0:05 What is one of the worst ways you're going to have a lot of these? What's one of the worst ways that you ever disrespected your mama? >> Everything, dude. Like Like, you know, like I got into a bunch of troubles. So, by the time I got into junior high, like my mom was really I got to control this [snorts] ████ right? So, I was the only kid that had to wear school uniforms at a school where the uniforms were optional. And I was like, man, I'm tired of being this living in this loser-ass ████ lifestyle. So, I would pack my my home clothes, like the clothes I'd actually wear like on the weekend, in my backpack. And then I'm like, oh, ████ it. I'm going to I'll just when I get to school, I'll change. She didn't want me to have gel in my hair or anything like that. So, I got to school, put my clothes up, get done up or whatever, and I'm like walking from class to class. And then, out of the corner of the chain-link fence, I would see this. >> Oh, no.
0:55 >> What the ████ It's ████ like 11:00 a.m. Aren't you supposed to be at work or some ████ WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? HUH? WHERE DID YOU GET THE clothes out OF THE JAIL? AND I'M LIKE, OH, ████ >> SHE spied on you that crazy? >> I'm just trying to be normal. Like, did I do anything wrong? I'm wearing what everyone else is wearing. I didn't like break a ████ religious commandment or break a school rule. I broke a Lillian rule. >> But I was just trying to be sexy, dude. >> I know. I know. >> I just can't believe that how many times do you think she's been doing that and didn't catch anything? That's weird. >> Oh, where she just spying looking at me? >> So, she came back hours later just to look through the fence at you and see what you were doing. >> That lady's so bored. >> Bored as ████ >> Bored. That's a new level of boredom, dude, to follow your kid like that. >> And it's so like, you know, I was a latchkey kid, and it's so the way my mom would check up on me would be like every
1:46 hour she'd call the home phone, which is a landline, right? And then if I want to go play with my friends, I'm like, ████ I'm not going to be back for an hour. So, I would just like leave the phone kind of like not not clicked on. So, when she calls, it's busy. >> And you say that you were on the phone? >> Yeah, but oh, I didn't I didn't hang it up good or whatever, right? I just left it on whatever. My mom, who So, we live in Cerritos, she worked in San Pedro. She'd be like, "That's it!" And she would drive home and see like and go to the usual places. So, it'd be like 4:00 p.m. in the afternoon. She'll catch me at the park or what I'll be at my friend's house. Ding dong! Is Bao Chen here? And I'm like, "What the ████ Aren't you supposed to be at work, dude? What the f███?" >> [laughter] >> Her work lets her leave like that? >> you go to the park? Well, like I'm a latchkey kid, so I was already getting into a lot of trouble. I get her thought process. Her thought process is this guy is is always getting in trouble. Just stay the ████ home and
2:37 do homework and get your grades up before I come home. >> Mhm. Okay. >> She let me go to the park on the weekends. On the weekends when she's home, she's like, "Oh yeah, you and whatever want to go ride your bike, go ahead." But then Monday through Friday, it's like lockdown. And and it was just like I'm a damn, this ████ ████ apparently has 2,000 sick days a year cuz she could just ████ leave whenever the ████ she wants. >> That's crazy that she could just leave work. I feel like work is so annoyed by her. They're like, "Get out. You go ahead. Yeah, no problem. No ████ problem. Just take your speaker with you with your ████ chanty music, please." >> She has a Buddha music at work? You know what? I should ask her, "How did you get away with all of that?" Cuz as much of a ████ like loophole or ████ fast one I try to pull, she probably pulled fast ones. Like Oh my god, this guy is like like again. I'll be back in 2
3:27 hours, I guess. >> Right. Yeah. Dude, that's a hereditary loophole thing. You just used yours for evil. >> You think she's putting on ████ dresses at work, too? And change her clothes in the bathroom and coming home? >> Like a mother, like a son. >> [laughter] >> Any regular ████ was I got me in trouble. That was tough part. >> That's sad though that all you wanted to do was look like the other kids. >> Is your mom one of those Asian ladies who has the Velcro shoes? >> She has Shape-ups right now. >> Shape-ups, okay. Hey, those are good Those are good. Nick Nick Donut approved Shape-ups. >> she had those Sketchers with a big ass so sole. >> That's the Shape-ups. Yeah, that Sketchers gets your thighs nice. >> banana bottom shape sort of ████ rocks. Apparently helps you burn more calories or something. I don't know, dude. >> Damn, man. One of One of the like as a real one, I think I don't I should ask
