0:05 Welcome back to another episode of Careful Boys. Joseph Jitsukawa, I'm sorry. Wait, I didn't say your name right. Joama Jitsukawa had a very important question to ask. >> All right. So, you know, in our all of our cultures, right? Like having generational living or taking care of the family and all that stuff like is such a it's a thing. >> Mhm. But like to what extent would you guys do that? Like would you let your when it comes time like your parents move in with you and then like you guys have like a house now with like your kids and your grand you know like >> build a Vietnamese extension. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Vietnamese birth. >> Yeah. >> Would you guys do that? >> I think about that uh once a week. >> Once a week. >> And which parent >> Have you discussed it with your wifey and you guys are like this is the this is the plan? Well, we discussed it, but
0:56 it's so short. It's It's me going like, "Oh, I think about that." And it's us simultaneously going, "No." And then that's just what it is for now. >> Not right now, but maybe later. But I'm open to because I always fantasize about maybe living together and then them. I do. I do, but then um but not at the moment because they're still very functional and sharp. >> Oh, okay. You don't need them, >> huh? You don't need them >> to What do you mean >> to help? Like they cook, they baby. Yeah, >> that that's why her parents I was I'm trying to convince them to move closer to us. >> So the no is for your parents? >> Oh yeah, the no is for my parents. Yeah, but for their parents. Yeah, like come. >> I've been wanting them to come. >> Is it because they're like fun? >> Yeah, they're fun and more respect more respecting your boundaries.
1:46 >> Do your What if your parents are just jealous? Like how come they can come but we can't? Do you tell them cuz y'all ████ annoying? Do you tell them straight up? >> No. No. I But they know now because of the last time that I'm like, "Hey, the boundary thing." And I think I'm at the early stages of it. >> Oh, you know what I told Gio? Oh, you know what I told my mom? >> Uh, I was like, cuz I'm trying to be as straight up as possible now. I go, Gio's mom can move in with us. You can't move in with us because me and you're going to get divorced. You're going to ████ ████ up. >> Wow. >> What? What did she say? She goes, "Is the funk that bad?" Yeah. She goes, "I really need to come. I'll bring all the walks and we'll walk your house out." She's like, "It's not my It's not my personality." That's It must be the funray, huh? >> It's your Thor. We got to fix the door.
2:36 Yeah. >> No, but what's cool is um I know she so at first I would put those out almost as a like >> like a also like a petty thing like because you did that to me I'm going just say this. Um but when I do it because she's receptive to it I'm like oh ████ like she can change and she can't understand where I'm coming from >> cuz she she can't go like cuz you know in in the Chinese culture like taking care of your your parents is a no-brainer and everyone does it. >> So for me to say no I'm not down um and her to go I can see where you're coming from. Yeah. I don't want to mess your guys' marriage up either. It's cool to see that change. >> So she's really working on and really trying to understand too. >> That's very nice. Pretty cool. >> Yeah. Effort is so good. >> What What How does it work though when
3:27 like in terms of like taking care of your family extended wise, letting them move in? >> Do both sides normally move in >> and >> Oh, >> that's >> Or do you or do you pick a side? Cuz how does that work? >> Pick a side, right? >> What if both are like in need? >> I don't know what the rules are like traditionally for all Japanese, but in our family, it was dependent on who needed the help. >> Okay. So, like my grandma has uh two daughters, right? My mom and her aunt. And um we first took her at our house. She actually landed the day that I was born because the arrangement was she was going to stay at our house and then she was going to help and take care of me. >> Okay. >> And then um her and my dad bumped heads way too much. So by the time I was in junior high, she moved in with my uncle.
4:18 >> Mhm. But they're all like that would be like your wife's family though, not your personal like like whatever, right? And then so my uh on my uncle's side, she ████ fought him so much that they got her uh apartment and then she lived alone. >> That's really nice, too, though. >> That's taken care of. >> But they still hang out with her. She still has a community. And then eventually she moved to Japan and then she had her she had her cousin who had a like a apartment complex and she lived in one of the >> Yeah. >> So like Yeah. I think it's I don't know if there's a rule of like who takes which stray dog, >> but like I think there's circumstances where like my dad and my uncle are both estranged from their family >> and they came to the States, right? So they're like who who do they take care
5:08 of? They have no one to take care of. Yeah. >> Yeah. But I think for me that's going to be the case where it's like my mom is getting to a certain age. Hannah thinks it would be a great idea to have generational people in the home >> because it's an example >> for the gesture. >> No, like when we have kids. >> Yeah. For them to see. >> Oh, yes. Yes. It's like you don't tell them how to be a good family. You show them you show them that it's okay to yell at your mom. What if WHAT IF LIKE >> AND THE KIDS ARE like I don't ever want to be like this. >> Well, I used to live with my mom obviously, you know, up until my like 20s. >> Yeah. >> No, no, no. Yeah. Maybe 22 was the last when I saw her >> and um by the last several years it felt more like a roommate situation and she
5:59 gave me my space. >> Yeah. >> So, it didn't feel >> You had a lot of your space as a kid, too, though. >> I had so much neglect space. That was neglect. Man, >> what pisses me off are not the same things but similar things like like uh you know how like they'll basically ask you but they won't ever listen to your answer and they'll just do what they want, >> right? >> They'll commit you to people all the ████ time. >> She still does it till this day. She'll have friends visiting me and she goes, "Go have lunch with them." And I'm like, "B████, I got ████ to do, >> dude." But I just think it's funny now because she's self-aware of it. >> So she'll do it and she goes, "I think I ████ up. I think I got too excited and there's two people coming to your store right now. Bye." >> AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE F███?" >> That's
6:49 >> Yeah. So it used to drive me wild, >> but like now the way she's reacting to it is like, you know, like >> it's not playing ignorant. >> She's knows she ████ up. >> That's cool. >> So she comes at it as like >> you should do that. You should do it back to her. >> I know. Yeah, but I would personally love it if everybody I have this other problem where like I love my family and but we're so ████ far apart. >> So, how would you do it if they all decided to move in? You wanted to have them would you do ADU or would you just have allin-one like >> Yeah, I guess it depends on what they're comfortable with cuz I'm I love people like I had a ████ >> room six roommate situation. I like waking up. I grew up with hella noisy because the house I grew up in it was my uh we had two families in one like a Vietnamese style like big old gathering.
