0:05 Welcome to another episode of Careful Boys. Today we have Mr. the Chinese name. >> What is it? >> Mr. Thank you. Oh my god. >> All right. The question that we were talking about earlier was uh in what ways can your parents get on your nerves? Like >> like who more pissed? Your mom or dad? >> Oh, mom or dad. Okay. Yeah. Mom or dad. Well, who's the person that made you most >> But then he doesn't have a he's not been able to play. Talk about like the past. Like who gets under his skin more? >> For me is my dad. >> Really? >> Yeah. More than mom. Yeah. >> I don't I I know he loves me. >> Okay. Um, I think it's just I think I think
0:58 it's just because uh I always felt like he he um >> I never he always makes me feel bad. >> Oh, the experience is bad. >> That's his way of of showing love. >> You guys ever like uh just grab like let's say food just you two. >> Yeah. >> And then the whole time it's just making you feel bad. Um, I would say at the I say five out of 10 times if we lived if we live together or when I was working with him, five out of 10 times is not a good time. >> Yeah. >> Is like uh >> that's better than most Asian dads. >> I'm trying to be >> That's 50%. >> I'm trying to be conservative. >> What if What if he Let's say let's say he comes to Vegas and he's like, "Hey, let's go grab something to eat." >> I go >> and then Is it bad? >> Let me tell you something. If if I haven't seen him in a year, if we see if we're together for five hours, it's
1:49 going to be bad. >> If it's the first three week, great. He's the best. Oh my god, how is everything? And then >> what makes it worse by every hour? Like what happens? >> I don't I don't >> running out of nice things to say. >> Run out of nice stuff. Uh >> run out of free. >> Most Asian dads, it's nine out of 10 times they visit. It's It sucks. But if you're five out of 10, that's not bad. >> I'm a I'm It's nine out of 10. Okay. It's nine out of 10. But I wanted to be >> the real number. >> Yeah. The real number is ████ 10 out of 10. Not one time I had a good time. Is that's the truth. But I don't want to say that. But but >> but that's the truth. >> That's the truth. >> I don't know, >> right? >> I don't know. Like any of my friends where they're like dad is like I can't wait for him to come down. So go fishing
2:40 and ████ thinking about me visiting my dad. I'm ████ stressed out for the week or two weeks ahead and then I still go because I know he loves me. It's just in a way that is not Yeah, it's a weird way to love is the thing. But I wish that I really do wish that our relationship is better. But it's just I know that he's operating at a Windows 72. >> There is no way that he >> with too many viruses >> with too many viruses and there's no way he will update his system. Would you rather um have your parents move in with you or your lady's parents move in with you? >> 100%. It's bad. Huh? >> Are they good? Like chill people? >> They're way more chill. They're a little more Americanized, less like traditional and um they still have the some traditional like hierarchy and respect and all that, but they're way more
3:30 American. Right. A lot of the times they describe my dad as my parents' dad and a as uh uh Carrie's parents father. >> Like that's how traditional your parents are. >> How traditional my parents is and they're exactly like their parents. >> Way behind generationally. >> He's he's behind generationally like that. Yeah. >> But I Yeah. I don't love that. >> You know what's funny is um Hannah's never really dealt with Asian boomers, right? So, she um volunteers at this like place called uh Dress for Success where they get a bunch of like donations for women's clothes and then they help women who are like >> women's thing. >> Yeah. They they when they're going for a job interview, they get them like dressed professional, ready to go. Right. So, like there's a lot of like boomer women like there that are Asians.
