0:05 Welcome to another episode of Careful Boys, where today we are going to go ahead and admit when is the last time that you had to take a step away and have a breather from talking to your wife? Oh. Where you needed to like cool off maybe? Dude, like every other day. Yeah? So, no, no, no. No, so we just bought Tiff's mom found a really nice vintage like wooden table, like it's a really nice coffee table. So, we get it, we bring it out, we we put it in our living room. And uh Tiff was sick one night, so I was like and she couldn't she didn't get good sleep the night before and the dogs were being annoying, so I was like I'm going to I have to work late tonight, so I'm going to be in the living room. I'll be on my computer, I'll just sleep with the dogs in the living room and she can just go to sleep by herself. It's cool. And I was putting I think I was putting my contact solution on in the dark and I
0:56 was putting it out. I think I spilled some of the contact solution on the wooden table. Yeah, and I didn't think about it, right? So, I clean it up, I get out. She texts me, she goes It's a picture of the water stain. Oh, my god. I'm like Bro, it wasn't even one day. I ████ it up. And we got it for a really good deal. We got it for like 80 bucks and it's like really ████ nice. It's like a very fancy table. It was a raw wood coffee table with no I don't know what the ████ I saw in her IG story. She should have put a sealant on it the minute she got home and this one I had to do. And I was like I told her. Why you so mean, dude? Dog, and she was so mad. You're so mean. She was so mad and I was like I felt like a ████ total ████ up already. I was like oh, dude. I was like what a ████ dumb ass. Like I would do that, right? And she's like giving me ████
1:46 She's like what is it? What is it? And I'm like I really at the time in the cuz I was like with clients and stuff and I was working. I was like man, I don't know. I really don't know what it is. And then I went back and I was like rethinking it my day and I was like I was like oh, it's probably the contact solution." So, we're like fighting about it, going back and forth, and I'm like, "Bro, I'm sorry. Like, there's nothing I was like, "We'll try to figure it out. Like, don't worry about it. Like, we'll figure it out." You could stain it. Water damage is irreversible. No, no, no. No, you could You could So, we tried every single ████ hack. We tried the You did the We did the iron. What was the iron? The iron didn't I did toothpaste. Wasn't varnished. Yeah, the iron didn't work. Just get wood stain. Just Just sand it and resurface it. So, I used olive oil. Olive oil ████ fixed it. Wow. That's crazy, dude. How did you know? I just tried all these different hacks. That's a challenge, bro. Yeah. And I told her I was like, "Look, I'm sorry." And I told her I was like,
2:36 "Look, I can't take it back what I did. I really ████ it up. Let's just We'll figure it How did it fix it? Like, what does it do? So, you just take the Cuz I guess it's the oils that kind of rub into the white spots. Yeah. And you just rub it in, you leave it overnight, and it literally And as soon as you put it in, you're like, "Oh, ████ it kind of fixed it." You looking at the next day, and it's a little like And then she's like, and I was like, "What?" She's like, "It's still a little darker than the the rest of it." like over time, can it Ooh, bro, I got so mad. And And like I was having these these conversations going back and forth like cuz we kept like skirmishing throughout the day. And we talk about it, she's like She's like, "I could be mad about it." I'm like, "I know you could be mad about it, but I'm just saying, I'm going to fix it. You know what I mean? I'm going to take care of it." what I would have done? What? Go to Costco, spend $150 on olive oil, I dip the whole ████ in olive oil after she complains about the spot. I told her I was like, "We might as well put olive oil on the whole thing." She's
3:27 like, "I don't want it so dark." And I was like, Or just do a Just do a Do a Mentos solution and just make it spots all over. Coke and Mentos. Nah, dude. Maybe it's olive oil and contact solution mixture. I'll just write my name in contact solution on the ████ thing. Red marker. And then like cuz I felt like such a dumbass, so I was getting mad. I was just getting frustrated and ████ And I was like, god damn it. I was like, you made me feel like a ████ dumbass. Like I was like, ████ And I was like, I just had to leave and I was just like, okay, this is what it was. This is what it was. I'm sitting in the in the laundry and I'm thinking about it in the morning and I'm like, god damn it, blah blah blah. And I just not proud of this. This is one of my low moments. I just smashed the ████ out of my washing machine. I just I went hard as ████ and I went I was like I was LIKE THAT.
