0:00 [Music] Welcome back to another episode of the Careful Boys. And again, we always want to thank our patrons for joining us on Patreon. If you want to jump in there and support us, you can also be a part of our Discord community and submit question. Please support us. That's just close, bro. Look, this one right here, this is submitted by CGL 1987. CG 1987. Good year. Good year. All right. If one of the boys turned out to be a serial killer, we already know who that is. Excuse me. Who do you think it would be? All right, let's go around the room. Like, who would get the documentary series made about them or next monster series on Netflix where the actors who play the boys do all gay? I personally vote Bart or the Indian dude. I vote Yeah, I vote
0:50 Omron. The Indian dude. No, that's the killer's right next to That's too obvious of a choice, so it can't be. So your top spot I think number two spot is everybody unanimously like the serial killer here is omccrron right? No way number two spot is either bar or jail. No the serial killer is always the one who's least likely to be you're wearing serial killer glasses right now. Those are for sure serial killer glasses. Then like I would be like I would be like the the real Juntow. You know how like the Juntow is a serial killer. Then they find out he's being controlled by someone. I would be that guy. But I wouldn't be the guy. He's serial killer by proxy. Yeah. I'm not the guy with a scalpel. I think Anony's a serial killer. Why? What's your theories? I'm listening. Look at him. Do you have my Look at him. Yeah. How What's his method? All these women end up dead international. He's like Ted Bundy. Yeah. Do you think he's killing women and dead international?
1:42 Anony's a seduct seductor. He's honeypotting these ladies, dude. He likes to get them pregnant first. What are you talking about? Ted Bundy, dude. moves last. So he waits until they're pregnant. Yeah. He gets them pregnant for and then they celebrate and then he goes, "It's time cuz he wants to do double homicides and then and then oh s███." They always find him duct taped to a chair and the women had to watch kids videos like for ████ days on end. That's how he finishes the job. Days and days on end. And then the police when they see the seat and they look up at the kids and like I've been working jobs. I worked a lot of jobs. This guy's sick. This guy's sick. We got to stop this guy. My little resignation's on the table. Chief, I seen babies come out of microwaves. I never seen anything this
2:32 sick. It's just Kinjas videos. This poor woman. She sat there for 4 days. Have you saw Have you seen one video in your life? No. Yeah, I had a proud uncle moment though. I was uh my nephew's getting hella into dance and ████ And then yeah, he's doing competitions and then like we went down a rabbit hole one day of just watching my friends. You show my my dance moves. Yeah, my videos. And I showed him Quest stuff. I showed him Kinja stuff. And he goes, "You know all of them? Like all" And I'm like, "Pretty much." Yeah. Like I kind of know a lot a lot of guys dude. Yeah. I remember I saw him at a I saw him at an event and I I just saw
3:22 this kid and I'm like something tells me that's Joe's nephew for real and I just took a picture and I sent it to him. Is this your nephew? He's like oh ████ Yeah. He was just jacking off in the corner. He wasn't doing it. But I'm like it just looks like it could be. He's like in Japan. In Japan. Yeah. whole jacking up. You ever heard of use it or lose it? It's from my mom's side. Mom's side of the family. A little bit different. Yeah. You ever heard of it? You ever heard of it? Why? Why do I give off serial killer vibes? Because you're the least expected. Yeah. You're like a charming. It's got to be the least expected. You know, they always say like he was so charming and then he got me by the trunk and threw me cuz you're the one that has
4:13 the highest likelihood of getting away with it. Yeah. And that's how it always is. Like, you know, like the senator that pushes the most anti-gay bills, whatever. He's sucking dick at an airport bathroom, nudging nudging dude's feet under the under the stalls. Or like the the most the most feminine dude you find that seems all nice is always the one beating the ████ out of their That's true. It's always the feminine guys that are ████ up their girlfriends. Yeah. And since you're all like America's sweetheart, everyone thinks you could do no wrong. You're the innocent one. You're the He's the ████ Eagle Scout. Yeah. You're the one that's ████ roofing these chicks and you know tie these ladies up, dude. He knows. Yeah. Tying, dude. Dude, it's too late for me. I've already talked about it too much. So, I'm the obvious choice. You aren't going to get away with that. I'm not organized enough to be a serial killer. I'd forget where
5:03 I put the bodies. It' be a whole thing. He's poisoning people with Kinja Bang noodles. Yeah. Yeah, already getting away. That's not a good clip. Now we're going too far, Joe. We're making it too real. This is lighthearted banner. It's just banner. That's bad press. That's bad. He said that's not a good clip. [Laughter] Now Ryan's challenged to make it a clip. That's like me going, "Dude, I heard there's cancerous ingredients in June be match." Oh no, that's not a good clip. We add mercury. Dude, he can't be beat. Joe can't be beaten. I mean, I am the serial killer. And then Joe's like, "Hey, why didn't you clip that? Why didn't you clip the Mercury part?" I do think that you you have the highest likelihood of getting away with it cuz
