0:00 [Music] and everybody welcome back to another amazing episode of the careful boys very careful not today ████ why oh no that should be uh whoa ryan's off the handle wow they always do the same thing i was doing the same ryan gone wild holy ████ that was girl that's like a dj drop ryan's off kilter we're gonna we're gonna start with ryan on this otr approach okay yeah mr careful so what we would like to discuss today is your main source of confidence my main source of guns this is a real one we got it we gotta go we gotta break it down ████ big guns trap to get clapped [Laughter] you never heard that before kick some
0:50 brass i think you got that sticker on your card yeah rob this car there's a gun shove a rifle down your throat you never heard that before that's a saying and people say that my main source of confidence i think just like getting older and realizing how much ████ doesn't matter like most things that you don't like you care about a lot in your early twenties that's so true realize that like as much effort as you put into those things early on they end up not mattering or looking back at people that are at that age seeing them try so hard to like you know be so confident in certain areas and then just realizing that it's all ████ that's like i'm like i feel i feel really good now what's one of those instances where you're like man that was all ████ i think trying to impress certain people like just trying to impress certain people that you realize later on in life don't really have that much weight over your over your life yeah what's his or her name
1:41 wanting validation from someone yeah yeah yeah i definitely had a lot of that in high school and stuff like that like authority figures and stuff that i was like oh like if i do well in class or if i you know contribute to a conversation in a meaningful way like getting there validation or whatever and they're probably thinking about i can't wait to go home to jack off or something i don't know about that i think all these high schoolers ████ get me too how to bother bro i would i like to think that most of my high school teachers were not pedophiles but not most of them were okay statistically yeah statistically yes they were groomers word you got to use now do you guys remember like in high school like if you had a ████ up haircut you just refused to go to school the next day because you just thought that you would be so ridiculed by everything everyone's looking at you oh my god oh ████ i can't everyone sees you they're gonna ████ roast me so hard i remember doing my hair for like two hours yeah like i
2:32 would do it it didn't turn out right ████ and then the gel starts drying oh go take another shower come back up do it again i'm like oh it's ████ drying on me again ████ i can't go ████ gang bang looking like this did you walk to school or like what did you not like i don't even know it's right there you had to look good when he's asking someone where they're from it is honestly the most vain time of your life because you think everyone's looking at you nobody gives a ████ well it's also it's not your life people are scrutinizing you though like outwardly you know i remember like my parents have a dry cleaner so they have ████ like professional pressing machines and my mom ████ took my jeans and she pressed them that's tight like a cholo she creased your crease on the front like a suit pants ████ and i remember being like mom i'm gonna think i have
3:22 more you can't crease some ████ jeans a cholo out there is looking at you like you ungrateful ████ yeah cause they're like dude i wanted all my dickies and jeans all creased dude it was it was embarrassing and starched but for no reason but yes that is that is a very very uh valid and great point but i don't i don't think that it's a thing that you can like learn you just like have to like experience enough of it and eventually you're just like i don't care you know yeah yeah and some people don't ever get over it like they're still self-conscious and you know blessings all right anybody else main source of coffee dolls i would say confidence will morph or how you get that confidence will morph over the years because i think as you're developing your identity is always like picking
4:12 general like things about you and thinking that's who you are so for example i'm like i'm an asian male right so that becomes who i am i'm a high schooler or like i'm a college student and then and then it might expand into a skill like i'm a skater and i'm good at skating or like i'm a comedian i'm funny and i'm good at being funny right and then like i think at least for guys maybe it's like an external thing that you collect and you get good at all these things and people like oh yeah i like hanging out with this oh i like picking this guy on my team because he's good at playing this and then that becomes your identity and then when you start sucking at it or someone's better than that better than you at that skill then it starts lowering your confidence and then you can mature even more and realize none of that ████ ████ matters yeah yeah sure it's just do you like yourself as a human being yeah what's
5:04 something that you tied to that like what was your what was your thing that you feel like you you tie or like the most consistent thing that you tied your self-worth to i think um it was yeah skill based it was mainly which skill though specifically uh comedy and being funny because i made it a career as well so then there was so much tied to that right so like me being successful on youtube me being um called funny or like seeing people laugh from what i do and so it's been a thing of mine that i can always go back to and know that i could make somebody like laugh and but then eventually like not everyone has the same taste right because you know when you get really really deep into an art form or whatever like you you get so into it that it's like this weird snobby phase oh bro yes right and then you're and then you think everyone else is stupid for having different tastes which is
