0:00 And among probably the most important news we'll ever talk about ever is, have you guys have heard of Neil the seal? This guy is a one- ton elephant seal that is rampaging the coast of Taz Tasmania or a state in Australia. And um he's he's a really cute animal who just happens to really love being juvenile, destroying kind of like human infrastructure. >> One ton is FREAKING HUGE, DUDE. OH, WHAT? >> LOOK. [laughter] >> WHOA. >> This is not AI. >> No. No. >> That guy is big. >> He's cute though. >> Constantly crying. >> That guy is so cute. [laughter] >> ████ [screaming] So, apparently like he was born in 2020, but they like rescued him. So they like
0:50 he comes back to this area all the time and so >> Oh, so he's not scared of humans. >> So he's kind of part of the community, but it's just funny because now he's huge and actually is breaking and destroying things. >> But like from an environmentalist community point of view, it's like nobody's going to stop him. >> Yeah, cuz he's too cute. [clears throat] >> Yeah, he doesn't know his own size. Look at his eyes. [laughter] >> Yeah, but what are you doing once he gets on your car, though? >> Uh he's got to file the insurance claim. [laughter] People are going to need to start paying the extra Neil Steel premium. >> Yeah. >> Look like he has no arms or nothing. >> He [laughter] just looks like a ████ D. He could just push that metal pole over. >> That is incredibly strong. >> It's like designed to hold cars back. >> That fool's bending metal, dude. Why? [laughter] Why, >> bro? Cuz he can. >> He just parks up in the middle of the
1:41 street. >> This guy's stronger than Spider-Man. I don't even think Spider-Man could bend a >> when you're a kid and you just like you just like you know you didn't want to break something but you just go until it breaks and then when it breaks you're like >> and they're like why'd you do that? You're like oh I >> imagine you're a ton >> a ton dude >> dude. Hey but don't you guys want to pet him? >> Yeah, >> he's cute as hell. Yeah, >> what if he lovingly smashes your entire bottom half? >> What if he does that chest chin thing on you? Yeah, but like he really meant like a hug, but he you are paralyzed now. >> Oh man. >> Putting on sand on his back. >> It's funny how we love animals when they're destroying ████ but like when Nick's fans are destroying ████ it's like >> we're calling them animals and we're mad. >> Different vibes, right? >> That's different. That's a humans acting like animals is not not cute.
2:31 >> Yeah. >> Animals being animals in human places is cute cuz they're just doing their own thing. >> And like plus, >> damn, dude. Look at that ████ dude. Like it's so funny how they move. Plus, imagine it's just like constantly like how are you going to get mad? Imagine traffic is just like crazy today. Like must be an accident. You drive by, it's Neil the Seal. You're chilling. You're straight chilling. >> We have hella ducks in our community and they they'll cross the street and ████ Everyone just stops. Everyone's cool. >> Baby duck line crossing the street. You're cool. Like no matter what does Unless you have to really take a ████ I might be running over some baby chicks, but it's different. What if he's just itchy? Dude, look. It's always at the same spot. His chest is itchy. He has no way to scratch it. [laughter] He can't scratch it. >> That guy has no natural predators in this area, huh? >> No, there's no sharks anywhere. Probably
3:21 >> Well, what do you think is a natural predator for Neil Seal? >> A one time. >> Probably Probably a Chinese guy that thinks seal blood gives him erections. [laughter] >> I mean, elephant seal elephant erections. Cuz usually it'd be a killer whale or something. >> Yep. and they eat them. >> Yo, imagine a killer whale followed him on land. >> Oh my god, that'd be crazy. [laughter] >> It is like seal season right now. I um I saw a couple on the beach there. There's like a little baby seal next to the mama seal and then there's all this like tape, right? >> And it's ████ cool because like people just be they'll just be on the beach sharing it with the with the seal. The seals don't give a ████ >> Do you think like fish think it's cute when there's like a scuba diver like all up in their coral? >> [snorts and laughter] >> They're like, "Look, it's destroying their environment."
