0:00 Did I ever tell you guys about the one time I scraped my balls when I was riding a bike? >> [laughter] >> Were you riding it naked? >> No. No, so this cuz I remember telling Taika this story. So cuz he always asked these weird questions. He's like, "What's the most injured you've ever been?" or whatever. >> you scraped your balls riding a bike. >> And then it was when I was in fifth grade. You remember when you would like ride bikes and you would like hop the curb? Cuz you're like everyone's driveway would be like so you would like jump the curb, right? >> Right. >> And then so you get good at that. Then the next level growing up in Cerritos, there would be like these little like flower planters in between like people's houses but that are on the public side of the the sidewalk. Not the house side but the public side. So there's this planter that I wanted to to hop over as I'm going as fast as I can. I hit the curb, pop bunny hop the the bike and I miss the planter. So the
0:53 front tire hits it but all my momentum is still going >> forward. >> forward and I hit the bicycle seat going like that on the bottom of my nuts. I fall over and I was in so much pain it felt like my nuts got poured got gasoline poured on and lit on fire that I just pulled my pants down in public so I didn't give a ████ >> I remember this day. >> And then I was looking and it looked like you know when you ████ shave a kiwi and you see the green come through the brown? It was the red coming through the skin AND I'M LIKE, >> [screaming] >> AND THAT WAS PROBABLY THE MOST PAINFUL I'VE EVER hurt my nuts. >> Was were you hairless at the time? >> I think I was hairless. >> Pre-puberty. >> Imagine you had hella hair and then there's just no hair afterwards. >> All the wrinkles are gone though. You know the the you know how the bottom of your nuts kind of look like a shoe? It
1:43 was like smooth shoe. >> Lost your tread. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> It was tread. >> It's dangerous to lose your tread there. >> Oh man. >> So what did you do? You just you had your pants around your ankles. You're just standing there crying with your balls out. >> my >> off to the side. >> then come help you or anything? You just crying? >> Doesn't it get worse once it heals a little? You know, like when you get these weird It hurts every time you shower cuz you know, like the soap and the water. >> Oh, you mean when like the it dries, it scabs? >> Yeah, you know, like when when you have like a burn and then it scabs, it bleeds really easily after that. Like that's on your nuts with all that movement? >> Imagine, dude, it just scabs a certain way and then it goes into a spot that's like really cold, so it's trying to pull away from the scab that's hardened. >> Oh, dude, yeah, because that thing move It moves. It goes like this throughout the day. >> trying to get back into the shell. >> Yeah. Oh, that's It was not designed well to have scabs. >> picture little Bart with no pants,
2:34 grabbing his nuts, crying, and walking back. >> Oh, dude. >> Uh, little Bart with his with his pants down. >> Cuz kids be funny, man. >> It also though, when you're asking like, "Did somebody help him?" Like, if I was a passerby and I wanted to help a kid, but then he had his balls in his hands and his pants around his ankles, I'm not going up to that kid. I feel like no matter what, if I get caught there, I'm the one in trouble. >> Dude. >> I'm not going up to a kid with his ████ balls out. >> Cuz if another adult sees an adult with his kids with pants down, you're a ████ pedo. >> Yeah, I'm not helping no kids that did that. >> ████ in the 90s though. >> That's true. That's true. >> Not in the 90s. >> Yeah, it's true, but still, today Today, I ain't helping no kids. Uh-uh. >> Did >> I think uh if some of you guys out there know what the dotted line is on your nuts when you get that from a cut, then you've also tried to shave your balls with the hair clippers like me. >> Oh, yeah. >> That hurts. >> Cuz they're like like a wall?
