0:00 [Music] so walmart is being sued or are we just talking about greeters by sam's club that don't ████ look at you but the walmart people look at you they're nice yeah i feel like walmart's probably getting sued every year yeah yeah every month yeah every month right yeah yeah i don't know this one might sound like uh it has some grounds because this guy they're not rolling over their savings anymore were they the ones with the uh yeah the smiley face i'll be slapping prices down there i love how the price is going that was very effective down three cents that's pretty good bro good job on that campaign so walmart's being sued by a guy who purchased a portable phone charger you know a little charger blocks had it in his back pocket and it spontaneously exploded causing severe chemical burns to his ass remember that was the thing with the droids for like five years they're like
0:50 you got a jordan can't come on the airplane it's like a samsung ████ but why is that why is that walmart's fault is it their branded battery or some ████ he bought it there i don't know maybe they're supposed to have some kind of like uh assurance when something breaks right you you have a factory warranty that like whatever retailer doesn't fix it you go like even if you get it at target or wherever it goes it goes to the manufacturer yeah so i'm like why did walmart maybe because they have the most money or it's different than just breaking too like causing bodily harm did he sit on it he might be super multiple if they're willing to stock it i don't know yeah you think if it's a normal thing they'd it's their responsibility to rip it off the shelves yeah and at the end of the day they probably got insurance for this ████ anyway sure so that's probably why it is huh yeah like they look for the company they're like oh this china company doesn't even exist anymore let's go to walmart do i feel like that's half the
1:40 companies in the world like you buy something on amazon it's like not even a company it's not even brand it's just like a plum it's just a thing yeah yeah from the water like everything's just a thing now it's weird you'll see the same product with different names like ding ding electronics or something it's a sales funnel but it's literally the same ████ for the same alibaba i feel like the opposite of the 90s like 90s is all about brands like i ain't drinking rc cola i'm only drinking coconut oil you know but now it's like nah whatever dude it's brown and it's bubbly brown it's like they're blind test pepsi or coke they tell us now it's like they were actually the same the whole time that would ████ me up yeah it was all from ellie it's actually shasta rc yeah shasta you could tell i love do you remember back in the day they had
2:30 generic soda machines outside of supermarkets yeah all right so like you crush cans you do what you can right and then like you can find like like 20 cents you put that ████ in there and you get a soda for like 20 cents and i'm just like damn i got this ████ for cheap dude what's that now though it's like a bug 50. yeah oh yeah it is yeah you know what's bomb nothing beats a ice cold rc cola on rollerblades what do you mean all right like when you're rolling were you drinking it while you're rollerblading are you from greece lightning what the i love that moment of silence are you from the air up there are you a big rollerblader when it's hot in the summertime and you're just rollerblading around we got denim shorts on too ass cheeks hanging out get that rc cola does gio know you rollerblade yeah in i home do you even know you rollerblade yeah yeah this is a new
3:20 thing no dude i got something they used to call it aggressive skating you know you guys have handsome aggressive in-line hanson's handsomes yeah yeah yeah yeah did you drink that thinking i was hella healthy they secured that trader joe's yeah that was hella healthy it's still tasty yeah they sprained it so good you're like there's fruits on it yeah this is healthy it's a vitamin drink so how bad is this a guy's ass bro it's pretty bad it's not um we got pictures no i wish there was so much yeah but yeah the dude uh he needed to get skin grafts and the first time they tried to staple into place it didn't hold like it would his cake his cakes they just tried to staple like cake oh my gosh cake on them right yeah they try to do a little cake stapler hello bob dude yeah enhance that thing while you're back there dog the sucky thing about this which which is like a total other problem is they had to like issue him fentanyl and morphine
4:10 and like things to like deal with it which could cause a whole lot for sure no you could be addicted yeah so we had to get repeated graphs to get it um you know get that ass looking nice again what's the what's the uh money does it say it doesn't say yet it's gotta be millions walmart is not uh immediately uh there's no comment yet from them but yeah he's going to have permanent substantial scarring with permanent loss of feeling and nerve damage in the a ass area yes we don't know the exact area this is like follows walmart it's like you get sued you pay whatever to settle and then you like sue the reta uh the the the product or the manufacturer how much did walmart pay uh tracy morgan for the truck hitting him oh is it a walmart truck yeah i know he got hit by a truck i didn't know it was a walmart yeah but you're 100 right they'll say here's three million now sign this nda don't ever mention this again sign it right now give me two million yeah and then and then they're
