0:00 Or just go say the thing that you feel to the mirror and see if you sound gay or not. That's true. What if you're gay though? Oh. That's not a problem. You know when you have like a problem or um you're complaining about something and then somebody goes, "Dude, that's nothing. I have this going on." >> All those one-uppers? Does it actually help, in your opinion, when your problems get compared with bigger problems? I think it depends if I stumbled upon it or if I'm going to someone for help. Yeah. If I stumbled upon it, then I'm like, "Oh ████ that was crazy." Then it makes me think about my own life and I'm like, "Oh, my stuff ain't s███." But if you're like going to someone for help and you're like, "Hey, excuse me, can you help me change I have a I have a flat tire." Like, "I got four flat
0:50 tires." You're like, "All right, that's awesome. I still got a flat tire. I can't drive home." Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cuz they just think you're complaining. And it's like, "B████, I need help fixing this s███." Yeah, you think that's bad? When there's like practical problems like that, I can see why that would be like, "Okay, what the heck?" I think a lot of the time for me like that oddly that that helps me put things in perspective very easily. If I'm like troubled about some ████ and some guy's like, "I mean, you have it pretty good compared to A, B, and C." I actually feel a lot better. When when it comes to like conceptual things that you're dreading. >> Like a change in perspective, huh? >> Yes, but not like when it comes to like you said like if a practical thing happened where like, I don't know, like I found out my dad is sick or something. It's not going to make me feel any better if someone's dad's sicker. >> Oh, my dad's way sicker than yours. My
1:41 dad's dead. Yeah, exactly. I just think it's also you're kind of being a snooty little ████ though, a little bit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like like other people got it worse or I got it worse than you. It's almost like you're trying to one-up me in the conversation like Yeah. It doesn't really help anything. Like this reminds me of people who just make everything about them. Oh, yeah. They want to like recenter the conversation. >> Yeah, you're trying to talk about something that's going on with you or whatever and then it's just becomes always pulled back to what's about them. So it's like, all right. >> Yeah, that's what I mean when I like when you're talking with people, I feel like that's how it feels like. But then if it's like you stumble upon like I love inspirational stories. The guy with one leg that ran a marathon or something and I'm like, "Oh, ████ That was ████ crazy. Damn, I got two legs. I should be I don't know, make more of whatever I have. I I like those. But I think when you talk to people and
2:31 then they try to one-up you like their life is worse than you're like, Is this guy a narcissist? Like what the ████ >> Yeah. I think it's like um when you're actually looking for a practical solution, but they just try to change your perspective, that's when it's annoying. Because it's like I don't care Well, yeah. You're not validating me. That's fine. But I'm asking for a solution or like brainstorming session instead of just being like, "Ah, you don't got to worry about it because things are worse." It's like, "No, ████ I'm I'm here because I'm trying to figure out different methods cuz I ran out of ideas." Or you know what I mean? Like >> why I dig talking to dudes about stuff like this cuz it's like we're probably going to drill in on like how we can fix the problem whereas ████ want to be like, "I just need to vent right now. So can you please stop trying to solve my problem? Thank you very much." Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. So I see the value in that, but if they're if
3:21 they like got hit by the narcissism tree a couple times, I don't think we're going to get anywhere. I remember when I was a kid, I was like, "Man, I don't got enough T-shirts." So I told my dad, I was like, "Man, I don't think I don't got enough T-shirts. I got to get more T-shirts." And he told me, he's like, "Oh, yeah? When I was a kid, we had the same shirt. When I came back from school, I would wash it and scrub it and hang it and then the next day wear the same shirt to school. And if that day was raining and the sun wasn't out. I'm wearing a wet t-shirt to school. And I remember going, damn. I think I still need MORE T-SHIRTS THOUGH. YEP. PARENTS DID DO THE ONE-UPPING ████ HUH? They're like, I ████ walked 3 miles and ████ to school. Yeah. And I'm like,
