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Which One of Us is the Straightest?

#kiss#straightest#halfmill#gayeststraight#smartestdumb
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0:00 I'm not going to save Tiff's life. No, I was like, "Yeah, I'd kiss a guy then. I kiss a guy." Welcome back to another episode of Care for Boys. Today we are going to determine which one amongst us is the straightest one. I would say Nick. You think I'm the straightest? Yeah. I think you're a good contender for straight. Yeah, I think you're the one. He's the gayest and the straightest. I like to hear you state your case, though. That's also Joe, though. I'll tell you why. Joe's the other side of the gayest and the straight. I'll tell you why I think he's the straightest one. I think cuz he wrestles with men all day long and stuff like that and has to be on the ground with them and doing like very sexual looking poses. A lot of 69 positions and I don't think that you're actually that interested in guys because of that. Yeah. I think he's the gayest straight guy. I think he's the straightest gay guy. Interesting. Break that down. Straight gay gay straight. And our girls

0:50 think that too. Gayest straight guy. Actually straight. Oh, straightest actually gay guy. Oh, I see. Like if you I'm the I'm the closeted gay and he's actually the closetedest straight. That kind of makes sense. Like you know Muhammadan who does like the tech company stuff. I think he's the dumbest smart guy I know. But I look at you I think you're the smartest dumb guy I know. He likes I see that. I see that. Wait, what makes Sean smart dumb? Explain. Sean is smart. But he is dumb. Brilliant genius guy. Tech company, you know, multiple entrepreneur, startup, a lot of different things like that. He can code basically in his sleep and stuff. But like regular life stuff when he like he talks about like regular stuff you're like you ████ dumb ass. So like he goes to the car wash backwards or some just the most. So he's the dumbest smart guy. Dumbest smart guy. I know. So he's just autistic. What has he done that's dumb? Dude, how can you describe it?

1:41 Like the way he explains like like he can like make a website in like 30 seconds, but if you ask him about Oh, he just speaks so matterof factly like as if he's like chat GBT just giving like this is the answer. This is the source material. But it's like where did you learn that? He's like, I I I just assumed that. And it's like, that's absolutely wrong, though. What you just said, it sounded factual, but you're absolutely wrong. That's not how you make that or that's not how you I do that to make you literally all day long, and I love it. Yeah, but you do it probably as a joke. You do it as a bit, but he's just like, "This is how I compute things." Oh. Whereas Bart, smartest dumb guy we know. How does that work? Cuz he's dumb, but he's like the smartest version of the dumb guy. Yeah. Yeah. And they're right next to each other. Like you think of him as like stairs, right? All the steps are like the same level of step, but then it's like this is just a second level, right? So it's like Bart's like right here on this level, but he's on this

2:31 level. And then Sean's like in this level, but he's like on this step. Do you think I would find what he's dumb at Smart? Smart. And he thinks whatever I'm dumb at smart. I think you two if put into a room, you guys would be like two monkeys of different species like that were just like at the territory of each other and be like, "Ooh, ooh." picking each other's. So, baboon and gorilla. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But you wouldn't like fight each other. You' just be more curious that like, why do you look like me? Why do I look like you? Who am I? Very smart, though. So, yeah, back to it. They think he's the gayest straight guy. I think he's been with one woman his whole life. That's pretty straight. That's really straight. Yeah, that is pretty straight. That's probably the straightest thing I Which is why his daily activity has to be like only does podcast with guys, only rolls around with all these dudes.

3:21 around men all day sweating all day long training people I'm around a a strong a lot of strong men but by now there would have been a story about you and he's raised by women yeah but that's probably the case straight yeah was Joe extremely straight optics but like he's getting railed in the ass by dudes all night long all night long every night what that's not a straight he does like butt play more than any of us yep I would I don't even want say he's the only one here who likes butt play That's what I would say. And part of me part of me is like, man, I I wish that I was into that. But there's no part of me that's into that. But play. Yeah. Especially not my butt. Cuz you're a straight gay guy. Yeah. But but would Tiff like if you told Tiff, "Hey, Tiff, I'm into butt play now." I feel like it would spoil the stuff she already does. I told her, she goes, "I'm sorry, I can't do that."