4:18 my mom if she gives a ████ about this still. But there was a point when um my parents were actually going to get a divorce. >> What? >> Yeah, and they were uh I was 10. >> And it was cuz it was your fault? >> It's always the kids' fault. I mean, what parents can do no wrong. Yeah, they um and then there was a point where my mom straight-up said uh you have to choose who you want to go with. And then I already knew that my sister picked my mom. So then like I like So my parents weren't talking. It was like at at the middle of night, my parents weren't talking to each other. My dad's sitting on the uh the recliner watching TV. My mom's in the bedroom with my sister. They're just talking. And this is like when ████ was serious between them. So my mom would pretty much hide in my sister's room just like holding a knife in case my dad
5:09 was to come in. It was that bad. >> No way. >> Yeah, it was really really really bad. And so like I I took a look at my dad and I was like I felt so ████ sorry for this dude cuz I'm like this guy's going to have nothing if I just go with my mom. >> But you wanted to go with your mom? >> I was I wasn't scared of him anymore because I he was just so like I think he just kind of knew that it we're all just ████ you know, at this point. So then I I went over to him and then um I was like he he was like so nice to me obviously cuz it's campaign season. So like So like he puts me on his lap and he's like, you know, we're watching ████ TV together. >> Campaign [laughter] season. >> Yeah, so then I just I felt so bad. >> He wanted the vote. >> Yeah, once he gets elected he's a real ████ head. >> [laughter] >> He doesn't build the wall. >> Yeah, I felt so bad for him. After that
5:59 I went I went back to my mom and I was like I'm I got to go with dad. And I I just remember her face like she was just kind of like, all right, you know. I feel like that's the only time I really like Yeah, I've yelled we've yelled at each other we've had fights as teenager. I can't think of anything worse than that than me saying like, uh yeah, I'm not I'm not going to go with you because I think she was trying to protect me by like obviously like it's my choice but she's like this dude's wilding out. You probably shouldn't do this. So it was like a a feeling of like damn you just betrayed the whole situation. And then of course my dad prayed and and everything was fine. >> [laughter] >> And then a year later he A year later he started a war with Iran. >> [laughter] >> Even though he used to say that was the one thing not to do. Yeah. >> One of the worst ass beatings I got. So this isn't like
6:49 my worst offense but the consequence was one of the worst was when I was eight I was chosen to be a ring boy for my mom's friends wedding. >> [laughter] >> And then so like you know as a ring boy you got to wear like a tuxedo and all this stuff. And that was the first time ever in my life I got these like dress shoes. And I'm like, man this is so sick. And this is when like tap dancing was like hella in, right? Everyone's Everyone's tap dancing. So I was like, man this is so sick kind of reminds me of tap dancing shoes. So I put them on and then I remember just going pa pa pa pa pa pa ████ like all over the kitchen. And then our kitchen floor is linoleum. You know that like roll up material. So I'm just tap dancing ████ going crazy having the time of my life not knowing I was scuffing the ████ out of the whole kitchen. [laughter] Black marks everywhere. Everywhere. My mom comes home >> [laughter] >> and then she's like, oh my god what the
7:39 hell? >> [cough] >> And then then and I'm like, "Oh f███." I remember the first thing she does, uh she runs over to me and I already know it's going to be an ass beating, so I'm already like running around. So, our our kitchen was like a a big square. Imagine a big square and here's uh the the counter, sink, counter, and then stove right here. And then we had a circular table in the middle, glass table. She runs over here, for some reason she pulls open the drawer, grabs like this many chopsticks, ████ throws it at me, and it feels like you know in those movies where like like in 300 where they ████ shoot up all the arrows. I could have sworn it was like >> [laughter] >> like that. I was like, "Oh s███." And then um then she got mad at me cuz as I was running, I was like scuffing the FLOOR EVEN MORE. >> [laughter] >> SHE GOES TO MY MY TOY BOX where I had my
