0:00 And then she baked me some Rice Krispies and sucked my dick back into the whole relationship. >> You broke up with her and then she baked it for you? >> Yeah. And then she made me Rice Krispies. >> How do you even get there after you already broke up? How are your PANTS OFF? >> NO, BECAUSE I GO maybe it wasn't that bad. And I'm tripping. >> Welcome back to another episode of Care for Boys. Uh we have Melissa Bonos with us today. Welcome to the show. Boss, Nick is also here, which has been very nice to have. [applause] >> Finally, fool. Bring your ass bugging over here. Since we have relationship expert, um, Nick Dunn, >> love doctor. When you have somebody that's in a long distance relationship, and it's a serious one. >> It's over. Call it quiz. >> I was in a long distance one.
0:51 >> Okay, good. Then you'll be able to answer it as well. What um what is the acceptable way to break up when you're long distance? >> Text message and then block them over again. >> Bingo. >> Rip the band-aid off. Don't let them come back. >> I don't think I don't think Bonos agrees with that >> cuz then it makes it hard to you know to to break off >> to get closure. Yeah, you have to rob them of closure. >> Dude, no. >> My text is the closure. Were you ever in a longdistance relationship? >> No, never. But that's not how I would break up. >> How would you do it? [clears throat] She'd fake her death. >> How would you break up? >> Any breakup has to be in person, Nick. Any breakup. >> You fly to Spain. Any breakup, even if it's only been like 3 weeks. >> No, no, no. It's like an actual. >> But you you fly to Spain. Say this is a serious relationship. >> Would you fly to Spain?
1:41 >> And then I would vacation after. >> Oh, wow. >> Vacation. That's crazy, dude. But what if what if it's the type of relationship where it's like, you know, it's not going to work out, but it's one of those things where you're like, "But if I see you, I'm going to fall in love again." That's happened before. I don't want that. I need to move on. >> Yes. You can't do it in person cuz you're going to fall back in love. >> But but then you kind of owe it to that person, don't you, to like have a proper breakup where they can see you? Is that a thing? >> I feel like no matter what, if you are the one breaking up with the person and you're the one that doesn't want to be in the relationship, no matter how you do it, it's going to be bad. the other person is going to look at you as a piece of ████ >> Yeah. >> Like like I don't think anything is going to be enough >> piece of ████ Not if you're not a piece of ████ about it. >> Yeah. Like if you you could write the perfect text me. Obviously texting is probably not >> you shouldn't write there's no perfect
2:31 text message because you shouldn't be writing a breakup text message. >> Yeah. How about writing a speech that you say in person? I guess >> text to speech then [laughter] >> you leave the ums in there. >> You need to make like a Gen Z and ghost. But it depend it depends on how far the like how far the distance >> international international >> international dude. >> So so if it's going to cost you like 900 bucks >> to go break up >> depends. It depends. How serious did you guys get? >> It's serious. It's serious. Yeah. Let's say it's serious. It's serious but it's also seriously over. >> Wow. >> What is considered long distance? Like LA to Vegas? >> Well, let's say this >> like what's the limit? What's the limit for for the example's sake? Let's say this one is international. Let's say this one's LA to Spain, just for the example. >> Wow. LA to Spain is tough. >> If it's mutual, if it's a mutual thing, then maybe you don't have to meet, but I
3:22 feel like if it's not and it was a long deep relationship, I think you owe it. >> You're going to pay a whole plane ticket to do a face to face. >> If you still have respect for each other and it's like not like a ████ you kind of situation, then >> well, you better make them come to you then cuz then you don't have to pay nothing. That's a double whammy, dude. >> I think for the same reasons why long distance like that relationships make it so hard to make it work is being in person like like not but then once you go in person >> I think that changes >> it feels like it's going to work. >> Exactly. [laughter] If you if you fly across the world, ████ it, dude. You're going to have sex that night. Like it's going to >> Okay, Anthony. >> Yeah. sex have her >> cuz I think that's what makes it hard to break up, right? That's the dilemma. Like that's what ripping the bandit off
