0:00 Do you think you'll actually do it? Or you Or she'll just be like, "I got it." He's not even going to do it all right. >> SHE'S GOING TO BE A SPIRIT LIKE I CANNOT GO TO HEAVEN. All right, check it out. If we're married, we have three children, and there's a house fire. Either save the three children in the basement, or you can save me in the bedroom. Who are you saving? I'm going to save my kids. You're going to save the kids and not your wife? >> My wife has already lived, let's say, 40 years, right? >> I'm not 40. >> Whatever the age is. Whatever the age that we decided on. >> have sex with your kids, but you can have sex with your wife. >> But sex banger motivating and driving factor in life. That's not the only thing that matters to me. Who would you SAVE IN A FIRE, me or your mother? >> He's saving his mom. I already know. Yeah, I'll save my mother. I'm dead. If
0:51 we're married, we have three children. >> What? Is that a dating show type of thing? >> they're like David Alvarez's show, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with the first part, not the second part. I think if uh you should save your children first, and then you should be with the wife that kills you if you save her instead of the kids. >> But you can't have sex with your kids. Dude, that is the dumbest logic. >> Try to Try to ████ test me. >> Is that the logic? Is that the Is that the logic of someone that is sex is like their only value? She's all like, "Well, guess what? You can't ████ your kids." It's like I didn't know that. >> Yeah, no ████ They won't They won't suck me like you would. So, guy, I should save you. He's like He's like, "We live in Roanoke, Virginia. You're goddamn wrong, b████." DON'T YOU THINK THE DEFAULT Don't you think the default answer from your wife is like, "Shouldn't they be
1:41 like, you better ████ save the kids first?" >> think she I don't think she understands what a wife is supposed to be, though. Yeah, I don't think so, either. And I only think he said the second part because he was annoyed after the first part. Cuz yeah, what she's really saying is I'm not I don't know what a wife is supposed to be, and that's why I'm going to request something stupid. >> What do you think a wife is supposed to be? What Joe said. Like it's If you guys had kids already, everyone is going to make the kids the future. >> it's about. >> So, both of them are going to sacrifice themselves for the kids. And he made a good point about like, well, let's say you're like 40 or whatever, right? So, I would actually try to save my wife if she was still breedable. Hell, yeah. That's the truth. >> Well, the truth Yeah, if if >> Cuz and then if the If the baby's only like 3 months, >> It's like a tie. I would do it. I barely know you, fool. >> So, cool. We just need 9 more months. Who gives a ████ The hell? But also,
2:31 what's wrong with her adult ass that she needs saving? Mhm. The baby who can't walk needs saving, right? But at the same time, you can make another kid with your wife. >> She said three kids, though. >> You can't make a kid with a kid. You know, she's right. >> How stupid is that? Three >> It's not even one kid. It's three She said three, dude. >> I'mma go for three. Cuz at least one will survive. She's like, "What if three kids, my uncle, and two cats were in the room? Who are you going to save?" Or you should have been like, "Were you Were we arguing that day?" She goes, "Yeah." I ain't saving you, ████ You ████ annoyed me. Was it about how I gain? Okay, but guess what? You're not getting saved, ████ She was so shocked, too. Like, "You're going to not choose me?" Unless she's just trolling, then that's expert level, and you got to give it up. >> I agree with that, but I just don't know cuz I don't know her. I can't tell. I
3:22 know I would choose my wife over my mom, too. Oh, really? Yeah. That's breaking ████ news, everybody. Holy ████ That's Over your mom? But he chose his mom over her. Yeah, he did. Yeah. But at that point, he was like, "I don't like you." How long do you think cuz you said earlier you could go a year without talking to your mom You think before feel feeling like a guilty boy? How long do you think you could reasonably not talk to Geo before feeling like a guilty boy? Not talking to Geo? >> Yeah. Probably a day. A day? Damn. So, wow. You'd save Geo over your mother? Holy ████ ████ I think my mom would want me to save Geo, too. Like, you guys are the future now. I'm ████ old, wrinkly ████ >> Even if you like your mom a lot and talk to her every day, the better choice is your wife. 100%. You can't make kids with your mom? No. Well, well, you can.
