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How Many Personal Things Can We Dig out of Kalyne in 20 mins?

#whiny#cleo#emo#canhear#date
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 If your guys sits you down and he's like, he's like, "We don't like have sex enough." Is that hot or too hot? Bro, him doing that That gets me wet immediately. All right. You're probably all You're probably like She's like, "I wasn't obvious You hear the dripping sound. Yeah. She's like, "Put a TOWEL DOWN FOR WELCOME BACK TO CAREFUL BOYS. TODAY we're talking about how many personal things can we dig out of Colleen in 20 minutes. Let's Let's go, boys. All right. I think I got this. We got our work cut out for us today, dogs. We We shouldn't have We SHOULDN'T WE STARTED OFF LIKE THAT. Now she's going to be blocked off. have declared that that's what we were doing. We should have been like, all right, just having a casual chat. Oh, let's have a casual chat. A fireside chat. But I would have sniffed it out. That's true.

0:50 She would have been shields up and All right, let's let's place bets. How many things do we think we can get off the top? I think three. If you ask questions, good questions, I might I might consider answering. Six. Okay. Um Who's the last Chinese guy you found attractive? Good question. That's a really funny question. Specifically Are we doing Taiwan or are we doing Taiwan as well or just Chinese? I said what I said, all right? It's all encompassing. 10 reasons why Colleen finds Kim Jong Un so hot. Yeah, so sassy. So answer the question that Number one, his haircut. Who was the last Chinese person you thought Answer the ████ question. Answer the ████ question. We're going to get our three. Can you even remember? Six. I need Jackie Chan. Number nine. It's like Colleen's listicles. Colleen

1:41 is looking like like like she's like she's look looking at a war movie right now. There's helicopters. I'm just trying to find one Chinese person I think is attractive. That's the hardest one. That's the hardest part. Sorry, Chinese boys out there. Sorry, Chinese boys. That hurts. Took a hit. Another L today. I really tried to find one. You woke up, you took a shower, and you took an L today. But that's life, brother. You just keep it moving. Keep going, brother. Keep on pushing. Who's the last Filipino guy you found annoying, not in this room? Can I name names? Of course. Cuz I think you know. I think you know. Can I name names? Please do. He was on a folder in the Super Bowl. Oh my god, ████ He was a Kim Jong Whoa, jeez. Who? Can Can we hear what giving you actual info. Can we hear Can we hear You're welcome. Can we hear what

2:33 what was done that was so annoying? Or just his demeanor, like like just his person? Yeah. Oh. Just yeah. But there was not like a particular thing where you're just like Like the the overly neediness. Oh, need Oh, so there was something happening. What's your love language? How's it going? I would say I like them all except for gift giving. Can't say you like them all. Yes, you can. We can't Okay. THAT'S MY ████ ANSWER. YOU DIDN'T READ THE BOOK. Sure can. TAKE THE TEST. TELL ME THAT YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE ALL OF THEM. But it's like a What do you call them? Exactly. No, but there one wins one wins the other one. to put one first, probably quality time. What's number two? What's number two? Quality time, acts of service, physical

3:25 touch, gift giving, and words of affirmations. Air bending. Quality time, air bending for sure. Yeah, air bending's great. Words of affirmation. Quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation. In that order? In that order. Both staff skills. Is there Do you find a big difference between dating Asians or dating Filipinos specifically? I don't think I've dated enough of them to to make a statement about it. Really? Yeah. Sounds very No further comment at this That means I hated them all. It all sucks. They all suck. Don't even try it. It just doesn't It just doesn't work out for her, bro. I think you were trying to ask if Filipinos have the stereotype Is it true that their toxic stereotype lives? What's their toxic stereotype? Oh, yeah, I don't know. Let's be That's

4:15 like a thing that every everything's going on like every everywhere's going around like when they do those street interviews and they're like, "Who's the most toxic Asian?" It's always like Filipino guys. And I think that's like the That's kind of like We're starting to get outed, basically. Yeah. Starting to get some credit. Years of keeping it under wraps. That was the one that was too needy. Too needy? Yeah. Isn't that like the flip of the stereotype? We don't like needy boys? I I don't know. That's an answer, too. I've never Yeah, that's not a normal That's not a normal trait I know of. Yeah, that's a different breed. Yeah. Yeah, that is a Whiny boys are rough. It's a different breed. Whiny boys are rough. What's whiny boy? Like there's a problem about everything. Yeah. How can you How can you look at me like that? How come when you were in town you didn't want to see me? That's how I got my wife, though. What? Being whiny boy. Are you like in my text messages? Is it like I think I love you more than you love

