0:00 I think you just have people that are being dicks to you. >> Nobody's ever made me feel smaller or shorter or stupider or childlike. I think I've just been lucky enough to be around people that go, "Hey, yeah, you're you're fun. I want to be around you." That's it. And I might have to abuse my son to get that point across. Welcome back to another episode of Bar from the Heart, where we ask a little bit of a deeper question to each Careful Boy. They have the whole episode to uh flesh out their answer. Today, Nick the Ear is going to be asking me something. >> I'm going to ask him a real good one, you guys. Good. Something that you guys all want to think about for Ryan. Um and my question to you is, if you could only pass on one lesson One lesson? to your child or future children, what would it be and why? And
0:50 were you taught that lesson or did you learn yourself and how? Please say breakdancing. Definitely not that. B-boying. I don't know. Imagine if that's all it was. Correct the term and then I'm like, "Yes." No, I think like there's a funny trait that I think I I uh well, I think I have it still. Hopefully, I do. Um and I think I picked it up I feel like I picked it up watching Sesame Street. Which is is just like I think it's like a it's this childlike innocence that I try to preserve, which stops me from doing really bad stuff. Which sounds really dark, but like there's a there's a part of me that like has helped me abstain from like making bad choices. And that that like thing is just that little voice internally that's
1:41 like a little kid. Is that why you've been like no drugs, no drinking? >> Kind of. I mean, it definitely helps with that. Yeah, it definitely helps with like um getting into things that I think would be bad for me. Um but whatever that is, I don't know how to I've always thought about how to pass that trait on. Like what um what do you do to in order to preserve the natural childlike innocence of a kid as long as possible, you know? >> that happened? >> It's I think it's a mixture of how both of my mom and dad raised me cuz my mom had she instilled this really weird sense of like This is going to sound like I'm a nutcase, but like when I was a kid, I used to think inanimate objects had feelings. So like let's say a toaster was breaking and then my dad's like we're throwing
2:31 that ████ out getting a new one. I'd be like no like no. Oh, you're the one with that. Yeah, because my mom kind of put that in me by like she would she was a hoarder like with everything and my dad was a thrower-awayer. So they would bump heads all the time because she would always be like no, let's not get rid of that. Like that's nice. Like we like it. It's good. And my dad be like no, it's old. Like let's let's get the newest technology. So like I would watch that dynamic and um I ended up with like I ended up with like half and half of that. Where um I would know like, you know, I I would Marie Kondo myself and be like okay, I got to get rid of these things, but yes, I'd be like thank you for you know, like Goodbye toaster. >> But all throughout my childhood I would look at the lamp. I would look at the plant. Like I would look at these things like they were alive. Like they had like kind of like Brave Little Toaster, which
3:22 is like a old cartoon where like the ████ really was alive. >> [laughter] >> But like but I would imagine that they had like an emotion. So like I would try to treat things nicely. Like I would try to like treat objects with care [laughter] as a child. >> That's dope though. >> Yeah, seriously. >> And I would feel very sad if like I broke something. Cuz you feel like you hurt it? Yeah, I would do I would just feel like like I don't know. There would be like a guilt that almost like I could see a face looking at me or something. It was weird. But that really stemmed from like um how my mom would react to to objects and items. And then as I grew up, I think I took that feeling and I just translated it to um just to people. Just to like like I really I think it's really funny that like I'm portrayed as like the dark soul that wants to like you know like do all these nefarious things. I really like thinking about ways to do
4:14 those things. I don't like actually hurting anyone. I truly just I have such a disdain for hurting people that like but which makes it way more fun to like you know build the you know the I guess like the how you would do it. Yeah. But [snorts] I really don't enjoy that feeling at all. Even if like there's like a road rage moment and so like if I took an extra second to think about someone that slighted me, I just don't want to do anything to them. I would rather just leave. >> That's very healthy. Because like I there's a part of me like in there that stayed from like treating things so like carefully that um like I the I the actual idea the realistic idea of somebody being hurt uh is not like a fun thing for me. And I think like that's just tied to that child like innocence part. Which also helped me care about people more in relationships.