4:22 Some of them are more Americanized than others. But what I realize is it doesn't matter how much English they speak. They're all the ████ same because Hannah would come back. She goes, "They're so mean. They're bullying me." And I'm like, "Why?" And then I'm after I hear it, I'm like, "Nah, bro. They're just boomer Asians. They love you. You just don't get it." So they'll do ████ where she's like, >> "Yeah, like they'll they'll be like arguing with me on like the size, but like it's clearly the right size." And then like their just ego is so big they won't accept it. And I'm like, "No, that's just being an Asian boomer. Like, you don't get it." And then she's like, "Why do they even ask me then if if my opinion doesn't matter." And I'm like, "I don't know. That's their generation, though. They'll ask you and then they'll gaslight how wrong you are." And it's like, "Why the ████ did you ask me in the first place?" So, they'll do all these things, right? >> And then I'm like, "Oh my god, welcome
5:12 to having an Asian mom." >> Yeah. >> Numb to that for the most part. >> It's like attention. >> It's nice attention. They're like, "Oh, I'm giving them attention." >> Do I mean like spending time with you? >> Yeah, but they don't know how to interact. They don't know how to interact. So, they're just constantly arguing with Hannah and making her feel stupid at the same time. And then like >> want to provide a value to her. Like, hey, I'm here to give you this opinion you didn't know about. Lucky you that I can tell you the correct things. >> She's like, "How are these ████ trying to tell me about England? Like, I'm from there." And I'm like, >> pitch in. >> Trust me, these ████ are thinking that they're making friends with you. In their mind, they're like, "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't waste these opinions on you. I'm only giving you these opinions you never asked for because I love you." And that's why I told you, I'm like, "If they're interacting with you, they like you." >> If they're ignoring you or being super nice, that means you're too ████
6:03 >> That means they're trying to find a space where they can be useful to her in some way, which might be teaching her about England. >> That's how ████ That's how ████ ████ they are. I know this ████ >> Shut the what? Yeah, it's funny. Yeah. >> Trying to tell me facts about my culture, >> right? Yeah. >> Like, do you know what's happening to the Marine Corps? And I'm like, I'm in the Marine Corps. >> I'm like, that's not even true. That's just a ████ headline. >> You're shooting. He's like, you don't know anything that's going on. >> You're in the >> You do you know what's going on? >> They're like, "Shut the ████ up." I got to TELL THEM WHAT'S GOING ON. >> And you're so wrong, too. They're like, "Oh, you don't know s███." They crave dependency of any sort. Like any way that they can be, you can like depend on them for something. That's why like to this day, like I'm so annoyed by all the times my parents are just like, "Take
6:54 this, do this." Like, "Do you need more of this? Take that." And there's give me ████ I don't need, but I understand. Oh, okay. They need to feel that they gave me something, >> even if it's totally useless. 15 thermals. Why? >> And then I think it's an anxiety thing. Like I go over like my mom's like, "Oh, you guys hungry." And I'm like, "Oh, no. It's cool. We just ate a fat lunch. Thanks." Right. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And then what do I hear in the kitchen? >> Yep. I cook it anyway. >> Okay. We It's lunch. And I'm like, "WHAT THE F███?" AND SHE GOES, "I HAVE to do it. I have to do it or else I'm going to feel terrible." And I'm like, "All right, ████ it." And then like I'mma eat it, but I'm like, "I told you I'm ████ full. I'm not going to finish this plate." And then she'll bust a hole. Can you finish the plate, please? >> I know. Oh, I do that every time I visit. >> I'm like, what the ████ >> Yeah, you got to just give them that thing. Yeah, >> that's just I think they're something in
7:46 their mind has severe anxiety of like if I don't do this, I'm not a good parent. >> Yeah, 100%. >> So, they they know logically that you're like saying, "I don't want it. I don't want this to happen. I'm cool." But she goes, "No, but he's being modest and doesn't want to trouble me." Yeah. >> You know, one of the uh biggest breakthroughs I had with my mom, >> um she still ████ up to this day, of course, but one of the biggest breakthroughs is because when you have a mom like that, >> they're like, "How can I how can I not love you if I just made you food, right?" Like that's like the like that's an act of love. And I was trying to explain to my mom, when someone sets a boundary, I'm full. I came, I ate lunch. When you don't respect the boundary, you're telling me your emotions are more important than mine. So my boundaries don't mean anything and you have to satisfy whatever is going on in here to
8:37 make yourself feel good and it took a long time but she got it one time. >> Whoa. Like holy ████ >> I'm like so do you understand? So I'm like that's why at least from our perspective if anyone sets a boundary and says this the most the most loved someone can feel is when you go okay you acknowledge it and you respect it. Like if I go hey I really I'm I'm full. They go okay you're full. Perfect. >> Yeah. I'm like, "Oh my god, now I feel heard and loved and seen and all that >> most." But then it it she ████ up. But that it was crazy to be able to get her to at least see that point. >> Why do you think you Why do you think the you get triggered the most by mom? >> Because she ████ I think it's like most Asian parents and kids, they just stomp all over your boundaries all the ████ time. So I've already listed all of them. I don't want to hear fortune