4:13 >> What's um does your mom like I'm just curious you know how like >> She's infertile. You know how your mom has this procedure when like a family member has passed? She does all this stuff to make sure that they're good in the Buddha heaven? Yeah. Does she have a protocol for you to follow after she passes that you have to follow to do? Cuz aren't you supposed to do that for her? She says no selfies, no excessive selfies. She hasn't uh laid it out for me yet, but I assume she is going to. >> There's something that you like a duty you have to perform, right? >> I bet there is. >> she's like, "I already got it covered." Hey. She's like, "Don't do the gritty." How long How long before you stop doing it? How long? >> Do you think you'll actually do it? Or you or she'll just be like, "I got it." He's not even going to do it, Allen. >> She's going TO BE A SPIRIT LIKE THAT. I CAN'T I GO TO HEAVEN? I'm going to do what I think is reasonable. Okay, okay. >> He's going to make up his own ████ Even
5:03 if she if she was like, "Hey, you need to do this for ████ 30 days in the mountains of ████ wherever." I'm going to be like >> Uh yeah, no. >> I'm going to do it for like 5 days or so. What if it's something as small >> 5 days is still crazy. >> No, 5 days is still crazy, but What if it's something as small as I need you at least at least once a year to consult with my fortune teller. Town traveler. I'm going to try to arrange a car crash with the fortune teller. What if Okay, what if you get to Nirvana and your mom's there hella disappointed and she goes, "I TOLD YOU 30 times but you only DID FIVE. THAT'S WHY I'M STILL HERE. I could have transcended, dude." >> You didn't eat any wasps? I'm going to EAT AT LEAST ONE WASP. Imagine she was right. I know, that would have been hilarious. That would be dope. >> Yeah, you show up she was like I'm so
5:54 disappointed. >> there was like an entire scroll she left behind for you to follow, you would do none of it? Like not one thing? I would do what I believe is reasonable and what >> What is reasonable? >> are any of these things reasonable? Aren't they all kind of like >> Well, it's because what's because uh I know what's reasonable because I see what the temples do. Oh, okay. >> She does like she does um like Buddhism and then she takes >> Bonus Buddha. >> and then she does her own ████ So I'm like I know what they do. Build build your own Buddha. Yeah, and I know what you do. So I'm going to cross-reference what people actually do and I'll be the most even the most devout version of this is fine with me. But if you want some ████ unreasonable ████ where I'm ████ kneeling on river rocks for like 8 hours a day or something, I'm not going to do that, dude.
6:45 I remember my friend's dad kneeling on river rocks Whatever the ████ she wants for me to do, dude. Uh my friend's dad had like a casita, like a little back house and there was a Chinese warlock that lived there. And um How did he dress? He looked like any other Chinese uncle. Yeah, so. But he was like a grand chi master. He even helped me rearrange my room cuz I told him I couldn't sleep. And I was like this is ████ bro. And I slept like a baby. Wow. >> But um I'm still skeptical, but one time so he he had this uh he has this he calls everybody uncle, but he has this like father's friend, right? And then he was told by the warlock to go to Vegas. And um his dad was like, you know what? I think it'll be good if you guys go to Vegas on
7:35 this trip. I'M LIKE ████ YEAH! Like a free trip to Vegas, let's go. And then so he was told that at a certain time go up the Las Vegas strip, go north, walk however many steps, walk into this Denny's, do this ritual, walk right out. That's all he had to do. So like his dad didn't want to go so he sent me and and my buddy. We went there and like the whole time I was like thinking this is some weird ass Chinese ████ that I don't understand. I believe in Jesus, but hey the ████ room ████ worked for me so maybe this thing would work. He was trying to clear his like bad juju, all that stuff. We did the whole He did the whole thing. Like I just went to go play with my buddy and then like he took care of food, everything. The whole time this ████ was talking about girls.
8:25 Imagine this like old uncle with like a comb over like bald head, right? He goes, "You know I used to live in Las Vegas and you know why there's so many beautiful women?" And we're like, "Why? Why?" "They're escorts." Like we don't know. Yeah. >> The wisdom. That's news, man. >> Yeah, I mean like I think like he was trying to tell us like he's ████ hella hookers. Hella hella hookers. >> to tell us. >> And I'm like thinking like is this fool trying to like buy one right now? But he couldn't stop talking about women. And then we went back and then afterwards I asked him, I was like, "Dude, so like did the whole luck blessing thing work?" And he goes, "Nah, I don't think he's doing so good right now." Damn. So I'm like, I don't know. But those things it just reminds me of like that's probably what your mom does is like these masters tell them go to this destination, it's got these spirits here
9:17 or whatever, walk 10 steps this way, 10 steps that way, you'll be okay. >> And then my mom would do her her interpretation of even that. >> Oh. >> So she'll mess it all up? >> Everything is always like her version like what you said earlier like she goes, "I see what the what the mechanism is behind this." Let's take it to 10. Yeah, she'll take it to 10. >> Lillian remixed. Yeah. So, if the steps are 10, I'm going to go to 20. And I'm like, "Dude, but that's wrong cuz if you get a treasure map and it tells you the exact coordination, right?" She's going to miss the X. Yeah, exactly. Like even when I used to get like uh bug bites as a kid, instead of like let's say I have a mosquito bite, instead of getting ointment and just putting it on like what the directions say, just put on layer on top of the skin, she'll get her long nail and like jab it in? stab it in