4:11 >> Remember a seal screamed at us? >> We were on that. We were doing We're shooting No, we're shooting like a JK Adventures video on a on a friend's boat. >> Yeah. >> And you know there's those buoys that are in the middle of the ocean that tell you don't go past here or whatever. So, one of those buoys had like I don't know like a family of seals all just like sunbathing. And as we're getting close, I think we got too close. One of the seals like got up and like launched at our boat and like screamed at us. We're like, "Oh s███." It looked like he was gonna jump into our boat and kick our ass. Whoa. >> That went like looked at us at the side of the EYE AND HE WENT [screaming] AND THEN HE WENT boom and he just dumped. >> But I think cuz the dude wasn't navigating the boat well and we ████ hit the buoy. [laughter] >> We hit the buoy when I was like I'm not trying to do this dude. And then the seal's like, >> "So you guys like remember when that seal y So you guys like remember when that seal yelled at us, but really you
5:01 just attacked its home?" >> Yeah. You guys literally bumped into the home. >> The seal's all goos. [laughter] >> We weren't the >> We weren't the ones driving it. The other dude was driving it. [laughter] >> And then he smashed into the buoy. >> ████ racist seal. Yeah. And dove into the water. They all got in the water and I was like, "Man, I feel kind of bad, [laughter] dude." We were destroying their nap and ████ cuz they were just sleeping. >> Dang, dude. They have a bunch of China come up on them. [laughter] >> Look like they're going to throw spears. >> But they smelled fishy though. >> Do they stink? Yeah. >> Hey, would you eat seal? >> I'll try it. You would eat seal. Stinky tofu is probably worse than seal. >> There's no way it tastes good. >> You got to try almost everything once. Almost. >> It probably I don't know. Probably tastes like a sea guinea pig or
5:51 something. Would you eat human? >> He would. Of course he would. I would. I probably would. >> He would. I try it. >> No. Honestly, nah. [laughter] >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cuz [laughter] No. Cuz at first I envision eating human with like my science hat on, right? I'm like, "Oh, I wonder what that meat tastes like or whatever." But then immediately I go, "Oh, but I'm not just eating the human. I'm eating this guy's decisions. And I know what kind of decisions this ████ made in his life." What the ████ you think the animals that we eat are what do you mean decisions? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Like this ████ probably dropped ecstasy when he's in high school and ████ He got all his residual chemical. I don't want to be eating no fluids. >> Yeah. I don't want to be eating his decisions and ████ I would assume that the circumstance in which true cannibalism exists is not like a delicacy. Like you're trying to like eat some human. It probably be like a
6:41 necessity, right? >> That's what Hillary Clinton wants to do. >> Oh ████ Oh yo, she's eating it like a delicacy. That's children blood. That's different. >> I think she's doing it for powers and like longevity. Children's blood. >> It's not for taste, right? >> You guys don't think these rich people are are just eating pizza and hot dogs? >> That's what they call children's blood. I don't I've never emailed anyone about ordering a pizza. [laughter] >> That's hella true. >> So true. >> I don't want to be eating nobody's decisions. It's like if you have to drink piss, would you rather drink piss from a baby or a 80-year-old man? The 80-y old man got hella decisions in that urine. Is that why you think they eat babies and kids instead of adults? because they don't want the s█████ energy of what they they don't want the credit score up in the ████ blood or any of that stuff. >> That makes all the difference with cows, right? >> But doesn't that come out of your system after a certain amount of time?
7:31 >> You remember when we was drinking cranberry juice to get like marijuana out of our piss? >> My brain still got holes from my ecstasy rave days in high school. >> Oh, okay. So, so maybe it's tender brain. Maybe it'll be a nice delicacy. >> The coach of the Chargers says he won't eat chicken cuz it's a scared animal. >> That's too ████ bro. Yeah. It's like he doesn't want that in his body. >> So he only eats predators. >> It's not even because the actual animal. It's because we call people chicken. >> No, he's like it's too it's like a a fearful animal. >> Don't they have kosher chicken? Cuz like kosher is that that's that's what fixes that, right? Because they >> kosher makes him less so ████ >> Well, yeah, because the way they slaughter the animal is like not it's a specific way, right? >> But I think he's probably talking about like he eats only mountain lions and bears. Like >> So you want like a brave dying animal? I think that's what his his whole thing is. Yeah. >> Like he doesn't eat ████ animals. >> Oh, okay. Okay. I see. I see. Yeah.
8:22 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, he wants to eat something that could eat him. >> Like tuna. >> Something like that. >> Yeah. >> Which animals not scared before they die? >> Tuna. Well, maybe if you shoot them in the back. >> I don't think you even know. Exactly. I think I don't think they know. >> Surprise them. Well, can't you shoot a chicken from the back? >> No, but then they're they're scared animals. >> But the chicken is a >> chicken always afraid. >> They're meant to They're prey. >> He's talking about predators. He wants to eat predators. But you got a surprise skill. A cobra. That's a predator. A cobra. >> To a worm, a chicken is a predator. To a worm. >> Fair. >> You're only tough because it doesn't fight back, >> ████ >> Yeah. Let's see you. [laughter] >> Is that you talking ████ to chickens right now about worms? Yeah. Good for you, man. >> Why don't you pick on somebody your own size? [laughter] >> That's an interesting way to think about it. >> Yeah, [snorts] because you don't want to capture the energy of weak weakness.