9:27 teller ████ I want to live my life the way I want to live. Um, I want to make my own mistakes. Uh, like I list all of them and every time we have her conversation, it's a ████ multi- all the boundaries all at the same time. So, you're just like, "Oh, ████ Oh, ████ Oh, ████ What the f███?" Like, she could say two sentences and it's like like across the board. >> Do you think you're more sensitive with what what mom says and if another person obviously Yes. like you're more >> like if a fortune teller friend and try to do some like woo woo fortune teller ████ would you be like shut the ████ up >> like feeling at least at least feeling it >> um it's way less than my mom >> cuz I have trauma with her. So for for example when my dad passed my mom went to go ████ live at her one of her fortune teller homies place for like for like a couple months which is crazy
10:18 right? Yeah. >> I go there and um when she comes out, she goes, "Oh, can you give AI a hug?" Like a like auntie, right? Can you give her a hug? And I was like, "No, >> I'm not going to give her a hug." >> And then she looked at she she felt like she had like couldn't show face. Like what the ████ Like you're not going to listen to me. And I just this person just like took care of your mom for a couple months. And I'm like, "Yeah, I don't know who the ████ she is. She >> My mom tried to bust that ████ on me. >> She's your best homie." Yeah. >> And I'm like, she's your best homie. And if you think what's happening right now is embarrassing, you brought it upon yourself. You made me hug. And I already told you from this point from like a long time ago, if there's a boundary, I'm going to stand my ground. And she's like, "Okay, Tai Chin." >> Well, you said that in front of her. >> I told her cuz she was like, "You're not
11:08 going to come." I'm like, "I told you I'm not I'm not ████ 12 anymore. where if you make me hug a uncle I hate I okay you know I'm like I'm going to stand my ground so you understand every boundary I set >> yeah yeah yeah yeah >> did that take a long time to get there >> ████ yeah that probably I probably didn't even start setting boundaries until I was like 30 something >> because the whole time I was just okay I'll be my mom's whipping boy you know whatever she wants here faster >> yeah it's just faster and then eventually >> they like it >> yeah but then eventually I was like dude I'm it's eating me up inside and Then now having a fake relationship with my mom cuz when I go like there's like let's say there's uh the Bart that knows how to deal with mom and then the real Bart I feel like I'm putting on a fake person to go like oh I love red bean soup like to go be with my mom. I'm like
11:59 this fake son. >> Yeah. >> So eventually I was like you know what I need to like be the real son if you want to ever want a real relationship. >> If you want a real one. Yeah. But but sometimes the red bean soup if you really love samba the red what? No. No. Wait. Why are you like >> No, go ahead. Please continue. >> No, because I I'm saying that like for example Taika or Gio when you want when you love them, you do a thing like I don't ████ like reading kids books, but then >> I don't ████ like >> Yeah. But I read like Oh, wow. Like I put the So the bean soup is probably the same. Like do you think at one point maybe right now you're going the extremely the o opposite side but do you think at one point you could um eat it and go even though you don't really want the red beans so much she's like ████ eat it and you're like okay do I mean so that she feels like oh bar loves me. I think if it gets to a point where
12:50 there's balance, >> it could be. >> I can go back to doing some of the things you like again. >> But because it's been like 30 years of me only me doing whatever, I I think I need to let her learn who the real me is first. >> Got it. Yeah. >> Cuz she's still at the phase where like we we go we eat like a little thing at her house, right? And then she goes, "Oh, so how'd you like the ████ pineapple cake?" Oh, it's pretty good. Being polite, right? Next time she comes over to my house, she buys a Costco sized pineapple cake thing. And I'm like, what the ████ She your favorite. I'm like, I'm scared of too. >> I'm like, I just was trying to be blay. I ████ hate those things. God ████ damn it. So once she learns who the real me is, I think I'm down to like go back and forth. >> Right. Would you rather have three of Gio's family members move in? >> ████ yeah. ████ yeah.
13:40 >> Wow. >> Really? >> Gio's family. Yeah, for sure. 100%. 10 of Gio's family members or your mom. >> All 10. >> Damn. >> All 10. That tells you, dude. That tells you >> it's easier. Those emotions are easier to manage. Yes. It's easier much easier to manage because Gio's family um even though they're also immigrants and you know that there's like immigrants have like immigrant >> ways and stuff in the western culture at least there's uh there's way more respect for boundaries you know there's still like man of the house they understand that structure whatever right like my mom is still like I'm 40 she's still like thinks I'm a you know like pitching your you. >> Yeah, I'm ████ like sleeping in my ████ dicks out with ████ morning
14:31 wood. Oh, they put the blanket on. He's so cold. >> Oh, I ████ made kids with this dick already. What the ████ And then she's like, "Oh, oh, yeah, it must be coal.
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