0:00 you're a ████ hater bro you privileged assle flying is like wearing four condoms and trying to enjoy sex everything sucks about it that's the perfect way to put [Music] it all right I'm pretty sure this might be something that some of you can relate to there has been a couple that is demanding a refund after they were seated next to a drooling and farting dog on a 13-hour flight it was Nick Nick was the ruing farting dog did someone buy a ticket for the dog and then the dog was just do you have to buy tickets for a dog I think you do um I think like over a certain weight limit how how big they are oh like if they don't fit in your lap in like a bag I think I've seen people literally like straight up fly with the Husky between their legs yeah like that's their remember the the the whole period where
0:51 everyone had emotional support animal yeah like that was their emotional and then the airlines regretted that decision right cuz it's just a playful of people with dogs on biggest dogs you've ever seen cuz dude if your dog is well behaved and it's fine then it's all good I rather have a stinky dog than a guy that ████ his pants next to me yeah that's pretty rough too doesn't happen right it's happened in in uh on the way from Japan to La we're talking about the wait no no no it was on my flight there was a guy behind me and something just smelled like ████ like an old guy he was older yeah but he wasn't the grandpa I have fought him yeah he was like 50 50 60 and I heard people in the back like oh ████ I'm suffering so hard and I'm like what happened and then I think he pooped his pants do you feel more sorry for that guy or do you feel sorry for the people around him oh I I felt sorry for all of us but the Japanese people are probably really
1:41 polite and they didn't bring it up they didn't say anything they were just saying like they're just saying like they were just saying like I'm suffering and then he goes yeah hang in there buddy like I heard their overheard their conversation this is on the flight to Japan no from Japan to La oh that's a long flight yeah oh dude I couldn't even do a I can't even do like a a window seat like like never mind ████ someone ████ their pants like that's you can't do a window seat I'm right there with you I Dole yeah I used to always get window but I get Aisle all the time now he sitting in the bed I'm always window seat I get Aisle cuz it's I pee a lot that's too oh I get window cuz I want to lean on something and when I'm in the aisle and I'm like asleep and the ████ cart like hits my knee or some ████ that destroys well we could sit next to each other then cuz you're going to have window all the time yeah Nick's in the middle so that we can in the middle ████ his
2:34 pants should I'll fall asleep on one of your shoulders so just watch out bro his mouth open too not even closed so yeah this was a Singapore Airlines flight 13 hours from Paris to Singapore the couples demanding a refund uh their names are Gil and Warren press they said they were sat next to a drooling and farting dog in the flight and they ended up switching seats because it was too much to bear well if they swapped seats then why they swapped seeds but now they're demanding refunds because you know that's ████ Fu ████ dude if you already got switched and your problem was solved then what the ████ yeah yeah that is ████ Honestly though I ████ hate Airlines so give any people their money back you know what I mean I ████ hate Airlines what's worse is there a single one that you do like um cuz they all kind of do su except for are pretty good Singapore
3:25 is actually pretty yeah I heard that one Singapore is Bomb their service is amazing I remember there was that one story of a really big dude that was in the bathroom and he took a ████ and he needed to help wipe his ass and he traumatized a flight attendance cuz he asked them to wipe his ass but he was being hella demanding about it well the Asian airlines are down for anything they'll like get on their knees and like oh would you like a blanket they did it but they were like traumatized afterwards and it was it main news yeah he looked like Santa Claus Joe knows every ████ story on airlines by the way that's two for two I do hate flying though I hate it's the worst it's literally the worst is that because you're so big no I hate being in one place I hate being squished next to people and then you got to have this like okay who gets the arm resting and I I try to be nice but what if you get business class though then is way better it's better it still sucks no no what
4:15 cuz like I've flown a decent amount of business class in the past couple years um I flew I flew from Europe and it does not get any better because it's cool for like class sucks let me tell you there's nothing the ████ that's why I only fly PJs now yeah exactly no but honestly and I will assume I've only been on it a couple times with 50 like I 50 can I borrow your jet again I can assume that that eventually gets like ████ I got you know what I mean I got to get like I feel like you just get used to everything and you like I saw a picture of the rock eating a steak on a private jet while someone was shaving his head and I'm like that's pretty tight is he not going to get the ████ hair follicles in his steak but it's multitasking that and he's like I can't
5:05 wait till this flight's over this sucks I must be a dumbass because every two weeks I fly back and forth 5 hours from Hawaii to here and on top of that every single time I fly even if it's like s█████ ass Frontier I get excited bro I don't dude I I envy you I'm not kidding I envy you it makes me feel like so it I have this nostalgic feeling of when I was like 12 flying with my mom to San Francisco to see my uncle all those feelings I had as a kid every single time without fail I get them I I'm the same way and and it gets even better cuz business class like I flew business class this time over here and I surprise myself cuz I'll book out like 3 to four months worth of flights and I'll randomly place like business class in there so sometimes it'll just be like oo