5:05 me, like that. Oh god. Oh god, dude. That is what But sometimes when you feel that way you have to say you have to say it. Kind of. Otherwise you're going to think about it all the time. Get it off your chest. Yeah, get it Yeah, say it out there. Whiny whiny boy. Whiny I don't think you have a chance, bro. Yeah. I think there's a way to express yourself that doesn't need to be whiny. Yeah. What does it say about a person when they do that? ████ But aside from that, let's dig deeper. It hurts my feelings. Insecurity. If a guy sits you down and if your guy sits you down and he's like, he's like, "We don't like have sex enough." Is that hot or too hot? Bro, him doing that That gets me wet immediately. All right. You're probably all You're probably like She's like, "I wasn't obvious You hear the dripping sound. Yeah. She's like, "Put a towel down for

5:55 ████ sake." Steven and I are really going in on this one. What about What about my galoshes on. It's not during dinner, but what about if it's during sex? What? Oh, yeah, whining about it during What? During the act? Yeah, I do that. What? You whine during sex? No, no, I don't whine. I just say those words like, "You know what? We should do this more." you were saying the words, "Why don't we have enough sex?" AS YOU'RE HAVING SEX. NO, THAT TOO. THAT TOO. WHY DON'T WE DO IT MORE OFTEN? Why are we doing this more often? This is great. You and I, we have We have such a great connection. Do this whenever we want, huh? We live together. We can do this whenever we want. Six. That is a sick little hack when you realize that. Sex amnesia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, "Wasn't that great?" you guys got? What's the last dude you

6:45 rejected, like who was trying to ask you out? How did it go? You don't got to say who it was. Yeah, how did it go? What was the conversation like? You said, "No." Last dude who tried to put it out "I don't like you. Don't even ████ talk to me." Even if he wasn't explicitly saying that he wanted to take you out on a date or something, but you could just feel that it was in that realm. He's like, "You want to get go in my car and do stuff?" My backseat just got cleaned out. Is that you, dude? Put some blankets down if you want. No, I think he just asked me out to dinner and I politely said no. How does that sound? call you a ████ afterwards? You ████ ████ You didn't want to go to dinner with me anyway. What? He did. Probably eat the whole restaurant. You ████ ████ And then I said, "Yeah, you're right." So he just said you you said, "No, thanks." Yeah. And he goes, "Well, ████ you then, you ████ slut."

7:36 You ugly ████ Yeah, yeah. I didn't like you anyway. He was like He goes, "Oh, really? I'm just kidding." I didn't even want you. I thought you were hungry cuz you looked like a hungry ████ I just wanted to feed you. Aw, for real? I'm just kidding. What if he was like, "There's no There's nothing like that. I just I just wanted to go out to eat with you. That's all." It was like that. What guy wants to take a woman out to dinner just because he wants to be friends with her? You want to watch a movie and eat my butt tonight? That's more reasonable. What's the What's the cheap like That's true cuz I think when you take someone out that's not you have no intentions to bone, it's usually like a lunch or like a more professional setting like like like hey, let's meet for coffee for this agenda. Yeah, for a specific reason. Or you've

8:28 been friends with them for a long time. They're in a relationship, like Yeah. Yeah, that's Gucci. Or like yeah, like I need a for this purpose of going to dinner cuz I need to vent about my wife and I need a female perspective or something like that. Yeah, that sounds like some adultery's going to happen. That sounds like it's going to lead to something. No, that's like you sit DOWN AND YOU'RE LIKE, "FINALLY I CAN ████ ABOUT MY WIFE TO SOMEBODY." YEAH, THAT'S NOT GOOD. That's a home wrecking session. That's a ████ ████ sesh. It's a down payment. Like what if it was C Boy says it's a down payment It's not a down payment. Down payment. What is the cheapest date that like a dude has asked you on? Like how It's only Ryan asking questions cuz he knows how to Yeah, he knows how to I'm stumped. I'm out. We don't talk to GIRLS A LOT. HAS A GUY ever asked you like, "You want

