0:00 [Music] welcome back to careful boys everybody where we are currently off the record wow really how does that like run the course don't say ████ guys he does it really really sweet dreams of being a lawyer i didn't i don't know we are currently off the record objection today's record is what how did you first ask your girl out really did you say ask your or eat your girl what'd you say oh come on man i feel you brother this guy huh what an animal so i ████ hannah the first 15 minutes that i've seen her really yeah that's gay so how did that go that was probably the record let's start with that go ahead walk us through it can i can i can i complete joe bingo did she eat your ass too not the first night okay
0:52 no no not the first time that you guys were physically like face to face i'm talking about like how did you even get face to face oh well the lead-up the build-up to it yeah we've been talking online for like at least like five tell us the story like yeah we're like go to the beginning okay oh no no we're not hand okay oh this is how it happened tarantino style my first trip to london um it was christmas time right and during that time i love the holidays whenever i travel a lot of people dm me like because it's like oh you're in my town try this try that it always ████ happens and then because at the time i
1:43 was doing hella food blogs uh a lot of people would send restaurants of their favorites right so when i was in london they're like i know what you guys are thinking you always say that londoners have ████ ████ food this is what you gotta choose you still think yeah and i still think that so i kept going getting the recommendations putting it in my excel file right and then hannah was one of the few that was like all right everybody says london food sucks uh try these chinese restaurants or whatever and i'm like these are some good picks and i was like why don't you come out and go eat it with me right she goes oh i can't i'm in a different city and i'm like that's fine you knew she was a girl at this time not really so you were just down for anybody that dm me to go meet she seemed pretty cool yeah yeah but there were but also she was just a pfp you didn't know this girl but you said come out and eat with me yeah i mean well yeah keep keep in mind i made two guy friends in london too
2:33 that are fans joe just likes hanging bro joe's easy hand i've made like what awesome guys i do meet and greets and i don't ████ all of them surprisingly right you've never ████ a male fan ████ i don't ████ all my fans yeah hey you know who does uncle roger uncle roger and he's a london guy it's a secret man guys don't just okay like like you you're into fighting right yeah you don't like when you're traveling don't you go to like a local mma gym and be like yeah and i ████ all them too bro i ████ all of this but the point top to bottom bro i think i actually use social media like normal people use social media and i have friends like i make friends on social media over common interests or whatever the thing about hannah right her page was um it was like textures and pictures so
3:23 it's kind of feminine but there were groups of girls and there was no picture of herself because this was her professional instagram uh and it was like fashion and ████ and it was like dresses and clothes and ████ like that so yeah obviously like you know it was a girl but i didn't know which one it was out of the the group but we were talking for like she wasn't in the same city i went to central europe all this we just kept chatting i went to vietnam or i went to all these different places on a vietnam came before that i went to uh hawaii and all these different places and then we just kept chatting until one day she sent me a video and i was like oh ████ this girl's actually pretty ████ cute dude what the hell but before that it was always just memes and jokes what was the video oh wait so when you asked her to go eat with you she didn't come out to you with you that one time she wasn't even in the same city i think she was in liverpool at the time yeah what was the video i've had
4:13 bro dates though okay in in london with with fans we heard about darien for a long time all right yeah darian wasn't there but yeah my friend darian i just think it's interesting at least from my point of view because i'm not an extrovert so i enjoy privacy so like when i go places i just like i'm in like my own bubble doing my whole thing so keep in mind that the the the time i was there i i ditched one of the dudes that i went out there with because i had and then i hadn't i didn't have no friends i had to change my plans um i made two friends there that ████ rescued me from the s█████ uh adventure and um they were you know they they knew who jk was or whatever but we were all at the club mutual friends right there was one guy who's kind of a i don't know how to describe him he was himself he's kind of a moderator he was weird he we kicked them out right but what what happened was those two guys one of them
5:04 he's from the czech republic so he went home early because this was christmas week so everyone was spending time with family the other one had plan plans with family so i was basically alone for like a week and that's when i was just like yo who wants to chill and in that club we went to um all as a group the club owner i became friends with too and he took me out for one of the nights and so like at that time i was just basically desperate for friends because i just didn't want to spend you know christmas week alone and ████ and then uh what ended up happening was the guy that went to the czech republic he was like hey why don't you guys just ████ come to my house and spend christmas with me and then so we went out there and so um that whole time i never met her for the whole year we just kept chatting back and forth when when she sent me a video of her and her friends just on production she was just like chilling laughing like and she was sending me
