0:00 or what's the funniest sport on steroids that would be funny ████ the uh dog shows but the dog's on steroids the walkers on steroids just like come on come on you goddamn [Music] is anybody familiar with the NASA Dart yeah Bart knows yeah what is it it's the day area responsive team that that's Dara why do they need a response team for the day why because sometimes they go where'd the Sun come from Jay area day area sounds really good um it is actually the pro program that they within the last two weeks launched towards an asteroid to see if it can
0:50 through crashing into it can bump it off of its course I heard about that my trip is this ████ happened all the time yeah they haven't figured out how to destroy it they landed one on um like an asteroid years ago to like just see like what like well today like took a sample from it oh and then they sent that the material or they sent like what the information is about the material back there got it I think I've just been seeing too many movies with this plot probably this is Dara or dark dirt sorry DACA it was dark um but yeah uh basically uh less than two weeks ago a telescope uh out in Chile had captured the moment Dan was crazy construction out there um that the comment like today's so tough uh a telescope in
1:42 Shelly caught the moment that uh or the after moments where the asteroid was struck and it created basically like a kilometers thousands of kilometers a length tail of debris oh ████ but they still don't have the actual data yet because it just happened of whether or not the there's a new course for the asteroid this is a test in order to anticipate the big moment when an asteroid is coming to us oh okay that's cool so that when the real ones come in they know hey this worked so this is the first test so even that very first time the Astro wasn't heading at Earth it was heading like towards our Direction but they needed to grab samples in order to figure a bunch of different stuff out and whatnot this time they actually crashed the ████ probe into the asteroid and they got all these like little calculations and ████ like that yeah for example how ████ funny would it be if for the test one they blew it up and then it went towards Earth it changed its course to earth that is
2:33 space humor 2000. yeah yeah it's a space meme or like just like killed our moon or something like that like that Moon fall movie that was terrible that just came out moonfall so this this right here I need it in a German can you explain this in German please God why is it dark is it German no it's just better like that oh okay I don't even know what the ████ I'm looking at this is NASA it's even better these threats here is this is the original orbits uh we are circling the atmosphere at the demos don't break character Jesus Christ read this part here what does that say NASA spacecraft crashes into asteroids Moon be more angry about it though say that
3:24 one more time this is really angry talk about the dart uh we are going to send the dot into the damn office that's impact will alter the orbit Nick Nick Nick I'll just give you a little note you're thinking about how they're spending money on this ████ not fixing your potholes now try it again yeah [Laughter] don't bother me because I avoid them oh ████ no but like Ryan said you just gotta kind of tap them and then sue the city yeah remember that I'm not gonna go I'm always through the city I'm not gonna see the city dude so yeah as as he's so very very much so explained literally this was the dark probe that they sent and it's meant to impact the asteroid do a German
4:16 Vietnamese Vietnamese Vietnamese [Laughter] gonna he go that way he boom he rocked and then they go to the smaller Circle man see that was really good oh man oh God damn it did the big right at the Dwayne Johnson [Laughter] has a circle man that's crazy dude that's what we need in ████ more Viet spokesperson yeah dude I've been doing this wrong the whole time we need more Viet scientists oh God do you guys think this s███'s gonna work so easy to understand through Viet I understood everything why does it make more sense do we think it's gonna work you're asking this room if it's gonna work we're the news team we're supposed to
5:07 get there's people out there that are looking for answers this is a credible Source blinking because Steve you're you're really you like this I love space love outer space Cabo your space so I feel like if anyone has you know the authority to say it's going to organize a beat there's literally a hamster on a wheel right here in my brain and it's just going on like that I don't know what were you gonna say why'd you have your hand up oh I said that I vote Yes you're just voting he's still voting I thought yes that it's gonna work Bart goes into the boat in the voting boothy [Laughter]
6:01 do you want this to work I voted yes I do what are some alternative techniques to divert in asteroids that yeah yeah all I know using sonic waves all I know is the ████ analogy from Armageddon which is a very credible movie where they talk about if you see asteroid is impacted or no this is the wrong ass energy point is it ████ hits top it's just gonna ████ just kind of shatter but you gotta blow it up from the inside that's why we need Bruce Willis to go drip but that's such ████ because all you gotta do is move a little bit if it's far enough away you just move a little bit and then it goes way far away well push yeah a little tiny little bit a little little that's true little so basically we have to we have to see the asteroid coming in our direction from
