. Remember Jeri Ryan? >> No, what is this? >> Dude, Seven of Nine. Google it. >> Star Trek Seven of Nine. >> Her name was Seven of Nine. She was on a show called Star Trek Voyager. And she was an absolute missile. >> Really? >> ████ nuclear missile. >> [laughter] >> Bro, I thought you were talking about like a Klingon. >> Oh, her. Her, dude. >> I remember >> ████ yeah, boys. >> Bro. >> So, Brienne of Tarth? >> [laughter] >> That's what you were jerking to, huh? >> Yeah, absolute ████ >> Like this outfit? >> Yeah, the outfit. It was everything. >> Imagining the ████ Mike Tyson tattoo and stuff? >> Dude, you didn't have to imagine anything, bro. >> She's pretty bad. >> She was absolutely stalked. >> Wow. >> Jesus.
0:51 >> I would record uh Married with Children episodes because whenever Kelly brought her friends, I was like, "F███, that's like That's a harem right there. That's a orgy right there." >> Or at the lady shoe store? >> Oh, THAT WERE THE OH, REMEMBER THE ONE that uh they did the the model contest the >> Yeah, they were like, "We need a place to do this modeling contest." >> [laughter] >> That's such a stupid place. >> His reactions are so insane, too. >> Yeah. >> They're so good. They're so [laughter] good. >> He's a ham in it up. >> Dude, I love it. >> remember his shoe groupie? >> He actually had a pass. Like Peggy actually gave him a hall pass, right? It's a ████ monumental episode. He has this ████ hot ass like shoe groupie that's hella into him and he's like in disbelief, but she's like really really like, "No, like I'm a ████ true like I love shoe salesman
1:43 and all this stuff." And then um so Peggy gives him a pass and then he he can hit and all that. And I think she tries to like climb in the window to like and she's in lingerie and ████ and I was like, "F███ yeah, he's going to do it." But he was a loyal ████ and he didn't do it. >> Yeah. >> And then Peggy, you know, like, yeah. >> Mhm. >> Didn't Didn't Pamela Anderson climb through his window one time, too? >> That's so good. >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] >> That's so good. >> Might have been the same person. Might have been the same episode. >> Could have been. >> Who were you jerking off to? >> Um well, the easiest one was the So, at night, if you were just watching regular television, they would have those string of infomercials that would come on. Like, you know, the get-rich-quick stuff, the slap-chop stuff, all these like little devices. Sometimes they they stopped running these ones, but for a while, they would show the Girls Gone
2:34 Wild commercial for the videotapes. Like, way in the beginning. >> Yeah. >> And just that alone, I was like, I don't even need to see the tape. >> It's magic. >> Like, this is great for my age and I'm seeing this and I'm seeing all these like college girls like partying and flashing and stuff. And then it also another one >> out of a fire hose, dude. >> Oh, I know, dude. It was like way >> who's too abundant. >> And I But then you don't know when it's going to come on. So, you would just have to wait. And sometimes it would come on twice. >> That's how long I waited. >> I wonder if you and Subi's grandpa were jerking off at the same time in different states. >> [laughter] >> Cuz he would jerk off to Girls Gone Wild, too. >> Oh, he would? >> He probably owned it, though. He >> He probably had the real thing. >> He probably had the resources to get the actual tape. >> Another >> He probably had every volume. >> Another one that you could find that would come on randomly is the advertisement for Jerry Springer Too Hot for TV. >> Oh, I remember that.
3:25 >> And it would always be the sensor bar and ████ Yeah. >> That was another like huge goon bank, dude. They would put that on and it's like all it is is just crazy raucous outrageous like women getting naked on stage and it's in a show that you know. So, the familiarity of it like trips you out a little bit. >> that you really can see this for real, too. They did the Mardi Gras episodes where they would just throw beads at ████ and stuff. Oh my >> These like little commercials, man. >> remember the music American Woman? From love by Lenny Kravitz? >> saw the video. >> Graham in it and she's like squeezing her tits and ████ It was epic epic >> So when you jacked off to that, were you like you have to stop when when it was Lenny Kravitz performing and then you started again when it was her? >> You're just playing with fire, bro. Cuz they keep cutting. >> That's like Russian roulette with jacking off. >> Yeah, it was it was really dangerous.
