0:00 We just went to go swim to the swim laps and this was dusted me like nothing. I was like, "What the f███?" >> Yeah, but I'm also like 70 pounds lighter than you. >> I just called you fat right now. >> Does being lighter help? >> Yeah, for sure. This guy sinks to the bottom. Look how many muscles. >> And Bart has all that gel in his hair. It's ████ [Music] >> welcome back to another episode of Careful Boys. Today we have Silent Mike with us. >> All right. Today, Bart is going to choose different branches of the military that each of us would excel at, and he's going to pick our exact job role where we can be the best that we can be. >> Best I can be. >> Judging by how you know us individually and what we're good at, where do you think we would become heroes in these military? >> Yeah, tell us, Bart. >> Okay, I'll go starting with Steve.
0:51 Steve, I think he's a very analytical person. >> He's in the air, brother. And I uh he's uh he's really good with crypto and he reads the the tokconomics of stuff. So I think he's into the zeros and ones. >> He's calling you a nerd >> somewhere in intel intelligence >> something and >> corrupt CIA >> and the uh is it can I use the CIA or because that's not a branch of military techn. >> No, but then they have uh what do you call it in special ops? Don't they have intelligence branch in there too? >> Sometimes they'll have an intelligence guy. >> Oh, like the CIA in there. >> He's about to say I'm going to be a tier one operator, but >> can I can I can I can I say CIA or no? I feel like you he'd be really >> He has to be Army, Navy, Marines. >> Only military.
1:41 >> Only military. Then I would say pair that with his with his uh love of space creatures. I think probably Space Force. >> Space Force. >> Space Force, >> dude. That's a That's a big deal. >> You gonna put that guy in the space force? What? What's >> That's the one everyone makes fun of now. >> Intel officer in the space force. >> Yeah. Space Force. >> Hey guys, I got >> Cuz you do like aliens and ████ >> I got some intel on me. Oh, you guys hung up. Okay. >> You guys still there? >> That's my That's my first day. >> You don't like that? You don't like that? >> But you like aliens and ████ >> Yeah, you're an alien. >> I do like all that. Bart's actually dead, right? I just hate that I turned off this way. It's my fault. It's my fault. >> I feel like he'll be good if like, you know, he's like supposed to keep track. Oh ████ Russia just lost la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la launched a new satellite over here. Or he's going to do whatever and he can like keep tabs of all that stuff. >> He's a satellite watcher. >> Harrison Ford in clear and present
2:32 danger. I'm like it's not his fault. It's my fault. >> It's my fault. So >> yeah, you you liked it. Do you like it? >> Love it. 10 out of 10. >> I actually saw a Space Force base in Hawaii. >> Did you? >> Yeah. It was actually near where you guys were staying. >> See a lot of guys like that there. >> Yeah. Was everyone pointing at it and laughing? >> No. They had like a actual sign that said Space Force and I was like >> did you go over there and be like did any of you guys ever even go to Space? >> You know what's crazy? So like this is a few years ago a bunch of Space Force guys came to Barbell in their camies and then when I saw the name tape I was like that's tight. >> Oh no. >> Yeah. I didn't know they made it yet. >> Oh ████ >> And then they're like what do you mean? I'm like >> like you guys are like army or like I don't know air force or something right? He goes no this is space force. I was like >> whoa. They were serious. >> It's a thing. I do remember him announcing it and it was like such a big joke or whatever and then like you don't hear what they do. >> Well then weren't you making fun of him
