0:00 [Music] so uh russia recently increased their uh global threat level by running a test of their intercontinental ballistic news oh ████ guess what that nuke is called what's the name of that missile the hospital the hospital big husband it's tiny but but mighty bro oh putin's penis that's pretty good now what would like a russian guy name it oh no peace i'm going to send peace it's actually called the satan 2. that's a sick name actual satan gangster
0:51 as ████ dude so does that mean like the rest of the world is like what the ████ is going on no that's the thing that's weird is that um ev the rest of the world generally is like he's just flexing that's a normal test you have to do anyway they're like they always say that yeah but that's i think obviously they're gonna say something that won't make everyone panic you know that's very true but this missile has a range of eleven thousand two hundred miles and it has enough power to erase france but can they reach america yeah why why they gotta choose why i gotta pick up france if they were to do nukes if they hit new york you didn't mean like new york is a hot target you mean it's right there on the coast it's like the closest thing but i probably goes new york new jersey like how what's the size of france in that oh bro you're knocking out that entire life but it's ████ all of new
1:42 england so it's not technically a nuclear missile but it's nuclear capable so they could just put a nuclear warhead inside of it and it's said to be the world's longest range intercontinental ballistic missile man we would not he also brags that there's no current defense system that can target it whoa that's kind of scary elon please help us dude yeah but then the u.s described the testing as routine and dismissed any global they always do that though yeah who said that jan saki my girl jen that's his girl dude that's my girl dude what if the u.s is like man that's why we've been having a space force full you don't even know what we got yeah see that was that's what my question was like what's up with the space force they've been real quiet so maybe they're just like yeah they're moving in silence they're moving i like it i kind of like it maybe they'll like uh intercept it from out of space from the moon yeah whoa that'd be tight yeah so if fully armed
2:33 it really actually says it can deliver a payload big enough to destroy an area the size of france france is pretty big so they mean we're going to blow up france next i mean out of all the european countries though france is 210 000 square miles everywhere else is please keep beautiful friends but paris is okay you could hit paris so remember when putin said like oh if anyone like ████ with us you'll you'll experience a level of like destruction that the history has never seen yeah yeah i remember you said that bro satan too that's a crazy name can't wait for the third one i hope not that's why i'm like let's get this video out before people ████ go how insensitive of you to make a video of the ████ after after he ████ blows up france oh geez it's high stakes here well i mean damn it's getting harder to do our job as comedy that is wait eleven thousand miles you said that's how far goes it
3:24 can travel can we measure how far is is is russia from from new york city how far eleven hundred miles or eleven thousand wow that's ████ funny oh dude that can reach here it can go double the distance and then come back around that she could ████ circle around the globe bro that ████ could go to new york and back wait what is the what is the what is the miles go to new york flex russia layover in new york we're here to go back they could do a ████ round trip hopefully it does that it just blows itself up they miscalculate it's like oops goes back around russia have you guys seen the russian like military scrambling though like ukraine's been whipping their ass yeah so i don't know i don't really have confidence in their ability that's a good point you know like they have their track record so far shows
4:14 that like their military is pretty incompetent that's a good point because they like other countries are saying the reason that he's so public about this test is because their recent technology when practiced in war was a failure so far like all the stuff they've been bragging about to this point has not really worked so this one might go like and then it's like oh malfunction and it just falls yeah there's this uh video it's like these russian tanks going into ukraine they get ambushed and then these guys instead of having some sort of like military order you just seem like oh ████ oh ████ and the fool's climbing out of the tanks oh my god it was just ████ a ████ show i'm like what though no uh you know what i heard is that some of those guys thought they were in like a training exercise and they when they when they were getting shot at they're like what the ████ were in war and then there
5:05 they they just all jumped out started surrendering how would they jump out of the tank they're just freaking out load themselves into the turret get me out of here here like so in the american military like the objective and your mission is extremely important because if you're lost from your squad or your platoon or your leaders you still know what you're supposed to do if you're stranded in a jungle you know exactly what you're supposed to do eat banana but not right and then so like that's they're never gonna send you and not tell you what's happening you need to have a north star so is it ████ that they didn't know where they were at oh no for them i don't know what oh russians are crazy is it possibly yeah you know i just need to rally as many troops as possible you can totally see them just shipping it out they're running out of gas all that but i i heard that like a lot of their uh military too didn't have much practice
