0:00 [Music] And welcome back to another episode of the Careful Boys, where we talk about the most important news out there. You ready for the serious topic? >> I'm ready. When was the last time though? >> H >> It's about that time again, huh? >> Holding mints. >> I holding >> Honestly, I don't know. >> Well, what what is cons like farting like a little brown or you talking about like full ████ >> Just where the where the brown How many situations do you have to pick from? Actually, >> because every once in a while, you know, you might a little couple farts, you get home, you're like, "Oh, my bad." >> Gross. >> My bad. >> Like you didn't know, you know? >> That does. That happens. That does happen. >> Is it my bad after you take it off or you can feel the my bad? >> Like you didn't even know the whole day. >> You know what's cuz sometimes like being
0:51 like you said hold them being in the gym, you're sweaty all day. >> So you have swamp ass anyways. >> Yeah. So you you can't like really tell, >> but like >> Oh, I didn't think of that. >> Um >> it's kind of hot, too. >> A couple weeks ago, low key. >> Really? What' you do? >> I like farted and I got home and there was like brown on my ████ I was like, "Oh, >> did you just start creatine?" >> But it's I haven't like ████ I don't remember the last time I like fully ████ myself. >> Probably when you were a baby, huh? >> Probably. Yeah. Like if I have to ████ ████ I just go I I don't care where I ████ I can ████ anywhere. >> Oh, you're like Bart. >> Yeah. Portaotti. Just put >> military style, huh? >> You know? If you got to go, you got to go. >> I've ████ in the ocean before. Have you guys ever done that? >> What? >> With people swimming in it. >> I was uh That's their fault, but I was in I was in Hawaii >> and then I swam all the way out to snorkel, right? >> Yeah. >> And then I was like, "Oh, f███." You
1:41 know, when it hits you >> and I'm like I'm looking at the shore. >> I'm like, "Do I want to get all the way back on shore, ████ walk through sand, and then do all this ████ ████ to the bathroom?" >> I'm like, "F███, I'm the only one out here anyways." So I just swam a little bit further and I just ████ pulled my ass cheeks apart and boom it just slid out like a ████ sea cucumber. >> Swam further out and had to like was were you treading water and pull no with no hands cuz you had to pull your ass cheeks apart. >> You just kind of float a little bit. Salt water so you float better. >> Damn. You can float like this. >> I just went like this. I just pulled my ass cheeks. >> Sick. >> It just ████ a brown submarine came out >> and then I stuck my finger in my ass just to clean it. >> Wa. >> Was it solid? Was it a solid? It was a solid workout. And then I I swam away. >> You're like, "This kind of feels good." >> And then and then maybe the brown submarine visited someone. I don't know. >> I think the I remember I going on a hike
2:32 that was like 8 miles. I was 4 miles in and had a ████ >> Four miles in. Yeah. There's nothing you can do. >> ████ Use my underwear to wipe. >> What the Did you throw your underwear away? You're like, "F███ it." >> I put I had a bag. So I put in the bag, put in my backpack. I was like, "I'm not just going to leave." ████ >> That's a good man, dude. Don't ████ wipe your ass with your underwear. And then just drunk it, dude. >> But then >> I was asking if you did. I was going to do that. I was going to ask you, >> but they had like the the water holes at the end. So, I got got in kind of washed off a bit. >> Oh, that's nice. Yeah. >> But then walking back is chafing. No underwear. You know what I'm saying? Suck. >> Yeah. >> Another four miles back. >> It was four I was four miles in or I was four miles into an 8 mile. So, I had to walk 8 miles back with no underwear. >> Jeez, man. >> I threw I had to throw away some socks some one time. >> I was doing one of those like Taiwanese village tours. You know, like you ever see those videos of like the bus going on the edge of the ████ cliff and it
3:22 looks about to fall off. >> So you're visiting one of these ████ village ass places, right? And then like the night before we ate at some like night market, some questionable ass beef noodle soup place and I had felt bubble guts. I'm like, ████ out of ████ ████ We're in the middle of ████ nowhere. Godamn. And then we found this village and then uh there was a um what is it called? like a outhouse type thing with the where the it's just a hole in the ground type of thing, but it's still tile, but it's like hole in the ground. >> And then you have to pull the you have to pull the choo choo for it to flush. >> And it goes choo choo so everybody knows you ████ >> No, no, it's just a it's just like a choo choo train thing. And then the way they designed this plumbing, I don't think that like they knew that ████ bounces more if you're from America. And so I so I squatted I squatted there and it went boom and it
4:14 ████ came back up and hit my shoes and my socks and I'm like >> you got that much pressure coming out >> your PSI is just like >> or it was just that big. >> Oh yeah, that's hard. I don't know. And then I was like ████ >> just as a just as an editor note, can you guys get all of her like disgust and hard breathing as this is being told? Like I feel nauseous. >> Anthony, I just took a shot too. So now I'm like timing. >> Oh god. >> She took a beat a meanal shot and then it's these kind of things. You never ████ yourself. >> Thankfully, no. >> Not. Yeah. >> Girls don't ████ They don't even have ████ >> Unless you lick them. You got strong guts. >> I do. >> Girls fart smells like flowers. That's literally what? >> Yeah. The one that ████ blooms every year that smells like zombies. >> They also say that roses smell like poo poo. So I think it's all the same.
