0:00 When it comes to first base, >> yeah, >> second base, >> kiss, >> third base, >> hug, hug. >> What was it like the first times you experienced those things, Joseph? >> I remember the first time I held a precious boob in my hand. By the way, we're talking teenage boobs. It was more like a maybe a pump, like a maybe it was more like this. >> But it was so magical. Even before that, I remember feeling like the energy of her boob going down my palm into my arm and into my heart and it's like just touching was like I HAVE POWER. [screaming] THIS IS AMAZING. >> What's your age at this time? >> I was a kid. >> Oh, kid. Like junior high, fifth grade or something. I don't know. Dang.
0:51 >> You touched a boob in fifth grade? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. My neighbor. >> That's very early. >> And then there was another there was another girl. She was older than me. I think she was in junior high and I was in fifth grade. And then my [snorts] uh dad would go teach her family piano. So it would be like her sisters, her, her mom. So I would just be playing and then she brought me in the closet and then she's like, "You want to touch boobs?" And I was like, "Hell yeah." >> She she's Japanese. >> Yeah, >> dude. Something's wrong. >> So she brought me in the closet and she goes, "Okay, but you can't tell." And I'm like, "Okay." So, she lifted up her shirt and I was like, "Oh my god, that's freaking crazy." >> And she's in junior high. >> I think she was in sixth grade or something. She's seventh grade or something. Yeah. And then I was like this and I was the whole time I was like, >> "Wow, that's crazy."
1:41 >> And it's like I felt the energy in my hand, the life force. I was like, "I'm charging up Super Saiyan." And I didn't even know like about sex or anything. >> Oh, you just knew it was a thrill, huh? >> I loved boobs. >> Yeah. >> I think if I grabbed boobs at that age. >> Yeah, that's so young. >> I would have the courage to tell my dad to shut the ████ up. [laughter] >> I'D BE LIKE THIS AND I go downstairs, hey, go do whatever. Hey, you shut the ████ up, dude. [laughter] It hasn't changed. Even in high school, like you you're like you're like with a girl like like and then you finally like hug her in the movie theater and you're cuddling and just that alone,
2:32 >> you're just like electrified and you're like, "Oh my god." >> Oh, dude. >> And then she's not saying no if I grab her boob. And then you grab her boob and then you can feel THE [snorts] N. >> YEAH. >> It's like a It's charging you like Raiden. You have the ████ electrician eyes. >> Yeah. And then you're just like heaven. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> I don't know how girls feel, but that's >> Oh yeah. Do girls have a thing similarly why guys feel so like electrified looking at boobs all day? >> When you when you grabbed your first ████ like did you feel wa shut the ████ up mom? [laughter] >> I am not answering that. [laughter] >> But do you know other girls that have had that feeling?
3:23 >> Do girls talk about that? Like you know did you have a friend that was like oh my god Melissa I touched my first wee wee >> wee wee? [laughter] >> No >> they don't. So, girls don't like gossip back to each other. >> Oh, they're nastier than guys. >> Guys, as soon as like it's high five season, as soon as someone's done one little thing, do girls have that thing of like, guess who I sucked? >> I feel [snorts and laughter] >> I feel like I we I would talk more about it once like in like college, but younger younger. No, not really. Didn't really talk about it. >> So, there was no first by college. Uh there was no like one uh girl in Arcadia High that was just like nasty and just nobody wanted to hear. >> Not around me. >> Not around me. I didn't have >> So it's more college if that's a thing. >> Yeah. >> Wouldn't did you ever feel any electricity like from holding hands or
4:14 if they kissed you or like any of those like butterflies or >> for sure. Yeah. And I think holding hands is really intimate. >> It is. But imagine that times a uncontrollable force of electricity like a nuclear bomb went off cuz this is more like [laughter] Hiroshima went off. This is more like oh my god and it's already intense. Like holding hands is already intense when you're like a teenager, right? So that's already electrifying, >> right? >> And that's only like I can't believe it. I'm so in love, right? >> It's already overwhelming. >> But then when you grab a booby >> Oh, come on. It's almost like you have ████ King Arthur's sword in your hand and you've been chosen by the gods and you have this like with great power comes great responsibility feeling and it's just electrifying you into the next
5:04 level. >> What about the first time you touched vagina slime? >> That's even crazier. >> Ew. >> What? >> Vagina slime. >> God. [laughter] But that it does it's it's kind of like if a girl feels accomplishment from making a guy hard. I think a slime is like Yeah, bro. I made her wet. >> Oh, she was so wet that it soaked her pants. >> I remember that. >> Yeah. Why you making that face? That's a It's a yummy It's a >> Yeah, but the first time it wasn't. >> Really? Why? What happened? >> She peed herself. >> No, it was like we It was like I was in high school. I think I was 15. And this girl, she was she was Vietnamese and it had a funny smell. >> She had a funny smell. >> Yeah. >> Maybe she she had pH balance issues. >> She had PhD issues. >> Maybe [laughter] she had uh no one