4:11 And I'm like, "That's why I married you." I think cuz she likes to poke your ass. But if you were like, "Do it more." I I told her the other day, he enjoys it too much. I was like I was like, "You put a finger in my ass, but like you won't put your mouth on it." That's what I said to her. And she's like, "Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't." And I'm like, "So you're all talk." That's what I said. Nice. Nice. You got her part. She's like, "So you want you want to do ass stuff?" I was like, "No, but I'm just like I'm annoyed by you trying to put a finger in my butt, but you're not going to do nothing about it." So it's like, I'm annoyed by you not going the distance. It's like, "Hey, guess what? It's there. It's yours. If you want it, put more effort into it." Yeah. So that's why I say words. That's good. So, I guess I'm the gayest gay guy now. We know that's not the gayest gay. What' you say? We know that's not what you said. No, I swear that's word for word. This is probably the real interaction with Nick and Tiff, right? She's walking up the stairs. He credit cards. Woo! Right. Flirting. If he's

5:02 walking upstairs, she credit cards. He's like, "Oh." Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where's Joe? No. No. Where's Joe? Joe's walking up the stairs. Hand goes like this. Joe probably turns around like No, I pulled down my pants. Yeah. Pull down your pants. Look over your shoulder. I think you're a a top straight guy in a different way than Nick. I'm straight gay. No, you're pretty straight, dude. I think I think you're straight as well. I think you're too straight, actually. Yeah. I think you're kind of toxic straight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're like He needs to go to therapy. I think Anthony is the straightest lesbian. That's true. He is straight. I think I think look I think Anthony Anthony Anony's obviously this the he's like the butch kind yeah give it to me like you I think you're the most thoughtful one out of everyone here which makes him kind of gay he's very thoughtful but then more of a

5:52 lesbian you bring balance to us right man but also I think but deep down like he's very thoughtful to women but I also think deep down he's a red pillar kind of like he has red pill values you know what I'm saying I see that like it's a blend he's like the feminist guys that you never suspect will beat a girl up, but he does. Red pills here. Anony's like I'm flirting with it. He's equal rights, equal fights. Lesbians for Trump. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, give me give me give me my specific red pill tendencies values. Allegedly. Allegedly. I think it's because when you have I don't want to make you sound bad or anything. No, no, just go for it. Go ranting about chemtrails, but not even that. Not even not even conspiracy things. I think I think when you when you ranting about make love to as many women as you have. Yeah. I think you don't see them as people. No, not that.

6:42 Not even that. It just I think it's hard it's hard for you to not live also with the red pillness as well, you know, like it has to kind of be got too close to the sun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when guys who fight, right, part of them are always kind of like they got a chip on their shoulder or was a little a little broken. It's kind of like that. You can't you can't get both. Yeah. It's true. You can't get one separate. It has to be together. So I think a little bit you're a little red pill and he he does that to live with the shame of using his giving his body away like that. I'm afraid you're right. Oh no. I think but that's your masculine side. I think that's where the toxic masculine. See he can say he's afraid. None of us would would say that. Yeah. We're too hard. We're just too hard. Yeah. Yeah. We're too closetitive. Wait, what makes him the Yeah. What about the straight lesbian part? How does that work? I thought it was funny to say. Yeah, cuz he's like styling. Okay. How about this? How about this?

