0:00 [Music] and welcome back to an exciting episode of the careful boys careful it's safe ladies and gentlemen you know uh we were just having some really really deep talks and conversations with each other just really getting to know each other it's really kind of cool that we have this escape retreat where we can really bond and one of the things that bart wanted to know about everybody was everybody's worst ████ stories this actually started because uh me and nick just finished working out and then we came out and then uh you said you had the most horrible ████ story it's tiff and i'm like whatever ████ story you have right it's ten times worse when your significant other is involved and i'll be like holy ████ and i'm like save it for off the record no did you guys end up talking about someone's gonna take a shower what the ████ is off the record
0:51 careful boys the ████ is off the right yeah there's an old segment to be a part about hey careful boy so this story is not like it's more embarrassing 100 to me let's use the word empowering empowering that's where it's supposed to be yeah exactly so this is all tiff story this is from her point of view i wasn't in the room at all it's tip ████ story it's and she's blaming it on me that's there's that's one aspect of the story that we could talk about vantage point where you start with a different exactly but it's mostly from this point of view so apparently she comes out she goes into the bathroom after i just left the bathroom and this is i guess she was like cleaning the bathroom or something or she found something on the floor and it was like a little ball just a small time it's already the ████ the story is like quick man dude this is it this is it and we have enough time to go around to everybody she finds a little ball on the floor and she's like
1:41 what the ████ is this is that a cuckoo ball she picked it up she picked it up she didn't know what it was she's very trusting that was a ████ ball you're a ████ ball you take goat s████ yeah that's how rabbit ████ more like rabbit yeah greatest of all times i don't and she said circle pellets and she said it was a perfect circle so this is not in the bathroom right this is in the bathroom oh okay it's like finding a pearl from an oyster she picks it up and she looks at it she's like what the ████ is this and then she smells it oh my god and she goes oh that's poop you guys are ████ close your ████ is that unidentifiable visually it means you're close bart [Laughter] i have never smelled jill's ████ and now he wants dude that's ████ close he's not that close to her now he knows that yeah you guys need to share that intimacy yeah exactly i need to work on your relationship you're not a perfect
2:31 spherical thing that brought curiosity into the equation one i don't care what shape it is you know people that go like pretty much i'm gonna like go on a hot air balloon ride with my significant other or i want to go on a ayahuasca trip to get close i'm like you probably skipped the ████ smelly hey barn i'm gonna guess that gio's poop smells like poop i think you just move on but it's like geo doesn't poop what she s████ [Laughter] she'll be pooping after carrying barbecue she got ibs all the time anybody has ibs she's not here to defend herself she can't say anything nothing about nicki minaj he's like geo s████ up her own back sometimes yes i carry her to the bathroom ████ sometimes i go to the toilet and the whole seat has a large street going down to the ████ bowl do you guys blow out
3:21 to their yoga pants so how did you how did you have a comfort like what was the conversation so she goes hey i found a piece a small ball of poop in the bathroom and she goes like she and then she asks me she goes don't you get naked before you poop and i go all the time what do you mean naked before you sometimes you take everything off yeah dude i do the same thing because why regardless of the shower you get blood naked only when i'm going to shower afterwards and i guess in this instance i was i was like yeah i did i did get but in her in her mind she thinks i always get naked before i poop okay and she's wrong which is kind of right though she's kind of like did the poop fall out before you ████ i don't know i don't even know it's mine but we'll say it is how many people how many people share that bathroom
4:12 though it's just me and her and there's no pets she thought it was the dogs that came over but we had just moved in this is like when we just moved in with each other this is like maybe like the first two months you just moved in this is what you did i guess so when you ████ before you shower you don't wipe right you just like make a run for no no i wipe um but i don't i honestly don't were you profusely farting before and you had to you know i think i think that's what it was something lodged out something rolled out of the underwear squat into the seat yeah so maybe something came out but also it could have been hers we have no proof this is her story was it wet no she said it was a ball a dry ball she doesn't know if she's ████ on the floor she probably didn't she probably did but this is me passing blame way to have her back ready and it's speculation you know just speculating that's cool that she's