6:52 really far away and then because it's really far away we have to send our probe a really long time before it meets and then moving fast enough because that's the problem too the trajectory that ████ is going to be like pretty big time right so you want to you're gonna have to you're gonna have to count on that you have to move real fast yeah you have to do your calculation everyone's overlooking one very simple solution Why move the asteroid blow up Earth and move Earth out of the way oh that's sick idiot we throw another asteroid into it to move it if we if we explode enough nukes in the atmosphere you think we'll move Earth a little bit a little bit I think we'll move it enough let's say that and if everybody jumps up and down at the same time across the world at the same time you have to promise you're gonna yeah yeah well they would have to all go to one side of the world we have to know the time zone we could do that yeah but yeah we're spitballing here yeah you could just blow up there's a huge part
7:42 of the ocean no one needs which part ████ all parts yeah honestly the Pacific Ocean is a big ████ miss in my opinion I've taken the day Pacific Ocean big ████ miss all right what's a better ocean what's a better Ocean than Pacific Indian Ocean Indian Ocean's wave Indian Ocean's killing it more than the Pacific yeah dude Pacific has the wackest rivers that come out of it I think about Pacific I go pee you oh please ████ it yeah dude move the Earth stupid yeah you also think about how they talk about like when an asteroid comes and hits and for some reason the movies always say it's gonna be like life-ending Annihilation type impact and then they always do this ████ graph where it's like it's gonna hit the side and everything's gonna burn and then after that there's gonna be an
8:32 Ice Age yeah I'm like wait a minute is that really good for our planet right about now don't we like need way more icing but we're gonna all die we won't experience it we got Mars for that well I'm thinking Nicholas Cage and have him steal the asteroid oh yeah that is a good idea because he's actually in the process of making that movie he steals impossible things already yeah he stole a ████ declaration independence cake too yeah it was easy crazy how long that ████ fear has been existent that ████ was gonna hit the earth like it's in the ████ Bible yeah or they talk about like there's a ████ they're saying it's hacky comment yeah it's ████ original or is it something we should even worry about if it happens we're all in ████ gonzos anyway I mean if you can prevent that small talk right if you can prevent it if I can get get a huge ass Jose Canseco get that ████ out of there who's
9:22 a can Seiko yeah get a ████ breed crossbreed get a ████ Giant baseball dude I would get a giant Berry bonds oh my opinion not a ████ Juiced up stuff yeah yeah juice stuff yeah Juiced up so he hits it in a ████ Andromeda yeah just hey dude everyone's talking about that Yankees guy right now because he hit 62. Barry Bonds hits ████ 76 or some ████ yeah dude light work nobody cares was very Bonds on drugs yeah yes they should let baseball players be on steroids yeah absolutely should baseball all sports should be steroids should be ████ mutant League which sport should not be on steroids or what's the funniest sport on steroids that would be funny ████ the uh dog shows but the dog's on steroids the walkers on steroids just like come on yeah God damn well I thought you meant like power walkers but on steroids no I mean the Walkers who were walking the dogs or the
10:14 guy just stacked the guy who examines the dog says on steroids who puts his hand in their ass oh no what about like dart throwing but on steroids it feels like it's already kind of royalty to me I feel like they don't those guys don't get so lame probably bowling that'd be cool whoa I'm gonna take that as soon as I said it I ████ take it back it's okay we'll edit out for you because you look like a ████ idiot for that one ████ bobsled on steroids they're sitting and they're just shaking but that push will be a good push oh what's the curling curling will be curling on steroids dude they're just going down into the ice but make it way bigger you know what I mean make wherever they play where do they play in an ice rink yeah they need to get rid of some sports uh what's called shuffleboard uh what did I just say it's curly curling is pretty is that this one
11:05 yeah shuffleboard and curling is the same thing bro you're just sweeping the floor before the ████ ball thing gets you see how fast they sweep though it's pretty cool what about some of the throwing ones do you think those should stay like you got Javelin you have like shot put shot put should be rewarded out for sure Javelin too all of them people should be in the audience they should be ████ sweating like they should have they should be sweating if it's gonna hit them yeah bring the bleachers even closer they gotta put a Splash Zone a ████ Shamu Splash Zone dude you'll be crazy on Roy's ████ synchronized swimming hope they all sink to the bottom dude the person doesn't have to they can't float yeah it's like damn just ████ with our boy yeah dude they're gonna stink that's what I'm hoping for the show ended so quick put NASCAR on Roy's dude dude NASCAR is pretty sweet because then nothing would change at all everybody's crashing they need more
11:56 synchronized Sports just take it make eight guys do it at the same time do you think dance would be different dude do you think dance would be different dance would be out of here on roids steroids redo ABDC b-boys would be crazy that's what I'm saying you redo ABDC but then you guys all have to do steroids you just look like Chippendales yeah we probably lose a lot of our flexibility and Mobility like no Mobility yeah they're sexy as hell [Music]
// end of tape