10:07 like this cuz it'll go even better. Like everything is like that. >> Is there any part of you that you think has carried that pattern in a way? Like like >> All parts of me, I think. You you kind of have a tendency to take things like to the umpteenth when everyone's just like, "Hey, simple request." And you're like, "Umpteenth." Yeah, that too. His workout programs were like that. >> I'm saying. >> I didn't know that that was extreme until like I started working out at other gyms and then like getting programs and I'm like, "Dude, this is like Bart's warm-up." Yeah. Dang. That's so funny. To the 10th power. Is there a part of you where you you see a video like this, if you're married with kids and there's a house fire, who do you save first? And you just think like it's ████ you should always save your kids first. Yeah. I thought that that was like the base consensus of all of humanity. Women and children. >> suddenly we're having to like speak
10:57 remedially to these people about it. >> I think that's where I'm at, too. I think it's because like when you when you hear that from her and she's so appalled, I'm like, "Once you have a man or I mean a husband, a wife, and kids, everyone is a role player in this team, right?" And then so when she's going like, "Wait, what about me?" I'm like, "B████, you don't know your role anymore." You know what I mean? Like if you're like let's say a coach in a basketball team, it's almost like the coach going like, "Hey, if there's a game-winning point and you're supposed to dunk it, but I accidentally walk in front of the rim. Are you going to walk around me and lose? Or are you going to dunk the game-winning shot? Like every coach would be like, "Paralyze me and we're winning the ████ finals." Every coach, right? And but then for her to go, "Oh, you better
11:47 walk around me." It's like, "What the ████ ████ Do you know your role, dude?" >> I just feel like there's never been a point in history when we've been this ████ Like all throughout history, that's common sense. >> common sense cuz kids are helpless. They can't They They don't even know what the hell's going on sometimes. But I am with Joe though, if they're babies, ████ the and they're you guys are young, ████ the babies, you can recreate a family. >> Okay, that Three babies? >> That part, I was joking earlier. I think that's nuts. One baby, one baby, not three. >> You got to save a baby. >> it's three? What if they're like Am I nuts? Am I crazy? He has to be like, "I was just joking." >> I was just kidding earlier. I have >> What if you guys are like 28 and it's 1 2 3? The kid is one one one-year-old, two-year-old, three-year-old. >> to save the babies. Help the babies. It's in a ████ What do you call it? A bassinet? >> What dumb ass situation did she get into
12:37 where she needs saving? She was vaping and it fell on the rug. So she caused the fire? I DON'T KNOW. SHE CAUSED the fire? SHE'S SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT IF I'M VAPING and it fell on the rug? Are you saving the baby or me first?" >> She can't get up and save the babies herself? >> if it's childbirth. You know how like sometimes it'll come down to would you rather choose your wife or the babies during birth when there's a problem? That that's different. >> Yeah, that's weird. >> they're triplets and they're all one? They're one? They're all six months. >> Crazy. This is actually crazy. Am I tripping? >> I No, cuz you're when you're like, "I have Joe's back. If it's an infant, let it ████ burn to cinders and we'll make another one." >> even know what it is yet. That's what I think. I'm like Burned to cinders? >> That's how that's how I am. Cuz the way that I view it is >> I ain't ████ around. >> kidding. I didn't think it was a real thing. >> No, to me the one-year-old, that guy is just one year older than the
13:28 sperm in my nuts. >> Yep. Okay, but okay okay, fine. A palm tree in your backyard when it's just when it's just growing, kick that ████ Kick that ████ yep. >> Kick that ████ >> I just can't think of a a mother I can't think of a non-████ mother that would want you to let the babies burn to cinders and save them. I mean, she's going to be crying. She's like, "Why the ████ you didn't you save the baby?" I'm like, "Shut up, ████ We're going to ████ later." Okay, Tyga right now, 8 years old. >> 8 he's 8 now. 8 years old. >> But you don't get there without the the the tree stump. >> Hey, true. So, if you're like, "Kick that s███." Well, also 8 42 Get out of here. 42's halfway expired. And he's the only kid. 8 has a whole life ahead of ahead.
14:19 Kick that s███'s crazy, boys. For me? No skin in the game. This kid's like 3 months. I barely met you, bro. And you weren't in my belly. But what if he what if >> I call you bro, too. >> He looks just like you and has the same sense of humor. >> Can't. Babies look like aliens till they're like 1 year. >> it's a little baby and he can't really say anything yet, but he's got a little axe he's holding his He's a little cold steel. No, you need like older kids cuz then you have the rapport, the invest I've been through two crypto cycles with Tyga already. >> That's big. That's We We have an investment with the a lot of time. No. I'm saving my wife first if she could still make babies, but if you can't, you're useless to me. I'm holding I'm I'm saving the kid. >> But what if she's like, "I'm just on my period." You're like, "Get in the fire, ████ Get in the ████ fire, b████." >> What if she gets so depressed from the death of a child that she doesn't want to have sex anymore?
15:10 Depression is temporary when you're with a fun guy like me. That's good. I'm going to need you to eat my ████
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