5:54 like voice memo or like video memo and i was like oh ████ she's ████ kind of cute and so we went and chatted and all this stuff and then um you know it got pretty serious and she was like when you come to london i'm like i don't know they're just like text flirting yeah i was just text flirting right and then my buddy he's been dating a girl out there for like four years and then so he gets an apartment and he's like yeah man i'm gonna be out there like i'm gonna be bored all ████ day so if you want to come through come through i got like three bedrooms and i was like oh hell yeah i'll ████ pitch in let's do it so i was like hey i guess i'm coming to london and then she goes okay and then by that time we were flirting we were talking sexual all that stuff so phone you're ████ doing pov videos i was jacking off like a ████ and they're ████ giving her a little taste of what your ████ is gonna be like pretty soon yeah yeah yeah so by the time um you know is that true yeah hell yeah dude oh yeah everything
6:45 bro i'm a i'm i'm a sex lover dude not a haver but six positives not negative i'm very sex positive yeah by that time i think we were already like super you know intense because um when i like someone i think i just get hooked and i don't i mean i don't know like i had other girls lined up because i was like you know what if i'm going to go out there who knows dude god damn so romantic this is the honest truth right who knows if i'm going to go half halfway across the world who ████ knows if this one's gonna be dope right yep you might as well line up some other to just hang with yeah well who knows what's gonna happen like a plan b out there plan b c and z right wow you just don't know 26 of them lined up because i don't want to be the dude that just ends up and i guess stood up and then there's like no one else to like i'm just like in london and i have my friend and that
7:36 night like he's just blowing the hell out of his girlfriend and like who whose face am i gonna sit on right exactly or whose face is gonna sit on me oh i was thinking about your butt going on there on their face you're going to sit on my face you're who's facing my concern yeah you're right you're right so technicalities he's a face sitter so the thing is like i see her um uh first thing we do we ████ walk upstairs and then i don't know how this happened but we go straight to the shower straight to ████ all of all of that and then we we ████ before our first date we ████ and then we went on our date and then we we went to eat italian food and how was the first time were you just like wow this chick is cool man yeah we were connecting what was the food we both were uh we were both just like it was supposed to be a hookup it was just like i mean come on man like
8:26 it's london like how the ████ am i gonna date somebody that far you know yeah so even the flirting then it none of it got deep it was sexual and um the the conversations were long because it was so intellectually dope so it was like yeah you know just have fun with someone and then it's not too deep you know if it's not too deep then it's like not committed and you can explore a lot and have a lot of fun just shooting the ████ she was obviously really like thankful too because she was like i can't believe you're taking me to a bucket of betpo should have never had italian before can we get the cheesy bread we had american style italian food by italians from italy american style yeah that's what they are it was the weirdest ████ they had they had mannequins of dictators on different tables who was your favorite the kim jong-il one
9:16 yeah they had a ████ dictator just sitting and i was like so what do they do when they want to see four people they just have a mannequin of a dictator just sitting there it was the ████ oddest ████ yeah was the food good it was good yeah yeah it was good but it was just so weird um but yeah that was like the quickest i think one of the quickest ways uh i don't know that i'm not i'm thinking back no that's not true i've had other one night stand so i feel like you're being kind of you're kind of withholding from the story you're in the shower take us through like what happened like minute one you get in the shower go ahead we drop our clothes we're flagging making out getting out getting in the shower we're ████ scrubbing the ████ out each other and then like you guys use your loofahs or just bare hands at this point where did she go for your calzone i don't remember at that point at that point i think we just it went straight
10:06 to the ████ bed and we already have we didn't even wipe ourselves off completely and it's just still covered in suds yeah and i think my friend was in the other room ████ taking a nap or something yeah and then that was that but the sexual chemistry was on point is what you're saying it was fire man i haven't had solid sex in a in a minute yeah yeah but that was cool so just call everybody and that was a little fan this too a little fan dish as well but when i have good sex with fans in a minute when did it go from that to hey let's try to have a relationship so wholesome question i like that i would say maybe after we spent the night i i just didn't even want to meet any other girls i was kind of that's when you texted plan b to z and you're like ████ off a lot of text copy and paste this is why we're we're we're buds because we're i'm the same as you it's just a curse dude so to me like the
10:56 other part of me was like maybe i should just try yeah because who knows like you have to compare but also it would taint what i got like once you do it's like you can't really go back because you broke that that that sacredness and i wanted to because you know i just want to feel different titties you know it's just variety you told me you promised me you said as brothers you said i will get my dick sucked by two strikes at the same time and i'll do it for you steve you didn't ████ do it i still can you fell for the first chick yeah and ruined it and here you wasn't the first but i i still can hey you just need to fulfill that promise i will you swore to me i will i will not your word what made you want to swear to that i don't know it was weird i just had to do it because steve said you're he's like i better be the first one out of all your