3:23 because like why do you have camo for space? It should look like stars. >> It's stars and black >> stars. Black and >> it's black with better be with stars. >> Like they would be out there in space with nothing else like dressed up as the moon. >> Yeah. >> I can't see that guy. Sparkly sequins. >> By the way, by the way, boot camp is this. You go. I think that's No, that's just more space. >> Yeah, that's a meteor. >> I think that's a guy. No, there's just >> Wait, for a second I thought space move, but I was wrong. >> That's more Final Frontier. >> Back to my post. >> Okay, what about Nick? Where do you think Nick would excel? >> Nick, >> and he can't be like the guy that trains the military. He's got to be in it. >> In it. Okay, so Nick's good in the water, so we got to put it somewhere in the water. >> I forgot he's an aqua boy. >> So that's got to float pretty well >> to Coast Guard. Boy,
4:14 >> Coast Guard or Navy? Navy. >> Whoa, you Hey, why Coast Guard? >> Why did you wse at that? >> Lifeguard and the Coast Guard. >> They're They're in the water. >> Yeah, dude. There it is. >> What the I thought. What are they? What? I'll be riding boats, so that's all I'd be doing. >> So, no, you're not in the boat. >> Space Force guys, bros are looking good. >> I'm just scraping barnacles off. >> Oh, you're not in the boat. >> Filling up with gas. >> Don't worry about that. >> Nick seems to have a very loving heart. I think he's uh even though he's a his body is a human weapon, >> I think I think he has a big heart and small fists. >> Small, >> small hands. >> Barnacles. Barnacle duty. >> So I >> He is the barnacle. >> I think Nick would be excel at Coast Guard rescue swimmer. >> Yay. There you go, dude. >> I think so, too. You might jump out of a helicopter. >> Honestly, not friends with you anymore, dude. That's cool.
5:05 Have you ever done like part-time lifeguard for anything when you were like teenager or something? >> Yeah, I was I was going to start doing that, but then I I think I ended up just getting a different job. I just started >> just went to Giant Rockets. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was either that or Giant Rockets, dude. >> Okay. >> You played water polo. That's why. >> Yeah. >> Water polo are tough ████ >> Are you still really good at swimming? >> I'm pretty decent. I can still swim pretty >> I don't think it leaves you. Yeah, >> cuz one time we went out for a swim workout and this is me like swimming like consistently for like eight weeks. >> Is this for Don's thing? >> No, >> we just went to go swim laps and this was dusted me like nothing. I was like, "What the f███?" >> Yeah, but I'm also like 70 lbs lighter than you. >> I just called you fat right now. >> Does being lighter help? >> Yeah, for sure. This guy sinks to the Look how many muscles. >> And Bart has all that gel in his hair. It's ████
5:55 >> gel in his hair. I got bird balls. Do you think that's a fair assessment you would like to do? Do you think you could do that job well? >> Yeah, I think I could rescue somebody. Rescue >> I think I I think he's risk adverse usually, >> but if someone else's life is on the line, I think he'd be down or risk his life. That's right. >> He wouldn't rescue himself, but he'll rescue another guy. He'll just drown if he's in >> That's fine. I'll be okay. I'll be okay. >> I got a crap. Nice knowing you guys. >> Okay. What about Silent Mike? >> Silent Mike. Okay. So, Silent Mike's a stocky, sturdy dude. He's athletic. >> Zero confidence in himself. >> Single and loves the ladies, by the way. >> Yeah. Where's the hot chicks? What branch is that one in? >> That's what I'm talking about. >> Where the babes are at? >> Single >> feels a certain way about the Jews.
