0:00 you told my dad like or at the time he said kimchi Stu because my dad loves kimchi chicken which is kimchi stew and he's like when we we go and we eat it do you regret eating it and he's like no what the hell does this have to do with a murder yeah of course I'm a Postmates [Music] um I wanted to know if we could talk about like I think it could be really helpful for for our audience um if you talk about your experience growing up with a dad that was drinking and kind of explaining how he was able to overcome that yeah yeah yeah sure yeah so um I didn't know but my dad had gone through a lot of trauma as a kid like and I you know he never shared anything most of the Asian parents like their dads and probably Hispanics can relate
0:51 to this too their parents don't really share like anything right um so my dad had went through a lot of stuff he told me this like you know after we kind of reconciled and everything right so he said that um he had like um did some things in the past like when he was in Korea that he wasn't proud of like he robbed people and he hurt people and stuff you know and apparently from what he told me like up a person was killed because of him so he always had that guilt and he kind of drowned out his sorrow with alcohol oh wow and I didn't know that so that must be wild for him where he got into criminal world and then his own kids got into the same yeah that's what he would always say when he would beat me I I noticed that he would be like you're never gonna end up like me you're never gonna like he would say stuff like that and then I was just like damn bro what are you talking about you know like you're gonna you're
1:42 not gonna live that life he'll say stuff like that he would never elaborate on it exactly well that's wild though because he must have came here to change his life and do all that and start fresh and then his kids end up doing the ████ that he was doing yeah and it wasn't just one it was both kids usually there's like a balance you know One Bad Apple it was like both of us were rotten bro you know and um he didn't understand like the culture like of gang banging but also of people getting picked on like in in Korea I guess they didn't really like they were they would bully each other but it wasn't like heck like crazy like getting jumped and stuff like that right when I was 10 I got jumped by four yeah you know and I'm like he he just thought that was so he's like when when I got jumped I remember vividly he was like who would jump a kid like who why would these guys beat you oh they're kids oh so he didn't even believe you at all I didn't believe that was a possibility so
2:33 he grabbed me I remember he was like pretty strong grabbed me by my foot like dragged me in the room and beat the ████ out of me that was literally like 30 40 minutes prior to me getting beat up getting jumped so I got jumped and then I got beat so when you when you got jumped were there like bruises and stuff I mean there was like I had like a little bit of a bloody nose like I had like some welts on my you know and but I didn't have my shoes and I had my backpack so my my my dad was like where's your backpack and where you know what I mean like he thought like he just threw it away yeah he's yeah because I wasn't doing good in school too you know I would rip up like homework or like fold my report card like a thousand times and make it this way I'll be real but so he was like this ████ kid man what's wrong he's dumb you know what I mean like but in the end like I have my stuff taken and I would
3:23 tell him and he's like wow this kid is such a manipul that's what my dad would always say like you're such a manipulator that like you you have to do this like you have to go to this like language oh man and then he just beat my ass and I would steal I was a straight like klepto bro like I would steal everything as a kid you know and and so he he hated that like he hated people who lied and he hated people who still you know so um but yeah and from that I mean he just would beat me and it just made me want to run to the streets all the time like that's what my homies before they were my homies they hit me up they're like you want to hang out I was like hell yeah I'd rather be like with you guys than be at home you know so this was junior high for you or Elementary This was um I started kicking at 11 so like and then but it was like 11 to 12. like
4:14 right I would say yeah like 12 did you go to Garvey or I went to garveying an idiot that's like the breeding grounds of Asian gangs bro I went to Garvey for so many generations yeah crazy yeah that's wild was he like the kind of alcoholic that was like drunk every day but he's a functioning alcoholic which was crazy so he would like take alcohol like to work and ████ like that that dude love drinking Soju like two bottles like in one like one Gulpin that'll that's like what he wakes up to he's like Korean on the outside Chinese on the inside show bro he speaks Korean too yeah he speaks fluent Korean people think he's Korean people think I'm Korean like they're like you're Korean I'm like you speak Korean too I understand it I understand it yeah but yeah my dad would just I flew into Mandarin but yeah so he would he would kind of like do that to not just me but
