0:00 So when you turn your lights and sirens, it's called code three driving. And but if you're going license and sirens, you got to take a ████ it's code brown driving. >> Have you heard about Bart ████ stories? >> Bart pulls over and takes a ████ in the middle of the street like on the road. >> I've done that before. >> See, >> welcome back to Careful Boys. Today we're talking about if being a SWAT guy or police officer, anything like that, helps you in video games. [laughter] >> Yeah. Um, so I'm glad you asked the question that way versus does making does playing video games make you a better SWAT guy because a lot of people think that >> I would I used to think that >> it worked for Gran Turismo. >> It did work for Gran Turismo. >> That's true. >> So, but I I I would imag Okay, so maybe if you were in like a VR headset 24/7 doing SWAT stuff, then okay, I can see
0:50 it translating into a a real tactical scenario. Um, but does it make you better at video games? Like if you're playing a game, I I assume you'd be able to clear a room better than like my little brother. >> So, uh, hypothetically, yes. But in the video game world, no, because I try to do it. I'm not a big uh uh I I play Call of Duty every now and then. Make fun of me if you want. I'm more of a Fortnite guy. So, Got it. >> And uh you know, I like the characters and stuff like that. And I play with my kids and it's just fun. And >> you buy dances? I heard >> I do. Yeah. Buy the outfits, buy the dances, try them, videotape myself. Uh, you probably bought one of his dances. >> Probably one. Yeah, >> just that one. >> He does. He programs some of that ████ >> I I do some I choreograph some of the dances in Fortnite. >> Probably the worst ones. >> Tell me which ones. >> All the gayest ones. >> If if if it gets you money, I'll buy
1:40 them all. So, >> it's a buyout, so it's already gotten me money. But the fact that it keeps going, I think might be good on the upper uppers, you know? Like they're like, "Hey, they actually like this s███." >> Mhm. >> We should hire them again. >> Did you come in with this one or no? >> No. Oh, it's my they used to piss my daughter off so much. So when she would get eliminated, then they would do the ████ loser dance and she would just scream at the TV. >> My most recent really successful one on there was the Billy Eyish one. >> Which one's that? Can you just do it? >> No. >> Just do it, monkey boy. Do it. >> I'm not doing it. Let's go back to Let's go back to video games. [laughter] >> But uh yeah, those dances are a big source of contention with my kids. My daughter now, she's 13, so she really doesn't care too much if she loses. But my son, he's eight and if he loses, he's like, "I got to report them. They're hacking and everything." Like I'm like,
2:31 "No, they just beat you, buddy." Like, it's it's >> He's playing chess. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, but um so if I try to clear a room in Fortnite or something like that like I would in real life, usually it's taking too much time. And you don't have you only have the one view in a video game. In real life, you have a 180 to 360 view to where I can turn my head and constantly be aware of my surroundings. I spend too much time at a door in a room, someone's going to come up behind me and just eliminate me. Someone's going to snipe me or something like that. So, in video games, it's just it's just ████ run in there and get the job done, you know? So, um, so no. >> Has there ever been a moment though in a game where you did something you're like, I couldn't have done that unless I was SWAT, brother? >> No. No. [laughter] No. And I'm not even that good either. So, >> do your kids ever whoop your ass? >> They think they can, but no. So, >> that's swap, brother. Yeah, I guess that
3:22 is SWAT. It's also SWAT and that's parenting to be like, you know, not a gentle parent. You're not going to win every time. [laughter] >> As a parent, when you're doing like drop off or anything like that, you're meeting another kid's parents >> is it's probably the coolest thing ever to say, "Oh, yeah. What do you do?" "Oh, I do SWAT." You know, little thing called SWAT, brother. >> They uh they [laughter] they I don't know if you heard of it. Kind of a big deal. Um yeah, it's a little bit of a flex, you know. It's more of a um >> or you just say like, "Oh, I'm a I'm a police officer." You know? >> No. I I So I I try to I try to avoid the police officer route cuz police officer gets a negative can annotation to it sometimes like, "Oh, you just ████ write tickets and violate people's rights and be like, [laughter] >> "Okay, well, and then yeah." So then Long Beach, >> they don't they just say, "Oh, you violate people's rights." to leave the ticket part out, which you know that's the most you know you know but
4:13 [laughter] so but uh um with with the parents it is a it's a pretty good flex. The fathers I mean they they know they know who's you know who's better looking and everyone better there but >> own that ████ >> Yeah, exactly. It's it's more of a flex on like the wives to like they they they're like oh my god they they see me my wife like that's a good-looking couple right there. Look at that man. Look at that girl. And then they look over their slob of a husband. They just contemplate suic They just contemplate suicide. >> My husband makes bagels. >> Yeah. Which we need good bagel makers. Like if there's a really good bagel shop around here, I'm ████ there. Like there's one down by the uh down by the Las Vegas Convention Center um called Bagel Mania. It's a ████ legit place. We're going to go down there today. We're going to go down there today. Then we're going to the Atomic Museum because they have like some Fallout exhibit at uh at the