3:24 >> Like a wall, yeah. >> Cuz we the when I was like younger, we used to do uh so, I didn't want to use the same clippers that I cut my own hair with, so I used the dog ones. >> [laughter] >> Cuz you don't want to be gay? >> Yeah, cuz if you take the guard off, like the guard it like it's just you versus the You got to be like precise. Cuz you know, the thing's moving like that. >> Yeah. >> So, if you even get too close and you grab the skin, it's going to pull it and it makes a dotted line of like blood. You know what that is? >> [laughter] >> I think all been there. >> Dude, that ████ sucks. You got to like pull your nuts and stretch them out like a freaking comforter and they're just like like you got to be like surgical with it and it's I think maybe like one out of five times I'll I'll cut myself. >> So [snorts] remember when like we was talking about that Subi's like ████ being all barber? No, he's like you got to warm it up, stretch the skin. I'm
4:14 like, bro, like that sounds a lot harder than it. Like put a warm towel on your nuts? Yeah, he said you got to warm it up and then you got to stretch the skin so you could shave that all clean. Ain't nobody got time for that. >> Guys though don't do that. >> I know there's ways to like be better about it but you just don't even care at that point. You're just like, oh, today will be a pretty good day. I'll get it and you don't get it. >> by doing that cuz like, you know, I used to be like, oh, like I know I'm going to get some tonight so like I got to clean up. >> Oh. >> And then you hurt it and you're like she can't even lick my balls. >> Dude, but then you hurt it and then you're like, you know what, this has to be like a two days before situation. >> Yeah. >> I I'd rather like really try and meticulously get close two days before cuz then also fresh stub hurts them. >> Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you don't that's bad for them, yeah. >> You also got to wait for whatever I don't know how it works but it just I don't know smooths out or whatever the
5:04 hell, you know, uh and and then it's better on the other side. >> I don't even bother no more. I just let make it be a kung fu master. >> How do Okay. Explain. >> Because kung fu masters have a long beard. >> Manchu. >> So you don't shave at all? >> Nope. >> I thought you were kung fu master in her vagina or something. >> [laughter] >> The lucky chick, dude. >> I don't shave. But I do trim. >> It's like like Pai Mei. >> My dick looks like it's white. >> Hannah has never expressed like like favoritism one way or the other. >> Oh, she doesn't like that. >> like it. Yeah, she was just like it's uncomfortable. >> All stache. >> Does it matter? >> [laughter] >> Does it matter cuz she's eating his butt anyway, dude. >> And even that. I let that ████ kung fu master. >> Does he use his mustache as a toothbrush afterwards? >> Yeah, for sure. >> Like it just for swimming purposes. >> [laughter] >> What do you mean?
5:54 >> You know when you have like a full thing of hair, when you come out of the pool, like everything dries but your nuts? Cuz it dries slower, too. Like if you're going in and out of water like at the beach or whatever. >> Got you. >> If I'm going to the beach, like if I'm going to go to Hawaii, I'm going to shave my nuts. Cuz I'm going to go in and out of the water. I don't I want everything to dry at the same time. >> You can't shave that dick cuz then you're going to get that salt and that dirt up in that new fresh scar. >> Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I just learned to prep ahead because like one in five, if you injure yourself down there, that's it's not good for that next day. >> If you put the guard, let's say you put like a one clip on on the clippers, you could still catch your skin if it like cuz your skin is so ████ unpredictable down there. >> Yeah. >> What do you What Yeah, what are you guys using? What are you guys using? >> Manscaped. It's easy. >> Remember when we used to be sponsored by them? I don't even know if they exist anymore. >> know either. >> Yeah, right? >> We used to get Well, then say it's something else. Say it's something else. >> hella ████ from them. But now that was
6:44 good, though. >> Yeah, ████ works out. >> I forgot I stole some Manscaped from you guys one time. >> Hey, we had so much. >> That's what I'm saying. Like you guys had stuff and I just remember being like >> But it did it was cool because it was like plastic or something. So you never like cut your ball sack. >> a little light on it. I liked that thing. >> Damn. We're like >> Let's take the ad part back. So so mine's on its last legs right now. Basically, I have to get it all done in like 45 seconds or the cuz the battery runs out. So I have to like ████ speed run this ████ Yeah, so talk about bleeding, dude. Like I did Never I never used to bleed with the my Manscaped thing until I like hit the timer. Now now that I'm on the timer, I could I ████ my ████ up. >> So instead of getting [laughter] a new one, you'd rather just race and bleed every time? >> Dude, I'm all about the deals, baby. You know what's funny is I actually have another one in my in my closet that I haven't opened yet. >> Ooh. >> But I'm I'm going to run this thing till