9:18 to come over and watch this ████ series on Netflix?" Something really cheap. What's the cheapest ████ Cheapest? Yeah, where it's like not even a real date, but he's wanting you to do it. He's like, "You want to come to the gym and watch me work out for you?" Yeah, dumb ████ I got to do some squat PRs. You want to come? Don't even come and work out with me. It's just You want to come watch me? I can ████ I'll pull out a bench for you to sit on. Maybe maybe load my plates for me. Dude, me and Nikki were hanging out hanging out in the bedroom the other night. Six. Six. Six. My boy got it in. Still got it, dude. So then we we kept hearing we kept hearing this like Someone's playing ping pong. Someone's playing ping pong with a machine that he that he has spitting the ball and where it's like tennis or whatever. Yeah. Wow. But the worst thing about it, we looked over the we can see him down there like

10:10 if we get on tiptoes or whatever and the guy has his a date over and she's just standing there watching him do that for like 35 minutes. Honestly, that's one of my biggest fears. That's one of my biggest like Isn't that rough? He's like, "Hey, you want to go outside and like watch me play tennis with myself?" Dude, that is sick. And this chick just stood there, bro. That's cool. Very supportive. You don't want a chick like that. We're wrapping it up. He was still doing it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. Thankfully, I've never had one of those situations. Yeah. But I'm also pretty specific on who I want to spend my time with or accept dates from. Yeah. Dude, when I when I was with my ex and she had roommates and her roommate girls would like tell me about their dates. This one girl was like this guy asked me out on a date. I got dressed up. I came over to his place

11:00 and it was just him and a bunch of his guy friends and I just watched them play games. And then I was like, "That's it?" That guy is so sick. like, "You didn't you didn't like at least like sleep with him or something?" And she goes, "Yeah, we slept we had sex after." He got rewarded for it. I was like, "What is wrong with you?" DUDE, THAT GUY HAD THE BEST night of his life. He reinforced it. He's like, "Dude, this chick is sick." like, "They still had sex after some she They didn't go out anywhere." And she Dude. she looked nice. So he got games and he goes, "All right, guys. I'm a bald." And then they ████ And I was like, "You were the reason he's going to try that with 10 more women." You know what's crazy though is like especially especially when you play video games with your boys, in my head I'm like, "I don't want anyone to ever hear the things that come out of my mouth when you're playing with the boys." You know, and then let alone you have a date there and you still get you know,

11:50 you still get some from that. Yeah, afterwards you go in and you still screw her and she leaves. This guy might be really cool though. This guy might be a god though, dude. Cuz he's like, "Hey, we got pizza rolls over here if you want some." He might be Oh, he ate the last one. He still got laid though. That's so funny. Bro, he might be a 6-ft surfer. Who knows? Yeah, he might. He might. ████ mad He looks like Jason Momoa's, dude. Yeah. Have you ever hooked up with a dude that you previously broke it off with? Have I ever gone back? No, I've never gone back. Wow. You never went back to the future? God damn. Have you ever been on a date with a guy but you're kind of nervous cuz he's too hot? Yeah. You're sweating the whole time. You're like, "Oh, man. My pits are going crazy right now." Yeah, that's I do want to know. You're like, "Sorry, I smell like crazy right now." You never have? ████ I got to breathe for a second. ████ I don't think I've

12:41 ever been nervous because of somebody being attractive. Really? No A guy has never been so hot that you got nervous? But I don't I don't I don't date super hot guys. Dude, hot guys is like they're really intimidating. You never been excited to be on a date I've been excited, of course. But to the point where you're like nervous you're going to ████ up and all that? I think I've been more excited that I find them attractive in other ways. And Well, not if not they don't have to be hot but like you're like nervous to be there and it's just you're not yourself. Yeah, I've been I've been not myself on dates before or have felt like I'm giggling and ████ and you're like, "Yeah, this is ████ dope." Just laughing at all his ████ Yeah. Dog, have you ever been attracted to an older guy? I'm talking like grays in his beard. What's the oldest?

13:31 Like George Clooney type. 50 and up. 40. 50 and up. No. 45. Never did it for you. You never like met But but 40 at what age were you? Like 20? Cuz that's might as well be 50 if you're 20. Cuz it's a scale. It's a sliding scale. I'll answer it. Have you ever been attracted to a guy that is not physically attractive if he was just standing there but he was so funny that you were like Yeah, I've given a lot of passes for people who I developed attraction for later later down the line. That's what guys don't get, man. Nice. Got to stick around. What about young guy? Real young. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Baby young. Baby face boys. Timothy Chalamet. Yo, 18, 6-ft dude got a small dick.