5:56 talked. >> I think you know what it is. It's like cuz back early at that early age, it's not like everyone was prepared for when that was going to happen. So, I think I just caught her out one of I don't know, maybe she had a a really strenuous PE. >> When I was a teenager, nothing could stop me. >> I believe that. >> That sounds really scary for women. [laughter] >> No, I mean like No, I mean like like you couldn't get turned off. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Sure. Yeah. So, >> now I'm like we got to shower, we got to clean up, and if you're on your period, we ain't ████ around. Oh, but back then I'm on my period. >> Well, are you horny? >> Yeah. Well, ████ it. [laughter] >> That's true. >> Yeah. >> Does do any other body parts bring you that electricity or is it just the
6:46 boobs? >> No, it's all like I think all every level of like getting closer to sex. >> As a boy, it was >> it was a crazier nuclear bomb went off. the incremental >> or war three was like the last level of coming. >> Yeah. >> Even if it was like freaking cornhole bag >> Yeah. >> size. >> And that's why when a guy really really likes a girl, this is the curse, right? Cuz like usually when you don't really like a girl, you last forever and you feel like cool. If you really really like a girl, you come in 5 seconds and you go, I'm not usually this weak and I could last longer, but you're so good and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I come too fast. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That's so embarrassing to say like right after. I hope you like waited a little bit. >> No, but like [laughter] a lot of guys be like, "I don't usually like this." >> Yeah, that's the only thing you could
7:37 think of saying in that moment. >> Yeah. You're like, "Why can't I save it? Why can't I perform better?" Like the more I like a girl, the more I poorly perform. >> You know, the first time that ever happened to me when it was like, "Oh my god, I don't know what happened. I'm not usually like this. I'm sorry." The first time that happened to me, you were there. What the >> what? >> Yeah. Yeah, you were at my house. >> I was with a different I was with another girl at the time and then you were downstairs and then afterwards I told you about it >> and I was like, "Oh my god, I don't know what happened to me." >> I do not remember this >> cuz it was it like you was like 30 seconds or something. >> It's my first uh first Puerto Rican. Your first Puerto Rican. >> Yeah, those were pretty tough. >> And then you you you came way too soon. >> Like the fastest I've ever even like really quick. And >> because you were really into it. I guess so. I think I was very like excited.
8:28 >> What about the second time you guys did it? Was it was it >> Oh, that was Yeah. No, it was it was better the second time. I think it was the exhilaration we're talking about of like, oh, it's happening. It's happening. >> The the excitement is too overwhelming. >> And it was We were all like It was that night we were in Irvine. We were all playing hideand-seek. >> Oh my gosh. [laughter] >> It's that night. Yeah. >> You guys were hiding. >> Yeah. That's why I was so excited. It was an exhilarating time. >> Wow. Wow. >> There was a girl I really really liked, the one that her dad was my dad's best friend. >> And uh I remember it was probably honestly like 15 seconds or something cuz it was like because our dads hung out all the time >> together at their house and our house and they didn't know that we were starcross lovers.
9:18 >> We had to be very secretive about stuff and the my girl at that time was super safe. So, she never wanted to do it without condoms. So, I was like, "F███, how do I hide? I don't want to bring condoms every time I go." That's weird. I'm like, "How do I hide condoms in her place without her getting in trouble?" And then I found her printer had a cap and then I would tuck it behind where like the ink cartridge was. Whoa. The the one time when she was like like she was ready and I'm like, "Oh, I got condoms in your room." SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT?" AND I popped them out and then I came in like 15 seconds. [laughter] >> I feel like you did you were excited more because your plan was so good and it worked. >> Yeah, that's a tight plan too. >> Yeah, but I >> He's more excited of the preparation. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I feel like that's what happened. >> I knew this moment would come in handy.
10:09 >> It's like a mafia hit. Like [laughter] >> it was well it was one of those nights where the most improbable stars aligned and it but it still did cuz it was one of the I was at Army and Navy Academy so I was already at a boarding school somewhere else >> so I don't have a car but then it was the one like weekend I came down and my homie was free >> and then my homie was being the extra homie to take me to go see my girlfriend. >> That's really cool. And then he was also down to just sleep in the living room. Wow. >> While I go upstairs >> that I just so happened to have the condom in the printer. So it was like >> things I've never thought would have aligned all the I didn't think I was going to get laid that night. >> Wow. >> It's a special night. >> That's a nice Yeah, that would be hard to >> lined it up for you just so you could do it. Just so I could come in 15 seconds.