7:34 the ████ wheels fall off. >> Run your ball sack till the wheels >> How do you get your like Gucci area, like under your balls? Or do you not grow hair there? >> I put my ankles on the back of my neck [laughter] and then I go >> I just pretend like it doesn't exist. >> Really? >> Yeah. I I can't even really I can't even see it really so I just go by audio. [laughter] >> You got a ball mullet. >> That's good. >> I just go if I hear the you just I'm like I got [laughter] it got it got it. >> And I never do the zero. I do like you know how the there's that clip that goes like this and it comes out. So I do it where it's like So then that way I get protected a little bit more. >> Yeah, you do like the one of the zero? >> Yeah. Also but if you do run out of batteries it sucks cuz then your balls look like it's going through chemo. You can have some real long and some real short. >> Yo. >> Oh, yeah. Funnier thing is like the physics of it all. It like if you stand up you're like closing yourself.
8:25 >> Oh yeah, how do you guys do it? Where do you guys shave? Just in the bathroom? >> Over the toilet. Straight standing straight up over the toilet. >> Well, I shave the same time I cut I give myself a haircut so it's all just Oh, it's all the same. Yeah, I can just sweep it all up. Yeah. >> My friend's dad had a pretty good technique. >> He showed you? >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> He was >> Yeah, he he would use the makeup mirror like you know how like the his wife's thingy the vanity cuz it's lower. Like you know how it's lower and it She know about it? >> Yeah, she always scold him because the whole house would know cuz he would when he starts shaving his ████ he goes cuz he's Japanese he'll be like I AM A SHAVING OF MY ████ I AM A SHAVING OF MY ████ TODAY. >> WAIT, WHY public service announcement? >> a funny ████ Like [laughter] he would just >> And then >> in his restaurant you know what he would go inside they got to yell that ████ >> [laughter] >> DAVE IS THE HEAD.
9:15 >> HE GOES LIKE I AM A SHAVING OF MY ████ >> AND THEN SHAVE my ass. Yeah. And then one day he didn't have his razor so he was using his wife's razor. >> Oh, he uses a razor? >> So she was like yelling at him like what are you doing? Like stop. That's mine. Like it I you're going to get ass hair all over my ████ And then my friend is like hell embarrassed and I'm ████ dying laughing tears coming out. I'm like, oh my God, this is ████ crazy. And then but he told me that the way he does it is cuz he tries to get his like his son like he wants him to see it cuz he thinks it's ████ funny, right? So he'll try to be like, hey son, come over here, right? Cuz he needs to talk to him or whatever. So he goes into the room and his dad's literally bent over with his ass cheeks at the mirror and he's shaving his ass. >> Dude, Japanese people are ████ perverted. [laughter]
10:05 >> And he's like, oh, what the ████ What the ████ And then he starts going, "SHAVING OF MY ████ I AM A SHAVING ASSHOLER." >> THIS IS CULTURAL? >> I STRAIGHT up don't like this guy. >> [laughter] >> Is this the dad that taught you how to do this one? >> I don't want to see no one's ████ Jaby. >> [laughter] >> Your friends. >> Damn, man. Ryan just showed us all that dude ████ waxing his ████ >> How do you wax your ████ >> Yeah, like that. Like just ass in the ████ mirror. >> YouTube education. Hey, that finally got taken down, too. >> Oh, really? >> Yeah. After like 150 million views it got taken down. >> use Nair or any of that kind of stuff on your on your balls? >> Didn't need the shave to be that close. >> I remember doing the What's that called? >> Waxing? >> The >> The tape? >> The with the like the it was really popular >> Nads? >> Nads or something like that. I remember
10:55 doing that one time just like on your arm and ████ >> Oh yeah, just ████ around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did that on my leg, but not like on my nuts. >> Look, I'm not a lot, man. Having a lot of random body hair and stuff like that is inconvenient. >> You have like heavy uh pubes? I guess like >> It's not light. I can't I don't I don't think I can go out there and officially say heavy when you got like >> Mine's pretty ████ heavy. >> like you have heavy. >> Yeah, you can tell. Does it look like this? >> Yeah. >> I'm not Japanese heavy and stuff like that, but I think like for Chinese Vietnamese I'm on the heavier side. >> I feel like you have ear hairs and ████ too. >> I look like I do. I do. I have I have heavy ear hair. I I like my >> earlobe hair? >> Mhm. I have just much body hair. >> shave it? >> I do, yeah. I Well, at the same time I do a fade, I just go by my ear. >> It like it's next door anyways. >> When I'm older, it's for sure You know those old guys that have hair coming out like that? I'm for sure going to have that. To me, that's what I'm saying.