9:13 That's probably what he's thinking. I'mma only eat ████ lions. I could understand fish not knowing that they're getting merckked every single time they're getting merckked. >> Yeah, >> specifically fish. Animals though, I don't know. I don't know. When you see those things about like dog, I mean cows and uh pigs and you're like these are extremely emotionally intelligent beings. You know what I mean? >> But it's ████ saying that ████ >> That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I think you're ████ by even being concerned. >> I agree. >> Yeah. >> I think that's the thing. Like cuz you're supposed to be like a survival uh what is it? Like your actual genetics are meant to just be alive at all costs. >> So what the ████ is that guy just eating lion and snow leopard all day? Like >> Well, I think this guy's tripping because you know apex predators eat prey. >> Yeah. >> Like the craziest animals. Like lions don't go eat other lions. They just eat prey. >> And they'll even eat the prey that's injured and can't run away. Like they'll just eat it. >> Yeah. They eat ████ animals anyways.
10:03 >> I think the biggest gangster the biggest gangster don't eat anything. They just fast. [laughter] the biggest gangster. >> No, [laughter] they just >> I don't need food. >> What fees on panda? That's not like human just wrongness. >> I don't even know any >> What's like the predator for pandas? You mean? >> Yeah. What's a predator for a panda? >> I'm saying nonhuman intervention. Like we're not just trying to straight eat panda all the time, right? >> I don't know. I don't know who eats panda. >> That's what I'm saying. Cuz they just lounge around. They just be eating ████ bamboo and just chilling. What do you think of that conspiracy about pandas not being real? >> Oh, with the whole dragon ████ or whatever. >> No, not the dragon ████ the the whole thing where like cuz there's no like there's no historical literature or or like paintings of pandas in Chinese history that it was like something they made later on and they de and they were never in the wild. You ever heard about
10:54 that? >> Yeah, I heard >> because they don't even want to ████ They just don't do anything. They're harmless that they were like domesticated like bred >> but then they're not like >> they are ████ >> Yeah, that's the thing. >> How do they live so long? There's like a conspiracy that they've just were like created >> cuz I think genetically they're actually closer to a raccoon than they are to a bear too. >> So this really weird animal, >> you know, like they did. You would think there'd be like unlimited paintings of them in in Chinese mythology, right? >> Says in ancient literature the earliest mentions date back nearly 3,000 years, but when there is a lack of historical paintings. While Chinese artists painted many animals, preodern giant panda paintings are essentially non-existent. Because pandas inhabited peripheral mountainous regions like the modern day Sichuan, they weren't part of the established cultural religion motifs. Cover up. >> China's massive, too. >> Oh, true. Yeah. They could probably just not have
11:44 >> Can you imagine you never knew what a panda was and you're just in the forest and that ████ chewing bamboo >> and you're like, "What the f███?" >> They are way smaller than people think. >> Oh, really? >> How big are they? Cuz like when they grow, you still see like you still see like the the old ass Asian grandpa zookeepers all like carrying and wrestling with with them and stuff too, you know. So if you could pick up a bear that's not really a big bear. >> They're as big as a Chinese guy wearing a suit. [laughter] >> No, they said that one of the conspiracies that they were bred to clear bamboo, which I thought was funny. >> Oh, >> yeah. They were breders. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why they needed to clear bamboo, but that's like one of the theories, I guess you could say. I don't I have no qualms about believing any of these things. But then I was like, that's interesting. >> I prefer birds are fake. Just saying birds are fake is cracks me up. >> That's really funny. All birds. >> What's that conspiracy? >> It's just that birds are completely
12:34 fake. >> They're all like robots or something. >> Yeah, like they're all like drones. >> That they're all surveillance mass surveillance drones. >> I seen a dead bird. They're pretty real. [laughter] >> Well, that one was >> Oh, >> yeah. Convenient. >> Yeah. >> That's anecdotal, Joe. >> Yeah. I [laughter] guess I'm not a scientist, huh? I'm not using real evidence.
// end of tape