8:29 my metal hockey stick. She chucks it at me, uh misses, hits the glass table, whole thing shatters. >> Oh. >> So, now she's ████ extra pissed and >> basically did that. >> She didn't do that, you did that. >> I did. Yeah. >> Yeah, so I'm just running in and out of the house, ████ scared for my life with my shiny ass dress [laughter] shoes. >> How sad. >> ████ tap master. >> Dude was living a tapper dream. >> be Jumping Jack Flash. >> He just wanted to be a hoofer. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Tapping away. >> I love that age too cuz you think you look really cool. >> Yeah, I look so cool. >> You probably just stopping on the ground like a ████ >> [laughter] >> But in your mind you're just like >> Brown to yourself in the mirror. >> Yeah, this is also you know like on TV every commercial was like the Riverdance commercial. >> So, you're like, "Oh hell yeah, always
9:22 wanted these." >> Yeah. [laughter] So, did you have to clean all the scuffs? How did you guys fix that? >> Well, I ended up having to clean it um the next day. But I didn't think that me doing that I wouldn't need to fear for my life. >> [laughter] >> Dude, the Well, then it is your fault for the table because you were running from her. >> I'm not I'm supposed to stay there and let the hockey stick hit me. >> [laughter] >> It's like a good kid. Take the Take the abuse. >> So, later on when me and my mom like we would try to like reconcile things, uh like one of the my biggest gripes that I would that I told her I'm like, "You know, it was really hard to understand the lessons that you would teach me cuz it'd be one day I get expelled from school, but because you you worked overtime and you're tired, you didn't really discipline me. And on another day when I was tap dancing, you beat the living ████ out of me and I was I was like,
10:12 "So, it kind of like I didn't quite understand this whole negative reinforcement, positive reinforcement thing cuz like the consequence never matched the action. So, I'm like, "Okay, cool. Like if I had to choose, just get expelled way more cuz it's not that bad. Tap dancing was really bad." >> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Cuz it ████ with my brain perception. >> So, did Is this one of the things where you talked to her about it as an adult and she and she has no recollection this happened? >> She starts laughing and getting embarrassed. You know, and she's like, "Oh my god, I can't believe like So, she she know you can tell just a little >> But she remembers that the table shattered. >> Now that she's level-headed, but then in the moment it's probably already single mom, right? And then if she's already ████ sneaking away to go spy on me, she's probably on her last ████ limb at work, about to get fired. She comes home, she's like,
11:02 "Okay, I I'm I just got to cook dinner and then get ready for the night." And she comes home, she's like, "F███." I can see where she's coming from as a single >> It ain't comedy anymore. >> I could see I could see all of that. But then I think now that she's like 60, 70, level-headed, she looks back, she goes, "Damn, that was pretty crazy. I chucked the hockey stick at you because there was marks on the ground. When we could have just like teamed up and clean it up in 30 minutes and then just gave me, "Don't do that again. You saw what you did." And I totally would have got it. >> Yeah, it was honest mistake. It's not like you knew the marks were there so you started doing it more, right? >> That's like beating the ████ out of your dog for ripping a couch apart. Like some people laugh at it and some people be like like they'll just get rid of the dog. >> You should just put him to sleep. >> [laughter] >> So when I was uh probably nine [clears throat] eight nine years old every all the kids at school like they would you know, we we kind of started
11:53 talking about like what sex is and stuff a little bit. Yeah. And so we're all like kind of trying to figure out what the hell it is. You know? >> Yeah. Find your knowledge. >> Cuz nobody really quite knows yet. We're sort of sort of swirling and then there's probably a kid who's actually getting molested and having sex and they don't want to talk about it. So we're all just trying to figure it out, right? So I remember I was at I I was at a bookstore with my mom and I saw the romantic whatever section. >> Like Danielle Steel kind of novels. Okay. >> It was like a night a New Year's night to remember or some ████ And like had some sexy lady on the cover like with some strong dude. And I was like I'm going to find out what the hell sex is right now. Let's go, boys. And then I was going I was thumbing through this book and I'm like trying to be all secret about it and I look down all the