4:15 >> Going back to Lenny Kravitz. >> You got a white girl look. >> What are you talking about? >> Give me give me one more. One more one more >> Jessica Alba, thousand million percent. >> Throw that you called THEM OUT, THAT'S WHY. >> That's No, no, no. Everyone like Jennifer Jessica Alba. >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. >> [laughter] >> JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT? JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT? >> YEAH, YEAH. >> OH, DUDE, Jennifer Love Hewitt, man. >> Jennifer Love Jessica Alba for sure. That's that's probably my goated my that era. >> I can't believe how good she looks now, though. >> I know, dude, it's a scam. >> I can't even >> Yeah, what is she like 50? >> She's a vampire, dude, thousand percent. >> Well, the funny thing is that when we were younger and we were fantasizing about Jessica Alba, it wasn't This might sound ████ really like odd, but like it wasn't purely a sexual thing. It's like you just imagined that was a girl at your if that could be a girl at your school or if that was like a a girl in
5:05 your neighborhood, how like it's like the perfect girl next door beautiful look to you. >> This is the most I've ever believed that I was maybe in love with somebody I never met. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Like I've never transcend that line where like >> a lot of K-pop fans today that they they genuinely love these artists. >> Yeah. >> This is the closest I've ever been to like a celebrity love where I was like I was like, "No, dude, this is like my >> Also, you ready for this white girl ████ When she was Sue Storm? >> Oh, undeniable. >> From Fantastic >> Yeah, undeniable. >> Undeniable. >> We mentioned this person before and this is another white girl that Steve also likes. >> Thank you. >> Do you A lot of people don't know who Cindy Margolis is? >> Oh, I do. >> But I used to goon it to Cindy Margolis. She was like one of the first internet like baddie chicks. >> Strong. >> She wasn't in >> She looks familiar. She wasn't really in
5:56 >> was in like TV shows as a cameo, though. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Like she would do She would definitely on on Married with Children. >> like a hot girl cameo chick, but she had a huge following just for being like >> pictorial >> She was like pictorial hot, you know? Like you would look for her in magazines. Yeah, you'd look for her in ads and stuff. Yeah. But, she was super bomb. >> Super ████ stalked. >> She also would be the uh >> [laughter] >> She would also get hired to be the like You know like when these guys that are selling courses for like finance or dating, they would always have a hot girl next to them. She was always the girl for those. >> That's sick. >> She'd just be there. >> That's actually sick. >> Yeah. Cindy Margolis, man. She was huge for internet. >> Dude. You got that white girl look. >> Kate Mulgrew, not even kidding. Kate Mulgrew, but you have to type in Voyager. >> Kate Mulgrew. >> L G R E W. This one's a little bit of of a sicko move on my part.
6:47 >> What the heck? >> Yeah, she was like a She was like a ████ She was like a mommy, dude. >> She's like a Why is it all Star Trek? Why does Star Trek make you the horniest? >> Star Trek? It's the uniforms, dude. >> I'll get this one. You know that one, right? You know her? >> Yeah, I I could see this being hot. She's hot. >> Yeah. I got you on that. >> Yeah, on on the on the Star Treks. And she was such a ████ all the time. I loved it. >> Put yours on now. >> What do you mean, mine? >> Yours. You got none? >> Oh, other than like Jessica Alba as >> Yeah, you can't just go sign. >> Put the ones that you were jerking >> during that >> You didn't jerk to TV? >> Who are you just draining it to? Oh, yeah. >> Who's that? >> Alyssa Milano. >> Oh, Alyssa Milano. >> She was in I got to look at the Charmed version. >> even hotter when she started talking about politics. >> [laughter] >> That's a good one. >> Yeah. >> Alyssa Milano during that Charmed era. >> thousand percent
7:37 >> I think by this time I already discovered porn. >> You think? >> Yeah. >> But, did you have it readily available all the time? >> I don't >> This era is the same era. >> This one's actually older maybe. >> 96 >> That's older, yeah. No, this is still when it's like it's like sure porn is starting to come around, but it's like it's more convenient to just have a hot photo of a chick that you got a crush on. >> Well, we didn't have the resources. >> hard to get porn back then. >> get it. >> Yeah, you couldn't get it. >> Go to like I would go to Barnes & Noble's and look at the magazine, rip out a page of a hot chick that we like, put it in our binder, and run out. >> Oh, you know what? Here's another like crazy deviation. That's why I was heavily into hentai as a teen because that was the hack. >> You could get hentai? >> No, because like yeah, you could buy comics >> Yeah. >> but your parents didn't It didn't set a flag off to look what's in there.