7:39 >> Yes. Because when my first when my family first came to the states they came with my relatives >> and then they had this small little church sponsored house >> because they came through the church and they were working um teaching English for this school >> and then the church owned properties. So, uh, my uncle was a pastor, my my dad was a teacher, and so was my mom and and my aunt. So, it was them four in the house, my brother, me, um, and then my uncle had three kids, and then they had pets. >> Yeah. >> So, it was a lively, fun atmosphere. >> And then it it wasn't very long till they moved out pretty close. So, we were still like in the same block. >> Yeah. >> And then we got our own place, they got their own place. And then um also being a part of the church and being so con like there was always people there was always people staying from Japan all
8:30 this stuff. So I think >> part of the church you're also obligated to help a lot of people. >> Yeah. >> So I I think me uh that's my normal. Me being completely alone and like the house is quiet that feels lonely. That feels weird. >> Okay. >> So then I like that. So since I grew up with a lively atmosphere with different ages I want to replicate that. Yeah. >> You want a house full of scouses? >> Dude, Hannah's family's ████ amazing. So, like they're they're fun. Like I would want to be there more, but the problem is we're like so far apart. Yeah. >> But that would be my dream is like I would love to have a place and like everyone's, you know, >> you know, the interesting part is the generation before us did it with small houses. >> That's true. >> That's even crazier, right? >> Like they were dividing rooms up >> whereas at least now we have the luxury
9:20 of preparing on something a little better. Did you grow up in a big like I feel like Filipinos are similar where they got like hella siblings. >> It's it's funny because like it's I had a strange situation. It was like my whole extended family everybody got a house in Baldwin Park. Almost all there was like six properties all Baldwin Park. Some of them in the same culde-sac gated community. So we it was like everybody's resources were always like arms length away. But then my dad and our family were not there. So I always >> Why did he not move in over there? >> I don't know. I always got the feeling that my dad and my mom wanted a little bit more of like a trad American life. >> They wanted to do it the other way a little more. >> More like keeping the Filipino style. Is that >> Well, they could have at any point moved in with that whole structure that we
10:10 had. We would go there all the time, >> but we wouldn't they never committed to like being among that whole thing. Even though that my dad was there a lot, >> but he wouldn't drag us there all the time. He would just go on his own and they would all be together. To this day, that's still the situation. >> Balden Park, all of those houses are still there since they were there like 40, 50 years ago. And um and I still get the feeling like when I look at that, my dad and mom don't they don't pressure me to create that kind of thing. Even for them, they're very like, "No, you do your life. Like you live your thing." And I feel like they have a a lot of pride about like no we don't want to become your problem kind of a thing >> which is like a weird thing because it kind of makes me look like an like an ████ son traditionally. >> Yeah. >> But then like for them they're also concerned about I almost like the way that it would look Americanwise.
11:01 >> Oh like they don't want to burden you like you have your whole life. >> Those are two totally night and day things if you think of it from the American point of view and then the Asian point of view, right? like some, you know, like white people that don't know would look at a house full of that many people and be like, "That's ghetto >> when that's probably the warmest thing that family could possibly do." You know what I mean? So, I think like our families, our specific section of the family is caught in between >> where they're like assimilate with the culture that we brought you here for, >> but also like >> like don't um what is it? Like don't extract yourself from the family unit either. So, it's kind of like a weird half and half. >> Yeah, that is weird, huh? Cuz like the homes out in Liverpool are small. They're like San Francisco homes but smaller. >> They're like twobedroom, right? And I'm like, >> how do you guys have three, four kids
11:53 >> in a two, threebedroom house with one bathroom? >> Maybe cuz they can go outside and play. >> That's probably right. They have third places. >> There's stuff to do like outside. >> Outside. Yeah. And everyone's out. >> Yeah. >> It's the It's the way the community was built, right? But then like our boomer ass parents are like in LA. Those homes that were built in like >> they're small, but they had five siblings and ████ >> So it's like what what is different? >> Yeah. >> They just had nothing else to do but ████ make kids all day. Like >> Well, that was the the way to play your odds of survivability. >> Yeah. >> But I think that's what's missing. I think community or like people staying in the same town and then like like none of my friends are in this like that I went to high school with are in Monterey Park. I was just thinking about that. I
12:44 was like all my friends that I kept in contact or even people that I know >> everybody moved out. A lot of people they're not there. >> Yeah. >> So I'm like damn man that's the thing in America I think we're just hella mobile. >> Yeah. Yeah. I think so too. And I I think we build community more than we have our default blood community. Yeah, >> we do that more.
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