5:05 I think like like the way that I um even the way that I treat smack today like it's it's a we we share that kind of inner child uh I guess like core where we're both always trying to make each other's inner child happy. That's so sweet. Really cool. Yeah, I think that's a big foundation of our relationship. And throughout time I've I've always had that in me and it's hard to get right with different people because some people don't have that. So I might have had a relationship in the past where like I carried that really strongly and they didn't. So then it without them really doing anything wrong, the relationship wasn't satisfying. Yeah, it's just a mismatch. >> Yeah, so it's not like I can can it against them. It's more like there's a part of me that's very important, and if that's not receiving some kind of resonance, um then we're just not in tune. And I think with smack, the reason
5:56 why we worked out is cuz from day one that was the core of both of us. You both kept your childlike kind of wonder Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's definitely like something there that like I don't know how to pass that on other than like let my kid be a real kid as long as possible instead of trying to make them an adult right away. And I think like my That's where my mom and dad were different, where my mom wanted me to be a kid, and my dad wanted me to be a grown-up. Like I don't My dad never talked to me like like a kid. Like he was just talking me like I was like a dude he knew. What if the recipe was like Joe Jackson and like cuz clearly Michael Jackson stayed a kid and preserved his ████ innocence, right? That might be repression if anything. >> [laughter] >> What if abuse is like the actual answer to make that happen? I think there's there's different obviously like when
6:48 when I really think about it like both my parents different parental styles fostered different growths. So like uh you know, my dad made it really easy to deal with ████ going wrong because like he blamed me for everything. So like if if I made a mistake, I just blamed myself and I moved on. Like I didn't wrestle with who did it or like why it was um why it could have been prevented. I'm just like I'm the ████ idiot again, you know? And then it made it easy to cope cuz I'm just like All right, I'm going to stop ████ up, you know? Like very easy. But then my mom made it really uh she she grew a lot of I think empathy and a lot of like consideration to um to remember things, which is like a funny thing that like I have this curse of just ████ remembering the most useless ████ because my mom thought everything was like so important and so like worth thinking about, you know?
7:38 Like so if somebody tells me something about their life that they just as a throwaway fact, they'll probably never mention it again. Okay, I can remember 30 years later. But that's one of the traits I associate with you the most. And I I would imagine the reason why you're so good at like community building and people meeting and like you're you always remember something that I don't even remember about my life. Or you'll have those moments with different people here and they're like, "Whoa." They're surprised you remember that ████ They're like >> It's very thoughtful. Yeah, they look at you differently because of how thoughtful you are. >> I think it's it's a funny thing because I can't remember the important ████ Like I can't remember the things that really matter. They'll come up again. >> [laughter] >> I have this like weird reflex when someone does or says something that they don't think is important. I add value in my mind to that. That's your mom brain. Yeah, my mom would do that. She would add value to everything that doesn't mean anything to anyone else. So I was
8:29 like, "Why the ████ do I have that thing?" And it's because of that reason that my mom like every little thing that we had in the house, whether it was like a little porcelain angel doll or like, you know, or even just like a stack of paper off the printer, like it had the same value to her. She'd be like, "We could use it someday. Don't throw it away, you know, like" and it it's just like was a weird thing that I I think like that tied into my childlike nature and also helped me with different skills. Like with music, it helped me be more creative because I didn't have boundaries. I was just like, "Hey, whatever's cool and fun, like I want to do that." And then my mom always like thought it was like like she would I mean, eventually it got to the point where they were both annoyed by me playing piano and they would tell me to stop all the time. But it was a nice, I guess like
9:19 I was able to play in everything I did, whether it was dance, music, writing, just anything. I was able to be playful because of whatever got instilled in me. >> The ability to play, I think, or let a kid play is so important. >> Yeah. I think if you and Smack are the same way, you're probably just going to create an environment that fosters that for a long time. And that'll just be a part of their personality. Leading by example with Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I hope to be able to pass on is just that like whatever that it is that where there's that spirit of a kid like to I don't want that to die too early or I mean if it could stay alive in some shape or form forever, massive win. But um I think in terms of how me like cuz now I know who my kid's going to be with, I think we're going to have a kid with a lot of creativity and I think that would be essential to just be like you know, play with it and not