4:18 I HIT IT AS HARD AS I COULD. I was so mad, bro. I was so mad. I just boom and I was like I was like, what am I doing? What is wrong with me? I need to relax, bro. And I was like, all right, I'm good. that pissed from the argument? Jeez, I was front I was mad at myself, really, cuz I was like, ████ I ████ up the table. Yeah, I just I was like, god damn it. The nitpicking during the solution. Yeah. It's very Chris Farley. How's your washing machine doing? It's fine. It's fine now. And now the now the washing machine's dented? Wait, did the washing machine get damaged? No, it was fine. But there's a little spot, a cold spot. No, no, it was a Oh, she got caught You got CAUGHT BY THE PHONE. You got a contact solution on your phone. Uh-oh. It was worth it. It was worth it. It was worth it. We got to get olive oil, pour it all over that table. olive oil. You see why I'm spilling everything all over the goddamn house. Dude, you could have split the table. No, but we were afterwards she was like
5:10 I don't even care. It was all good. I'm just tripping. And I was like, yeah, I know, I was tripping, too. My bad. That's the best when you have fights in a relationship that you know you you guys are solid even after fighting. Honestly, the like it make like talking it out and being like, yeah, I was pissed, you were pissed, we're cool. Right. It does Cuz it's all theatrics, really. Yeah. Cuz you're it's just feelings. It's just It's just heat of the moment and then it's like you just have to let everything calm down and simmer. It's still a safe space, oddly. You know what I mean? And then makeup sex. Yeah. But Tiff didn't know. I smack I punched the ████ washing She doesn't know about that? She didn't know. And I was like But your washing machine's still But if she saw me do that, she would have been like, what the ████ are you doing? I don't I don't like that. I don't like that. So, I I just And it was me like doing the laundry and I was like, "You're fine." I was like trying to breathe. I was like, "I can't breathe." I was like, "Pop!" And I was like That does happen. I got to chill. I got to chill. No dents? I always say I drop stuff.
6:01 Well, then they go, "Well, what happened?" Uh I dropped this thing. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Drop the bowling ball. Oh, what happened? Oh, I just dropped this basket. Damn. I'm too ashamed to say I'm mad and I punched it. Yeah, that makes you sound so funny. Cuz I feel like such a little like wuss about it. Like, oh dude. It's like the day day after trash day, I'm about to leave for JK News, right? And then like Nikki's like "You know, I'm just going to take over doing the litters. It's It's fine. It's fine." She's like, "I'm going to I'm just going to take over doing the the litters. It's fine. It's fine." Woah. Woah. Woah. Yeah, I don't like that. Why Why she say that? Okay, I'm like, wait, what is going on? And I'm like, wait, why why why why? Cuz she I do the kitty litters because Nikki has a very bad back. So, like the kitty litters is like a very involved thing. We got to like Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, it's a whole thing. We have like I don't know, 17
6:52 kitty litters in our house. So, it's like a lot of work. I know the feeling. You know what I mean? And so, I'm like, "Okay, what's going on?" And then I start to slow I'm like, "Okay, wait, why do you want to do the litters exactly?" Cuz she knows it's all it takes. All you have to do is say, "You want to take away You want to take away this thing that I do for you?" Because she's basically punishing me for having ████ up something. So, then I'm like, "Oh ████ what I do?" And then she's like "Because it's just going to smell like ████ anyway. It's going to smell like ████ ████ anyway." Like Like you didn't change it. So, so apparently I So, I always change it. Yeah. But apparently the kitties track on these little ████ pads that they have in front of the thing. When I'm doing the ████ in the middle of night even with my glasses on, I can't see anything, dude. So, I'm just like focusing on the litter and like where the dark spots are on the litter. I'm not looking at the pee pad thing.