5:05 >> Yeah. >> Yo, that's crazy. So, you're just like, "F███." And then you just took off your socks. >> Took off my socks and then wiped my shoes with the the clean part of my socks and I just ████ I was like, "Sorry, villagers." And I just threw it into the >> Sorry, villagers. >> You made an announcement >> to the whole of the thing. >> Choo choo. Sorry. >> So, you're just walking around with no ████ socks? >> No, >> dude. Did you throw that shoes away, though? >> That ████ must stink. >> Oh, yeah. I throw them away later. And >> I definitely had a moment years back, but um where I had these like beige shorts and then again I thought it was a fart, but it was like I must say something really weird because the residue that came out was like gooey. >> Ew. >> Someone nutted in your butt at >> Yeah, somebody nutted in my butt. >> What the ████ >> I was trying to hold it in.
5:56 >> That's crazy, bro. >> That's where you went with that? That's good to get to my eggs, but I couldn't hold it in your body. >> Follow you knowing. >> Okay. >> Jeez, that's ████ up. >> He's like, "What did I eat?" >> And then I was like I was like, "You know what? Like I'm not going to throw these shorts away. These are nice shorts." So, you know, I like wiped it off and stuff. And then I I put in the laundry. Uh I didn't put in like the laundry machine. I just put in the laundry and I was like I was like, I'll wash this in a little bit. >> Yeah. I feel like you just got to throw it away cuz then s███'s all in the >> water and stuff. >> It's a lost cause. >> Just wait from this story. It's there's a magical ending, right? I just hadn't got to watch. I had to like take care of some other ████ like >> hypothetical ████ >> And then u next thing I know >> Nah's like about to do the laundry and
6:47 she like we weren't married yet. We was just dating early dating kind of. >> So it could have been a deal breaker. And she she like pulls it out and I was like uhoh. >> She saw your ████ and she was like she's like what is this? And I was like uh >> I kind of I I like farted somebody nut in my butt. Uh and it kind of came out >> and then in that order. >> Yeah. Yeah. I farted and then somebody >> in that a three-act play. And then from there, I was just like I was like, I don't know where this is going to go. And then she just washed it for me. >> A >> Wow. >> She loves you. She loves you, dude. She loves you. >> Wow. >> You see what happens to ████ tall guys? They get all that ████ That's
7:37 so stupid. >> Yeah, they get nut in their butt. >> Tall guys get ████ in their own underwear. >> You never been nut your butt, huh? Short ass and get away, >> huh? Huh? >> Thank god. ████ I don't ████ no in my butt. Crazy. I got this other really random story that just happened like two weeks ago, by the way. Not me. Um, but this was really, really strangely hilarious. So, I'm like golfing with my buddy Jason like two weeks ago. >> Uh, and we get paired up with these two like uh tall white dudes. This is an OC, right? And this is like a nice course, kind of expensive or at least expensive for my ghetto ass. And uh, these guys are like they're like tall. They're like built good-looking dudes, you know? Like I'm talking like this guy's buff. Um, he's got ████ tats and stuff, but he looks like chiseled and ████ And then, you know, tell me more. We're playing. Yeah, he's hot as ████ by the way. >> Yeah, he needs to recover from all the
8:28 crap talk. >> I pull out I pull out my driver, you know, it's a nice par4. I'm like, I go for it. Boom. This guy pulls out like a threeiron >> on like a 400 yard, whatever, right? >> What does that mean? Basically, I'm I'm pulling out a club that gives me the most distance. And this guy pulls out a club that like doesn't do as >> so he doesn't overshoot cuz he knows he has how much power he has. >> Bro, he hits it sounds like a bullet. And I look at this dude, I'm like, >> "Did you play baseball?" He's like, "Yeah, I played college baseball." Right. He's just phenomenal. I have to set it up cuz this guy's so hot. And that's when you ████ yourself. And then and then we keep on talking about random stuff and then we hear him like talking to his buddy about stuff and then me and my buddy Deduce were like, "Hey, are you guys cops?" >> Oh. >> He's like, "Yeah, we're cops." Blah blah blah. Cop in like Newport, >> blah blah blah. Right. So, okay, dude. This guy's super hot.