5:04 my mom my my older brother my older brother was a really good kid though like he actually didn't get into the gangs and stuff like he got in when he was like maybe around 17 like 16 17. oh later wow what what got him into it I think it was just a bullying tooth like it got to a point where people were bullying him my brother I remember he would be like really respectful to people he would like you know I love you guys and he would have like some friends but he was always that kid that was just really nice to people but they took it for like weakness you know and then they were jumping him and beating his ass too and then he was like man ████ like race-based yeah for sure and after that he's like I'm just gonna join the hood like whatever you know for protection me I was more like just a knucklehead bro and my my dad you know it was more like between me and my
5:54 father we had a really bad relationship more than your brother yeah for sure for sure so then with that you just felt like you needed to find a family outside of your own family yeah yeah yeah I mean that's how I felt you know initially and then they treated you well too like it's crazy like in the beginning like my homies would take me out and do everything like and just treated me with a lot of love bro I remember like sitting in the cars or you know like hanging out with them like this is my family like I will die for these people and that's that that feeling was like so strong it was crazy what also you said that you're you're set also had a lot of actual family members right yeah they were like mad Brothers within the group yeah yeah we're talking about this in a different context um totally different contest so not applying but
6:45 um the idea of like finding those surrogate families especially at like a very very low point in your own personal you know journey and stuff like that so like when there's like a broken household or something that's very very difficult to like find that even just some sort of remote acceptance somewhere else is like a very empowering feeling stuff like that so I'm assuming you definitely were experiencing some of that yeah yeah and I think that's a lot of people have experienced that where people who don't live that lifestyle can't really understand outside looking and like why would you join a gang you know but there's a lot of like it's fun yeah that too like if you're if you're getting your ass beat at home which I was or like when my dad split it's I'm with the depressed mom that doesn't even leave her room and it's so sad and then you go to somebody else's house where
7:35 the parents are never there and then you do it it's like a slumber party really it's like a it's like a real bad version of a slumber party you have like 10 15 ████ boys in there sometimes girls you do whatever the ████ you want sometimes you just do drugs all night and you go let's go steal a car for no ████ reason and it's exciting and stuff and I'm like you know what we if if we had like skateboarding or something like white people have extreme sports right they go surfing and they that's how they get their aggression out but they also have their Crews and stuff skate Crews or whatever they have that Bond and I'm like maybe if if we have something like that you know it would it would have been a little bit different because you get bored you're a bunch of the ████ high aggression boys that
8:25 get the ████ kicked out of you all the time and you just like I need to go ████ some ████ ████ up too I need to feel big because I'm getting my ass beat all the time I would feel like that a lot like I would feel like when I looked at other people I would have this Envy like envious heart right I'm like dude they're so happy and I'm not happy so that really made me into a monster too like I'm like why are you guys happy like they have nothing to do with me but I'm like why are you guys happy if I'm not happy and I had I carried that a lot I think that's what made me kind of crazy did you know that back then or is it looking back now you're like looking looking back I see yeah at that time I didn't know I just felt raged and I was just like and I didn't think but now that I think about it I'm like man it's really because I just was it was all it all started from my heart you know I talk about it in software like why why I joined the Gang Too is not like people
9:15 think that because you're from a bad neighborhood and there's gangs and drugs and violence all around you like you're gonna join a gang right but that's not necessarily true because if that's the case people around me all my own like all my people that aren't like gang members they should be in a gang as well right I remember my homie like I grew up with them we were walking in the apartments and I was 12 and he was 12 right I had already been put on at this time and my homie he was like same background he had an alcoholic father mom was like you know whatever he was Taiwanese um but same ████ same age so walking to apartments and this this like known guy at that time drugs was just like weed meth and so it wasn't like pretty hardcore like fencing on stuff right so he had a joint and he's like hey you guys want to smoke I was 12 years old I think that kid was like 16 17. and I was