7:44 And so the the ████ limo is is like going like why is he ████ do anything about the pee pad which is covered in kitty litter. And so she's like I'm just going to do it cuz it doesn't matter. I go and sit in my office the next day and it still still smells like ████ ████ in there. And then I'm just like The head bob. Yeah, and then all I could do is just sit and sink like I'm in quicksand and just slowly sink in the quicksand. Right? And I'm just waiting I'm just waiting for her to finish unloading cuz she has to just unload the whole argument, sweat it out, right? Sweat it out. Sweat it out. Sweat it out before I can even say like okay, I get what you're saying. Like there's no me interjecting be like I got it. Pee pads in the trash, no problem. I just have to let her continue b███████ for like 9 minutes Once they hit that emotional threshold, you just got to let it all exhaust it's an exhaust tube.
8:34 There's nothing you can do. It's like it's like trying It's not a mouth feel. It's like trying to stop when you're on Mario Kart and hit the boost. Yeah. You can't stop. You got to ride, dude. But it's so much talking. It's so much talking. So fast. Paragraphs. barely catch the three words that they're saying. And it's the same paragraph. Just copy and paste the whole way down. And it goes like this. IT GOES LIKE THIS. REPEAT INFORMATION EVERY YEAH. I GOT IT. By the way, got it. Line one. Yeah, yeah. Line one, minute one. It could have been done in three words. Exactly. But so many words. Exactly. Then we got to punch something in the house. Yeah. Then I got to find something to punch. Yeah. But if I punch something, I get a whiff of cat pee as soon as I do. Sprays back in your Not the best. So yeah, that one was resolved just by
9:25 me leaving and her being like I'm going to miss you so much. I love I love ████ you know. But then like, you know, I'm like I'll get the pee pads. I'm in my bad. My eyes suck, you know. That's what I love about real relationships, man. Yeah. It's not a true like oh, we're not on the rocks for real, but like let's act like we are. Yeah, but she makes good points cuz she's like, the cats they start using the pee pad as another ████ litter box. Oh, that's bad, yeah. maximized? Yeah, when it gets like that? They min-max that ████ Min-max. They look max it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sick. Have you ever had to do that or are you perfect again? Yeah, you're perfect, yeah. She's like, oh, I love your smooth ████ You do everything right. You're ████ clean. Perfect ████ Yeah. If anything, Anthony's the one getting mad. You looking at my phone?
10:15 It's Nina messing up on Anthony. She has to take a breather? Yeah. No, she never really has to, for sure. She She's It's all microaggressions with her. Oh, nice. Cool, those are fun. Does she launches? Does she launch? It's all just like No, it's just It's just all like the the like mini attitude, like flustered stuff, and It's like, I know you're frustrated with me about something, but then like our Like Like you know how the way that like Bart explained one time that now when you start to get into argument with Geo, he just goes to level 10 right away, you stupid ████ and then they know it's funny. Yeah, it fizzles out. It just fizzles out. I feel like we kind of do something similar where it's like if she's got microaggressions, there's no point in me being like what's wrong? What did I do? Cuz she's not going to communicate that ████ anyway. So the quickest, most logical beeline of
11:05 me getting to it is to for me to start getting mad first so that I can start ramping it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Expedited. What a healthy relationship. going to be microaggressions, I start going with microaggressions on random ████ too, yeah. And then we start going like crazy, and then there's a there does happen to be those moments where it's like and then you walk away, and it's It's like you said, in a real relationship, you like have to pretend that you're actually mad. She raises her voice, though? It's not raise She raises her frustration. She'll like raise her voice. That's kind of worse. Yeah, but it always gets to that point where like if it does or not always, but when it does get to that point like walking away or something. But let's say it's at night and it's like she goes and lies down on her bed and then like the most dramatic gesture would be to be like I go lie down on the couch. You know? That that is dramatic. And then somebody always breaks. Yeah. They're like, "Can we talk?"