11:47 friends to when if you get a double blow job it better be me that's what he said i'm like i will i will i will i'm not even gonna text i will personally call you right after i nut in my nut voice it's literally the most romantic story ever he did tell me i'm not kidding he actually told me that no i believe you guys 100 um because that was my thing like before i because i was like oh ████ me and my ex we broke up oh ████ yeah it's about to be on about the head ████ multiple chicks at the same time probably lesbian women who want to be turned uh yeah i feel like i had my whole face though in between it was really fun it was hard during kovid but i mean yeah but dude you had some chicks pick you up yes
12:38 and drop you off they lifted me up and by my butt cheeks and ████ nah wait did that really happen yeah i did like steve was right there just watching because memorable so bart you met you got with geo how does that how does that go down same way 15 minutes we're just ████ yeah now ours is um ours is interesting because this is like way long time ago right this is like what we've been we got together in 2008 so this is haven't you guys been friends for like decades before yeah yeah so this is like 14 years ago and then three years before that he was dating my friend and we were all in the same group together um but me and her didn't really get along i thought she was a ████ she
13:28 didn't like me that was annoying and um when they broke up the group still hung out and then we went used to go snowboarding a lot and there's this one time it was supposed to be a bunch of us meet up at her house and then we're all gonna go snowboarding we go there and then it ends up just being me and him me and her i texted everyone else and you showed up an hour early yeah yeah and i text everyone else and uh no one else was was uh picking up and so we're like do we still want to go oh ████ let's go so we go we head towards big bear and out of nowhere um it gets snowed in and it's if you go to big bear it's like a two-way street yeah it gets snowed in to the point where it's just a pile up and then everyone has to turn their car off wow the perfect condition yeah it was crazy come on man so we're like all right so i guess we're stuck here and it
14:18 was kind of awkward because we didn't really talk like that and then we just started talking and then it just turned into like a four-hour conversation and then um we're like oh ████ like you're actually way different once you get once we get to know each other we felt felt that both ways so we went uh when it cleared up we went snowboard when we came back um we wanted to go again and this time was it was our intention to go again and um i think it has always been like this weird like i don't know like taboo thing where you don't really like date your friends exes but then me and with that dude weren't really friends anymore and also he didn't let her have any friends so all of her friends were just us that's weird so that's why it felt weird to just like after they break up to leave her alone so everyone just felt like hey we should we could all still be friends and kind of like have you know like different time to hang out like she'll have family
15:09 like thanksgiving like she'll go to one of our closest friends house to have like thanksgiving dinner because that's just how tight the group was at the time you know it was just like um even after they broke up and then so we started hanging out i mean we planned a second snowboard trip and then yeah it was kind of weird to like traverse this and um i think after that when we started when we came back and we started talking online it was when we found out we both kind of liked each other and then i remember like this is uh this is the christmas break of college where i'm supposed to come back and live at joe's pad and we're supposed to write skits like every every single day and uh which we did but then i would tell john oh ████ this is ████ crazy because joe's been friends with jio for this whole time now but i think we like each other and i remember he was sending me all these songs like
16:00 forbidden lover like uh computer love because i'm like because i'm like he's ████ with the fact that you weren't supposed to it's a guy coach yeah yeah and he was just like sending me all these ████ songs and ████ and he was like oh my god i can't believe it oh my god and then uh yeah and then i think finally uh me and girl like what's this thing we're dancing around or whatever because it's been like a month so she said that first yeah she said first you ████ i know i was a ████ and then so we met and then we talked about it and then um i think we we told each other we liked each other and then i had to go like well you know before we take it any further even though that fool's like not my homie anymore i just don't like doing things like i don't know weird i got to like keep everything straight up so i i texted my friend and then um i was like
16:50 hey can i talk to you about something he's like sure and then so i met up with him i told him the whole thing and he goes ah you guys you guys will never work out or whatever and then i'm like i'm like i was like all right i mean that's you could say what you want because you weren't really friends at that point anymore you know but i just wanted to say like i just wanted to hear like let you know up front and then that's dope how long has it been now respect 14 years do you think he's still like they're gonna break up any minute now [Applause] and i was like so do i have your blessing or what's going on he goes yeah go do whatever you want because we're not even like really friends at that point goes yeah do it everyone and i'm like all right cool so that was that and then i think when we came back um