5:53 it's the least expected. Yeah. And then you get fan mail in jail kind of deal. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like Luigi Montani. Yeah. Exactly. Ryan would get fan mail in jail. I'd be Santa Ryan Feel. I feel like it's hard to get away with murder though. Yeah. Okay. Spoken like a serial killer. You know what? Yeah. You You're number something there. Bart's Yeah, Bart's up there in my eyes. But then serial killers are good at their choice. It's the choices. Like you can't pick a person who's popular and has so many friends that are going to be missed, right? You got to choose like a hooker or something. That's the hard part. Bart's like, you know, Bart's like a serial killer to me because he's like on the spectrum with his logic, you know? He's so logical. That's I get I get you because he's so logical. He'd be a great serial killer. All the emotions gone. It's not like it's like, "Oh my god, I can't believe you killed an infant." He's like, "Dude, okay, why would you kill an infant?" Because the
6:43 logically speaking, they have parents who are going to constantly be looking at them and then you're going to run into these laws and is blah blah blah. So, you got to kill the grandparents instead because like he's just going to go so logically. Yeah. I'm the the train psychology test, you know, where there's like one person on this train track, a whole family. Which theme do you use? And most people, oh, I don't know. I'm like, of course, it killed the one person to save the family. Yeah, dude. It says in LA County alone, there's almost 5,000 unsolved murders. They're probably all buried in Barstow. Every time I drive over here, I'm like, man, there's ████ dead people buried all over this place. But they're tire tracks, dude. But it is it is hard. Like serial killers hide in plain sight. Well, that's why serial killers get away with it for so long is cuz they're always killing people they don't know. And you just ████ tie a tie a tree to the back of your truck. So as you're driving away, the ████ tree branch is a m of the tire track.
7:33 Is that what they do? I don't know. I just made it up. He's going ding ding ding ding ding. I don't get it. This guy let a trail to the body. Look, look for a guy with a tree on his car. It's a Christmas tree. Why is there a Christmas tree? Yeah, there's just a tree trail all the way to his house. We got him. We got him instantly. Yeah, that's dead the rights. We got him. It's like all the all the murder dogs that we've all watched. It's like it, you know, when it's someone close to you, it's too easy. Yeah. You see it coming. I will say this, when the when that guy was like molesting kids in my neighborhood when I was a kid, that was like shocking to everyone because he just was like a nice guy. It's always like that. It's always the nicest ones. I probably had a perm and he was like at our karate studio and he was just pretending to be like just a nice older guy and ████ like that. Like he was like talking to the kids in the karate class. I bet you like getting into jiu-jitsu and ████ like that. Bro, I'm telling you, there's so many guys you have to watch out for cuz
8:23 you never know who's like, I want to help the kids. You're like, why you want to help the kids that bad, bro? What's your deal? Any kind of club where you can be, it's normal that you're around kids. You could be a mentor to these kids, right? Anytime. Yeah. Parents got to watch out for these guys, please. Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you think I'm thinking? Omron. Okay. So, let's assume everyone here is a serial killer. Who's your target? Who's Yeah. Who are our targets? I would I would just kill random ass people. I kill people who who because it's the only way you can get away with it. Yeah. I kill people who say that they were on daddy daughter dates. You know what's funny? Since we had that conversation, I've been asking all the parents at the gym. I'm like, "What do you think about this? What do they say?" They say it's ████ weird. You don't think You don't think that all of them are getting together in the parent group chat and being like, "How come Nick's asking us all this question?" Nick's really animated about this. I'm like,
9:14 "Hey, what do you Does Nick want to go on a date with our daughter?" By the way, take the daughter out. Just stop calling it a ████ daddy daughter day. That's all I'm asking. And that's all they said. They're like, "Don't call her baby." He's like, "That's all I'm asking." Yeah. Exactly. Thank you. And you couldn't do that, could you? Cuz in order to be a serial killer to get that status, you have to have multiple kills. Isn't it like five or more? Yeah. Something like that. Who would you guys have the most fun killing? Holy ████ Spoken also like a serial killer. Uh all Dexter style. If you're Dexter style, then it's kind of just It feels good. There's like some primal that would be kind of tight if you could sneak up on Well, that's because he has to do it. So his dad was like, "Well, if you have to do it, then do it." And his dad, they treated it like it was a sexual urge. He couldn't. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, "I just got to kill someone." So it's like it might as well be like for justice or whatever. I would kill people with blue hair. That would be really satisfying for me. Aliens. How
