0:00 I'm going to allow all of you to take back fake Asian things that you say are Asian things. >> Okay. >> Cuz I'm sick of it. >> Okay. >> [laughter] >> Like what? >> So recently >> Like having a bad childhood? >> [laughter] >> So recently my youngest brother, Kenny, posted on my Crypto Corner Discord. He's like, "My parents are such cheap asses. They would never run the ████ AC because they're such cheap asses." And I responded to him, "This is cultural appropriation because only Asians dealt with this growing up." >> [laughter] >> That was That was a very Asian thing, though. >> Thank you. >> That's Chinese. >> I'm Chinese. >> [laughter] >> But it's not. It's literally just a ████ income thing. It's an income thing. >> experience that, bro. >> [laughter] >> Sick. >> You don't got it. You're You're probably Your house was still probably cool. >> [laughter] >> It was not. It was burning ████
0:51 boiling ass hot. >> You guys never try to save on AC? >> No, they save on other stuff, but not like bare essentials. >> Here's how far my parents went to save on AC. Rather than have AC, what they did was they tried to cool the house by building a My dad, with his own two hands, illegally built this gigantic ass pergola with like sheet metal over it, so that the sun didn't heat up the living room. >> What's a pergola? >> Well, it's like wood and then wood wood wood wood wood >> little like >> It's like a patio cover. >> Like a patio like >> Like a patio cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not necessarily awning, but yeah, it's like like wood slats all over it. >> So you don't get any sun in your living room? >> The whole house is mega dark now. Because because of that, they we didn't have any money, so they just had to save on it. That's like going so far. And then my dad had to go to court because
1:41 it was an illegal >> Oh my god. >> Yeah, so then he took us all to court with him to like get this thing approved because he got told on. >> Versus just paying like maybe 100 bucks a month. >> Exactly. >> For the hot months. >> Yeah. >> My dad bought a microwave stand and shoved a one of those AC units that you can buy from like Home Depot on top of it and then he closed the sliding glass door just enough to like cover that and then he put like a s█████ piece of wood over top of it to cover the the sliding door. And then like blasted AC only in the living room with the s█████ wall unit. >> Damn, that's white >> versus using the central AC. >> That's white privilege. >> Yeah, versus using the central AC. >> Still good. >> I remember just going to the mall or going to the beach a lot during the summer. Cuz that's where the AC was. >> Like Hermosa Beach? >> they probably like ran it at night or
2:32 something. They didn't really run it in the daytime, but I don't remember being home when it was hot. >> My grandparents in Taiwan, which is ████ hot as ████ for >> In humid Taiwan? >> won't even turn it on. >> [laughter] >> I'm like, what the Like they're like this and you can see sweat dripping down their neck. >> The fans >> And then and then you would see him like like try to take a nap and he's like Huh. He's just >> [laughter] >> like and he still has the fan himself. >> Yeah. >> And then finally when it's like way too ████ hot then he'll like turn run it just for a little bit and I'm like, damn, that's ████ crazy. >> Gangster ████ >> Yeah. I'm like >> you don't know what it's like. >> when you become an an adult, you're like, wait, you did all that to save like 50 bucks or 100 bucks? That's crazy. >> got hit by your parents for based on grades you got? >> Oh, ████ Oh, yeah, of course not. They didn't give a ████ what my grades were.
3:23 Are you crazy? >> Wow. [laughter] Wow. >> [gasps] >> Like I remember being in a car with this naked chick at the time and my mom found out my report card cuz I guess they sent it through the mail, which is ████ up, by the way. >> Yeah. >> And cuz I thought I intercepted [clears throat] it, but then they sent one home, too. So, you're you're just Yeah, and then um I was like with this chick and and my mom calls and I have to pick up the phone when my mom calls. I have a rule about it. And so I pick up and she's like, "Steven Paul Green, you get your ass home right the ████ now." She's like, "I just got your report card. What the ████ is going on?" And I had, you know, D in math. I was I got smoked for it. >> Oh, dude. What did you How did your dad react? >> He hugged me. He told me I'm the best. >> [laughter] >> Don't know the struggle. >> Did you get to do Little League sports? >> I did it briefly, but then my mom broke her leg and then never again.