7:33 Smartest dumb guy we know. Dude, tomorrow we all come back to JK, right? We're here tomorrow anyway. The whole day all day. And Anthony and and and one of us one of us made out with a dude last night. Who would be least surprised to find out that one of us made out with the dude last night? I think it would be Anthony. I wouldn't be that surprised. If I made out with a dude if you're like, "Yeah, I last night I got drunk and I made out with a dude." Yeah, that's true. I'd be like, "Yeah, it depends on be surprised." No, I want to be I want to be because of all of us. No. If Anthony comes back like, "Dude, you're not going to believe what happened. We were just ████ drinking. Me and my ████ boys, you know, we're ████ we got drunk and we just ████ around. We do get drunk together a lot." Yeah. First, we're kissing each other on the cheek and then we're daring each other. See who could get closeer and closer. That's you guys. That's your crew. Think about this. Booyah.

8:25 You're always in a hazy like environment because you guys are always hazing new new ninjas into ████ So you It's more likely that you would come here and be like, "Yeah, I made up with a guy last night." Anony's hazy as ████ We had to bring him up. I got dared. You know what? You know what how he would say it though? He would go, "You know what? I think I made up with a guy last night." Yeah. He didn't even realize it until now. Honestly, if any of you guys said that, I'd be ████ horrified. He's so like he's be like, "Are you guys okay? Anony's so straight. If he told that to me, I would go and then he would go, "But I'm not gay." I gay. It was only nine and a half minutes. No, dude. It would not be. You know who it would it would be? Joe. No, I would suck a dick before I kiss him. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. No, but Joe would walk into the room and be like, "Dude, he kissed me." Oh, that's true. You know, you would just It wouldn't be

9:15 consensual, but it would happen to Joe more than it would happen to me. I actually think the person least likely to kiss a dude in here is probably Nick cuz Anthony would kiss a dude under haziness. I think Steve would kiss someone for the bit. I would kiss someone for curiosity. Ryan would probably kiss someone for the prank like I'm going to send this to your wife. Yeah, Joe. I don't know if he would kiss someone, but maybe would force me. He's unpredictable. Nick, I can't really think of an alibi. Like a realistic alibi of why it would happen. I would honestly be like ████ no, dude. I would be it would make me squeamish like I'm not going to kiss I'm not gonna save Tiff's life. No, I was like, "Yeah, I'd kiss a guy then. I kiss a guy." What up, guys? Come join our Patreon because there's hundreds of videos dating all the way back to 2019. That's right. If you click on the link down below, you can join our Patreon. Join us on the Discord. Come chat with

10:06 us directly. Have a fun conversation. And this will help support the channel's growth and new ideas. and also tap into our closer community by joining our Discord and get the opportunity to suggest video ideas like the ones you've seen. Thank you guys. Join our Patreon. Help us out. Thanks. See you guys there. Say hi to me. I'd rather get a tattoo. Whoa. Dude, what are you worried about? I was knocking there, brother. No, Nick would kiss a guy because he was peer pressured into it. Me? I think No, I don't think you could peer pressure me to kiss him. Maybe I think I kissed a guy in a Bart Baker video one time. I would for the bit. I kissed my friend out of the mouth once, but it was for what? cuz I was trying to make a they said I couldn't do it and I was like I could do it. So for theirs peer pressure see pure pressure. It was more of a my early 20s. I was trying to make a

10:56 porno. You had to start with kissing. Wait. So would you what if um one of your clients like a man? No. Okay. ████ no. You didn't hear the offer? Even the Armenian guy. He didn't hear me at all. He didn't hear the offer. Nah, dude. He smokes too many cigarettes. No way, dude. So, you smell like my dad. That's what I said. The guy was like, "Kiss me, coach." That guy, he's like, "Coach, you want to kiss me?" And I'm like, the Jeep guy, he's never said that. Nick, Nick, Nick, are you ready for this? A guy, maybe I should save this for tomorrow cuz pretty could be 18 minutes. Two part shop never ends. So, no. A guy, you know, he really is attracted to you and really likes you and all the uncomfortable things. And he's like, "I really have feelings for you and stuff like that, but I know you're straight. I know that you're married and stuff like that. I want to pay you. I'll pay you $100,000 if you just sleep in the same bed with me tonight. I'm doing it one