8:27 >> Genius. >> You know what I mean? Because every porn the cover is obvious. >> Mhm. >> But then I would just you could get like and like there was like comic shops you could buy that from, and they didn't even care. The store didn't care that you were a kid buying the ████ They didn't give a ████ >> Nice. >> So, you would just buy the stuff, and it would be like really It wouldn't be like >> the crazy hentai from like, you know, where it gets into >> It's like romance novel hentai. >> Yeah, exactly. >> But they still would have naked ████ anime chicks and manga chicks and it was enough as a 13-year-old. >> like, dude. >> That's probably why they have those high school sweetheart stories that they finally get to bone and ████ But it's graphic. >> Oh, you mean like Fruits Basket? >> No, like a regular like like it's not the tentacle ████ It's like the regular ████ Like vanilla sex. >> Not a lot of octopus. >> Fruits Basket >> What's >> Or that's a that's a manga that's like romance >> the name of it. It's not like a subgenre or something that I'm >> [laughter] >> I'm like Fruits Basket.
9:17 >> No, there's I'm just naming one that does that. It's just like love. >> Okay. >> But it's not yaoi like you like. >> Oh, yeah. That's my favorite [laughter] because >> What's it Wait, what's yaoi? That sounds >> It's just gay. >> Yaoi is like where where it's like boys >> Boy love. Boy loving you. >> Oh, you watch yaoi? You [laughter] freaking gay boy. >> Call yaoi? Like Jesus' name? >> No, what is it called then? >> Yaoi. >> Yaoi. Yeah. >> Dude, you watched Jesus. >> [laughter] >> You guys didn't have manga or like like comics or like adult comics? You know what was freaking really close, almost almost there? ████ Gen 13 comics. >> What's that? What's Gen 13 comics? >> Gen 13, G E N 13. It was a I forgot what I think it's >> Yeah. >> These comics were so on the line. >> I remember
10:08 um my friend gave me a You know how like Marvel used to have the cards of all the characters? >> Yeah. >> There was one of I think it was White Widow or Black Widow. >> White Queen. >> She was in lingerie. >> White Queen, dude. >> I used to have that ████ in my pocket and ████ beat up. Dude, that was the >> Every iteration of Emma Frost was cute. >> Dude, how about that one who What was her name? >> Holy >> ████ >> That's the Oh, my memories. She looks like a ████ >> stripper. >> in latex, you know? >> So crazy. >> So it was a trading card. >> they draw it hyper realistic like that. Oh my goodness. >> her real. They Look up X-Men First Class White Queen, dude. >> No, I remember her. Yeah, yeah. On the bed and stuff, right? >> just in lingerie the whole time. >> Yeah. No, but that was that was just Mystique though, right? Wasn't it? >> No. >> Oh, I don't know. I don't care. >> First Class White Queen. >> Yeah, absolute ████ score.