4:12 sucks to be you. You got a car now. But I think they have a right to do that. Whereas if you're going to someone as a peer, it's a little different, you know? One of my favorite stories that Shaq tells is that his stepdad one time, uh it was after a game and he was b███████ about like the game and b███████ about his career a little bit. And his stepdad was like, get in the car with me. And they drove like through like some rough neighborhoods. And he's like, these people have it tough. You don't have it tough. You don't have real problems. And like Shaq never said he never forgot that. And I don't think that's a one-upmanship. That's just perspective. Like Yeah, that's just important perspective in keeping your problems relative, you know? But there are times when I do want to ████ be like, shut the ████ up, man. That's what you're b███████ about? And then that's when sometimes, if depending on how much I care in the
5:02 moment or how much I care about the person, it'll come out. And then and it'll come out. I'll just be like, dude, that sounds dumb. Like what's an example of that? >> Like Anthony was telling me, he's like he's like, I'm going 5 6 7 8 and this guy's going like like 9 10 11 12. And I'm like, you got to stay with me. You got to stay on my time. And I'm like, I don't need to hear the story again, Anthony. You know, ████ like that. That's not my tempo. It's it's usually things that overwhelm people and they want to vent and they actually don't want a solution. So like, for example, like I got to I got to get better at this, but like not everyone grows up with the same amount of stress and trauma, right? That's that's like duh. So like, what makes people feel like it's the end of the world sometimes is just like um I know they're going
5:54 through an experience but I'm like the amount of emotional expression to what's happened to me feels too much. Like it's like no one died. But then like it's like you're doing that cuz you lost a job. Or like even that's actually legit. But something even less than that, maybe you got offended. Or like it's just these little stories. I I try to stay away from them and I don't remember cuz I don't want to remember. But like you'll hear it all the time in conversation where like you're just like the ████ When their expression in whatever happened isn't like calibrated correctly. Yeah. It's like yeah like maybe you ████ you scuffed your new shoe but you treat it as if like your uncle passed away or something. It's like what the ████ Cuz Tyco would do that cuz he's a ████ kid. >> Yeah, it's like material things. It's
6:45 like things that's like oh yeah, you got a little dent in your car and then you're going to ████ be pouty for 5 hours. I think it's it really helps have old friends in this situation exactly because like as long as I've known Eros like we have a really good system of I guess like if I'm like complaining if I find myself complaining about money or or not having something like we go so far back to where we both just had absolute ████ and nothing at all. And it's easy to remind each other like dude, remember we couldn't even you couldn't even choose what you wanted to eat cuz there was a cap to what you could afford. Like even that little thing will just make me reverse from like being lamentful and then grateful. He's like remember when you didn't have a creepy van? And how much it improved your life to have a really creepy van? Also when you guys been through ████
7:36 together. Do you know a better way to meet kids or what? That's not a one-upper. That's a good that's a good thing though. It's like remember when we used to be broke? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's great. But also like it's it's almost like you are seeing a bigger problem that also used to be your problem. So I think like when you compare your problems with even bigger ones, it's almost like makes more sense to just find when you had that bigger problem in the past. That's a great comparison in my mind. At least helps me out a lot. If I'm like, "Dude, I feel like I have no time. I feel like I have no this." It's like, "Bro, remember when you were in ████ school? Remember how good it feels to not be in ████ school? Like >> I went to high school with this cat who who to this day tweets like another sad day. And he What the ████ >> I'm not kidding. Like this guy is he and
8:26 he he's like a Disney guy. So he's like an adult who goes to Disneyland. A Disney adult? >> adult. He never really got a girlfriend. He's always been like a sad sack dude. And like I'll still see his Twitter page come up and he'll be like, "Ugh, life sucks." or whatever. And I'm like, "This guy is still doing this s███." Like all he's done in my opinion is put himself into this spin cycle of depression and sadness because he's not like seeing gratitude or good in anything ever. And that's why me and Nikki are always big on like just expressing gratitude out loud often and being like, "Man, can't believe we live where we live. Can't believe we live in this house. We feel so lucky." and and all that kind of ████ Cuz you can easily do the other thing. But we're there to remind each other like not dude, like things are great. >> Woe is me. I think that's what I don't like. The woe is me every day. They also suck because good news that happens to