11:46 night. Sleep in the same bed. I would tell I would tell him, you know, the whole time that like he really like has a big crush on you. He gets the blindfolded the whole night blindfolded. That wasn't part of the deal, man. And then he gets bricked up. No, no, before that he's going to be like, I'll give you $50,000 more if you let me be Big Spoon. And then you're like, nah. and then be like, "Okay, how about how about I give you 50,000 and I can be little spoon." And then you're like, "Okay." And you need to do that, right? And then he gets bricked up and he goes, "I give you another 50,000 if you let me rub my dick on your butt." And I say, "Arman, that's when I that's where I draw the line. I'm sorry. I'm not a whore." But it keeps going higher and higher, dude. For 100,000, I'll sleep in the same bed. I'll sleep. But part real answer. If you guys ████ I wouldn't judge you. I say yes. I sleep in the same bed, but then I go, I don't know if I could do this. and I'll leave in the middle. Like that

12:37 would have be me. I'd be like, then you have to you have to also pay. I don't have enough grit for that. You know what I mean? You also have to pay 10,000 if you leave in the middle. Crazy. He gets a deposit. I'll take the 250 and let someone rub their dick on my butt. It's not going to go in though. I I'll let him I'll let him come. It's not going to go in. Would you get Would you um for 250? I'll let him rub the dick on Would you allow it? But what if he comes? I don't care. I don't give a ████ I'll shower. And you actually got Khabib as a guest and he comes in and it's just customary for him to kiss the guy on the lips, the first guy he sees in the room. I'll kiss Kabib, dude. If it's part culture, yeah, I kiss him in the mouth, dude. But then later he says, they do that. No, they don't do that. Later he says, brother. What about gay culture? What? Wait, what? I'll be like, that was so funny, Khabib. Would you kiss? What if a guy What if I if he leaned in? Yeah. No. No. In the mouth and it's my culture. And he

13:28 did that to everybody. He did that to David. No, he only does it to you cuz he thinks you're the strongest one. I'd be like, "It'd be my honor, sir." It would be an honor. I would say that's He only does it to the people he respects. Yeah. Like, what if you won a jiu-jitsu competition, you're on the podium, and then the guy who gives the medal? No, I'd be I'd pull back. That would be that'd be weird. I'd be like, "Yo, dude, Jeremy's Argami of Lion Hard Jiu-Jitsu." That would also be even more weird. Like, if one of you guys trying to kiss me, I'd be like, "Yo, what the f███?" When Jeremy's like, "Dude, you got to make out with me. Otherwise, we lose the the gym." I'll be like, "Then our business is not meant to last, sir." Then our business is not strong enough to last. If this is what it's come to, you see the uh island boy thing. The island boy is talking about like when he kissed his brother for 6 million cuz he needed the money. Oh, 6 minutes. 6 million. Wait,

14:20 they got $6 million for that. Kiss their brothers. I don't think so. They bullshitted. Who is this mystery perverted billionaire? They had here six mill. I thought they had only fans and that was like one of the things I thought. Yeah. And their only fans made Why those dudes kissing each other? Because the for the money, dude. For sure. Weird ass twins be doing ████ like that. Are they making like hella money? What's the least amount of money you guys would have to accept for JK for you two to make out and like in an intimate beautiful way? How long? 30 30k for 2 minutes in a No. If if if I could laugh. Yeah. But if if I can't laugh, if you laugh, the money I'm gonna fail. If you fail, you pay them 30k. Yeah, I'm gonna fail because I'm gonna giggle. So, okay. Every time you giggle, you add 1 minute. That's ████ hard, man. You're allowed to laugh. But every time you That's a minute. 3 million fundraiser. 3 million