5:02 still down there you know me i could have showed the floor but i wouldn't know that's a great who done it yeah you know that's really cool of her to still be with you after all that yeah so i'll i'll take the blame for it because it's most likely let's be real it's like like 80 20. when you were just in the bathroom she came in to clean i would guess that it was your ████ unless she came in to take a ████ and then clean or she framed me we don't know we could be friendly we should do a murder mystery game of who done the s████ and then like you start the game yeah and everyone gets to go to the bathroom and see the balls of ████ on the floor and say wait what is that well we know it's nick cause we don't ████ balls i'll say this that was the first and last time it's happening and it's pretty easy to figure out you smell the mouth and then smell the ass that's how you smell the ████ that's how you know it's linked to who what are you sure man well bart doesn't brush his
5:52 teeth so he's like it smells really close no it's just the ass smells a worse version than the mouth but if that's the same like vanilla hits or whatever it is it comes from the same human way do you think that's wrong do you guys think your ████ like smells ████ yeah it does i hope it does isn't that healthy i know it does i think it's got that weird smell where it's like you know this is gross but you like it yeah if you smell your dog's breath in its own ████ it's not the same it's not it's not the same but also though like the a pedigree it is i'd like to think my ████ is like clean most of the time like it's not like i clean it pretty well but that's wishful thinking everybody's booty hole stinks i go knuckle deep sometimes uh knuckles wait you put the toilet paper in your ass i think he puts his knuckle in the gas like like a little dip dude just to make
6:43 sure it gets clean oh yeah as long as your hand's covered in stuff that's totally fine i feel like i'm very thorough no soap at all dude you just wheel out when you do that no do you moan when you do that a little bit all right i bite my lip a little bit to kind of prep myself before i go don't roll your eyes back and look at me like that dude yeah just just a little bit full ████ story let's go ahead and move on yeah we're gonna move on from that ████ story to a new ████ story can we write can we rate it at least how bad is that story that's not that bad it's not bad and it's not embarrassing it's a whodunit yeah it's it's me it might not be yours oh oh now you want the now you want the credit yeah it's me dude i'm the one that s████ balls in my ████ house i am the man of the house upgrading the ending that's just small ████ balls that's the thing no
7:33 it was ████ me man ████ goats and rabbits and ████ they ████ pellets instead of one logs why no i'm just wondering because you know their ████ pellet feed looks like ████ it does yeah it does it really does i'm like why so maybe that's exactly why is it their intestines probably something weird like that they got circular intestines or maybe they're regular s████ but because their bodies are so much smaller than ours it's relative maybe it's true maybe this just has human-sized like adult human-sized ████ goats are bigger than taika is also your son yeah he's a big boy too he's not a normal four-year-old but it shouldn't look like this you should be proud yeah that's pretty good that's way bigger i was scared the first time i saw let's go ahead and talk about your ████ story the worst one i had it's kind of similar in nick's where um shout out to sphere
8:24 now me and gio first started dating small globe and this is like before uh you know before it's like you you first got comfortable but before the move-in phase and i forgot what happened but i got food poisoning and i was staying over at her place was one of those and and she was working like a corporate job so she always had to leave at like 7am type of ████ and um so she left for the morning and i had to throw up and yeah and i'm like thank god she's not here but it's also her bathroom so i'm like her toilet would be like here and then the bathtub would be over here so i'm ████ like ████ my brains out i would throw up between my legs or like oh technique throw up in the bathtub just like bouncing back and forth because circus act because i'm like okay i think i'm ready to like clean up clean myself up and go take a nap you know so i'll be in the bathtub with the hot water
9:14 running and i'm oh ████ no i'm not i gotta go ████ you know when you have like the crazy like food poison your body can't make up its mind yeah so you think it's over but it's not and i'm finally sitting probably on the toilet uh ████ and throwing up for maybe maybe at least an hour and i'm like okay cool i think it's chilled out i still have a fever but i think it's chilled out so i'm gonna go in the bathtub and then i'm gonna shower and then i'm just gonna go to sleep and try to sleep it off i go in the shower turn on the hot water it gets all steamy in there i'm just like letting it like like wash me and it feels good and then i'm like oh ████ my stomach feels funny and then i push a little bit because i think i was done so i thought i did the little fart test and boom ████ diary just comes out and when you're when you're standing up and not in the toilet it comes down and it