4:13 because when you're with each other and you haven't seen each other in a really long time and then you're going to be like, "Hey, we have problems that we need to work out." >> You know, I feel like somebody >> Yeah. I'm I'm not going in person. I'm going to be asking you guys something. >> Somebody on either side is going to be willing to try to make it work and that causes like you need two people. >> Yeah. >> Or three, >> dude. But I've already invested so much. I'm in a romantic place. I don't normally live here. It feels like vacation. I had to go get my passport ready for this ████ It's been 16 hours. >> Example, I'll give an example. This isn't international. >> But it might as well be if you're in high school. Yeah. >> You know when I went to military school in San Diego, right? >> My girlfriend was still in the SGV. >> That's long distance. >> She broke up with me. >> Yeah. >> Over the pay phone, too. >> Over the pay phone. >> That hurts. >> Pay phone. And then I'm like, we'll
5:03 reschedu the inerson thing in person. There was literally no chemistry. It was like me talking to a ████ person we've never been together with. And it was just crazy. It was just like like cold. >> And my I got more love from ████ Girl Scouts selling me cookies. >> Okay. >> Wait, it was cold on both ends or it was cold from her and you were you had warmth >> because she had warmth but it was just >> But she broke up with you first before. >> Yes. >> So like that's the thing, right? is like you could have the preemptive call. >> Yeah. >> Like I feel like that >> it wasn't sudden. You were ready for it. >> Also, we're talking about high school. >> Yeah. >> In high school, all the things like you get in relationships for terrible reasons. So even if it feels serious, that's your whole world. It it's also a piece of ████ relationship probably that like means nothing. The way our parents are looking at our high school relationships. >> That's true. I'm thinking if we're like
5:54 longist relationship where somebody's across the world and we even have the financial means to show up if we wanted to make that Yeah. You do. You do. Yeah. Let's say you do. Yeah. >> And we were in a serious relation. Those those variables are very complex. >> You have to show in person and if you can't >> over the phone, you have to schedule a time to actually have closure. >> Yeah. >> But Zoom, I know that sucks. FaceTime or some ████ I know it sucks. Yeah. But >> isn't that [laughter] like a Teams call or something? Here's I'll do it on FaceTime. I'll do it on FaceTime as a regular schedule. Like when we But here's the thing though. Like if you know that you have a different version of weakness as well. If you're the one side, that means they're going to fight. If you go there, every problem that you're going to say is an issue is solved. >> That's what I'm Yeah. Yeah. >> It's it's it's going to reluck.
6:45 >> Yeah. He's been sucked back. He got sucked back. I've been I literally I'm not saying suck back. >> Assuming that the only problem is distance though, you could have other problems in your relationship. >> That's also assuming that everybody can do the ideal thing and show up and be strong enough. >> But because it's so emotional, >> you can get caught up. You get caught up. Yeah. The moment. Yeah. >> The right thing to do is to do it in person obviously, >> but when you do it in person and there's high emotions involved, you just don't know what you're gonna get out. >> And if you know yourself Yeah. I fell back and and I don't like in person ones because I broke up. I was so sure and then she baked me some Rice Krispies and sucked my dick back into the whole relationship. I got sucked in. >> Good deal, though. >> Which one do you think? >> Which one? >> Which one do you think was the more stronger gesture? The Rice Krispies. >> It's the combination. It was the one two punch. >> Same flavor. Same flavor. >> You can't have one or the other. It's
7:36 like at that point I'm just like >> You broke up with her and then she baked it for you. >> Yeah. And then she made me Rice Krispies. She wanted to talk about it. >> She wanted to talk about it. >> And also, women do have, it's not that women have the superpower. It's that men definitely have this kryptonite. Like a ████ afterwards will suck us right back in eight out of 10 times. >> That should not be happening [laughter] afterwards. >> I'm just saying it'll happen eight out of 10 times. >> Yes, we can try again. >> THAT'S A SLEEVE. >> HOW DO YOU EVEN get there after you already broke up? How are your pants off? >> Girls. Girls are crazy. >> Ask a Yeah, as a girl. [laughter] >> Ask the girls. You have to take your PANTS OFF. >> NO, BECAUSE I GO MAYBE IT WASN'T THAT BAD AND I'M TRIPPING. [laughter] >> You start rationalizing. You're like, I don't want to push THIS WOMAN [laughter] AWAY. >> IT FEELS SO GOOD THAT MAYBE I'M CLOSE.