4:14 >> Huh? What? She's not the athlete. How come? Was she batting [laughter] for you? >> Well, she used to take us there, and then my dad was always ████ off at work. So, then like >> Nobody to drive you. >> Nobody. >> Did you ever have to eat and finish weird ████ you didn't want to eat? >> Every time I eat dinner. >> That was weird. What did you eat? What did you eat? >> Lick the plate, basically. >> Like mac and cheese? >> What? TV dinners? >> Uh uh tuna casserole. >> Oh, bro. Easy. >> Disgusting. >> Lucky you. >> Chicken neck cartilage or something. >> Yeah, we fortunately didn't have that. >> Oh, see. >> See? >> Good life. >> You didn't have to eat stir-fried snails? >> I mean, shut up. You didn't eat that, either. It's not like you're eating turtles and ████ >> [laughter] >> I did eat some weird stuff. >> Stinky tofu at home? Yeah, right. >> What chores did you What responsibilities did you have around the house? >> Laundry, ████ dishes. >> You never had to paint the house? >> Shut the ████ up. >> ████ easy life.
5:04 >> to hedge the the lawn, all that ████ >> had to clean the gutter? >> I had to clean the gutter? ████ yeah. >> Never had to redo all the baseboard of the house? >> No, that's weird. >> ████ easy life. >> [laughter] >> Sick. >> You didn't have to do the plumbing? >> [laughter] >> THE ELECTRICITY? >> YOU TURN THE BREAKER OFF? YOU HAD TO work on the ████ lights? >> You didn't have to redo the slab foundation? You didn't have to fumigate? >> [laughter] >> Oh, let me guess. They had someone to clean their septic tank, huh? >> Yeah, we had a Mexican guy, of course. >> Course. Privilege. >> What a life this guy >> one thing you didn't have to do a hundred million percent. >> Please. >> Go to Chinese school on Saturday. >> I had to go to church school, which sucked way much more ass. >> Oh, you're going to heaven. Boohoo. >> Okay, that's similar. That's similar. >> Did have a tutor for like your subject? >> ████ no. My sister was my tutor and she's the worst. >> Oh my god. >> Cuz her big titties were getting in the way. I couldn't even see nothing.
5:55 >> [laughter] >> So stupid. Were you forced to play a musical instrument you didn't want to play? >> Yeah, clarinet. Cuz my sister had one and this was a hand-me-down. >> Oh. >> Oh, you just wanted to put your mouth on it? >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> Just jamming that thing in. >> Ew, she Her lips used to touch these? >> [laughter] >> Oh, that's sick. >> Sick. >> You never had to perform for the family, your clarinet stuff? >> ████ no. >> Oh, dude, what was the point then? >> Well, I did that for school. It was just for a grade. >> Oh. >> No, we No, my parents didn't come. Like we had that band ████ and my >> So you didn't have to come competitively do like recitals or anything like that? >> Well, no, we had recitals, but my parents didn't show up. >> Oh, dang. >> They never had guests over and they're like, "Steven, come here and do your thing. Do your thing." >> Do your thing. >> I feel like we all had to do that. >> WHAT THE ████ NO. >> Play your song. Play your song. >> We were supposed to leave them the ████ alone when they had guests over. It was
6:46 like, "Go to the basement and ████ off." And so, yeah. >> Awesome. >> I see. >> Children are supposed to be seen, not heard. Like that kind of ████ >> Mhm. >> It's big in the white culture only. Nobody else does that but whites. >> [laughter] >> I don't know. I see a lot of white kids and I hear them a lot. >> Yeah, me too. >> Did you ever have a heart-to-heart conversation with your parents about anything ever? >> No. >> When did they say that they loved you? >> Really? >> No, they used to say we love I love you. >> Privilege. >> That's white privilege. I So, the one time that my dad cried in front of me was when I was struggling with acne and he told me that he did that, too. And I was like, "Whoa, I didn't know that s███." >> He had acne as well? >> As a kid, yeah. >> He opened up to you? >> That's ████ privilege. >> I wish he opened up. It was more like he started crying because it happened to him, too, and I had to figure it out.