5:57 what do I got today you know and it's like oh it's just economy all right but I fly so much that on the day when I um check in they go oh you've been upgraded to premium so ooh premium nice and one day it's like ah ████ I got I didn't get my sandwich today and then it's like oh I got business class they're going to feed me you know wait wait why do you fly that often I I live in Hawaii oh ████ so he comes here every two weeks yeah and I fly here every two weeks and and then I have a house in Vegas so don't you live in Vegas whatever yeah I do how do you like Hawai you love living there I love it yeah yeah I ████ love it yeah I assume if you're flying here every but I live in Vegas too so then yeah and yeah so I hate I hate the whole process everything about it going to the air uh the ████ airport and I hate I'm like trust me I'm not going to blow this place up and then and then you know sometimes you get TSA PR yeah we believe
6:48 you but you know you get TSA but then sometimes there randomly there is no TSA Pre that day and I'm like but ████ I have TSA Pre just let me go in here why do I have to go in this 2hour line This Way every single step of the way I hate it's the work I'm on I I I wish I had what you guys have because I ████ hate I'll say this I'm like Joe I hate all of the other ████ I hate the ████ pre like the the the TSA ████ and you hate getting the luggage tags cuz it's like anxiety until you get on the plane that's what I love the feeling of when you get to sit and chill you're like okay now I could just relax and there's something amazing of when you get on that plane and that feels better than your own couch at home of course you're not going from ████ apples and oranges that's what you're that's what you're comparing though no you're not one is traveling there's like a goal at the you already know it's going to suck
7:38 I prer I prefer to like ████ teleport It's morphin time yeah yeah yeah dude he's like oh I didn't know super powers were on the table the rules change here all the time also I don't know what it is but flying helps me work and think focused like I can ████ just go on and you can't do anything else flying helps me not work in think that's when I'm like oh I can't take your calls for 13 hours you know well it's a different kind of work I feel like it's a lot of creative or just my I think better I don't know why yeah maybe it clears like the ADD and then like super zoned in yeah I don't know flying allows me to finally binge watch ████ that I like doubt that's another fun thing too one of my favorites because like I feel so guilty at home B watching ████ or like trying to catch up on stuff I H all of it so even with working I do work but then that's like
8:29 My Plan F you know I'm I open an email and the ████ Wi-Fi sucks so it's like I'm like ████ I should have just checked this at home let's watch a movie let's watch a movie and then you're over here and then you're like oh no no it's not clear anymore uh it's getting dark like you have to literally be right here cuz versus like 80 in TV like everything sucks you're a ████ hater bro you privileged ████ flying is like wearing four condoms and trying to enjoy sex everything sucks about it that's the perfect way to put it every everything they try to adapt it to is just the s████████ like it's like you know like appreciate that you're moving at like 600 mph in ████ air you idiot you have no you have this is teleportation is this you you get ████ the headphones they like oh surround sounds so hey don't p with my cord oh the surround sounds so you're participating
9:19 in the miracle of flight as a human being and traveling across the planet I'd rather just stay at home but I get that too though I will say the worst thing about flying is uh when you fall asleep and you're you're like asleep and you wake up you're like oh my God that must have been like 8 hours it's like 12 minutes like what the ████ actually second worst thing okay I'm like I'm like this is worse than being hijacked okay this thing is not being able to fall asleep I can't fall asleep for the life of me you don't take nothing before you go on I can't do it you don't participate like it doesn't matter how tired I am how long the flight is drugs help the plane ride yeah they do you love flying you love I don't love fly but I'm just saying because I have to do it so frequently I'm not ████ I hate everything about everything and this is four condoms of SE rather travel by plane or would you travel by you know
10:11 bus everything else well Bart also gets M don't you get migraines not anymore but almost every that's why I drive here so much i' rather just be in a car really yeah yeah yeah so you would rather do 3 hours of driving than 45 minutes of flying because it's not 45 minutes difference it's 5 hours anyways yeah the difference between Vegas I totally understand cuz I still also enjoy road trip so I'd rather drive than fly to Vegas I like drive to Vegas too but we're talking about I got to take my shoes off before I go in my car like transcontinental I don't we're talking over and over pretty Chinese take this out trust me I'm not going to blow this place up just ████ just trust me I'm not going to blow I don't have to do anything when I get in my car you need to get GSA pre-checked dude I do that's what I said why you taking off your shoes I have it and they'll still go I'm so sorry what you also look like trouble I have clear I have global entry I have TSA Pre have all the whole I want to
11:03 make it convenient I go there like oh you're Asian you're too cross-eyed the ████ clear doesn't work today I'm like of course it wouldn't work today that's cuz you have a microwave in your carry-on he's like I got to make sure this chickens heat up halfway through the plate they're like sure maybe but I got all of that and then sometimes they're still like I'm sorry you got to go on the regular line I'm like why do I pay for all this ████ ████ so fun I've never heard somebody have that problem who has all I have clear global entry and TSA proof I also think he's a complainer I do all of it I travel for military I travel with my family I we used to do a ████ ton of shows and Joe has never heard me complain cuz if it's part of the job I just do it but right now I hate it he's traveling with Gio and ta and Gio and ta make it through the TSA Pre he has to still go through the regular line he gets the ████ in at this you can't find your name on the TSA
11:54 pre-check well you know what good good that it doesn't work out for you okay ████ for every single [Music] time
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