5:04 >> They have one of those at the airport, too. You have to file. You have to like Basically, >> no. Isn't that one Isn't that one Einstein? >> Oh, no. Is it? You have to go to I'm saying you have to go to ATM first cuz it's like 25 bucks for a freaking bagel sandwich. >> What's the airport? >> Yeah. It's my my my daughter when we're going to Maui over the summer. My daughter, she's 13, but she's the pickiest eater. To get to impress her is an act of God. So, we're waiting in our gate and we're waiting for the for for Hawaiian Airlines to board. And I don't want to keep name dropping all these ████ brands. They don't ████ care about us. But >> sounds like you love brands. So >> So, but uh you know, Bagel Mania, Hawaiian Airlines, hey, ████ throw a sponsor to these guys. Give them some ████ money. So, yeah, throw me some money, too. >> Hey, Hawaiian Airlines, too. >> Yeah, Hawaiian Airlines, give me to Hawaii for free. But, uh so we're we're at this like little like side like deli bagel shop thing and she gets this basic
5:55 ass breakfast bagel sandwich. And you would have thought that she was eating a five course meal. She's like, "This is so good, Dad. Oh my god, we got to recreate this at home." And I was like, I'm happy you're eating it. Like, it's something different, but it's it wasn't anything special by any means. It was a ████ bagel sandwich with egg and cheese and a like a like a a chive smear. So, >> sometimes it just hits, you know? >> Yeah. And it hit on her like big time. She was like, "Oh, this is legit, Dad." And I was like, "Yeah, cool." You know, that's great. And I spent $18 on this and I'm glad you're happy. So, >> you know that the that guys though, like if you say you're SWAT, like guys are like, "Let's go a little bit, right?" Just like a little bit of precom just drizzles out. >> I do. I try not I try not to compare myself at least out loud to other people. >> You don't want to turn guys on. >> No, I don't. It's It's >> It attracts all the guys. I >> I I attract a lot of the gay community,
6:47 which I'm happy with. You know, it's good. You know, I take it as a compliment. Be like, "Yeah, you think I'm handsome? Great. You're handsome guy, too." So, every single one of you guys here, handsome guys. >> It makes me feel safer. Like, if we're at like a >> like you're around a bunch of gay guys. >> No, no. If we're at a [laughter] if we're at like a school event, right? Like, let's say some PTA meeting or whatever. And then if I was another parent was like SSW SWAT I'm like okay cool. If there's like a active shooter up in here I'm g hide behind this guy [laughter] behind him. Like >> even though you're the armed one I'll let him borrow my gun. >> You take take mine. You take [laughter] Yeah. Don't get don't get behind me cuz I'm going to be attracting the gunfire. Like run away. >> Plus Bart can't stand fat people in the military. >> You can't stand them. >> Yeah. You can't stand them. >> I can't stand them. >> Can't stand them. >> I didn't know they could even get in. I think they >> Well, that was the problem till lately, right? >> Oh, is that the National Guard picture? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's He's It's a call
7:37 back. >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. >> It uh Yeah. It's uh like I said, I like I don't know. I I have this phrase that my wife always reminds me of is that when uh when in our younger years of dating when we were still going to UNLV, but I was still a cop at the time, too. I remember just going back to the campus and taking some classes to to try to finish my degree. And I was just walking around with her and I'm just looking at these people and I said it was just an outside thought that just came out and I said, "God, I hope these people know that I'm better than them." And she [laughter] just like >> it was just like cuz I was just so disgusted by everyone there. It was like all these pretentious, you know, people who I'm like, >> "Oh, you talking about like the college kids that think they're a genius cuz they're at college or like what are you talking about?" >> Just Yeah, this is the college kids in general. No, >> I get what you're saying. It's kind of like why why do you why are you on your
8:28 high horse and you're judging people that are actually like some might be making more than you some but then you think you're above them. There's a lot of college kids like that. >> Don't judge me. I judge you. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Let me judge you. That's my job. >> That's that's what I'm doing. >> Absolutely. >> That's what me and my wife say. We always say I'm the only good driver. >> I can't believe I'm the only good driver in the world. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] >> It's true. Like it's uh I try not to judge drivers too much because you know you see like some guy like cutting off someone or driving fast. Look at that ████ What makes them so ████ special? And you know >> they like have to take a ████ really bad >> talking about man because I experienced that on the daily. Okay. I I have ulcerative colitis. Okay. Which is the the cousin of Crohn's. So when I need to go >> Oh man, >> I need to go. >> That's when you turn on the sirens and ████ right? >> I've done it before. [laughter] >> That's so that's a flex that I want. That's the perk.