15:10 to kiss for 5 minutes. ████ yeah. ████ 5 minutes, dude. With tongue and Oh, yeah. You're down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we can't laugh. So, all right. 1.5 mil for 4 minutes. Yeah. Okay. No, that's that's only Dude, it went I know, but it went from 5 million to 1.5. That's a big We got to be honest. 6. I'm trying to go down. Yeah. Hey, would if you had to do it, would you shave your mustache? Please. Not Not on camera. Not on camera. Nobody knows. Just you two doing it. Facts. 50. No. Make it out. making up ████ 60 grand. ████ no. Making up for 60 grand. I have to see this guy. The the the two the the memories. It's burnt into me. I want high five memories. I want to look at him and go like, "Hey, I

16:01 ████ kissed you, but we made 5 mil. That's 2.5. 2.5. Let's go." How about 2.5? Like in terms of $250,000. Half a million dollars total. Nobody knows. Nobody sees. Half a million. I don't care if nobody sees. One minute. One minute. That's not a problem for me. I don't care if anybody sees, but I think it's I think it'll be a waste if we don't record it and the world doesn't see. Okay, you guys have to make out. 2 mil. 2 mil. You guys have to make out and rub each other's boners over the pants. No. We got to get hard. Dry hump. You got to dry hump. It's got to be like a high school make out car sash. Yeah. What if we can't keep it home? How long? How long? Your wife's going to be there to help fluff. How long? 10 minutes. 10 minutes. How come the time did it increases like crazy? Crazy. 10 minutes, dude. That's long. Yeah, it's long. Eyes open. Eyes open.

16:51 Eyes open. You have to look at each other. I'm not happy about it either. How much? 10 minutes is ████ I don't know how I get about the deal. This is the deal. This is the deal. We got to make the deal. Boner's over the pants for 10. Boner's over the pants. How do you do over the pants? You know how to do it. Under the pants. Not over. Like TSA. Like TSA. Yeah, but a boner go is under the pants. ████ grabbing that thing, dude. How do you Bart's hoisted his hand on that thing? How do you have a boner over the pants? What are you talking about? You're touching it over the pants. Touching it over the pants. The boner's over the pants. Oh, you're like, do you unzip and stick the dick out and then the dick is over the pants? That's gross. Soup inside. The more soup inside. The more Joe touches it, the smaller it's going to get. Yeah. What the ████ All right. What if What if you don't get paid unless one of you gets a motor? Yeah, that's going to be hard.

17:41 That's impossible. It better be hard. It needs to be hard. That's impossible. Who do you between the two of you then? How would you arrange? Like one of you has to get it. Who's the one that you decide is Wait, get what? One of you has to get a boner. Only one of you. This guy's leaving. He's taking the money with him. Only one of you has to get a boner and then you both get Wait, so if if we don't get a boner, we get nothing. We just have We just end up standing there making out. Yeah, you guys make out for an hour. ████ you just made up for an hour. What the ████ man? That's not going to work. Half a mill. Half a mill. All right, check this out. But who do who do you choose to be the bull? Hey, there's $10 million on the table. Oh, 10 million. I do anything. There's $10 million on the table. You're talking about half a mill. I could ████ make a half a mill. It might take some time, but 10 million on the table and you guys got to make out

18:31 until one of you gets a boner. Every minute that passes, you you lose a million dollars. Every minute that we got to do it in a minute. How how um who would you trust to get the boner for 10 mil between you? I think I could do it. He's like 10 mil 10 mil. You know what? You know what? This is my my strategy. I would go we'll set this date a month away. So a month of no jacking off, no sex and you actually get horny from me. No, no, no, no. You can't do it that way. They they planned he could get They spring it on you like Olympic drug testing. What? They just show up and they're like, "That's hard." So, you might have just ████ jacked off and came and you're like, "Oh, I got to now ████ and now I got to get harder making out with Joe. That's impossible." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to rub me over

19:21 the pan. Do you think Bart has a higher chance? Can you talk to me in the most feminine? No. We're not going to try We're not going to try this be like a girl. Straightest gay guy. Straight as gay guy. Straightest gay guy. Mr.

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