10:05 would you do it? Aliens. I would I would do I would bleach their head until they're dead. They're in the shower trying to wash their hair. You just keep pouring shampoo, bleaching it until they're dead. Now, you know who I kind of want to kill? Who? People that drive Teslas, but then they also have a sticker that says, "I ████ hate Elon." I'm like, "Just make up your ████ mind." I seen it when I was in San Fran. I saw it. I thought they were two or three of those ████ But they were doing that so they don't get keyed. Yeah, me too. Cuz it's like, "Hey, hey, hey, I bought this before Elon went right." That's like when when my neighbors had a BLM all over their house during the rides. All of your house is tough, dude. They're like, "Hey, don't don't egg our house. Don't egg our house." We want one of you guys. Damn. I've seen a lot of videos of people just going up to random Teslas and just kicking the ████ out of it. But in my head, I'm like, "Bro, they all have cameras, right? Kill those
10:55 motherfuckers." Just those guys are stupid. Really stupid. They go to see this one guy kicked that Cyber Truck and then went to go see a movie. Yeah. Yeah. Waited for him. And they pulled them out. And and his gay ass friends were there. They're like, "Oh, what? You get arrested for that?" It's like, "Dude, what are you stupid?" and they're watching kids. A Tesla cuts me off and I immediately immediately cuz I'm road rager immediately, ████ you. And all the ████ and then I I see the guy at the light or whatever cuz they have to pull up next to him and then I'm I'm just like, "Yeah, ████ you." And then he rolls out the window and I'm like I'm like, "By the way, like I I don't I like Elon, but I just think you're an ████ You drive like s███." Just to clarify, like honestly, I'd kill I'd kill some Tesla drivers because they're the worst drivers in the road. Hey, but you know what's really great? Oh my god. You guys got to start cutting off Teslas. It's so ████ funny. Cuz the Tesla will stop automatically. It will let you in. They have no choice.
11:48 The auto drive cuz you get too close to their thing and they without doing anything. Yeah. They will stop. The worst drivers on the road are BMW drivers. You can you can ████ a Tesla every time and he goes, "Yeah." And the guy will he has no say. I feel like Tesla drivers anytime they merge, they're stopping to a dead stop in the middle of the highway before they ████ change. Not you, but you know, like there's a lot of Tesla drivers you drive behind. You're like, "These are the worst. They're the worst." I'm literally like the worst version of a Tesla driver where like I don't drive anymore. You just let the driver version. Well, I think it's safer than what I would normally do cuz if for me, if somebody were to cut me off and and I am like upset about it, I'm going to do something stupid. You're going to get on their ass, you know? But because it's like autopilot, it's like I'm like not even paying attention. So if somebody cuts me off, I'm just like, as long as I can keep watching my YouTube video or or
12:38 whatever the ████ I'm paying attention. Sounds like Yeah. It's like how a serial killer would think. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, "How do I how do I cut up bodies properly?" And he's watching that. How do I cut How do I Which dissolve human flesh? Who would I want to kill? But then doesn't that Who would you target? Isn't it always like um they they choose they just like the feeling of killing? It's not. They don't have a personal issue with that. It's hard to just kill people that you have personal issues. It's very difficult. Serial killers are just looking for like Yeah. I thought you were talking about from personal experience. You said like it's hard to kill people. You have to wait a long time. Like you if you have a beef with someone, you got to wait a long ass time. You got to kill them years later. Yeah. Did you see that one clip where they uh that they showed up to the some dude's house and then the parents knew the kid was a serial killer and then
13:28 they're like and then uh they're like, "So, why did you do it?" And and then that the kid was like, "I just wanted to know how it felt." Oh god. Why do they always say the same ████ Like, "God damn, what the f███?" Yeah. That's when you're just in denial that your kid is a ████ weirdass devil. It's almost like they need to come really hard, but then they can't. And then they're wired like that. Like killing is the feeling that they get of like it's not sexual, but it's like that feeling of like I need to. It's like that Japanese cannibal guy who ate his roommate and they asked him, they asked him years later like, "Would you do it again?" And he's like, "Yeah." Oh, yeah. I just need to do He's like, "Yeah, I'm trying not to." Or hot room yoga. That's pretty hard. You know what's an interesting one? Remember when that uh there was like that RV sniper? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. And it was just like that little hole. Talking about the car. The car with the hole at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Was that DC? That was him.