10:06 like yeah let's do it I'm down but my friend he was like What if I get addicted like that's what he said and that sounded so absurd to me I was like bro off of one like puff like what the hell is wrong with your your ████ you're a weenie bro oh my God I'll take it but he but then he no he keeps going and he's like yeah but like what if I ruined my life like he started saying English dude yeah and I'm like I was not that smart yeah and I was like they're kind of a downer fool yeah like straighter I was kind of like that dude stop being weird man he's like whatever man and we just laughed at him yeah well my life story you guys know it I ended up doing more hardcore drugs whatever whatever but this kid he ended up graduating high school going to Cal Berkeley he works
10:56 for Deloitte now top wall you know accounting firm or whatever what was the difference like his I could see that I trusted myself like hella strong and he didn't trust himself he couldn't say like accurately whether he was gonna get hooked or he wasn't so he never even touched it whereas my dumb ass 12 years old seeing crackheads around and meth heads and all that was like I'm not I'm not I don't have an addictive personality whoa you understand so in that point I could tell in my heart I trusted myself a lot that's why I talked like we had stupid confidence that the way that that Pastor had explained it to you is so applicable to that game yes yes oh ████ you're right yo because I was just like yeah I'm down like oh I'm gonna join the game I'm good I'm not gonna get shot at I will carry guns back I'm not gonna get I'm not gonna shoot it I'm just gonna you know pump fake right yeah right when when people start busting at you you're like
11:47 damn you have to so we everything stems from for for me was trusting myself like oh I don't I'm I'm not gonna get addicted I mean I don't have an addictive person like bro I did math e Coke all that stuff you know so same thing oh my God I said the same thing yeah so you're right dude it is it is that confidence of you know best and you're so stubborn from it and it makes us stupid yeah because we're we're right right if a person you guys ever been around a person who's right all the time like that you can't get through to them but we were those people yeah so when people would say something like man shut the ████ up like you know yeah but that's where I realized like oh that's where I ████ up whereas this kid he didn't trust himself he was like yeah I don't know about that and he never touched it if you don't touch the drugs get hooked onto the trucks he never joined a gang he's from the same area
12:37 girl he knows all my homies but you know he just comes out and hangs out with us time to time eats some food but he has a way better life than all of us just that one like part of his heart and it made a huge difference I was able to see that so you said um that you had an addictive personality you never got hooked on drinking the same way that your dad was nah that so that part I really hated my dad and I was like I'm never gonna be like oh you know but everything else like we started with weed and like back then ecstasy was like a big thing you know so that and then yeah but other than that I mean I didn't and I liked a lot of coke buying I was like a cokehead my buddies got into to smoking crack a lot during that time yeah that was big back then too A lot of people won't
13:27 admit it but they would call it Coke but no one was doing lines man that ████ was hella expensive but everyone was smoking crack for sure that was a big thing dude yeah and I lost a lot of friends just like their minds lost like just locked up because they want money for crack and they did the stupidest ████ and it's like that I I mean like they think that only rocks the black community but man it came to sgv like it was it was first the weed then the party drugs and the meth or the weed and the meth yeah and then and then the crack game and that was the ████ weird ████ dude I think um I I have a question about that when you when you touch the pawn like your buddy didn't do nothing but you did right so it's not just being poor in a ████ up situation there's
14:19 something in us that's attracted to like a group and wanting to feel that love and whatever while these guys don't need it what do you think that is yeah even though his dad was also alcoholic too right is that does that beat his ass yeah his dad beat his ass too but like I said it all comes down to the Heart Like There's drugs everywhere but not everyone's a drug addict there's gangs everywhere not every so it does come to that that that heart and I don't know how that comes about but I think he was able to just kind of naturally have that fear in him which I think is a good thing yeah like when you grow up like us we don't have any fear it's dumb you're stupid they call it stupid down yeah you just do whatever you want you know because you want to be crazy exactly yeah reputation yeah so it's it's but at the end of the day I noticed that like the people who don't trust themselves versus the people who super trust themselves like the ones I trust