9:18 >> That is a perk. So they know it's like so when you turn on lights and sirens it's called code three driving. Okay. Code three driving is what it's called when you're going lights and sirens and but if you're going lights and sirens got to take a ████ It's code brown driving. So code brown like I got to ████ get somewhere straight to terrible straight to anywhere to Oh my god. Okay. So [laughter] I I Okay. >> You probably use the handicap bathroom, don't you? >> I use whatever bathroom's available. Female, male. >> Have you heard about Bart ████ stories? Bart pulls over and takes a ████ in the middle of the street >> like on the road. >> I've done that before. >> See? >> Done that before. >> So if you saw a person do it, you wouldn't you wouldn't like be like, "Hey, you you can't do that." You'd be like, >> "I'd understand. >> I understand." >> Cuz before I used to drive back and forth from Vegas to LA a bunch >> and 4 hours, a lot could happen in 4 hours. >> Absolutely. >> And then eat raising canes, you're ████ >> Oh, you're done.
10:08 >> So >> the grease and the sauce, it's [laughter] >> I'd be having if I would, if I were in your shoes, I would after the door bust open, I would go straight to the bathroom and take a dump. No doubt. >> It's it's it's rough. I >> Isn't that indecent exposure or something? Couldn't you citation his ass? Yeah. >> Yeah. So, it's And then in public defication, [laughter] public urination, you're not you're not allowed to piss a public urination. You're not allowed to do that. >> Is it public though? If you're in the desert, >> anything that's viewed from the public eye is considered public. >> How much off the road do I have to sprint to be like not public? >> What if it was private land? Like I'm on the 15 and then I run 50 yards in. Could I ████ behind a bush and not be public? >> As long as you're not seen. >> Oh, okay. So, >> what if he's he's running and like he's
10:58 pooping his pants? Basically, he starts taking his pants down and then a family drives by a minivan. Is he a sex offender now? >> He could it possibly be that. Depends on how much uh genitalia he's showing. >> Just his ass and balls are out and he's pooped out of his >> but he's hella smiling. He's smiling when it happens. I'm never smile if I'm ████ in the the desert. >> He's crying. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> We were we were coming back from uh we're coming back from Mount Charleston last year, last Christmas time from sledding. I had to pull over in the side of the road, but I made sure that I was like, okay. I said, "Sorry, kids know." Got my emergency toilet paper in the back and everything. [laughter] And I was like, I I I got to go bathroom. And I freaking on the side. I went there was this like big embankment hill. So, I just went over the hill one on the other side. So, you couldn't see me at all. that would be considered private, you know, cuz it's not in the I have the of the But I there was one time to where this was years ago to where I had to go and I was like, I'm not going to make it anywhere and I had to pull over on the
11:48 side and it was right on the side of the 15 asphalt. >> It was on the asphalt. >> Damn. >> Have you ever had to go but you got all your gear on and ████ like that? >> Yes. >> What do you do? >> How do you go with that belt? That belt is >> so um uh so there >> that's got to be like Batman taking off his costume like >> it's Yeah, >> takes forever. >> We Okay, so we were on this we were on this call years and years ago to where even at like staging I was like I got to take a ████ but I I should be able to hold it and then we get on scene and it's taken forever and I'm like I got to ████ ████ bad. And my buddy's like you got to ████ I was like I got to ████ ████ bad. He's like I can't leave though because we're like knee deep. just got to the map. >> And what' you say? >> You just got to the map. >> I just got to the map. Yeah, I just got I just got here. We're like we're in it. So like they're like let's go and I was like ████ So we start making entry into the house and it's a two-story house and