7:36 >> Dude, you lived a Your life was like Glee, wasn't it? >> [laughter] >> Sick. >> Dad opening up to you crying? What is that world? Like, "Hey, I had it too. He I could tell he had it too cuz he was crying while I was talking about it." >> Holy ████ >> Yeah, dude. >> What a Wonder Years life. So every So every day you had a like one breakthrough minimum? >> Yeah, no. Every 30 minutes. >> Did your Did your mom ever make you translate all the mail that she got cuz she can't ████ read it? >> I used to have to >> [laughter] >> My mom used to cry every day on the phone with creditors. >> Oh, wow. >> So I used to have to talk my mom like back to happiness after it. >> Oh, but you didn't have to talk to the creditor? >> No, no, no. I heard them yelling at her on the phone. >> What was going on? >> They were trying to threaten her basically and be like cuz my parents had hella credit card debt like forever. And
8:26 so it was always like Discover. I'm I don't shout out Discover. They were always the worst. And then um they would be yelling at her on the phone and stuff like that. And she's like, "Oh, you know, I can't play right now, blah blah blah." And then afterward it was my job to be like, "Hey, Mom, it's all good." Like >> [clears throat] >> Like be a little goofball and cheer her up. >> Yeah. That was my thing. >> That's pretty nice. >> Is that an Is that an Asian thing? >> They were yelling at me. I remember that. >> [laughter] >> Tell this to your mother. >> The creditor was yelling at you? >> SHE'S NOT HOME RIGHT NOW. >> SHE'S NOT HOME RIGHT NOW WAS LIKE MY JOB. >> OH. >> They're not home. I can take a message. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> Okay. >> It was hella like that. >> That's sad that you would have to speak to the creditor yourself. >> I like talking on the phone. >> You You did? >> What are you doing? No, my parents told me they're not home right now. They're right here. And they told me not They're not home.
9:17 >> What a gangster, dude. >> Like, "Can I talk to your mom?" "No, because she told me to tell you that she's not home." >> What was the likelihood that if you were out with your parents, let's say you're at a toy store, what's the likelihood that you want something and they'll buy it? >> Uh dep- If we were at the toy store, there was already a deal. >> A deal? >> A deal in place. >> What's that? >> I'd already done something good enough to to earn a to earn a toy. Yeah. >> Oh, you can't even window shop? Like you're at the mall? >> I That could happen. That Window shopping is different, but if you're at Toys "R" Us, it's pretty it's kind of mean. It's like taking a guy to a ████ jack off store and he can't jack off. >> To jack off store? >> my To get my parents to go to a toy store, it was it's like playing just the tip. You know [laughter] when you're like when you're with the girl when you're with the girl, you're just trying to like we're just trying to move it a inch at a time? >> Uh-huh, yeah. >> So my mom would be like, "Oh, okay, we got to go we got to go to the supermarket." And I'm like, "Oh, why don't we go to the one on on the uh
10:07 South Street?" Cuz that's already one closer than the other one. She's like, "Why would you go Why would you go there?" I'm like, "Well, uh you said it was like fresher, right? The the lettuce?" >> Yeah. >> And she'll be like, "Yeah, that's true." And then we'll be like, "Oh, well, why don't you park over here?" And then eventually we'll be like, "Oh, can we just go inside and just look? We're just like I'm not going to buy anything." And once we're in the back, "Oh my god, they got the thing I've been wanting for a long >> [laughter] >> time." So I'm just like moving it inch >> Oh, man. That's pretty smart. >> So it's like playing my just the tip where you're like, "Just put it in just the tip." >> And sometimes she would actually buy it for you? >> No. My dad My dad would. My dad would. >> If I was there if I was there, it was cuz we had an arrangement. >> Well, how how many times have you been watching TV in front of your dad and they had a cool commercial for a toy and you were like, "Dad, can we get one?" You ever You ever done that? >> I don't remember. >> You ever got this thing called a Chinese Nintendo?