10:58 >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they That's Mystique on the bed when she's >> Oh, yeah, it's Mystique. >> I don't give a ████ >> [laughter] >> Oh, you know who's another one that's This is like a really specific one, but Drew Barrymore in Batman Forever. >> Oh, that's a good one. >> was like Sugar and Spice. >> Yeah, that was a good one. >> The Drew Barrymore character in that cuz she looks like White Queen. She's like wearing the same stuff. >> ████ >> This was This was like a jorker when I was a kid, for sure. >> You got to pause it in the right place you could beat off. >> And the way she talked in this, oh my god. >> I like that dumb ████ Yeah. >> I love that dumb ████ >> was just subservient and wants to like do nice things for him. >> Mhm. >> Bro, this was the best. >> Good call. >> Do you get You remember that now? >> Forgot about her, yeah. >> She was crazy, man. >> The The other one was hot, too. >> Oh, yeah. Wasn't that um >> Debi Mazar?
11:48 >> Yeah, Debi Mazar. >> Yeah. >> Who's that? >> She's She was a huge actress in the '90s for a lot of stuff. >> Oh, word. >> Dang. You think everybody's just jerking it off to freaking Sydney Sweeney's right now? That's it? >> Oh, we had We had a Kristin Kreuk phase. >> People get porn literally shoved in their faces they can't even avoid it. >> Kristin Kreuk wasn't sexually that to me. >> No, I didn't feel like a sexual thing at all as a kid. I just thought she was >> did I never had sexual feelings. >> You guys are probably also older. >> I was in high school. >> I was in high school, yeah. >> I was in like junior high. >> Uh >> I just didn't have sexual feelings. I couldn't get there. >> But she's more like girl >> She's like Winnie Cooper to me. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> I I want to love her. >> Yeah. [laughter] Whereas Chloe, I always knew she was a freak. >> Oh, that's the freak >> Yeah, the girl who went to jail for sex cult. >> Oh, yeah. >> [laughter] >> That one girl from Happily Ever After.
12:40 >> Oh, come on. That's OP. >> Oh, yeah. >> That's too strong. >> That's too strong. We can't handle it in this video. >> I'll come too quick. >> She's too hot. >> That's too crazy. >> Well, by that time I I I think I actually discovered porn, but she was still >> What was her name? >> Uh was it Nikki Cox? >> Nikki Cox. >> Let's go. >> Nikki Cox. >> Nikki >> It's crazy that like so like Carmen Electra, obviously, shout out Carmen Electra. She's now on like Only Fans and ████ >> Yeah. >> Carmen Electra's on Only Fans? >> Yeah, dude. >> She probably was like a cameo. >> Remember when we read that news article about Denise Richards starting Only Fans? And like one of her first posts is like I'm with Carmen. >> Woah, that's crazy. >> Crazy. It's like merging of our youth. >> Merging of our youth. >> Exactly. >> Dude, I used to jerk it to the Hot Import Nights magazines. >> That's a good one. >> Cuz there was all these like like fine ass Asian girls on there next to cars.
13:30 >> For me it was Lowrider. >> Oh, Lowriders >> Lowriders literally porn. >> That's straight up, yeah. >> I couldn't fantasize Lowrider the same way. >> [laughter] >> Just cuz it wasn't Asian girl. >> Too too much barrio culture. >> I thought Latinas were your favorite. >> It's crazy to think that in that song he really little like like those photo shoots. It's like we all know those photo shoots. >> Give me my magazine. Don't ████ touch my magazine. >> I didn't get to finish. >> It's technically his magazine. >> You're never going to finish. >> I [laughter] gave it to him. >> I thought we're all sharing this. >> Ryan, who gave Who'd you give it to? >> I gave it to you, yeah. >> Damn. >> But you're leaving it here so we could all share her. >> I would No, you can keep your fine. >> Take her back. >> Wash your hands. >> That's the goat right there, man. >> I have Nick. She's the number one for >> We all know these photo shoots. That's all I'm saying. >> That's my childhood right there. >> You're being a badass right now cuz it's 10 minutes in the video. You know Nina's not watching. >> Oh, that's what you're doing? >> Yeah, he's being a ████ >> You're doing shot clock tactics? >> Tough guy. >> Oh my god.
14:20 >> Well, Nina's retention on this is only 4 minutes or what? >> I should have known. That's pretty smart. >> Clicks away after the fourth minute. >> He's tiring out Nina every video. [laughter]
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