12:40 it's a very complicated house to clear to make sure there's no one else hiding inside. And then I'm like hanging back and I'm like I'm like holding it. I'm like at like minute 35 now of like using every ████ muscle in my life. >> You got to do like breathing techniques, huh? Like I'm ████ doing the ████ you know, the the breathing breathing techniques and everything else to where as soon as the downstairs was clear, I told my buddy, I said, "I'm sorry. I got I'm I'm using the bathroom. ████ watch the door for me." And I blew up that bathroom >> bad. [laughter] And the worst part about it was is that we prior to arriving on scene, we shut the water off to the house, so I couldn't flush. Oh. >> So, >> oh man, >> it was the foulest smelling ████ I've ever taken in my life. [laughter] >> It wasn't even flushing. >> It It was It was bad. And I think that
13:30 was the start of my IBS ulcerative colitis stuff. And uh Well, I think it was it started also from all the ████ energy drinks and ████ supplements we were taking back in the day. >> Egg salad sandwiches and ████ like that. >> Sandwiches, sushi from 7-Eleven, all that other stuff. So, but uh but then we turned the bad water back on after we were all done and and it flushed. I was like, "Thank God." You know, I was like ████ hairy and dumb and dumber. I was like pushing. I was like, "This ████ ain't going down." And uh >> could have just blamed the per like this guy took a massive ████ in [laughter] here. Can you believe this guy? >> It was It was really really bad. >> I thought we cleared this floor. Somebody's still down here. >> Somebody ████ in here big time. [laughter] Wasn't me. Me and my uh me and my buddy, we were on rear containment when we first started on SWAT. Rear containment means you're in like other people's yards and we're and we're holding like an outer perimeter. So, if they run, they come to us. You know, the guy's
14:20 inside and we're the team outside at the time. And he was he's only pissed at me for telling this story, especially on a podcast, but he's like he's he was on rifle. I was on less lethal pepper ball gun. And he's a Hawaiian guy. He goes, "Oh, Richie." He goes, "Oh, take lethal." Oh, I got to go. The pork belly, it's coming. And I And I was like, "What?" He goes, "Take leth." And he starts taking off all his ████ And I'm like, "What do you do?" I got to ████ the pork belly. And he ████ just start He starts digging a hole in this person's yard. And he's >> ████ right in front of you. >> Yeah. On the side in the shadows. It's like 3:00 in the morning and he's ████ And I'm like, "What are you doing?" And he's like, "Uh." And he's I'm like, "All right, do your thing, man." And I thought he was going to like just bury it. But he did the responsible thing. So he starts taking off his inner shirt. He's cutting his inner shirt. I'm like, "What are you doing?" He goes, "I just can't leave it here." >> Oh. So, he packed it to go.
15:10 >> So, he took he started cutting off his shirt and he started and he cleaned it up and he wrapped in his shirt like a little like a like a little homeless sack. [laughter] >> And >> he must have had some good fiber to pick those solids up. >> And so, it was something. So, we were So, we were using somebody else's truck to get to this location. The funny part of the story is is that we had all our gear in the truck and when we get back the stage and we had all our gear and this shirt full of ████ The guy whose truck we're driving, when he comes back to load his ████ back into it, lit, not literally, when he put his stuff back into it, he looks up, he goes, "Hey, get your ████ out of my truck." And we just start just laughing our ass off cuz he doesn't know there's actual ████ in his truck. But the the exaggerated part of the story is that we took out our gear, but we left a shirt of ████ in the bed of his truck. And so just going to sit there and just ferment and just get hot and just eventually he's going to pick it up and be like, "What the ████ is this?" So that's that was the great part
16:01 of it. >> You guys are bad friends. Bad friends. >> I think we're good friends for that. So [laughter] that's
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