0:00 [Music] a mexican mirror mary is an alligator why a mexican mayor mary's an alligator in protest of a same-sex marriage law that's coming into play so he's trying to make some weird theater oh that's actually good yeah that sounds really really weird i thought that was a good guy no that was actually terrible that's a horrible something more realistic something more realistic is the drug cartels have been getting ████ crazy and the alligators are taking over the sails so to make sure that there's peace put on the turf they're doing it the old school way which is piece by marriage that's a more realistic answer that's way better i just and a better answer this is a very grounded theory i'm
0:50 curious to hear more obviously maybe he lost his lucky gold watch and he thinks that he thinks that the alligator swallowed it and he knows he cannot get alligator from neverland so he's gonna have to wait it out but you can't yeah so they get married who knows when they digest who knows like they're old ████ dinosaurs they might digest like a hundred years do alligators poop sometimes do alligators poop see that look it up nobody knows maybe at the end of their tail it comes out like toothpaste yeah i don't think i would like the toothpaste yeah at the end of the tail that sounds clean and disgusting at the same time what's bigger crocodile or an alligator alligator i looked it up i think it's alligator as well okay go with alligator answer that makes me believe you truly i really looked it up cause i was ████ confused one day and i was like how do you tell these things apart so alligator
1:40 has a broader and more square snout yeah and crocodiles are skinnier and i think crocodiles you can see the bottom teeth or something and the crop alligator you can only see the top one does water influence whether one is an alligator or cocktail no because i thought one was africa and one was like like water there's american and african american source rex or a saber-toothed tiger trying to start distracted that's correct do you think so because they got this yeah but they got a big-ass mouth they'll just go like this i think ████ it up ████ it up you seen ████ cats though cats are wild all right so there's a dude named victor hugo sosa mayor of a southwestern mexican town called san pedro juamez showed his commitment to his culture by marrying an alligator known as quote little princess end quote as part of a ritual that is supposed to bring prosperity and abundance to the town so it's a ritual so a lot of people marry
2:31 alligators there's no bullying in this town is that what you're saying nobody gets bullied in this town and that's the real problem that's what happens when you let non-bullying go rampant non-bullying go rant ideas get checked it's like weeds just ████ growing all over the stupid ideas everywhere a little bit of bullying will go along it's gonna help a lot it'll save a culture but not online because that's not cool what it has to be face to face it depends because that's real that's real yeah that's real online bullying online is yeah that's ████ ████ if you bully yourself do all that's what i do i want to know how they consummate this marriage i don't know like you you're wondering if they had sex that night for pregnancy uh i'll get to that in literally that's the juicy decision just give some backstory since visualize it the alligator probably got cold ████ too
3:21 cold-blooded cold ████ coming out of your mouth right it just makes me it's around i don't want to assume the gender bar it's a reptile he's like yo the hell they're gonna got some cold water the mayor's not assuming the gender should be fine so why should we i just know how reptiles work maybe the mayor is the girl um ████ yeah his name is vince vince yeah victor hugo victor since pre-hispanic times indigenous villagers in this town have believed that the alligator represents a deity and that the marriage between this earthly god and their leader will bring about an abundance of resources to support the local fishing industry is the alligator wearing a bride gown or not yes that's the real question with the veil i need to know if that's happening does
4:11 she have a necklace on with the with with the garner belt or what no way why you damn oh you shall receive that is incredible who's on the floor is incredible damn son what's this town doing they're trolling bro come on go buy a lottery ticket steve it's rolling dude together too i love that you're like oh ████ this is real i can't believe that ████ is real they didn't want her to complain yeah that's true that's why they tied her mouth she's a latina ████ complain all day but it but it's but it's the it's the wedding that she's always wanted though you know like this is her dream ████ way yeah dude but they didn't want her to be bridezilla that day i thought it'd be swampier but it's fine it's good with this belief firmly at the center of
5:01 the community mr sosa took the leap and married little princess in a lavish service that was accompanied by dancers and ceremonial songs along with the indigenous traditions catholic ones were also incorporated the small alligator was dressed in white among other colors with an accompanying veil that was swept away with her tightly tied can i be honest absolutely i don't think she had any business wearing white for that what do you think it should have been any ████ because he knows her history that's why come on dude hussy look at that ████ alligator look at that hussy dog hey guess what alligator every dude in that room is like yeah okay you're lucky you're a lucky man let's see how long this last yeah he's like yeah we've all been there done that turn with miss alligator we got so much fish in the ████ sea huh exactly he's like yeah you had to get stuck with it we got to have fun with it yeah yeah they showed a real good time prior this