10:05 kind of bounces back up so it ████ hits the bathtub comes back up splatters on the wall and i'm like oh ████ the whole ████ it smelled like someone's vaping diarrhea the whole ████ bathroom smelled like ████ and then i'm like that's like dumb and dumber ████ now i feel so bad i'm like washing and i take my bottle of soap i'm also washing the walls and then i'm like looking around and you know like between tile there's ████ grout right and so i'm like i don't need any evidence of this ████ so i'm like looking for ah i'm like ████ trying to scratch it just trying to get very thorough dude yeah the whole the whole ████ between the tile and then when i when i finally got clean and i was and i felt good i went to go uh sleep steep space right now it's crazy and then geo is nice enough to
10:55 take use her lunch break to come back from k-town to alhambra to check up mommy and then i was like ████ should i tell her and i'm like the honest man always tells closure right not to tell her but it shouldn't judge me or anything sadly that's cool you talk about scraping the ████ ground with your nails i was vaping ████ in your bathroom that's the worst part is the steam oh it makes it so bad dude some of the ████ i had to ████ press into the the drain of the bathtub because it's like sitting on there like get get down there do you think do you think bart's just sitting there sometimes and he farts on his balls and he's like oh ████ i gotta go tell jio [Laughter]
11:45 i gotta be straight up about this full transparency when we started this relationship we said we would be fully transparent so i just farted on my balls i felt them lift up a little bit just so you know wow that was definitely better than nick's story i'm going to that's very no judgment but some judgment like bart should get a movie i just get a limited series let's say yeah yeah 90 minute babies 90 minutes it's like 127 hours it's like a whole it's like a hallmark christmas movie no one's gonna watch it but it's there it's there for you guys poor acting it's on oxygen that was like that was the worst number 20. what about you ryan damn mine's mine's very sad oh uh because because this is like a feature film of ████ dude
12:36 it's very obvious whereas as bart's was very honest mine is like a lie it's very much predicated on a huge lie so i shat my gown during my eighth grade graduation while we were standing up on church to waiting to receive our deployment i'm not wearing trousers underneath i mean i was but i mean that's just to give you context of what i'm wearing i didn't just ████ directly on the gown you're just dropping it off like i'm getting ready to flash ████ the gown who says trousers do you want to wear trousers no it's um british that's the real travis costume designer for annie says trousers the ████ is with you dude
13:26 the ████ is with you don't you wear trousers yeah balloons ████ oliver twist on broadway costume designers with us jesus are you even telling this i've never told this uh within earshot of anyone who was there which is like mostly people i grew up with they never knew until probably right now if you're watching this wow you kept it a secret yeah so i had the worst diary of my childhood life at that very moment i i just i just swear like of all the farts you think are going to be farts this was supposed to be one of those and it wasn't and it was very quiet diarrhea and as soon as it happened i i remember i was standing because we ought to stand you mean you you thought you had a fart and it just went yeah but i didn't even try to fart i just went okay that's coming out but i'm not gonna even and then just went and
14:16 you're like oh that's warm yeah and then and then we sat back down and the whole time my eighth grade graduate my family is there everybody's there i'm on stage like on the at the gym all over your butt so much ████ in my pants and i'm just like how the ████ am i gonna get out of this and it's really smells really bad it's oh yeah it's ████ but nobody knew you're you're revealing the secret right now okay look the part where it becomes a lie is that uh so you put you know the kid next to you ████ yes so like got a ████ piece of ████ that's what he gets dude so basically i try to get to the bathroom as soon as possible and uh so you get your diploma yay everyone's happy for you you ████ how did you walk up and accept it were you just like small stepping away it didn't matter i'm just gonna walk right i can't get more ████ in there it'll just be in a different condition