14:19 He was at the trunk. The father son. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they would collect the shell cases cuz they they shot inside the car. Yeah. They were pros. Smart, bro. So I I How do they catch him? Isn't it loud as ████ They kept on pulling over um vehicles that were having the same description. No, it wasn't an RV. It was like a Capri or some ████ Yeah, something like that. Oh, but I always thought that was fascinating because like I think that there's a clear satisfaction of shooting and then if you like are capable of like killing via shooting and then driving away and all the evidence is there. Yeah, that's sick. It just feels like quick dopamine hit and then you're like out out of the crime scene versus like doing hell of work, you know? Yeah. Or like having to like wrestle somebody and throw them in your trunk or tape them up or like take them to like 30 m out and all this extra ████ It's like a little road trip. It's a fun ride. So, you're a
15:09 lazy serial killer, but then you get to the satis there's so much more satisfaction points, right? Once shooting in general is really fun, right? And then also like once you do that and you bounce, it's on the news right away. So you already get Yeah, you get to see your work already in real time. He's a serial killer. You justified it right now. He knows it. I don't think we're thinking like serial killers though, cuz serial killers aren't trying to like do the least. They're trying to do the most. Like they're just like, I want to feel the skin. I'm a knife. It's like sport. There's like a thing. See? And they want to ████ stab you while eating like a blueberry muffin. The the best thing I would want to do is to make it seem like I'm serial killing, but I'm not. That's pretty sick, man. How do you do that? Well, cuz like cuz like it's it sucks to kill innocent people cuz that's like sad. But but then that's the best thing you can do because then it's harder to trace you. So then like I said like I
16:01 would wait years and just compile this list and then there's no connection is who's doing this. Ryan's the guy who calls the police stations like and he's like I am the Zodiac and they just hang up on me. Got them. Got to keep them on their toes. Yeah. And then I'm like mad when they give someone else credit. Those guys are crazy, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They really live for the What do you guys feel like your calling card would be? My calling card. Hot sauce, dude. Hot sauce. Hot sauce. For sure. It's my favorite thing in the world. Or just like a woo sticker. Yeah, woo sticker. Boom. Mine would be a Playboy. A Playboy. A Playboy magazine with a date. Yours would just be the the murdered person's always pants. They just have no pants. But he But he's not sexually assaulted. He just got ped. A dead guy just dead with a dick hanging out.
16:51 That's your calling card, dude. I think I'm more of a serial torturer. Oh, you dude. Cuz I think I I want I want I I like people getting a taste of their own medicine. So if like some fool's complaining about the ████ Gaza ████ or whatever and they ████ grew up in Culver City, I'll ████ kidnap them and then send them there and then give them a uniform of the opposite side and then throw them on the other opposite side. You figure it out. or like the people that like ████ love China or whatever. Then I put him to sleep and then I give him Asian face surgery and then I ████ like uh put a serial number on his chest and then throw him in a Chinese labor ████ sweat shop and now he's stuck in there forever. If you love China so much, why don't you marry him? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's your thing. I like those
17:41 ones so much, why don't you go marry him? Yeah. Yeah. I like the idea of just being able to throw somebody into a Chinese sweat and they have to work. Dude, imagine you're a Chinese manager. You got one extra guy for help. Oh, come come come come come come come come come come come come in imagine going you have to stay take a body to a plastic surgeon and be like all right make him look like a China. All right real tiny on the eyes real tiny look real Chinese. Get rid of those eyelids. Dang. That's what I would like. That is a good idea. That is good. Yeah, that's not even serial killer. That's your own medicine. Justice. That's justice. It's a cool social experiment. It is. I love to follow them for 30 days and watch it on TV show. Social experiment. Jamie Kennedy experiment. Yeah, it's a good one. You love China so much when you work in a labor camp. ████ idiot.
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