10:58 >> [laughter] >> I was so jealous of my Dude, I wanted one so bad. >> I did not have a Chinese Nintendo. >> though, they were pretty sick cuz it'd be like 100 games on one cartridge. >> they're all pieces of ████ All these games are like they're bootleg. >> Bootleg Street Fighter, bootleg Duck Hunt. >> Yeah, and they're terrible. And and most of them don't work, the games. >> That's funny. >> But it But it did say on the cover like 101. >> 100, yeah. >> I did have a computer pretty early and we had this game on it called Who Framed Roger Rabbit. And like the computer was such a piece of ████ that like So basically who the game the idea of the game is you have to like have Roger Rabbit do certain things before the parents come home. >> He navigates this room, right? And there's puzzles in the room. I had that game. >> So I had that game and the computer that my dad bought, he's such a cheap ass that it was so ████ slow that by the time Roger Rabbit took two steps, the parents came home and we were ████ >> [laughter]
11:49 >> Yeah, because it's running on an internal timer. >> Yeah, exactly. The internal timer. And so every time me and my sister would sit there and play this game and be like, "What the ████ HOW DO YOU WIN?" >> [laughter] >> YEAH, IT WAS THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE game ever made. >> It's the weird It doesn't explain anything. It just drops you >> It's like Myst. >> You start the game and Roger Rabbit's just standing in a room and there's just like things like a ball bouncing over here. There's like a dresser right here and you just hit space bar on things and you're like, "I guess I'm supposed to do something." And then the parents come home. >> And you lose. >> And you're like, "What am I supposed to do?" >> It was the worst game ever made. >> Clearly one of those games that was a different game and when Roger Rabbit got popular they're like, "We need a Roger Rabbit game." So they just reskinned it and cuz that's what they had laying in the burner and then all of a sudden it's a branded game. It's total piece of crap. >> And imagine just like being so evil you made a game that makes kids sad. >> I never [clears throat] would have
12:39 thought I would have run into another person that played that piece of ████ >> But there's no instruction. >> Nothing. Nothing. >> There was no booklet that I'm aware of. Nothing. >> That's stupid. >> a bargain bin game, yeah. >> So I guess I guess that was an Asian thing that I did, huh? >> Yeah, but did you have to sit there and beat it before you could have another game? >> No. >> [clears throat] >> I did definitely didn't. >> [laughter] >> At that point I had Pong at least. So we can go back to that. >> Okay. All right. >> All right, so you guys aren't going to take back anything ████ Asian thing? >> No, dude. All that s███'s Asian, dude. You don't even know. >> [laughter] >> What about when Bart said like, "Well, you know, cuz I'm looking for good schools cuz you know that I'm Asian." And I'm like, "You think Asians are the only people looking for good schools?" >> Yeah, for the most part. For the most part, yeah. >> You're not allowed to look for good schools. That's going to look bad for you. >> Yeah, my parents are just like, "I don't give a ████ where we live. They can go to any school they want." >> Not openly express you're looking for a good school. Oh, sick.
13:29 >> [laughter] >> Sick. >> Yeah, you can't go like, "So, what's the demographics at this school?" >> [laughter] >> I can't. You're right. I can't. >> Not allowed. >> ask you guys to ask. >> I can do that. Yeah. >> Yeah, I'd be like, "Hey Mark, can you ask this?" >> I'd be like, "Do you got more people that look like me?" [laughter] I'd be like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got plenty of you guys." >> Yep. Mhm. >> Like, is it Gangsta's Paradise in here? >> [laughter] >> Is it Dangerous Minds? >> Sick.
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