0:00 Some of you guys out there may not have an issue with what I'm about to talk about, but for those of of you that do, hopefully something that we say in this video would be of help to you. The question I wanted to ask was how did you guys deal with loneliness when you were at your like loneliest point in life. I guess for me, I I always kind of like it hits me every time I think about this because so late 2001 to 2002 I really like have a mental block that yeah, that like I blocked so much of it out. Was that after high school before high school? Right after high school and I really like I can only remember little patches because you know like whenever people that I asked me like oh have you ever been depressed? Have you ever been depressed? I was like no, what
0:50 the ████ No. And then like after some years I started to think like how come I can never remember what happened right after high school? There's like a point where I think I just didn't want to think of anything for so long that I have no memories of it now. Yeah, I just suppressed it. I'm pretty sure like if I was ever depressed that's when it was happening and I think I was really really lonely at this point and like I had no I felt like I had no friends, I had no money, I was failing everything I tried to do. My license was suspended from like speeding. I felt like everyone from my high school was like upgrading their lives at that point cuz we all graduated. >> Like going to college. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Yeah, exactly. They're going to college, they were you know getting cool jobs some of them and I was just like always perpetually embarrassed with like what I had to share about myself
1:41 and in my imagination because of it I I thought I was unlikable like for some reason and I mean later I found out it was just all in my head but like I really thought I was an unlikable person so I didn't bother to make friends. I wasn't like cuz this is right remember I told you guys like right after high school I thought I was cool and then I went to community college and then they all thought I was a dork. So then I was like, oh ████ I'm not cool. Like I'm kind of an ████ And then I sat with that in my head all the time. And it wasn't until I had um these guys called me that I had went to summer school with. This is around like the end of 2001. They um beginning of 2002, they called me and they're like, "Hey, uh we met some b-boys at Montebello Mall. They said we we can go practice at their house." And I just was like, "Sure, whatever. I guess I'll meet you guys
2:31 up." And uh these dudes were just guys that I I didn't even hang out with them much. They just had my number from cuz I used to go to Don Bosco Tech for summer school every summer and they had breakers there. So they just remembered me from that and they were like, "You want to come to this guy's house and practice?" I was like, "Sure." So it's in Montebello, I drive down um to a like it's like off of Greenwood and uh whatever. And it's this apartment and it's Air it's Airis's apartment. I This is where I met this guy and his cousin Kevin were living together. And uh I was like, "Cool, yeah, you guys seem cool." And uh the like they were also like a three guys from my summer school that were all there and we just decided to practice together. And it was so fun that it like it just like snapped me out of it for like 1 second and I was like, oh ████ I got to hang on to whatever this is. So I came back
3:22 to his apartment like every day for like >> weeks straight, yeah. Just to practice and hang out, play video games, whatever. I was like, I just need to keep coming back cuz whatever I had a whiff of like, this is good, you know, whatever this is, it's good. I need to keep coming back, need to keep coming back. And then that's when I took those three guys from my summer school, Kevin, Airis, as well, and that's we started our first breaking crew. And then I was like, okay, that's a goal that I like I haven't had in forever. So um yeah, we start this breaking crew together and then from that point we were just we had like a united goal of gaining reputation in the in the breaking scene. And that's when my memory started again. Like everything's like really hazy. >> Yeah. >> And then that point happened right there and I that's really the marker for when oh ████ like I was at my most depressed
4:14 loneliness period and then I snapped out of it right when I had actual purpose in my life I guess. Cuz nothing I ever did whether it was school based, church based, even you know, my hobby as a dancer never gave me any purpose. But then once I was able to find people to do it with, then I was like oh ████ it's that's what I needed. That's what I was missing. All those guys were at my wedding. Every one of those dudes. Yeah. They were all there. They were all there own table. My first like breaking crew they were all there. >> Did you know at the time you were lonely before you hung out or is it looking back you're like oh ████ I was lonely? >> Looking back many years later I realized it because I I always prided myself that I didn't have ████ ass emotions like that. I was like I don't have those ████ feelings. And then I'm just like why can't how come there's nothing in that ████ year? I I have such a good memory with ████ and I just there's nothing there. I'm like what did what happened? And I realized it's not only
5:05 because I truly didn't do anything. I was a bum dude. I didn't do anything and if I did do something I was embarrassed to the point where I didn't want to remember I even did it. >> what I always did that made me feel better? >> What was that? >> I jacked off. It would like no matter how low I felt like if I was ████ lonely or depressed, I would jack off. >> Wouldn't that make you more lonely? You're by yourself. >> And at least it would at least bump me up like two notches like >> But you're just you and you. >> No, it'd be like imagine you're just like you kind of like don't feel good and someone gets you like a passion fruit slush. That's what it felt like. >> It's your own little slush. >> Yeah. Okay. Self-indulgent slush. >> But you would just go from here to here,