11:00 >> Be underwhelming in bed. [laughter] >> Yeah, it's embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. It's like as soon as it happens, you're just like, I don't know what happened to me. My stamina is much higher than this normally. Yeah. But I I you know, in my mind, it's a compliment, but of course it's not like nobody wants to be the other person in that. >> Yeah. >> No, because only one person enjoys that. [laughter] >> Yeah. I didn't even enjoy it. I was like, dude, that was over quick. But that's why I bet you like dictators have it good >> because they could come and then instead of feeling embarrassed like get [clears throat] out of here. [laughter] >> Yes. Cuz they can still blame it on you. You could just gods take her away. >> Take her away. She made me come too fast. [laughter]
11:50 >> Leave my quarters. It's like that one king, was it King James or whatever that kept having daughters and ████ and he goes, "Man, ████ this. I need I need a new wife." So then he he just developed the Church of England and ████ >> Yeah. >> What? That's how the Church of England >> Yeah. Yeah. Cuz >> you mean King Henry? >> Yeah. Cuz he wanted He wanted a divorce, too. >> King Henry VI. >> He's like, "You can't divorce if you're Catholic. I'm going to start my own s███." >> Yeah. >> Good plan. >> Yeah. So that's the game. You guys got to blame the girl. >> You made me COME TOO FAST. GET OUT OF HERE. Give me counts fast. >> So, all of you, you guys all remember the first boob grab you ever experienced? >> Mine was even before the boob grab. I remember making out and then touching like the back and then you could feel where the bra strap was and I was like >> just the bra strap. >> Yeah, cuz I know what cuz I know what it
12:40 led to and I know and I know and I know what they were hugging. [laughter] I know what it led to. >> Wow. That's why I understand like all these guys that's never been close to a girl and then they'll like buy like a underwear from their favorite model and then they'll smell it and then they'll be like and then I'm all like >> what? >> Yeah. Because they've never been anywhere close to a girl. >> Or even in junior high like even younger like let's say you had a crush on a girl and then maybe she hugged you or whatever and then you like her perfume is here. YOU'RE LIKE OH, >> WELL that Yeah. Yeah. Smell. Okay. Okay. [laughter] >> Owl like a wolf. >> Makes more sense to me. But like I wouldn't like get like boxers and and smell them and be like, "Oh yeah." Like
13:30 [laughter] this is so weird. >> That's what I'm saying. If a guy doesn't get to do that, that's what it becomes. >> Oh, you you become perverse. >> You become like you you just don't you just have no >> regular like interaction with girls. You don't ever like You don't date. >> So you start buying bath water from them. >> Yeah. So you go and steal underwear from somebody hanging their laundry or something. You What are those people that like have sex with you medically? >> Excuse me? >> Yeah. Uh forgot what they're called. >> Medically like people that they're So they're not prostitutes, but like I saw this one like uh interview of this chick. So she has sex like all of her I guess clients are like also technically like patients or whatever but it'll be like a guy who's like paralyzed or something like that and then so she has sex like intimacy. >> There's Japanese like nonprofits that go
14:22 around and jack off guys that are like handicapped. >> Yeah. No, but this is in America and she'll like and the intimacy doesn't even have to be sexual. >> Okay. >> She could just lay next to you guys could talk or hold hands or whatever. But then uh she did it with this one guy like actually had sex and uh and I think he was maybe like 25 or something. And right after she said the first thing he did was cry cuz he couldn't believe that this is what he's been missing out on his whole life. And it's not even his fault. >> That does suck. >> A >> What do you mean? Cuz he's handicapped. >> Yeah. You know what though? For most of human history, >> basically a lot of dudes never got laid. >> Really? >> We're like ants. Like a lot of guys, >> a lot of worker ants. >> Worker ants that just basically did work or whatever and then they just died early on a hunt or whatever and then
15:12 they never got laid, never started a family. >> That's why I'm pro prostitutes, pro brothel. >> But the kings the kings had multiple wives. >> Hog hoging it all up. >> Like it was like back in peasantry days, huh? >> Or like the the hunter gatherers like not kings but like the top dogs. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah, that thing you're talking about is called sexual surrogacy or medically assisted sex. >> Yeah. It's It's called It's like when there's a sexual surah. >> That's legal. >> It's legal. It's a It's a to me. >> It's a licensed sex therapist. >> Oh, yeah. Sex therapist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's a guided and intimate exercise to treat psychological or physical intimacy blocks or to um or people who cannot access independent sexual function. >> Yeah. Cuz some people would be like, "I want to be in with my partner, but I can't even." And so they want they need to go somewhere to get it unlocked because maybe some trauma or something.
16:03 And then so after they do that then they can come back and doggy style their favorite person. >> But I thought that the sex therapist is just someone who like it's like a therapist but that focuses on sex not like actually acts on the stuff. >> Oh yeah. It's I think I believe it's like >> that person's still a sex therapist and provides that. It might be like an like a nurse that does anesthesiology. [laughter] >> Okay. >> You know like a nurse anesthetist. It's like that's a nurse but little bonus. >> Okay. >> Yeah, it's like a physical >> cuz it says you need you need the same like apparently you need the same license. >> So maybe just so you can't just to make sure you're not just anybody. >> Yeah, you're just not a ████ prostitute. [laughter] >> You just said you're pro prostitute. >> What side are you actually on? >> Yeah, at least you're not a ████ prostitute. [laughter] Tight.
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