11:55 breaks It's not It's never It's not as It's We skip the talk, too. It's the like Yeah. It's like when I know that maybe I deserved it, I'll like sneak upstairs and then when I pop in, all I got to do is give her face like And that's all she wants. That's all It doesn't ████ actually matter. She just needs me to like submit I'm ████ up or vice versa. Same thing, she might come down and just be like Come upstairs. Cuz it can't go that far, you know? That's cool. That's awesome. walk by Show her my butt sometimes. That works, too. My bare ass. Yeah, yeah. And it's a it's a good tension breaker. Yeah, yeah. Just walk in the room and I'm pissed and I I storm out, but my butt cheeks are out. I like it when there's like a nothing fight. And then
12:45 there's a nothing fight, right? It's like it didn't even need to happen. So but it's not a big deal. But then like let's say she had to go like take a ████ or something. And then so nature kind of like does its own thing. I walk by the bathroom and I know she's in there and I'm like, "What are you doing? Taking a s███?" She starts laughing and I laugh and it's it's over. Dude, like Cuz I hear the fan on like that. "What are you doing in there? Taking a s███?" Couple weeks ago, we're just we're just watching our garbage ████ reality TV ████ and then Nikki's still playing ████ threes on her phone, it's her favorite game. She's playing threes, threes, threes, threes. And then she's like, "What happened What just happened?" Yeah, and I'm like You want me I First of all, they're they're British people talking, so I don't I can't say what they what they just said cuz I had to read it myself.
13:35 Plus while you're explaining to her, more s███'s happening to you. It makes you more out. So then I'm like I don't know, why don't you stop ████ playing threes and watch the ████ show with me, right? I'm already fed up cuz she's been doing this so much. And then that was all it took. And then she's going upstairs and ████ like that. And then I'm sitting down there stewing and I'm like, I'll move. I'm going to move. I'm going to move to ████ Tucson, Arizona. YOU WANT ME TO OH, YEAH, it's going to be great. It won't even be as hot as here in the summertime. Tucson's pretty sick. I know people over there. I'll have a good time. And and then Spanish style homes. Yeah, yeah. And then like, you know, 8 minutes goes by and I just go upstairs and I'm like, all right, that was like dumb and ████ You want to come back downstairs and she laughs and we go out. That's tight. You know you know my my thing with her when we get into an argument in the car. We like ████ it's all nothing fights
14:25 again. And then you sit there and then you just ████ stern while you're driving, right? And then when like it's time to give up, I do the Oh, yeah, that's a chill dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that makes all the difference, honestly. Even if you're mad and you force yourself to get physical You know what I mean? It's like When you doesn't change anything. But these are fights we could have never survived in high school. No, you you break up. Not with my ████ bird brain. You don't have your Exactly, you don't have your personal baseline. You're fighting for the death. Exactly. And and you go to your your buddy and you ████ exacerbate the entire situation. And they're still you up. They still you up. She's a ████ She's being a ████ ████ dude. What do you think it's going to be like when you guys get married? That's what all the Jews do. Wait, my bad. I didn't Wait, I DON'T
15:15 WAIT, WHAT THE ████ OH, WAIT, she's not Jewish. My bad. Oh, my bad. My bad. I didn't mean anything by that. She looked Are you sure? She looked a little Jewish. I don't know. I thought I saw like a What was the the blue and white on our house? Then you go back. Hey, my friends think you should apologize. They said Mike said you're wrong. That's the worst. Oh my god. They think that. Or no, you're wrong. No, you know what's better? My mom says YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE. THAT'S TOUGH. You shouldn't say that out loud. I'd be embarrassed. I've never heard that one, but that sounds bad. Yourself and gasoline and a lighter match. That's crazy. Dude, no, that's like a bunch of people that I knew growing up. My mama says you're a ████ It's It's the mama's boy ████ My mama said she would have treated me better if she was my wife. That ████ like blows my mind that there are actual dudes that don't see anything wrong with saying that. Yeah. And they're not our friends. said.
16:06 No, me and Nikki's podcast half of it is people asking about ████ like that. Really? Yeah, just just like, hey, so like, you know, I wonder if this is okay. That kind of ████ It's wild, dude. My mom would just hit me. Yeah. What are you doing? Uh my mom would always think it's my fault, first of all, and the girl's an angel. What did you do? What did you do? I'd be like, what? Do your homework. My mom would take Nikki's side every time. If I if I involved her. I never would. Exactly. And I never would. Exactly. I think that's totally justified. I respect that. Yeah.
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