12:43 way down there and my mom is looking at me like, "What the ████ are you doing?" And I don't I don't know cuz my mom doesn't have the best eyes so I don't know if she could see it yet. So I'm like, "Okay, let's ditch this ████ book, right?" So I threw it behind You know how they have the book section thing? I threw it behind the book section. Like in the back of the books. But like in the back of all of the same books. >> He's in the erotic section. >> So it's all the same ████ books. No, it's the same exact titles. It's like all the all the Daniels the same title A Night in New Year's or whatever the ████ and I threw it behind all of them so it's like that's clearly what I was doing. And my mom just walks up and picks up she's like, "Steven, what the hell are you doing?" >> [laughter] >> I was like "I HATE YOU." >> WHAT THE HELL? >> "I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I WAS so embarrassed. [laughter] >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> I didn't know what the hell to say. >> Oh, ████ >> remember she was like, "What? You hate
13:35 me?" And then like it was in public, too. So, all these random people are like, "What? You hate your mother? What what's going on?" And like she's holding this romance novel and I'm like, "I hate you." So, it kind of looks like she's like reading this book and like maybe cheating on my dad or something. I have no idea. I have no idea what people think, but I remember feeling like, "Oh, ████ I really disrespected my mom." And then I remember just like slowly walking towards the minivan going like, "Tonight is not going to be good." You know, like I got absolutely smoked like the whole way home. >> She told your dad? >> She told my dad. >> And they had you they had a big family talk with you? >> Well, no. It's I got like we're going to be telling you about sex soon, but we will never actually do it talk. >> Oh. >> Because they both didn't want to do it. >> [laughter] >> When you got home, did you get double smoked by your dad or >> Absolutely melted by my dad, yeah. >> What did your dad actually say to you about it? >> You you hate your mother? Do you hate
14:26 your mother? You keep telling people you hate your mother? >> It's more about you saying that you hated your mom rather >> I want to talk about sex >> Yeah, versus like addressing what the hell you were actually doing. >> So, everyone just made it about something else. >> Yeah. So, they were complicit in your diversion, basically. >> I'm and I'm glad that I didn't have to talk to them about it. >> Yeah. >> But I wish that they would have I wish that they gave me the talk. >> But that is smart though that like how did you know that would work? Like to use a way more incendiary blow up >> I got lucky. Yeah, I got >> That's pretty smart. [laughter] >> Thank you. Yeah, I got I was just I was like, "Okay, what do I have in my tool case?" I was like, "I hate my mom. That's that will work." >> And you completely didn't at all, huh? >> ████ no. I love my mom. And I I really have to rack my brain to think about ways that I've disrespected my mother over the years because ever since then I've been extra sensitive about >> Oh, yeah. Because of how hurt she probably was, yeah. How sad.
15:18 >> You really didn't mean it there, huh? >> I bring it up to her and she's like, "I don't even remember that s███." You know what mean? Like, like it's such a big moment for us and for them it's like a Tuesday and they're like, whatever. Cuz like, I'm sure she got home and my brother Kenny ████ is up his back cuz he was like an infant. You know what I mean? Like, there's they just don't >> Yeah, yeah. >> It's not a big deal to them, but >> blip in adult life. >> Yeah, it's just another task. Okay, we have to talk to Steven now and Yeah, and then it's a checklist done. Cool. >> I'm sure by the next morning they're laughing about it to each other, probably. Probably that night. >> What the ████ wrong [laughter] with our kids? >> Nine-year-old told me he hated me while >> I was trying to read a romance novel at Crown at Crown Books. >> [laughter] >> Books. I was going to ask you if it was Crown or Walden. >> It was Crown, yeah. But yeah, it was very >> what you were looking for in there? Did it say >> ████ no, I just read hard nipples and I was like, hard nipples. I remember it's like, her nipples were hard as diamonds. And everything's like metaphors. It's
16:09 like really hard to like get the real knowledge from there. I was like, so nipples are like diamonds? And I was like, mine aren't like diamonds. Get this. >> [laughter] >> I know, that's the thing too is I went back to school and I didn't have anything for the boys. Like, I'm like, I got nothing. Nipples are hard like diamonds. >> [laughter]
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