8:28 >> WHY? [laughter] >> AND it's still close enough where it's there's a chance are ████ crazy. >> We're crazy. You broke up and THEN PULLED YOUR PANTS DOWN. [laughter] NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Sit down. >> I was just sitting there. >> If a girl are insane, >> if a girl is very sexually advancing forward, like that's hard for any impossible. >> And it's an ex-girlfriend. You know what I mean? YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. >> WHY DON'T YOU HAVE MORE SELF-CONTROL? >> OH, PLEASE. >> [laughter] >> So you're saying So you're saying that like if the girl is attempting to do that to do the suck back, it's the GUY'S JOB. >> CAN WE not name it? >> It's the guy's job to got sucked in to do the roundhouse. >> Guys will get sucked in eight out of 10
9:18 times minimum. I'm throwing it out there. >> 10 [laughter] out of ████ >> especially if she says sorry. Can we try again? AND IT'S NOT EVEN A BIG It's not even a big deal. >> Most of the time the breaking if the guy's breaking up, it's because the girl has already reached the ████ ████ meter. >> But then if she says sorry, [laughter] she drops the ████ meter. There's humility finally and then she sucks your dick. It's over. And by the way, I'm in love. I'M DEEPLY IN LOVE. >> PROPOSE RIGHT THEN. [laughter] Especially if the breakup wasn't like it wasn't like major ████ like she didn't steal from me. She didn't ████ my brother and uncle, you know? She didn't do nothing. Christ like it was just like it's not
10:08 working brother and uncle. It's like it's just not working. >> Uncle too. >> I know. Also, if I'm flying across it and it's like I haven't broken up with her yet. She's I I also probably secretly have to get a hotel or something like that cuz what am I going to do? Break up and just sleep over at her spot. Like >> not secretly. I mean, yeah, you'd get a hotel. Like you can you can figure that the logistics Anthony. It's going to be fine. [laughter] >> I got to pay for travel and accommodations to end a relationship and then be miserable in a happy place. >> You know that you're going to break up and SHE DOESN'T KNOW. >> LIKE THAT'S ████ >> She's taking vacation. >> It's she's taking vacation time. No, I think you would say, "Hey, look, I'm going to come visit cuz we need to talk." >> That means on 16 hours of me traveling, she's just going to be like, "I wish you would have just cold turkey this ████ This sucks right now. I'm causing a different kind of pain."
10:58 >> No, because when >> that's also a reaction that could have no >> or while I'm flying, she's like, "I'm going to suck that fool's dick when he gets here and he won't do anything. >> I'm going to do the suck back. That's what I'm going to do. [laughter] >> It's over." >> And you're going to be back in my life, right? >> If the girl's going to break up with you, you fly all the way over there, right? She opens the door. She's in lingerie. It already changes your whole vibe. You're like, "Whoa, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" MAYBE I'LL RECONSIDER. LIKE, I'm telling you, but that's that's how dumb guys, not dumb, but it's just LIKE DUMB GUYS ARE. >> NO, GO AHEAD. SIMPLE. SIMPLE. >> THAT'S HOW FORGIVING WE ARE. [laughter] >> FORGIVING. >> COMPASSIONATE. >> EXPLOSIVE. >> Has that ever happened to you? >> Don't make this about me. Well, like just has it ever happened where you were on your final hour and you're going to break up with somebody and it got turned around somehow? [laughter]
11:48 >> Guilty. >> So guilty. >> Suck back, huh? >> It doesn't have to be suck. It doesn't have to be suck back. It just at all. >> Oh god. >> At all. >> Like like Bart said, right? In your mind, you're rationalizing. You you you did this stupid human experience thing where you like make a list of the of the reasons. You have to like validate why you're making this decision and you have to have this like this belief, right? And then you start doing it and then they become this completely other person that is basically exactly what you think was the problem. They they become somebody else and then you're like you're no longer the problem and you're still hot >> and you're right here >> and she destroys your ████ spreadsheet right there right in front of you. >> It sounds like you guys [laughter] are very easily manipul manipulated. >> Yes, sir. >> Yes, sir. YEAH, BUT SO IS EVERYBODY [laughter] THOUGH,
