0:00 [Music] okay gentlemen you get locked up in prison i wouldn't i'm a good dude you know yeah video's over play with me someone can frame me somebody like me could frame me for something no yeah i don't hang out with you oh yeah oh you don't hang out shady cats i love them only cool cats so what's the one thing you would bring in with you and how would you get it in through the ass of course you don't even know what it is a phone a phone i think so yeah so i could stay relevant make some tick tocks you know hopefully do jail tick tocks jail vlog jail vlogging my vlog would be pretty dope yep plan my escape with it somehow ooh a mukbang a jail mukbang yeah i gotta do jail mukbang you know it's pretty good that is good uh well you're
0:51 you're very good at that by the way um but he did not put it up his ass what did he swallowed it he swallowed it oh stupid what was it going to do puke it back out put it up your ass you idiot if i put in a balloon and then inside i can't even do like vitamin pills how do you do a ████ phone why didn't he just do the large intestine versus the ████ small one it's not just girls who have no gag reflexes sometimes guys you have to remember that oh he held it at the he got it in there bud and he swallowed it like a sword swallower what kind of phone like a like a motorola razor a nokia 3310 i knew it was no you can't vlog on that i need a modern day you've seen the new one uh the touchscreen that folds you're gonna play snake the classic ████ nokia snake yeah 33 tenths smaller i know they still had though the smaller ones do i had that phone in high school with a get rich or die trying 56
1:42 [Laughter] and the ringtone the game you should go to jail you should go to jail for that hard dude 50 cent had a video game that was off the ████ pain you had a video game yeah get rich or die trying and he had a blood in the sand or some ████ he had a sequel dude i was hard dude i don't know i'm soft now dude when you see that phone and you're going to jail that means like he was like this and he thought about it he goes no my butthole's too tight i gotta put it this way no way that hurts less right i'm doing the pooping i'm doing it too yeah i'm doing the pooper yeah i think so too because it feels good at least you know it feels good and i'll just go in and out for a little bit yeah the vibrate feature yeah hey call me real quick they must be able to like keep their ████ real deep because when you get processed in jail they go up they make you blend bend over and squat oh really yeah they make you
2:34 crack a smile you have to pull your cheeks yeah and then you have to squat so i'm like that phone is staying in there if they if they kestered it do you think these guys practice like how do they practice they practice by getting buff ████ or you could do that just jamming it in there i don't want that phone though like what are you going to do with that they're preparing that prison pocket he's like i just ████ love snakes are you talking about the web capabilities of it i'm just saying like what are you going to call someone you're going to get caught right you could probably barely text well his i mean i don't know what his plan was but he had to get it surgically removed oh he couldn't bring it back up no he was complaining about stomach pains for several days it's kind of like the dark knight right when the guy had this he's like oh michael chubby ████ yeah dude get over it so yeah he's taking the gastroente enterology department where the doctors
3:24 discovered a nokia 3310 in his stomach oh my god doesn't it depend on the level of prison to or whatever they give you phones sometimes did you like earn that yeah like your phone privileges yeah yeah i just want to get a cell phone though maybe not also does the phone work afterwards how well does it look like where did he put the charger imagine he's like oh ████ you charger ████ the charger that's up his ass is the cord sticking out i know how he's gonna get it out he was really planning on shooting it out yeah and how do you charge it dude yeah he could have just had the ████ phone here the charger here and then clicked it together and just plug his ████ there you go maybe keep it hidden he didn't really think he was going to ████ it out he pulls it and he shoots up that's crazy it's a whole system though like they could be like oh you know that guard over there i know that guy's cousin lives in the hood i'll tell my
4:14 cousin stop being your cousin's ass if you could just charge us from like 10 minutes you know there's like a whole system that's all right but no one's got no kia charger unless we're talking about 1998. it seems easier to just get a phone that way once you're in just do favors till one ████ shows up then just swallow one and hope it doesn't wreck your gut but what if the swallower is supposed to be the favor bringer it wasn't even muggling he was the middle man yeah i'm the amazon of jail and i got caught yeah dude is that i'm sure that happened he's the amazon package he probably gets beat up as soon as he gets the surgery he gets it out they're like they're gonna ████ him up for not bringing the phone yeah they're gonna ████ him up yeah they should that's so good put up your butt bro everybody knows that everyone knows it maybe he was just like i'll bring it in but maybe i could just ████ it out this way have you guys heard about phone time no what's that you know what phone time is funtime's a new thing where like so like there's a lot of um