5:55 and then come back, and then go here. So, so how many times do you have to jerk it to get up here? >> The next day, you got to do it again. >> Oh, okay. You got to keep it up. >> Yeah. My worst depressed, I think, I don't even know if I was depressed, but my loneliest is uh 7th and 8th grade. >> 7th and 8th grade? >> Yeah, I was super lonely cuz um So, I I lived in this part of Cerritos that goes to Cerritos Elementary. So, all the kids I saw at school, when we ride bikes and hang out, that was my neighborhood. Right? So, you can kind of you It's like even in during the summertime, even though you're not at school, you no one is like that lonely or isolated because everyone lived in that jurisdiction or whatever. I got kicked out of there, so I had to make a whole new set of friends at the private school. And then I got kicked out of the private school, so I went to
6:47 the other elementary school that is on the other side of town. Whitman. Whitman Ele- Whitman Elementary. So, so Whitman is where um behind You know where the Cerritos Town Center is? >> Sure, yeah. >> It's all the way on that side. Cerritos Elementary is almost where Anthony lives. It's like border like borderline La Palma and Cerritos. So, it's like as a as a kid, it's like ████ another country away almost. >> It's Helen Whitman School, that one? Is that what it's called? Whitman Elementary? >> Does it look like that? >> Oh, yeah. >> Okay, yeah. Helen Whitman School? Maybe they changed the name. >> Dude, I got an I got in a fight with this big-ass ████ Korean kid. Um I think in fifth or in fifth grade, and this ████ threw me all over the ████ place. And that's when I realized, oh ████ size matters.
7:38 And it was one of those times cuz he was like it was I was small, and then so he would grab me and just launch me, and he was a nerd, too. And I was like, "Damn, this nerd is beating my ass. What the f███?" And then I was like I and I remember it thinking in my mind like, "Where's the ████ campus security? You got to come save me." Yeah, I'm like, "Dude, this fool's going to kill me." >> Did you start it? Did you start it? >> Honestly, probably. But I didn't know this guy had Hulk strength. I remember I had like I was wearing a backpack and I was probably talking hella ████ and I remember he just reached across and grabbed my backpack straps and just went foosh, and I remember flying in the air going, "Holy ████ Yo, David Kim, you better stop that ████ I'm going to GET ████ UP." >> THAT WAS HERE AT THIS SCHOOL?
8:28 >> That was here, yeah, in front. >> Oh, there. Scene of the crime. >> So if you're facing it, on the left side. >> Okay. >> Yeah, yeah, so I ended up going there. And then I went there fourth, fifth, and sixth grade, right? I finally made make my new friends. But when you go to junior high, your whole jurisdiction gets reset, and now I have to go back to um the junior high I'm supposed to go to. So everyone at Whitman went to Feaster Ross. But now I got to go back to Carminita, which is the other the school that I'm supposed to belong to. And then at that time, who you are, who your friends with, reputation, style matters a lot in junior high. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Right? So and then and then that was also the period of since I got into so much trouble, my dad's like, "You're going to be wearing ████ school uniforms." >> Oh, yeah, so he dorkified you. >> Yeah, dorkified. You have to wear school
9:18 uniforms. Every ████ It was It was not even mandatory. It was not mandatory school uniforms. They were trying to implement it, and he goes, "We're buying you five of the same shirts, and you're going to wear that." So I'm like I go to school, and then I got I get a haircut cut by a ████ like Asian salon that usually does women's hair, but she has to like my dad forces her to cut my hair. So, I'm just sitting there looking like a ████ and I have these clothes, no friends, and then I would see the glimmer in people's eyes like "Oh, that's what happened to Bark." Cuz I went to Cerritos in first grade with them, you know? So, they're probably like, "Oh, where did Bark go?" I don't know where Bark is. They're like, "Oh, that's what happened to him." And I'm like, "F███, I don't have it." And I remember being really lonely cuz all the cool kids are I mean, everyone was already cool from the elementary. >> Yeah, they have their cliques, right?
10:09 >> Yeah, they're set up. Yeah, they're used to each other. >> Yeah, they have their cliques. So, like I remember like the first maybe couple of months like during lunch, I'm just like walking around school, sitting next to like the Coke machine, and then being a ████ loser. Yeah, it was it was really sad. >> Nobody even tried to talk to you? >> Hell no, no one's trying to be your friend. Cuz if if they're going to try to talk to you, it's already going to be like, "Hey, where you from?" You know? So, it's like it's I'm like, "No one I'm just like walking around I'm like, "I hope no one hits me up cuz I ain't got homies either. They're just going to jump me." >> Well, maybe if you weren't such an ████ >> Well, how's that ████ >> Cuz you look like a dork. >> And then finally, I made a friend and that was kind of cool because um I'm only laughing cuz I remember this one scene. So, I made this friend named
10:59 uh Ron another Ronnie actually. I met a I made a friend named Ronnie and he was like for some reason a transplant. And then um Oh, no, before then Okay, I made a best friend his name is Donovan. This black kid. Me and him were hella tight. And I'm like, "Okay, cool. I'm starting to build like a little friend circle." So, it was me, Donovan, this other guy named Ronnie. Out of nowhere from spring break, I come back and Donovan's gone. >> Aw. >> You know? Some people always get pulled out of And I'm like, "What happened to Donovan?" The teacher's like, "Oh, I don't know. He just didn't come back." I'm like, "F███." So, I was all sad. I'm like, "F███, I just made my first friend." Then then I went I met my friend Ronnie. We go to his house and we're like all hanging out. He was like this Mexican kid. And then his mom came in and offered us food. And his mom came in with a sari like this. >> Sari? Oh, like the Indian dress? Okay. >> yeah. Red dot, everything.