5:52 alligator was baptized oh good as part of the catholic you can only marry a christian ████ shame it's an all steve day article and you stole it from me like this you just you just jealous my article right yeah i am i actually i saw this this is a yearly occurrence in the town of san pedro juamez with every new mayor required to marry a budding alligator you have a new mayor every year alligator beam like a ████ virgin probably a blushing bride to be dude yeah what are you talking about what the people at the party were saying they got to do tests you know and you make sure the blood is there a quinceanera alligator like a 15 year old or something a ripe alligator is there a first dance that's what i was thinking how the ████ are they gonna dance but they're literally no they just they just untie her mouth and they he just tries to get away from him
6:43 that's a good dance that's a real good dance that's the dance of marriage as one would say forever so let me guess with this idea let me guess the article doesn't say anything about alligator ████ nope actually right here yes it does the juicy part let's go they gotta get those four guys from india to show them how it's done oh no they talk about how her dad's there except he's in the form of boots [Laughter] she walked down the aisle hey that's good imagine like he's like walking down the aisle in those houses here just so insensitive at eye level with the alligator with the eyeballs on each other she's like wow my dad's here is crazy okay i haven't seen him in years oh my god and there's two of them i didn't think he was gonna show up would you guys wear alligator nah why for what what what's the occasion i
7:34 don't know if i'm an animal kind of guy a wedding yeah a mexican win your wedding makes you winning yeah i'll do a whole suit and the shoes oh jesus christ you're going to kill a whole ecosystem nowhere it's been dead joe got alligator it's been dead i don't know i'm in my mind i'm thinking yo they harvested the meat they made some alligator sausages don't throw away the skin bro you're gonna ethically source your your alligator the cowhide it's like if it's if it's dead anyway you guys on the brand tag label it's just like we needed the meat okay dude don't throw away the skin that's gonna be my tagline don't throw it away use it this is good that's good that's kind of good it's kind of it's kind of fire actually yeah right you're gonna eat that you can eat that yeah
8:29 earlier this year a british woman is busting uh it is blessing uh earlier this year a british woman married her tuxedo cat called india in an effort to ensure that she could not be kicked out of her rental for having a pet what so it's like it's not a pet it's my husband and they'll recognize that they'll recognize the marriage between you and your cat i think everything is allowed at least once right hey look at um u.s states that allow marrying animals there's certain states feel like it's just going to be along this out there might be like at least three of them i think yeah the purpose of marrying an animal it just sounds funny even i say that together i think to consummate yeah so you could ████ your donkey without shame dude yeah if you do it outside of marriage it's a sin yeah you're talking to good christians here dude you're making your donkey an honest donkey can you can you google that what's the point of marrying an animal i
9:20 don't know about what there's obviously a point we're gonna we're gonna go past this because if there is on me i will say on the question of can you legally marry an animal in america because it's very important for all of our fans of yours i'm glad anthony looked this up on his computer by the way human animal marriage is not specifically mentioned in national laws that mean technically there's nothing to stop it's a gray area a human family an animal that's good that's a good thing i think okay it should be great so it sounds great in 50 states yeah yeah human animal marriage is often seen in accordance with zoophilia although they are not necessarily linked so technically that's good not necessarily linked yeah what does that mean i don't know it means that all the people aren't ████ their married to an animal doesn't mean you ████ yeah engaging in sexual acts is not the same as finding your true love hey dude getting married i don't know about you guys but i've had i've never had less sex in my
10:10 life rodney dangerfield showed up whoa whoa whoa wait yeah potentially to still reinstitute that corner cam that gets the high fives i know the high five cam quarter cam has to be here because there's a lot of high fives that just prepped me i'll ████ record it on my phone people are missing all the fun oh wait high five cam ready let's go people are missing the fives and it's just it's devastating the channel that's dead it's devastating the channel so we lost so many subscribers yeah dude they're like i can't even see the high fives we'll never get to two million because the ████ high fives [Music] hey
11:03 [Music]
// end of tape