5:55 like ridiculous it's a young thing to do yeah but everyone has different like likes and dislikes right but then you wanna you want everyone to like you and if they don't like you you feel like they're dumb and everyone else is dumb and they just don't get it because they're not as good as you and i think that's kind of but that's the insecure part that's the insecure part you don't really think that they're not as good as you you're just trying to project that outwardly because you're you're like you're soft and you need the porcupines to protect your little soft body yeah it's like all the ████ film students that think they're they're spielberg right all the and then they're like critiquing all these masters as if they're on the same playing field and they're all saying the same ████ like in american beauty in the beginning the bag in the wind is like yeah bro it's the most beautiful everyone ████ knows that part dude they all know the meaning behind that part dude you're not ████ seeing something nobody else is seeing you stupid dumb ████ like
6:45 s███'s funny though but it is it is a a formative time though to do that to porcupine yeah right we all do that don't we all do that still uh no we're over it oh we're over it now we're better and more we're out of it super mature and comfortable we're in the ivory tower looking down and pointing yeah i think uh it helps though to get so beaten down because confidence also has a mix of ego and thinking that you can actually do something a little bit better than everybody else right and then that's why uh you're just like oh you know um i i believe in myself but then also when you identify with that thing so ████ hard that it that it kind of like you can't tell the difference between you as an a character that's a player in this game of art and you just as a human being when you
7:36 mesh those two things together and that becomes your identity and then you start sucking at it or maybe you're not winning all the time or maybe you're number three and then you're just beating yourself up like you're not good enough and you're not you're not worthy of a of a of just existing anymore i don't know if that's something that people i think i actually relate super hard to that because um i think my confidence came from having like a really awkward and uh unrelatable childhood so like my parents got divorced when i was six right and then so from a mom to a four the mortgage uh i slept in the same bed as my mom all the time like 13. so that's ████ weird all the homies come over like what the ████ and then so we have roommates random strangers in our house that's how we ran off the other three rooms remember this for later yeah we're gonna get that yeah the content is very nice but i just wanna never know i can't wait 13
8:30 now though but we'll compliment them right now hey at least your mom had big tips that's right it's called braggable and they're all friends here i told the story before too where like i was at a boy scout uh meeting right where there's like it's like a big like ceremony where people are getting like promoted or whatever and then all the adults are sitting on the chairs in front of us all the kids are sitting across they get behind and my mom just ████ tilts one of her ass cheeks up and just goes and i'm like ████ court of honor yeah so that that's like my whole childhood so i think my whole childhood which is so ████ up nothing made sense that was bart's whole childhood like his mom's part no it was just it just summed up in a weird way that i think um understanding that you could bounce back like me spending spring breaks at that hacienda heights
9:21 temple over there like living in a monastery for like during third grade and fourth it's just ████ weird so like i think just understanding that my life isn't normal but then also it doesn't really you could always come back from it doesn't mean anything it doesn't really mean anything no matter how ████ up your life is it's in your own mind because everyone else is living their own life and that helped me understand like oh ████ then you could literally do whatever you want and it doesn't even matter what the circumstances are very true to piggyback off of that i think for me my confidence comes from this weird eerie thing that i have which i feel like i've known my whole life huge penis huge huge huge ████ four-year-old it was just ████ throbbing the fatty my right was trying to help me watch it couldn't get her hand all the way around it all right my mom has little tips
10:13 why would you bring that up she's actually the chairman of the itty bitty community not the story that we're on not right now um no um mama has breast cancer actually ████ okay so she has one big teeth making it too real you're making it too real uh that's what i did about my uncle by the way who had aids he died and i was like maybe the two my uncle had aids every time somebody did the aids joke in the comedy room i was like my uncle died of aids uh-huh did anyone go in on it afterwards no they would all like they'd all get weird and i was like i'm sorry i'm just ████ around i'm sorry i think i'm a gift i know but no um honestly this is a little bit bad it's this weird spirit i'm ████ dude i don't give a ████ um no i was this weird thing that i have where i really do feel like i'm not better than anybody um and it's and it but it goes uh reversed too
11:03 i don't think anyone's better than me yeah so it's like i can look around and everyone goes that person's the special person that person special and stuff and i don't see them that way i just see them as the same as me and this like weird like zen ████ every time i read about buddhism i'm like oh that's pretty much exactly how i feel like i don't see anyone go oh yeah you are a special yeah get the glow or something on a pedestal ████ no i don't know yeah for me it's like no you're we're all the same i'm not better than anybody ever i don't think anyone else is better than anybody ever and that's why i think anyone can win i really do think that so you're saying your penis my opinion same level same exact length and girth girth thank you congratulations it's a mushroom i don't even know it's about i don't even know it's great news ratio-wise it's by percentage by weight by exactly