17:41 that night um we ended up having sex the first time and then we got the blessing went straight to it huh and then uh it's like an old-time traditional and then we just knew yes day one from that point though maybe because we've seen each other with other chicks like i've been on double dates with her with me and another chick and her with that with the other dude and like i'm ████ on the beach and i don't know what they're doing so i think we've seen each other in relationships for like three because kind of like you and nicky a little bit where we've seen each other in relationships for only three or four years so it's like we know the real each other because there's no ulterior motive it's not like we're both honeymoon and trying to impress each other it's like we weren't trying to ████ each other on the side yeah like we already know how we are and then so i think all of that just clicked and then day one of us officially being together
18:31 we're like i didn't want to go all the way like we're gonna we'll probably end up getting married so you get you ████ the first i go we're marrying yeah i think we just kind of we just kind of knew i think we just kind of when you know you know though like it's just ████ easy me and nicky went on a date i'll make it very quick we i i was at a shoot with my butt so my my buddy forever homie michael gallagher uh totally sketched he hooked it up where um so me and nikki um we're gonna be in a sketch together because i just gotten broken up with by my ex and then um michael was hanging out with nikki a couple nights later and she's like steve green's single are you ████ kidding me i'm in love with steve green and then that's what nikki said yeah great up told him that and then he's like wait you like like him like him she's like oh yeah and he's like oh i don't think he's ready for that yet and then why is he ████ blocking well i think he was being he's being a homie actually just trying to set the table so it wouldn't be too crazy so i could hook
19:22 up as much as i wanted to if i wanted to but no so i end up going i end up i'm not at this shoot with with uh with nikki and michael writes this thing where like me and her are supposed to make out and so like we're like we're making out like for like ████ 20 seconds what a homie oh he's the best dude what a dream he's my he's my best friend true scotty right there yeah for real for real he's my best he's better than scotty he's my best man and i took that personally no so so so we're um we're doing that make out sketch and she kept on like jumping on me too like it was like part of what she was improvising was she would kept jumping on me and i was like god damn this chick is ████ thick [Laughter]
20:15 so then so then um we were on set and i was like and we were talking about movies or whatever i i like movies me and michael write movies at school and i was like yo like um this movie great gatsby we kept talking about it i was like you wanna go ████ see it and she's like yeah and i was like cool it's on and then she texts my buddy jason horton who i moved to l.a with so he's like a really homemade a real homie and i moved to koreatown with him and and she's like do you think it's a date and like apparently unbelief to me i texted her within like 20 minutes and i was like yo um i'm picking you up and next time i'm buying you food it's a date just to like ████ really set the table yeah what a g well because i realized it was a little bit vague the way that i set it up because we were in the sketchbook that's nice to clear so that's an important move if you're
21:05 interested in a chick you got to be like hey this is a ████ date state your intent or if you're not then you'd be like you want to just hang out like that exactly do you want to get coffee or something i'm not kidding once i confidently set those terms i showed up on the date and i just ████ pissed all of myself that's how you stick your clothes i just ████ peed like this and i'm so sorry but people are the big type of people that have a real people and then she says oh let me clean it up it's for son of a ████ i can change it i can fix them dude it was the george mcfly i fell in the street no no so that so then you know i pick her up and like the story goes like i pick her up and then um i'm driving i'm supposed to go to burbank
21:56 i drive south like i pick her up she's in hollywood i'd drive south to go to burbank like i didn't know what the ████ was going on because i saw so much butterflies and so much so many things you gotta put like a thomas guy drunk yeah but then she's like do you know where the ████ you're going and i was like i was like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah cause i was like and then i didn't and then um she's like yeah i don't think this is where burbank is and so we ended up getting there we had sushi we talked for like ████ four hours like you and geo like in the in the ice storm thing and dude it was on after that like she ended up texting her friend she's like um her friend's like hey how's it going because she always knew that she wanted to go on a date with me and stuff and then and then nikki texts back the same night as our first date she's like do you want chicken or steak at the wedding wow that's awesome and it's just like that when you know you know man it's like all the way on and i knew i'm not kidding
22:47 it's crazy i knew i was gonna marry this woman i told michael that i was like yo mike i was like can i ask her to marry me or he's like you should ████ hold on just hold on i was like yo i'm ready he was like i'm not kidding this is like in a week and he's like you should hold up and then i did for like you know two years before i actually asked her but i already knew she was down like within like died [Applause] goddammit this chick is big big dick still is a great damn [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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