10:11 add rules or boundaries or limits in terms of uh in terms of how they feel about themselves, I guess. Cuz whatever happened on Sesame Street when I would I would watch so much Sesame Street as a kid cuz I'd be home alone all the time at like three and four cuz my my parents had to go take my sister to school. And uh I would always be alone watching so much TV and whatever Sesame Street did to show like the kids cuz there was so many kids on that damn show and they were all being kids and I felt like one of them and and it felt like I wanted to do things that were for kids in my nature. I didn't care about stuff that was for adults. I had no interest in like the adults are watching Air Force One or Clear and Present Danger. Like I don't care. That's not for kids. Like my whole childhood life I just wanted to do ████ for kids. Like is that toy for kids? I'll play with that toy. Is that
11:01 for kids? Like and I think like I I definitely I'm glad I didn't get robbed of that of like my parents would turn me into a ████ adult too soon, you know? Like uh even by the time um I guess by the time I was a teenager, I was still wanted to do ████ that was, you know, too young for me in a way, you know, like I still liked watching anime and cartoons and ████ And everybody else is getting into, you know, dramas and uh you know, more grown-up stuff. And even at the time where I was hanging out with like you know, unsavory people or like people that were just like um way more mature than me. I still tried to keep that thing. Like even while doing tour with LMFAO and ████ like I still tried to keep you know, um like they ████ Redfoo be ordering milk for me at the bar and ████
11:52 You know, just to be funny. Cuz like he like that's just kind of why chocolate milk in a sippy cup. >> Yeah, like I thought like >> the bartender gets pissed. He's like, I got to get milk for this guy? And some crayons, please. Yeah. It's a key thing that I I I'm glad I wasn't embarrassed about who I was in that way. >> Yeah, that's cool. I'm glad I wasn't ashamed that I was kind of more of a ████ child brain than like other people cuz I always looked at it like an asset cuz it helped me out, you know? Just don't put him in school, dude. >> [laughter] >> His friends will ████ bully him into being a a boring adult real quick. >> Yeah, that's why like whatever it is that I had that that gave me the con- I don't know why I was so confident about it, but if I can get that confidence in my kid to be like, "Yeah, don't worry about it. If that's how you are, then just people will they won't like try to change you if you look happy, you know? Like I never had that problem. I've
12:43 never been peer pressured. I'm usually the one that's ████ pressuring other people to do stupid ████ but like I don't I've never felt peer pressured because um I'm just like happy with it, you know? Like I'm not I don't feel like I think there could have been a crossroad where I would have been like, "Damn, everybody's like so mature and and uh and manly and I'm not." And I and I would think that. I would think that even in college. I'd be like, "Dude, look at that ████ guy. He's so cool and like manly and grown up." And like I'm over here making the dumbest like little jokes from ████ like I'm a child and ████ But then I would stop and think about it and be like, "But I'm having a lot of fun though." Like that's kind of tight. >> [laughter] >> You know? Manly guy's not having fun. Yeah, because like it's tough when everyone's voice gets lower than yours, everyone gets taller than you, everybody gets broader shoulders than you. And like I feel like I was a late bloomer in
13:33 a lot of ways or didn't bloom at all. But like I don't think you know when people assume that um Like like for instance, like I just never thought that I had a problem cuz of that. Like when people go like uh Like when some people have issues because they feel short. I don't think that it's because they're short. I think they're just hanging out with mean people. Yeah. >> You know what I mean? I don't think it got anything to do with your features. I think you just have people that are being dicks to you. Like that's it. Like >> Yeah. It forms your reality a little bit. >> Like I've never Nobody's ever made me feel smaller or shorter or stupider or childlike. I think I just been lucky enough to be around people that go "Hey, yeah, you're you're fun. I want to be around you." That's it, you know? So whatever I can do And I might have to abuse my son to get that point across.
14:23 >> Yeah. Joe Jackson's style. Rob him of his childhood so he would yearn for a childhood his whole life. >> Just a little bit. A little. I would love for him to have a child, but I also have to be have to make sure that I'm pretty adept to how the times are when that comes. That I'm not trying to make him the kid that I was in the ████ 80s. You know what I mean? Like I got to know what's the modern way that this fits into his realm. Cuz or else he's going to go out and then people going to be like you're just ████ weird. Like you're not even cool. >> [laughter] >> So that's the part that I have to struggle with is like how do I adapt that for modern times when I have by the time I have a son? Hey, if you guys liked Ryan's answer, why don't you guys comment below and tell us what you think.
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