14:21 ████ hilarious. This is what guys think girls want. 18 6-ft dude got a small dick. Like that's all she cares about. What if he's so good at video games that you can't you get so wet? He puts a Konami code in. He's got 30 lives. Chess master 1000, Smash Bro champion. Come on. That's your dream guy, right? Have you ever been dating a guy and then he talked about something in his past that turned you off and you no longer were interested? Yeah. Woah. What was it? That's real ████ We we got three. Two, maybe. That's real. Brian's He's got rapid fire. If what if a guy was like a five but he prestiged in Modern Warfare.

15:11 Opening weekend. Opening weekend. Prestige 10. Does that bump him up at all? Does that fire that guy She She's She just looks at you the whole time. You know, the more we ask Cleo questions, the more we're like, "I don't think we really know Cleo at all." We don't know what she likes. We're actually sharing more about ourselves through this. Yeah. Yeah. Double trouble. Have you ever been Have you ever been attracted to someone that your friend once dated? No. Wow. Girl code. She a real one. She a real one, dog. Okay. She a real one, dog. Also, I think I'm attracted to much different men selections. Than the ones your friends date? think much different circles, too. Okay. Okay. Yeah, Cleo Cleo needs like a

16:01 ████ man. Like a dancer? No. You ever ████ Like a dancer? You ever ████ two guys in the same day? No. You never did same day shipping? Kind of embarrassing. I can't believe you said that out loud. Can't believe you admitted that out loud. Cleo needs a man. At the end of the day, she needs a man a man that drives a ████ Duramax Durango diesel 4x4. You know what I'm saying? Raptor, brother. Raptor. We I mean we all need a man like that. No, I'm just saying that's that's who she likes. That's who she likes. The man the man that goes, "I can fly a helicopter." And he's already magically IN IT. HE TRANSPORTS himself into it. I'm impressed. Dude, now we know what type of man she wants. She wants a man where if ████ cow is running off, she he hops on a horse and goes, "I'm going to get that ████ cow." I'm going to get that steer. He calls them steers. I mean, who wouldn't want that

16:52 man? She She needs this alpha man. Have you ever been into metrosexual boys? The ████ is that? Guys who wear That's before your time. Eyebrows. Teenagers. Maybe 12 and I had like an When did you start liking men? When I was 12. No, but like not not males. I'm I mean like you know how like you first like boyish boyish types and then you get into like men, right? At what age were you like, "You know what? I'm starting to like a more masculine facial like features and then like that type." thought about it in that way. It's a gut feeling thing. how how how old were you the first time what when that that you had sex? I think she's really nervous.

17:46 That's cuz that question came to mind cuz Hannah was like she's like, "I thought so many guys were just gay." So so In America? Yeah, and then well, cuz I was like, "You never got into like You know there's that teenybopper phase of liking pretty boys." Like the gateway of like liking guys, right? Like going straight to Jason Momoa is scary for young girls. Yeah, cuz it's there's a uncle, right? Soft features. Also, like during that time like everybody had like this emo phase. It was like a thing. It was a transition. It was hot though. I liked emo chicks. I liked it, too. I loved the chicks who goth chicks. I literally had black hair under my blonde hair at one point. That's sick. I love trashy ████ That's What do they call that? Brohos? Broho? I I literally had that ████ for like a

18:36 year. You wore chokers? And then yeah, I wore chokers. I had that. And you liked the tall skinny emo boys? And then I had a like yeah. Yeah. Tall skinny emo But not like emo but like I had Have you ever had a crush on or or started liking or started dating somebody that you had just met online? Not not really. I mean, I guess Instagram and stuff like that counts, right? Right? Where you meet through Instagram but I feel like that's just normal these days. Have you ever texted a guy that he should come over but that but you spelled come with a U? 100%. Yeah. You up? That's tight. 100% one of those texts. That's tight. Have you ever been the first person to initiate physical Yes. Wow. What do you do? Do you ask Do you ask, "Can I touch?" No, I just say, "Take off your pants." Yeah. You just do straight to The guy is like, "Okay. All right. Okay. I'm

19:27 sorry." I'm getting bossed around REALLY HARD. BUT I LIKE IT. Has a guy ever like stopped you and been like, "I don't feel right about this?" Yeah, that's tight. Yeah, all the time because I'm so aggressive. Do they say, "Wait, I'm waiting for marriage?" Has a guy ever said that your p████'s too deep? What the Jesus Christ. Her mom WATCHES THIS, MAN. PUT A DISCLAIMER, CAM. YEAH. YEAH. MOM, this is not the It's too shallow. It's too deep, hon. Yeah. This is it? Jesus. That's it, guys? So, we got two. So, I'm all the way in there, huh? Yeah, with your two-inch dick. Too deep. It's a joke.

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