6:45 >> There's no openings in MSAD, bro. >> I think Silent Mike's a softy, too. I can see him because he has, you know, he's like broader. I think he has a good presence. I could see him being uh like military police, >> but he's the guy that when you pull up to the gate, he goes your identification and you give it to him and then right away he starts making small talk and he connects with you. >> So he'll be like military police and in like the uh army. >> Military police in the army. Wow. >> He'll be a nice guy. Yeah, >> that's pretty cool. >> I could take it. >> You like that? >> Yeah. I was thinking like like the ones that get so high it's just politicking and you're just talking all day. >> Oh, that's cool. Oh, you know that's what I was thinking. Yeah, you're like a lobbyist in the military. >> Yeah, you just be talking ████ >> The thing I don't I don't think you'll go too high and that's because I think
7:35 once you realize how much corruption is at that at the top, you're just going to resign. >> So, you're like, just keep me on the ground level where everyone's kind of just >> No, once he sees his pension, he's not going to resign. He's be like, let's ████ I mean, that's that's literally why I never joined is like because, you know, I dropped out of college and was thinking about because that's what, you know, you're lost to ████ and I was like, I can't do the ████ they want me to do without explaining it, right? Like like they'll be like, "Do a thousand burpees and I'll be like, dude, I don't need to do burpees. Like, I'm in shape or whatever." >> Never mind. This guy's failing out of boot camp right away. >> I literally think I would. I literally think I would. >> You would talk back to your drill sergeant? >> No, but I I don't like doing ████ for the sake of doing ████ >> He's going to be the guy that fails out of boot camp and he works for Veterans Affairs and goes, "I almost went to the army. Maybe a recruiter would be okay. >> Yeah. In the mall. >> Or would you or would you like to broker the who brokers the contracts for like defense deals and stuff like
8:25 >> is that guy in the military? >> They usually are in the military and then they come out and then they work for like Boeing or Rathon or whatever. >> Private sector but for the military. >> Jag, right? Isn't that what a JAG is? >> Oh wow. Are the lawyers like they have to go to boot camp? >> Yeah. They have to go through the same ████ >> The lawyers of the army had to be like that's pretty badass. So, so some do have special programs where it's a shortened easier version >> or they'll do like ROC in college kind of. >> Yeah, like certain jobs like you they'll they'll give you like kind of like the TSA preverb. >> They'll just play hot hands with you for >> He's pretty fast. Yeah, he's pretty quick. >> You are now a lawyer. >> Those army chaplain and stuff, do they have to go to boot camp and then >> Oh, yeah. Allan, >> they deploy and so some of them uh they Allan >> Allan was uh what's the most famous one in Maryland? Allan Thr. Untamed. >> Yeah, but he was a Marine though. >> Uh maybe. What's the very famous ones? Pawbearer like the they're like a group
9:15 that's very official and bury all like the the highest soldiers. >> Oh, that's not a chaplain. No, he went So, he is a Marine that has a special like uh service that he does. Yeah. Yeah, that's different. He still went to boot camp. He still went >> No, no, he did it all. But uh it just popped in my head. >> What's Ryan? What's Ryan? >> Well, Navy Seal. But then for you, you want to be a chaplain. >> That's what I was waiting. I was waiting for that. >> You wanted >> I thought I was a bad ████ >> You want to do Army Chaplan? >> Mike is nice, but he's a bad ████ He can make it through. So Ryan, if I think of Ryan, what do I think? I think of a Acrobat. >> Acrobat. >> Omcron. >> Yeah, cuz this guy's upside down and he's like spinning around. >> More of a Marine Raider vibe. >> Dude, this guy's drone operator, bro. >> This guy's not an intel. Are you kidding me, brother? >> No, I'm I'm too dumb for that, dude. >> I can kind of see uh I could see Ryan doing what Don did. >> Oh, for sure. >> Oh, that's sick. JTAC Paddletail. So our
10:07 buddy our buddy Don he jumps out of airplanes uh because he's acrobatic. He jumps out of airplanes. Don't give me a shoot dude >> behind enemy lines. So he's the first one there before any other forces there. >> Then he sets up internet all kinds of communication radio whatever cuz he's a >> and he plays a little bit of Grand Theft Auto. >> Gets a gets a few rounds in. >> I can I can find outlets really fast. And then once he sets that whole thing up, now he can call for fire and call for jets to come and drop ████ bombs on >> all that sounds tight, >> but Don couldn't make Delta. So that's that's pretty crazy when you think about it. That's crazy. >> Or he could have just brought a cell phone and just >> Yeah, >> but he he has to set up the service. He has to set up the cell phone. >> Throw an Air Tag. >> Yeah. Starlink. Hello. >> Yo, Starlink works so good.