5:00 gonna go hit up ████ the manufacturer right and be like give us your money or whatever ████ because it was different we did an article that one time about that lady who ████ stepped on a rusty nail at walmart and then it ████ lets her amputating her leg and like years of dude you know this is how much they paid tracy morgan for the walmart truck hitting uh no i heard that number i saw an ins uh 90 million 90 million i heard oh you think it had something to do with him being famous though probably in the sense that he is a sick lawyer it was for sure and the media about it i need to get hit by something that's immediately ████ it was also really bad because the yeah he got ████ up the passenger with him died and then it was a guy i think he the guy felt like a walmart driver fell asleep with a wheel or something like that do you want is walmart one of the few that probably has their own drivers right like a lot of places they have their own logistics but not a lot of people don't contract it yeah a lot of people are just truck drivers and they
5:50 have like a walmart or whatever mcdonald's yeah yeah merchandise yeah so his was pretty bad and also because he's you know like a writer and if like his brain's not working right after such a crash like that but the funny irony is like after he got his settlement and then he was driving again he bought a bugatti the day off the lot someone hit him no do you think his brain was insured i know there's gamers that insure their hands oh yeah really like if you need brain surgery or something or if you're a writer like you know you're like if anything happens to my brain kind of like life insurance so my wife would get this money or whatever like jlo couldn't your thighs no the same idea she yeah she got her ass and stuff because if something if her ass exploded with the charger then she gets hella money because now she can't make money i think so yeah back in the i think in the ████ um back in the day too yeah backing jenny from the block he had to insure something on their body what would they ensure would you insure your ears no you're like nick that year they're not valuable they're not valuable how do you ensure personality i
6:41 guess you could i think you could insure your brain i'm sure the previous stuff sure you're a good person i want to ensure that that's a good one yeah that's a good one that's what us4 say it's like hey man your personality changed you ████ can't do jk news no more dude and it's like well i can't ████ work because now i'm good yeah that's kind of a thing mike's like hey i'm trying to insure my soul somebody's like here's a bible yeah i'm trying to sharpen my three general vibe yeah dude like my total chills just like i'm gonna do a vibe check and if she ain't right i'm hitting up washington mutual my swag my drip yeah dude my vibe feels off i'm ready to collect how can i ensure my energy cause like man i gotta stay lit dude like i stay lit i wanna ensure my religious beliefs that would make sense like a dancer and sharing their body or whatever like that oh that ████ makes sense if you can't do your job anymore do you think there's any dancer out there that is insured like they might not be like wealthy they've been sure
7:32 for oh that's the other thing oh damn it i want to go there why there's a baller ass dancer no there's a dancer that that apparently allegedly ha uh got some insurance for um if sexual misconduct were to happen to them that's it i didn't know you could do that that's a little darker that way you can do that not not happen to them uh if they were accused of it oh that's even done you have you have like a fund for settlement money to like get someone to not a slush fund does that work wow oh ████ for sexual like misconduct christ that is dark and again that's like an alleged thing that i heard that's for sure yeah cosby's getting ████ tripling down the best dancer of all of us yeah i don't know cosby was a dancer
8:28 [Laughter] it's so funny because of the content that he created and in his ████ crime that it's like holy crap the most famous roofie artist of all time you would never think is he in the public eye now or not he did i know he's out but he's chilling like oj didn't he no i know didn't he get i think we also did an article didn't he get offered like uh some comedy uh stops i i believe yeah no i mean people will pay bro people will go to that fresh off uh fresh out of jail i bet i always got well some new material new material oh my god it's like people ████ laughing their ass off at louis ck like after the fact you know and then he starts just seriously talking about the his situation luis ck's come back from that ████ was great though he actually got away can we not yeah can we not compare them
9:18 louie jerked off in a tree you're right you're right you're right that's true he's a ████ rapist he jumped off in a tree i thought i don't think he literally jerked off in a tree no i thought he jacked up in front of his fellow comics he would like bring people up to his room yeah like wanking and stuff he would get off on jacksonville i don't want to put it on cam you know he jerked off into a plant in front of a lady which is much different than bill cosby roofing folks and ████ raping them yeah that's completely different yeah it's not you guys though but the world does put them together yeah yeah that's like the cancel culture issue they just throw it i'm like dude the moral line there is nothing because one is murder and one is maybe getting in a fist fight yeah right so it's like there's different levels to this yeah yeah but in media it's not immediate it's rapist
10:10 what happened well that's kind of like if you become a sex offender if you expose yourself right so like what if the plant said yes plant said yes it was naughty in the sunlight the ac was blowing it was going like this what kind of plant is that it's a consensual chrysanthemum [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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