11:53 no but um and that that honestly like i i just have this like weird sense of like you were a kid you had this thing i was a kid yeah it's just weird it's a weird thing where it's like i really do think that anyone can do anything that they that they want to if they if they choose to do something like that when you were a kid because yeah i didn't start thinking this way until like a couple years ago where i started to realize that like oh yeah nobody is nobody's necessarily special in a lot of ways like i used to hold so many different people that are more successful or whatever the case may be on a pedestal just because like oh they're there's they have special talents or this but i remember in first grade you know for the first like one of the main halloweens this kid he came to school with the ████ electric guitar around his ████ shoulder i'm like this guy ████ wanting life yeah i'm like this guy he has it all i don't even know where to buy electric guitar he's got a ████ rock star he's six years old there's nowhere to plug in yeah i'm
12:44 like there's no ant ████ man i'm better than that guy everyone else equal but that guy i'm better than come on no but but there is no yeah i think for me i mean obviously you fall you're a human you fall into the trap so like yeah sometimes you catch yourself maybe thinking somebody is a special thing but there's always like this mean that i go back to like this like base level that i go back to where i'm like oh no no no i i remember now like i like because the more the closer i've been to successful people the more i realize nobody knows what the ████ they're doing yeah and and you just see that universally playing out with people like the more i know people it's it's fast but you don't feel like there's ever a point where you were where you didn't have that because i didn't i didn't realize that until later i was like oh these people are just super self-motivated later in the on in life i was like oh these people are on adderall yeah yeah you know stuff like that where you're just like oh i thought these people were just like better than me but
13:34 he's like oh no they're on drugs everyone's not just ████ like something else i think i just had this like i said it's like this weird thing i i feel very connected to my spiritual self and i've i've always just felt this like weird piece about it where it's like and like honestly too the the ladder that we all climb in life there's so much vanity in it like it's so much for for like what people think of me and all the ████ that we all do like like but so to me it's all funny like i could see all the funny in it i love that part that's that's my favorite part about being a human being is just getting to look at human beings and like our existence is silly um but the the vanity stuff that we all fall traps to we all do yeah um yeah i never care like like i was telling you guys like a bunch of my whale buddies in crypto they're buying like crazy watches like hundred thousand dollars 150 000
14:25 watches and ████ and i bought this casio g-shock just as a ████ you because like well you guys are silly this is just as shiny as your stupid watch and this has more utility than your stupid watch i'm gonna get you a nice watch yeah 230 dollar one nice watch and you're gonna be angry about it i'll be kidding you're gonna be smearing can't i know i like this one by quartz but that's what i mean i don't it's i don't actually care about that stuff it's just i just find it funny if anything so i think when you're um when you when you're not like living kind of cookie cutter right or like when you're not in this mold of being embarrassed like everybody else about the same things like for example like let's say most people will look and dress decent before they go somewhere like the mall where most of us probably maybe outside of youtube guys would go in there looking like ████
15:16 right like exactly right but but then most people i would say would would have that in their head to go oh i'm you know time and place i should dress a certain way for this occasion where like i'd be completely blind to that so i have my own set of values and things though that i do get embarrassed about that other people won't and that's what i realized because a lot like for you know for most of my life people be like oh man dude i wish i could not give a ████ like you like i hear it all the time and i'm like what are you talking about i give a ████ about so many things just not the things that you care about society does yeah yeah yeah so then like the things that most people will value like like things that make you a decent human being like keeping things clean like your car and your clothes and things like of a certain standard right because you don't want to be judged or whatever
16:07 it is it's normal but for me if i'm on a like task or something like my mind is so zero focused in on that i might not ████ you know brush or shower or whatever like you know what i mean like it's just that's all i obsess about and i think that's also why i was able to achieve certain things without worrying about the outcomes because i'm so obsessed about it that it's not even something i consider that i can be looked upon or judged like oh someone's gonna talk about you if you do this or like if you pursue this or if you try to do youtube what about people that are like gonna ridicule you i'm like they're not sucking my dick like i'm they're not bit i'm not benefiting from you know them like yeah like i'm doing this to get my dick sucked you know what i mean like but that's that's kind of some something that i've realized recently is that oh