15:09 themselves that follow their gut they're they have such a more like stressful like miserable life compared to people who are just like okay I'm gonna run the hamster wheel like this is how life is and you know they follow like the guidance of other people you understand whereas we're like no we're gonna do whatever we want and it was just bad damn so at the time that you um that your dad finally and you guys kind of hashed it out and he decided to stop drinking um how did he even do that how did he say so what happened was he noticed that I stopped carrying her so I would always carry a gun just like as an ex like it was like putting on shoes bro I was like oh yeah socks but whatever and then strap you know but my and then my dad would hate that he was like why do you do that why do you do that you know even when I was coming home like I was still on parole but I was like oh
15:59 I'm had that mentality like what if somebody tries to get me somebody tries to make their name for themselves right so my dad noticed but after about like a year and a half two years I started going to church and doing all this stuff he noticed that I stopped like drinking I stopped like you know doing the drugs and carrying guns and he just thought it was weird like he was just like what the hell is wrong this is not you yeah was he like are you soft now or what he starts monkey yeah [Laughter] you better you better yeah he um so he goes to he goes to my mom and he goes is Johnny doing something like is he doing drugs or something that's like mellowing him out and I'm like what the hell like he doesn't because we don't really like
16:49 talk like that oh yeah because I haven't really like I went to the church but I was still kind of like not fully full-fledged right so then he goes to my mommy to ask my mom and my mom just goes well he's been going to church right like really trying you know to like live better and this dude he goes to um my pastor the same guy who laced me up right and then he asks him like somehow they have a conversation and my pastor just starts busting open like Bible verses right and he hit on something about that murder basically like what my dad did oh she's good because pastor's good man you know I showed him this um this verse and I remember it was Romans chapter 7 verse 17. it says like it is no longer I who do it but the sin that dwells in me so there's a basically he's saying that you
17:41 didn't want to kill that person so he made that example like let's say you guys go and you eat steak right he told my dad like or at the time he said kimchi Stu because my dad loves kimchi chicken which is kimchi Stu and he's like when we we go and we eat it do you regret eating it and he's like no what the hell does this have to do with a murderer of course I would love some stupid I'm gonna post myself so he goes um because you wanted to do that you didn't you don't regret it but why is it that when you did those things that you thought you wanted to beat him up you wanted to hurt him and then when he died why did you regret it it's because you didn't want to do it and then that just like opened my my dad's mind you know and he was like what the hell like that's why you regret things that you do so it's not you there's a force that's dragging and my dad he'd like to work out a lot so he said you know you're
18:31 you're like a like a strong person right but let's say there's four bodybuilders if they lift you up like and take you away it's like you they can take you by your will it's it's stronger than you basically right so this Force inside of us it's really strong right so he told my dad you don't want to be depressed why are you depressed it's because the depression is stronger than you right you don't want to feel bad you don't want to be regretful but it's stronger than you that comes from sin and he started to explain it to my dad the same way he explained it to me and my dad was like oh ████ and then in the end he talks about Jesus but my dad was like I don't want to hear about Jesus as a white guy he's like he's not why he's Jewish technically you know yeah yeah he's messing with him you know and but he breaks it down to my dad and he straight up explains him that you know actually you're perfect but your thoughts they keep telling you you're not they keep coming to you then you
19:22 explained it to my dad too so when you lay up in your bed at night when your kids are asleep and you know everything else like your wife is asleep do you ever have thoughts that come to you and he's like yeah it's like it always starts like this a really small thought oh you're inadequate oh you're lonely and then it starts to snowball you're lonely you're dumb what's what's mad and then he says random flashbacks come you start to regret stuff right and then my dad was like shocked because he thought he was the only one that went through that yeah but yeah articulate that thing yeah that's what you did with you yeah and he was like so you like like he's he used his arm for example he said let's say your arm comes out and it grabs the water and you pull it back that's your arm but if it comes and you're just doing this and it's you're like you're trying to stop it it's no longer your arm or someone behind you is pushing your arm and you have no control it's