9:18 >> He like upholds the law. >> He's played baseball. Super athletic, right? And then we're in like the 10th or 11th hole or something like that. >> So, are they better than you guys? >> Way better. >> Okay. >> In every way. >> Yeah, in every way. huge dicks, right? >> Yeah. In my mind, I was like, "Please none of my butt. Please not in my butt." >> Um, and then randomly like 11th hole or whatever, he like jumps one of the fences like at the start of the golf hole and stuff and he's like looking for an area like, "Man, just hit me." >> I need I need to take a ████ >> And then uh he comes back over like, "Dan, dude. Uh, okay." >> Oh, yeah. Cuz there's no bathrooms out there, huh? >> You have to go to specific holes, right? >> Like on hole nine or something. ████ in the hole. So he was looking >> he ████ in the hole. >> So he's so he comes back. He's like a ████ I'll just try to wait till we get to that hole, right? Bombs this
10:09 ████ I'm like gez. Every single time it's a spectacle. It's a glistening sweat on his buff chest. Anyways, so we we go farther down. He hits his second shot. He's killing it. He's like three three yards from the hole. And then suddenly he he tells his buddy he's like, "I got to go." And he sprints back to the golf course. >> Yeah. But that sprint was like like Superman. I swear to God, pigeons, white pigeons were slow motion. Um, he sprints back to the golf cart and then you see him just start going. We're already cracking up like, man, he really got to go. And then like he drives maybe like 10 yards, slams on the brakes cuz you could hear the golf cart really like >> jumps out, runs over to a tree, pulls his shorts down, and just >> you see him the whole time. >> Yeah. And we start cracking. He's still a little bit farther away, so it's not like we see glistening detail. hot and respectable, >> but he he's this is a cop >> just taking a ████ on the golf course.
10:59 >> That's got to be like you would get banned for sure. >> Absolutely. And so we're cracking up like we just met these guys. We're cracking up all of us and then he jumps back to the golf and he drives away, right? We're like I don't know what happened. We finished the hole. We get to the next t >> kick some dirt over it or something. >> Yeah. He didn't even like a dog. >> We We He comes back, right? We're still cracking up cuz like that was just so fun. I've never seen a dude ████ on a golf course. Number one, a nice golf course. Number two, you're a cop. That's for some reason that's just extra funny. And you're so hot, right? And then I notice his shorts are all wet and his legs are wet. >> Oh god. >> And I'm like, what happened? And he's like, >> I didn't make it. >> And we're like, what the ████ He's like, the second I sat in the golf cart, it came out. And then >> so a sec he had a second wind of
11:50 >> no like like when he slammed on the brakes cuz coming out he was >> so it happened already by the time he was Oh no. >> So he went to the he went to the clubhouse or the bathroom. >> He literally took off all his clothes, washed his shorts, threw away the underwear and like washed his legs and stuff. Came back and he's like, "Yeah, I ████ myself." Bet you never played golf with someone who ████ himself before. And the funny the funny part about this is his buddy who he came with had just bought a brand new truck. >> The next couple holes this hilarious friendship. I I like really was cracking up cuz he was like, "Dude, like I'm not going to sit in your truck, man. Like you got a new truck. Like I can't sit on it." It's like, "Bro, it's fine, man. Like it's I'm going to take you, bro. I'm not ████ sitting in your brand new truck, dude. I can't do that to you." We're already laughing at that. We play two more holes. They pull up behind
12:41 us. They're still arguing about the same thing. Hilarious, right? And then the guy's like, "Dude, I got to take it back." He's like, "No, dude. I'm I'm lying in your truck bed." He's like, "Bro, we're going to get a ticket." And then he's like, "You don't think we can get out of that?" >> Oh my god, that's even hotter. >> That's right. >> And then when we finish the game, we finish the game, I actually see this truck pull out. He jumps into the truck bed. He's like, "Hey, drive safe." I'm like, "Hey, I'm a safe trip." word. >> Tell more stories, Anthony. >> After the freaking out, >> he was still killing it. >> You didn't keep in touch with those guys. You didn't get their info and ████ >> Yeah. Did you? >> He literally won't. You know, when you shake hands, you say, you know, good game at the end. He was like, I would, but you you know, >> you know, that's hella funny, >> dude. That's amazing. >> Cleaned up though, so you can >> shout out Shout outs to that cop.
13:31 >> I don't know. See, >> that'd be funny if he's like so embarrassed that he's like, I'm going to have to arrest you now. Yeah.
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