5:05 sports teams and stuff now where they have practices and you're supposed to be there all day and now they have like a a break for phone time because people are so into their phones it's like a cigarette break yeah that they need like their little cigarette break that's crazy yeah it's a thing wow so i think this guy needed his phone time pretty bad yes addiction yeah that's crazy it went to his stomach like it went all the way in oh my god what's the longest you can go without checking your phone uh i don't know at least a day we check a whole day yeah at least the whole day yeah i think so i think more than a day we'll do it we'll do it tomorrow tomorrow yeah like if i go on vacation with the family i know i'm trying to be like there or something i just put my phone i'll leave it like in the car or in the rv so i'm not even tempted it's a treat to have no phone dude ████ that i was buying nfts during my dad's birthday song i'm not kidding i was on my laptop
5:56 they're all doing happy birthday around me all my nieces and nephews are running all over the ████ place and i'm buying entities that's that's different because that's finance related though like if i'm not doing ████ i'm just like what the ████ is that i'm not making money doing this yeah i could see your motivation if i had stuff like that i'd be doing that if you're trading yeah yeah but not like to check that's profitable it is still so all addictive and stuff like that yeah there's so many real bad yeah i think it's gonna get it's already bad it's going to get worse you get everything onto your your your food going where to go your dopamine your career do you believe do you believe it's linked to like how you don't want to have certain thoughts like right when your mind goes idle and you don't want to think about anything like sad you just for sure you know like when you stand in line and there's nothing to do but think about how bad your life might be yeah for sure i mean that's what like tv movies right a little escape or whatever now your phone's just a constant infant in the sky you could be
6:46 yeah non-stop there's no time for boredom anymore but we convince ourselves that there's important things to check though for sure i definitely do that for sure it's absurd and it's like playing roulette with it too because you never know if it is going to be interesting or it'll be garbage now most of it sucks when's the last time you actually saw something on like instagram you're like damn that's actually so it's changed my life has anyone ever read something inspirational on instagram and then was like i'm going to make a change yeah yeah i'm going to church like that too yeah never love life some ████ like that put the ████ out of here what does that even mean well yeah because algorithmically you're just being fed everything you already think anyways it's getting choppier and choppier too like tick tocks are five seconds or five seconds youtube's ████ 10 seconds shorts now wait where's that 10 second shorts yeah it's called youtube shorts dude can you believe that now our trailers have trailers like before the trailer starts there's a trailer for the trailer right the reveal yeah the teaser the s███'s whack what
7:36 does that even mean dude i want to see a t-shirt when you see the reaction videos to the ████ reveal dude reaction videos have blown up oh my god reacting stuff gets more views than like the original yeah the thing then the thing itself it's because people need to know that other people think that too or something you know they're hanging out with them they do it a lot on twitch and people just it's like i have no friends and now i'm watching you react to stuff so it's like we're kind of hanging out sounds kind of sad no it's sad dude we're heading down it's not good because less and less people are like hanging out with everybody we have like like not to get like too serious but yeah we have like no community in our world no yeah we were talking about it the other day was a good community proud boys great community those guys no joke that's why we're talking about the podcast it's like everyone's finding their community on their online idealistic belief of red versus blue
8:26 democratic republic rather than crazy you're your neighbor yeah ████ ████ hit the fan in kovid and everyone buys guns to protect them from the neighbor but i'm repping republican or democrat online no worries and i have no clue when ████ hits the fan the republican party ain't gonna come save me no but maybe if i had a real community friends neighbor with diversity actually i didn't get guns to protect myself from my neighbors i got my guns so that i could go get my neighbor's ████ true yeah for everyone for sure toilet paper that's what everyone was mostly for toilet paper yeah i'm like you know i didn't stock up so i'm gonna need to like i wasn't prepared i saw i saw you go to costco yesterday okay okay ████ don't think about chicken bakes chicken bacon bacon with all the hungry bands yeah i love how out of all the things that could have been a shortage it was a
9:16 paper shortage yeah food how much i asked you i know and it was purely because people were buying them in crazy amounts that was the only reason why it's also the only thing that saved me because i had toilet paper during covid because i went to costco first and nikki was like eye rolling and you were bartering with everybody you don't need this much toilet paper you idiot and all ████ and then during kovid guess who was her ████ king yep guess who saved her after her face every day yep didn't give her any toilet paper oh would you like to use some toilet paper oh my hero good thing we have some yeah good thing you had a stupid guy i remember i was very stupid remember i was the dumb guy
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