12:38 >> WHICH IS WHY you don't fly across the world to break up. >> I think that's why guys do that. Like if you're long distance, guys will tell you in a text message, it's over. >> Exactly. >> No, you want the easy way. I'm not going to take this. You guys just want the easy way out. You don't want to have the hard conversation cuz these conversations are hard. >> You're not going to trick me again. >> Literally, >> I'll do I'll do it on FaceTime. I'll do it I'll do it on FaceTime. Breaking up on FaceTime is so awkward. >> Unacceptable. The whole >> But the whole thing is awkward. There's no good breakup if it's amicable. If it's one-sided, the one from the movies. What do you mean at the Eiffel Tower? >> Yeah, that's why people avoid it. >> They don't show social media in the in the movies. They don't they don't do like, "Hey, you could FaceTime this. Of course, it's going to be dramatic. It's the highest echelon of drama. If we are living normal lives, you're going to FaceTime them because you're not going
13:28 to ████ worry them. Buy buy a flight. They're going to do PTO. You got to get a hotel. And it's all for what? >> PTO for real life. >> He's worried about freaking PTO. >> It's all for a breakup. It's going to end anyway. >> You're going to You're going to wait for PTO days for me to break up with you? That's true. [laughter] That's true. >> So big. You got hella crazy. >> I don't think I take you visiting America with your family like next summer and stuff. If you want to meet up, I'll still meet up. We can have a conversation. >> Yeah, that's true. You're thinking about them and not wasting their PTO. >> Yeah. No, no. He's [laughter] thinking about his PTO. >> Top five ways to save your PTO. >> I do think you none of you guys should break up with anyone in person after this conversation. [laughter] >> Look, I'm going to break up in person because it's the decent thing to do, >> but I will always know there's going to be this suck cause. >> Yep.
14:18 >> I'm always going to break up in person if they're not living like in Spain. >> Yeah. >> If even if they're in like New York, I'll I'll go to East Coast. That's completely different. >> Okay, >> that's that's something that's like quick. You can manage. It's not a time zone change. You don't have to overly communicate. You could disappear for five hours, show up in the state versus like a how come they're not responding for me for like 16 hours like where are they going? You know, >> no, you would know that you're going there. >> Yeah. But to even, hey, I got to have a talk with you. >> No, you would know. You would know like, oh, we need to talk. And then it would kind of be like, oh, wait, is this going to be a final? It's a final goodbye, basically. And that would be her time to be, you know what, you don't need to do it. It's okay. Like, we can we can just have a phone conversation. >> Or she gets in lingerie and say, come on, we need to talk. >> The only way that suck won't work, you go there, you visit a brothel first.
15:08 >> Jeez Louise. >> Then afterwards, you go talk to her. That's true. You have to commit you have to commit the worst crime possible so that even if she wants you, it's like, "Dude, you really you don't like I don't deserve you." >> Cuz guys could do both. >> I don't deserve you. [laughter] >> On FaceTime, you're ready to break up with her, but on the FaceTime, she's in lingerie. >> Then I'm going I'm going straight to the strip club. [laughter] Get on a flight. I'm on a flight. I'm coming to see you right now. What the hell's going on? >> Yeah. >> Who's there right now? >> WHO'S THERE? [laughter] >> I'VE NEVER HEARD HIM talk so fast. >> Yeah. But then, see, here's the thing. You got to go to a brothel. [laughter] That way, when she starts sucking on, you're like, "Where buddy?" >> And then you can talk. [laughter] >> My resources. >> Well, I think co was one of the best things that happened to longist relationships cuz you're like, I have to
15:58 FaceTime. >> We can't see each other. I can't even travel. I'm not even backed. [laughter] >> And I went to the brothel. Don't break up a person that's trapped.
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