11:51 And then I'm like in my brain I'm like, I don't think that's your mom. And then he was like And then he But then he was like, "Oh, yeah, that's my mom. You want to eat something?" And then later on I found out I mean like I can put two and two together. I felt like he was adopted by Indian family. >> Okay. >> But then I was like And I remember I forgot what it was, but I don't think that's your mom. But I kept prying cuz I'm just ████ right? And I wanted him to admit what I saw. Like cuz he played it off like it was normal. And then he played it off like that was his I'm like, "Oh, are you I'm not I don't think that's your mom." And he's like, "That's my mom." And I kept prying and I remember one time he broke down and he started crying. And I felt so bad after cuz I was like, "F███, maybe I should have just left it alone." But I couldn't cuz I think I was like autistic where like I'm like, "No, that's not your ████ mom." >> Cuz it conflicts with what you're seeing. >> Cuz he would say, "Oh, these two are my brothers." And the other two brothers of look like Ritesh. >> Right. >> So I'm like
12:41 I'm like, "You You know you don't look like your brothers, right? You know you don't look like >> And he's like, "What are you talking about? Yeah, I do." >> And their last name's Shah and his last name was Conejo. I'm like, "There's a reason why your last name's don't even match." But then he was probably in a state of denial. >> Oh. >> Or maybe they hadn't addressed it fully to him yet. >> Well, yeah, so did he know already? >> I think he knew cuz he started crying. He was like, "F███, I'm a I was adopted by this Indian family. I was like a maybe a orphan or whatever." And I probably was I was just too stupid. I shouldn't have called it out. >> Kung Fu Panda when his dad admits he's not his father. >> Yeah, but I think the more he tried to play it off the more um I was like, "That's not right. I got to like call this ████ out." >> You couldn't just let it go. Jeez. >> It's that OCD boy. >> Not with the autism brain, yeah.
13:31 >> Do you know how they have to be so correct? >> Well, yeah, cuz it doesn't make any sense to them. Like, yeah. >> If he was like, "Oh, that's my mom. I'm adopted." >> I'm Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> But he just played it off so much like, "Oh, yeah, this is my only family I've ever had and this is my fam- This is my brother." But I'm like, "HOW?" >> you know, like, "Okay, I know he's adopted." and just go on? >> How old were you, though? >> He would He can't pick up on those cues. >> I couldn't. I was 11 or 12. I couldn't pick up >> Oh, ████ at 11 or 12? >> ████ In my mind, I'm like, he's like seven. He's trying to share his favorite music with me, I remember, cuz it was the first time I ever came across Bob Marley. He was all, "Listen to this. Oh, this is Buffalo Soldier, so cool." And I remember as he was trying to share his song, I was like, "But your brother." I was like, "But your brother doesn't look ANYTHING LIKE YOU."
14:22 >> HE'S TRYING to move on. >> I was still stuck on it. I was like, "Okay, Bob Marley's kind of cool, but But your brother and your mom, though." But I was so lonely. >> Did you ever find Donovan? I'm sad for you. >> Donovan Washington was his name. >> I'm still sad for you. You should look him up. >> Donovan Washington. Me, Ronnie So, Ronnie, I think was half white, half Mexican. And then Donovan Washington, and we were like good good friends. >> That's devastating for a kid, cuz it's not like you're like you can text him and be like, "Hey, what happened?" >> It's That's it. They're just gone. Yeah. >> You're just gone. >> Yeah. Their parents just make a decision and then >> Maybe they moved or something. >> Maybe. >> Probably. They just It's That's really sad when that happens, cuz it's all It's over. They're just gone. Well, if you guys um have any issues that were similar to ours, put it in the comments below. We'll hash it out. Maybe someone else will have some really good
15:12 advice for you if you If you are feeling lonely. Or if maybe you are in kind of the same period I was where you're about to experience a vortex of time and looking back just feels like a a big void. But, let us know either way in the comments below or if you're a member of the Discord, bring it up in there. >> Or if you're Donovan Washington, I remember you. >> Or Or if you're Ronnie's real parents.
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