20:13 not yours he said likewise when you have thoughts if they're your thoughts and you're like okay I'm not I'm done thinking negative ████ I'm done then right then and there ████ your thoughts should stop but if something continuously keeps going it's no longer your thoughts do you understand like if it keeps coming to you it's not you he started explaining the spirit like evil spirit and and my dad was just like this totally makes sense whereas everyone else he always thought church was like brainwashing people yeah making them you know like you know take their money and this and that but he was able to see that the pastor knew him just like he knew me without even knowing him basically wow and that's why my dad was like there's something different about this like bible stuff you know he grew up in Korea Korea is like really Christian actually it's overall a Christian country but my dad hated them
21:03 he would throw like bottles at the churches and stuff it was he hated people like he said you guys are dumb and but then he started to he comes to church now that's awesome yeah and he's just like man it's it's just different you know like his heart is different and so the pastor told him how do you quit drinking you know like you have to the thought will come that you you want to drink but you don't have to follow that thought you know so he explained to him when you're out in Korea there's vendors how the hot dog you know they like saying stuff right do you hear hot dog and you just run and spend all your money and buy it no you think about it when's the last time I had a hot dog oh that's right no you know what I had one last week I'm good this time and based off of the thinking you make a decision likewise thoughts come right hey you want to drink and they make you even feel like you want to drink but he said you don't have to follow that you can
21:53 actually sit back and realize that that's not your thought there's an evil thing that's making you do it because when you drink what happens your wife is miserable your sons are miserable you're miserable so my dad started to he started to give him like that braking system and then my dad like slowly but surely he started cutting down wow some people just need the tools to the structure right exactly that's what I'm saying it's all about the thing like deep thinking and overthinking is different we mix the two oh I'm I'm I think deeply no you're overthinking my dad with most people are overthinkers right they think deep no they don't think deep I'm sure you can like relate to this but if you felt disrespected in the past you couldn't let that go and you needed to hurt them huh like that was so hard for me like and I felt like such a ████ if I didn't do anything yeah bro and if and if I just
22:43 I'm like my reputation and all that if I don't hit him at least I feel like such a ████ but then now I'm like I don't care yeah what's the point but back then I feel like everybody that's in that world where you got bullied it all starts at bullying you get beat up as a kid from whoever because they want to take your shoes or whatever and then later you're still thinking about you're like 17 and you're thinking about that 10 year old that bullied you and then all the Revenge you're taking it out on these random guys that disrespected you a little bit maybe they did they maybe just look in your eye you know and I remember just lashing out yeah that's so crazy and you still remember the the first bullies yes and then that's the that's the overthinking that you're talking about you just I'm not gonna let them disrespect me yeah that's crazy
23:33 yeah yeah I mean I I would I would be like that too bro like anyone who looked at me a certain way I couldn't even handle it like it was so crazy if you think about they're just looking at you like we had mentioned it earlier like who are those guys we're like oh ████ we're eating our freaking JJ Cafe yeah yeah but it was it it like he said a Bart said it that pts it just pops out of you yeah but I also have that even till this day they're well you've been in a deeper like you've been like I had a lot a lot of years to get away from that but I still have it like I just don't even like going clubbing or anything I just feel like s███'s gonna pop off it's never gone completely but yeah even if it's like five percent or one percent there's just still like like I see people just they're able to drink and just like lose control or whatever not at a party no no in a public space I
24:24 have to be sharp a little bit no matter what you know when there's drinking and it's night yeah I'm like that's where Anthony comes out [Laughter] [Music] oh foreign
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