15:07 but then it wasn't dripping off down your legs so what i did was as soon as we you do the the processional to get out like to walk i ████ went for it my family's waiting out there like yeah my whole family in the lobby like like 15 people i just went oh yeah i just buzzed right by him went straight to the bathroom and i was just there for maybe like 20 minutes trying to wash and scrub and there's you're in the bathroom with just like the ████ soap from the thing and yeah i'm in the bathroom like you were like other people are walking in the bathroom seeing you with your ████ pants in the sink aren't they no no one's seen anything it's all been contained like luckily but it's my shirt is ████ done because it was tucked in my shirt is ████ done wow it looks like a graphic tee now and then i'm just sitting in there and he shuts out his chest he's not with a diarrhea what the ████ am i gonna do because right after this not only do i have to say hi to my family and
15:57 everything but we're gonna go on a ████ limo ride with all the eighth graders and we're the the plan was we were gonna go around like downtown and just kind of first time in a limo and stuff and i'm like i ████ smell like ████ so what i did is i um totally dissed my family by the way until this day they ████ don't understand why i did that they're just like you were very rude at your eighth grade you didn't tell them i had ████ in my pants i never did i couldn't ████ call it that's why you're probably gonna do graduations are not about the kids they're about your parents they were there they probably have they probably feel some resentment towards them i get into the i get it to the limbo i smell like ████ the first thing i do is i go this limo really smells like ████ guys nailed it nailed it and then uh they're all like yeah it does like what's wrong
16:48 with this limo and then one of the girls was like this is this is my my dad's cup my uncle's company there can't be anything wrong with it i was like it's probably him it must be the driver am i right [Music] ████ your dad's company is terrible and all the other kids all the other kids are like you doubting all these kids are like your uncles stinks oh my god they're like your uncle now she's embarrassed the rest of the ride oh dude you have so many people to apologize to ████ every one of them and and if he were watching right now what would you ruin his business or her or her i mean can i take away this is a bunch of little eighth graders but uh sorry for that hey they grow up and make money pal i was the one who ████ it was me um yo three phone calls that's okay you
17:39 know i did everything i could to clean up right your limo was fantastic you know people say this show is about ████ fart and ████ but what it really is it's it's a segue to your heart when you ████ talk about ████ you open up not only do you open up your ████ to the world but you that's the vortex to your heart i can't believe this show gets sponsors yup ████ thank you curology skin care products thank you depends depends for children blows my mind i didn't realize that was gonna be so good that we might just need a part two this is gonna be another time we're just gonna have to leave it on that because oh wow come on there's gonna be something worse than me sorry for the cliffhanger guys this is a good bidet episode we're ████ judging eighth grade ryan and ████ yeah let's just say if you really
18:29 really well number one whoever's out there always lie because you can get away with it for like 20 years just like right and people forget what they're like they're like bart you know what happens is you turn off the people that you love dude can i ask you this though you're sitting in the limo you know how sometimes you don't mind the way that your ████ smells yeah are you in the limo and you're kind of like fine but if we're just everyone's dressed all nice and ████ you're not mentally fine because of the guilt yeah but sensationally it's normal you're like hey pass me your water will you get it and then your friends around you like it really smells around here like yeah i guess the whole time he's in the limo he's complaining about the smell the whole time he's doing a good job trying
19:19 to move around and make sure that ████ is everywhere he's permeating throughout your uncle eats i don't really mind it is that hey can you turn on the heater full blast i should have been killed this is pretty unprofessional that's what he's saying yeah you know what you gotta do is uh this thanksgiving you gotta gather up your family you need to you need to ████ be like i have a video i want to show you and you guys sit around and you when you watch this together and the video only shows nick and bartholomew i told him i told my cousin i told my cousin that was there and then she was like no ████ way because i literally just dissed they had presents they were like flowers and i just ████ i gotta take care of this dream i ████ myself but i was like i was thirteen so i was like when you're in eighth grade junior high that's also like your most sensitive like yeah because you really think it's gonna matter forever yeah you're you're dead forever live it down you get a ████ up haircut and you
20:10 don't want to go to school if you're going from eighth grade to high school and like that same class is going with you and they didn't know they would ████ you up oh yeah it's over it's like getting cancelled on social media exactly yes the middle school cancellation yo so i i lowkey encouraged lying on that ████ yeah you
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