16:59 when i want something then i just want it so bad that anything else that might worry me around it doesn't exist so it's kind of like this stupid impulsive obsession towards something but this is why we're all friends i think honestly like for a long time because like i think we have that same thing where it's like you slept in your mom's bedroom i slept in my mom and she has big titties dude she's cancer man sorry i'm sorry that's sorry i'm sorry no but there's there is something to like you know there's like this weird like um understanding i think we all have of like it's like no matter what we all do we can make fun of that thing that we do or that we're known for instantly like quickly because it's all silly serious it's not that serious exactly it's just it's it's really just silly mode like why is everyone why does everyone take so many things so seriously that's true like like he's
17:50 really into golf right now right yeah rag on him destroy him with golf but i'm also going to get into golf too that's why you rag on me for dance which is like i'm really into as well for a long time my whole career has been defined by it yeah but it's still silly it is it's very silly but golf is just too easy i think you know what's silly uh and i know some of us will relate to this um maybe because we're in like entertainment and stuff like that right um when we think about the basic prompt of like what gives you confidence to be vulnerable i have to admit like ████ people online sometimes give me confidence which is is both a double-edged sword right yeah the validation but they all absolutely you put out it's like a dangerous game anthony i know i know i know but you know like i ████ do things like dance videos like where you're really expressing a very very sensitive and vulnerable internal element of your expressive side right you put it out
18:40 there and then the irony is like when you do stuff like for the views when you do stuff for a certain things oftentimes like the shallowness that you put out is the shallowness that you receive good or bad right and then there's also times where it's like you put out something that means ████ a s███████ to you you're not looking for anything else and that's the thing that resonates most with people right so there's that time there's that validation there's that moment especially in the type of career that i've been a part of i guess however unique or not unique that is where it's like you get confidence from people for doing what you do but then the double-edged sword is that there are also times where especially as a creator as an artist you're ████ insecure you're very hyper-sensitive just as sensitive as you are to receiving validation you're overly critical in receiving criticism right if somebody's just not into it you're it's not easy to brush off because if you put weight in the value
19:30 of the things that people said were good then you also are capable of putting weight in the things that are like not a mistake and that's such a conflict and that's a tough thing to do because how do you how do you do that you know how do you how do you only take the good and not take the bad consistently without finding yourself in you take the good from your inner circle yeah that's the biggest thing and the bad so so i remember in like 2000 maybe like 14 15 or something like that i remember being in just just a funk just like uh not far enough where i would myself call it like depression but just a funk nothing like made sense something hit music didn't hit the right way food didn't taste as great whatever the ████ you want to call it that's depression man i know what you're talking about but but i remember again just off the prompt of confidence i remember the only thing that got me out of that sunken spot was i had to rationalize because i think i'm also a rational person i'll be like all right
20:20 everything about my life is wack i'm ████ s█████ i'm piece of crap dance or whatever the ████ however all of my homies are sick as ████ and if they're you know if they're willing to spend time with me i have to at the minimum be decent you got a redeeming quality exactly so that was the only thing that really made i found confidence in myself by validating others around me and i feel like that was one of the most powerful tools i was able to teach myself through that time period because now no matter how low things get i know that if i got people like you ████ around me i can't be that bad or at least y'all will keep me in check and i think that's super important for everybody's journey yeah amen i love that for sure that's true i think that's how we were able to survive so long in like on youtube where a lot of our peers they um they leave and get sick of social media and like because they get the validation from the comments i mean i appreciate the
21:11 comments i appreciate our fan base and all that but also we never really cared about the subscriber count the view count the you know people don't believe you but i know i know you're telling the truth but they don't believe you yeah whether we're getting 8 000 views or a million views like we've been on youtube for this is next year is going to be 16 years and like i've loved every step of the way because it was just like you know like the process of connecting with people and being able to create and just being able to live off of creating that alone is just ████ amazing and then like over the years you might get kind of like lost in the sauce and you're just this is everyday life you get too used to it but then you go back and this like the inner circle like creating together the the the camaraderie and in the support
22:02 the the humans around me that i think is where i get my real validation versus um you know a lot of people who are just hitting the like button so yeah yeah but they should hit the like button please with the algorithm smash that like button help with the algorithm ring that bell make sure you hit that notification bell in the corner helps a lot too uh as someone who but real real quickly before bart cuts me off he's like steve's about to say something let's turn it off no no as someone wanted this 15 minutes ago [Laughter] i don't have a trained eye right so when i watch something like like i don't necessarily know what i'm looking at looks like when you're dancing like on a video like i don't know what's going on but if you guys aren't in sync i'm like this video sucks [Laughter]
22:52 that's the last thing you needed to add [Music] you
// end of tape