11:45 It's a society thing. I I It doesn't bother me. It's just like the concept bothers me that it like bothers people. >> Mhm. >> Oh, yeah. >> Like I remember, you know, we was doing casting for this thing and you know, some some some girl dancers sometimes they don't like want to shave their armpits. I'm like, power to you. If you're you're an artist, do your thing. But then if you need to get casted for an artist for something else, then it's like, okay, well, this look needs to be a certain look. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Then then it's like, okay. So it becomes a thing where because of the industry you have to be a certain way, but I'm like, damn, like it's inconvenient to be extra hair. I wish I was just one of them ████ random Asians that like Jason Cheny. That fool look like a just ████ pool noodle. He could just >> Like a dolphin. >> Ooh, yeah. >> Yeah. You don't think he shaves his body? >> I think he's cold blooded, man. That fool looks like >> Amphibious? >> No, yeah. >> He's a salamander. >> Chicks who don't shave their pits is wild to me. >> You said you like that when women don't
12:36 shave their pits like >> I'm saying like you could do you. I'm just saying we live in a society or at least the industry that requires a look. Therefore, I have to make sure that I'm >> Personally, you don't think that's gross? >> I do. >> Um >> [snorts] >> I I prefer not because we live in the same society. Like I I play by the rules. I do think because I've been indoctrinated to think that it's gross that it's gross. But I'm not >> What kind of ████ answer is that? >> Talking about Anthony. >> [laughter] >> ████ dancer. What Why can't you just say you think it's gross? >> Who's going to come for you if you say you think it's gross? >> The Kendras are watching this video right now. >> I'm not attracted to >> [laughter] >> No, I'm not going to say it's gross. >> Bro, I think that's the most performative ████ ever when they Yeah, I think it's so like it's it's the opposite, I think. >> Exactly. >> I think it's just to go against It's just to go against the grain and get your attention. >> Here, but you know how like in France and stuff, it's like not? >> But then >> But they stink in France.
13:27 >> [laughter] >> Nobody likes French people. Nobody. >> They ████ smell. >> Oh Jesus. All right. >> Chicks with armpit hairs is disgusting. >> Running for mayor just now, dude. >> Exactly, [laughter] dude. You're such a ████ man. >> Hey, but when we were >> Cavemen, though, we were ████ that hairy girl. >> Jesus. >> That's true, yeah. Cuz if >> [laughter] >> cuz the pheromones >> We didn't know better. >> We were a grape in the match. >> Yeah, we were also running away from lions and ████ We didn't know better. >> [laughter] >> You know what it is, though? Why I feel the way I feel? It's because Asian people don't uh typically have that much there. >> Oh yeah, that's true, yeah. >> My mom does. So, that's why it reminds me of my mom. Cuz growing up I would hear ████ hang clothes and I just see ████ two black bushes. I'm like, >> No, that's ████ up. >> want to So, I don't want to see that ████ >> Mhm. >> She's such a hippie. >> [laughter]
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