5:56 and training it's been so many years since they took the warship series we've been at war forever they were so corrupt for the last 40 years of like not really being in wars and ████ that they're like we're not going to be in a war so they started selling off the equipment and like parts and then they weren't redoing the ████ they were building the government so then like there was this real big corruption in the military where you know how like the military they get funding by government budgets right so then they get the government budgets and then like they have to spend it all so then basically they're like embezzling the government budget and then they'll they're supposed to buy like let's say new tires or some ████ but instead of buying new tires they just use the money for other ████ or they just fatten up their own pockets basically a lot of our spending goes to
6:46 rehearsals that's how you stay sharp we do all those tests you know yeah like like every single like marine that comes out of boot camp has shot over a thousand rounds wow and then fighter jets are doing rehearsals they're like practicing like dropping missiles making sure they're hitting targets so a lot of the most of the money is spent on rehearsals and rehearsals and rehearsals throughout your whole career yeah that costs so much so if you're not rehearsing then they don't they have this surplus of a budget and they still need to spend it it's but you can clearly tell that they suck so does the air force really also have to rehearse like ejection from the plane all of that every single they'll just let it crash as a rehearsal yeah they'll have to it's really i find it really funny that the military calls it rehearsals i'm calling it rehearsals oh yeah training training yeah rehearsals i like that better yeah i got you had to go to rehearsal it's an acting class
7:36 stage combat yeah it's like a plane and scene [Laughter] it's [Laughter] call for fire training environments where like uh like someone like don or another guy like a fart observer like you would be there they would call in the coordinates to have the planes come in and because the missiles are ████ millions of dollars you'll see will rehearse like all day with just uh the planes coming in and then the next day when it's ready they'll drop the one or two missiles so that they don't so they can get get the almost like when you're shooting like you dry fire right so you don't waste your bullets so we'll do all those reps and then the next day is when they drop the actual missile wow and all that cross monitors that's all yeah that's the dresser so then did you ever have to are there you know when there's rehearsals for like extraction or like trying to save
8:27 somebody and then there's a guy who just plays like a person being safe oh yeah yeah yeah who are those people they're not extras oh so you had to do that too get them from sadly that's what we do let's say we do an evacuation uh drill over playing his role i just need you to shut up bang you're dead bang you're dead and then they'll run the scenario so you two get to chill oh so you have to really actually be dead weight huh yeah and they're just bodies like this and you can't help even though if you know the answers or like he's supposed it's like escape room [Laughter] ████ damn that's tight i didn't know that did you just take turns baby he's in the wall right there it's literally like sports right like you have to run those plays running
9:18 drills over and over and over so that when you play the actual team you know this guy passes the ball to that person that passes the ball to that person because it doesn't magically happen right man the military's just larping half the time they are they're larping themselves to be honest to be ready but the russians ain't oh how much larping do they do that's why when the ████ hits the fan they're ████ scrambling all over the place yo have you seen those like spent naz like ████ training videos and like they have those like russian military like special forces videos it looks so dope dude and then the reality is where the ████ did those guys go where are those guys at they've been in the i mean they've been in the war for a minute now and i'm surprised they didn't even because i heard in the beginning they're like oh no what they're doing is russia just sending in their ████ troops to tire out ukrainians and then they're going to bring in the bad asses do you think that's impossible and then but
10:08 look at how long it's been i know man ps5s are still sold out bro yeah for real i thought they were gonna like shut them down in like 48 hours or something they're like ukraine that tiny ass country and they were bragging about that hell nah but also they have so much uh foreign support like ukraine has all of our like funding i feel like they're always saying they don't have enough to like outlast didn't we just give them like like two 2.5 trillion dollars or some ████ they got a lot of bitcoin and ████ all that ████ ████ what is that thing skylink link internet yeah bro they're hooked up we ain't even got skyler i know yeah give us that i'm trying to watch these tick tock stuff you guys will be tick tocks i gotta watch [Music]
11:13 you
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