10:58 >> Just lands at Qriket Wireless and does a deal. works for >> full coverage. Full coverage. >> I need it now. Hurry. >> Here's $50. Give me everything you got. >> Everything planned. Everything planned. All right. Joe. >> Joe. >> This is a hard one. >> No, I don't think it's that hard. So, I think Joe's I think Joe's uh in the military. I would say I think his number one trait is probably rage. >> Rage is my trait. He's the Hulk. Even Joe, even 2025, Joe. It's less than before. >> I think he's in the mess hall, brother. >> No, but I could but I >> would you like more mashed potatoes? >> He's like, "We don't have enough potatoes. You guys got to work harder. >> You got to have steaks tonight." >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But I could see I could see Joe being um
11:50 so Army Rangers, they are the premier light infantry force and all the raids you think about where they're ████ They go into a city and just destroy them. >> Yeah. >> They're like the Ramos. Like even Navy Seals are kind of like they're like surgeons, right? They're surgical. They get inserted here. They ████ people are just like >> and then they leave and they're like, "What happened here?" Well, I don't know. Watch a couple Navy Seals. >> Yeah. They're just like uh seals are like surgeons. Rangers. I think when they go through your city, you know they ████ went through your city. And I I probably see Jo and they're just gung-ho. >> Are rangers like explosions and walk away without looking? And it's like burning the back of our heads. I think it's explosions in the front and they're walking towards the explosion. >> So So Rangers need a messaul guy, too. >> So I'll be the cook of the R. >> They get really hungry. They get hungry and then Joe is like, "I'm going to make
12:40 you a I got to take a s███." And then >> hang on, I got to take a ████ >> Or they're like signaling him to do something. He's like, "I can't read that s███." >> All right. Bonus, Anthony. or or Joe, he he gets booked on on the rage and as soon as the helicopter's about to fly, he's like, "Oh, I got something to do." >> So, he's the one that never makes the mission, but he gets a purple heart. Where'd everybody go? >> We're already here. >> Yeah. Anthony Lee. Anthony Lee. >> A little bonus one. >> I have a theory about this, but you go for it. >> Oh, man. We could do a whole 20 on this one. >> I have a theory. >> USO show. So Anthony is a sex haver >> and there's a stereotype that the Navy has the best haircuts right off the bat.
13:30 So he's definitely got to be in the Navy >> and he does like to be in a boat with a lot of guys. >> He loves that. >> He's going to be the beer money for the Navy. >> No shame. He likes that. >> He likes that. He's sex freak. >> My whole thing and I want you think about this for a second. My thing is Anony's the guy in the army on the radio who's like we need backup and then they're like and it's like and he's just like on the hill like we need backup. >> So he just never comes. >> He just gets absolutely Yeah. They just don't respect him. They don't >> because usually that guy gets blown up after he says that. >> That's my theory. >> Like ah just leave it. Just leave it. >> Don't worry about that. >> Well, if he's in the Navy, they need anchors, right? >> Yeah. They attach a chain to him. He just jumps down. He does know a lot of knots and I feel like you probably need a lot of you need to know knots and stuff. >> Anthony knows nuts. >> Oh yeah, we'll put him on the Morse code boat. Thanks, dude. Yeah, we'll get to
14:21 it someday. >> The Morse code boat. >> If like a nuclear attack happens or something, we'll we'll we'll call you. >> Like if Independence Day happens and we need to revert back to old tech. Yeah, perfect. >> Or you could be like the I don't know, maybe he's in the Coast Guard and he's the loner in the lighthouse. >> He's just shining a light to people. Hey, there's a rock. Don't crash there. Hey, >> in the lighthouse with barnacles on his back. >> Hey, uh, I know Morse code if anybody gives a ████ >> Is that what he does? >> That's funny. >> I know everyone texts now, but I still know Morse code. >> I know everybody texts now. >> Thanks, Anthony. Thank you for your service, Anthony. >> Lighthouse duty.
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