9:18 you will be bad news for him. And I think that's the most ████ thing. Are they jealous or something? >> Yeah, like like we like I have a friend who you guys know. And when he was in his most depressive state, he would ask for updates and be like, "How's everybody doing?" I'd be like, "Oh, dude, Steve's doing great. He booked this movie." He'd go, "SEE?" WHAT THE ████ >> By the way, that's every actor in Hollywood. >> What kind of ████ ████ is that? What the ████ >> every actor in Hollywood, by the way. >> That movie, by the way, was one you were in. Let's ████ go. That's ████ what? >> Really? Maybe cuz their world is zero sum. Cuz there's only one slot, right? So, like So, if someone else takes it, then then they it's the loss for them. >> Yeah, I think like some people just want to wallow so bad or they're just so locked in it that like good news about other people feels like, "Oh, I should
10:09 be that." >> That's why it's difficult for me to like As soon as I sense this ████ um I I give a pass where I'm like, "People go through tough times. I get it." And then you might not really mean it, but you just like going off on a rant. But after a while, like I'm just I I I I can't be around people like that. And I don't know why it makes my skin crawl so much, but I feel like there's precious space in my mind and I don't want to hear it. Like I'd rather hear There's so many things we could talk about. There's so many things that I probably like find interesting, but you choose to occupy the ████ space with complaining or whatever, and I'm all like I can't block it out, too. It just bothers me so much. >> I also think I'm super sexist where when I hear dudes b███████ about stuff, I'm like, "Shut the ████ up." Honestly, honestly, yeah. Yeah. You have no right.
11:00 Just don't ████ dude. Like with ████ I expect them to ████ about stuff. With dudes, I'm like I'm like exactly I'm like shame on you, man. I'm like you are such a ████ Like just shut up. I think cuz that's what we're all trying to do, right? The goal is to like try to detach yourself emotionally from practical problems because like you want to use your logical brain first and then just stick with that, right? >> to be our superpower. >> Yeah, like as we go through life, we're trying to more and more to get better at that, right? So, when you see a guy your age and he's like, "Man, this sucks. All of this sucks." You're like, "Dude, are you that far behind?" Like, "You got a long way to go, man." >> I wish they had a grandpa like I did, man. I really do. >> It helps It helps to have like a someone like that in your life, yeah. >> Where he's like, "Oh, you think you have problems? I was in Vietnam." That's all you need to say. You know what I mean? Like You're like, "Oh, s███." That's why I think there's a lot in
11:50 common with like uh kids of veterans and like first-gen generation American Asians because they listen to the same ████ where like none of your ████ is validated. All of it's out the window because your life is so ████ good. >> so soft compared to us. >> You don't even have the right to complain, yeah. >> Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think there's so much in common with that. >> I'm also lucky that Geo keeps it real. So, sometimes I will be in like a rut about something and as soon as I say it out loud Yeah. she doesn't even have to say anything. She just looks at me and goes, "That sounded gay, huh?" And I'm like, "F███, that did sound ████ gay." And I would like go reprogram it, you know? Yeah. You're like, I got dumped one time and I'm like bombed about it and ████ like that and I go home and like my grandpa's there and ████ and it's just like, "Yeah, like like a like yo, yeah, I know you're not you're not you don't look like you're
12:40 very happy right now." "Oh, yeah, yeah, this you know, we broke up." And he's like, "Oh, yeah, I remember her." And all this stuff. And he's like, "Yeah." He's like, uh "Yeah, one morning I watched one of my buddies get TURNED INTO JELLY." NOT EVEN RELATABLE IN NO, just like puts his dick on the table and he's like, "Yeah, what do you think of that?" That's good. Yeah, and it and it made me laugh. Like it just made me laugh. Yeah, it'll bring your spirits up to be like, "That's ridiculous, but yeah, thanks, I guess." I think when guys do that though, it it's supposed to like snap you out and like snap you back into reality like cuz so you're not like in the spiral of like, "F███, man, they got my Starbucks order wrong. They got my Starbucks order." And then you're just thinking for like 3 hours straight and then like if someone says that to you, you're like the ████ you was a stupid That's the key
13:30 right there. Yeah, but then when people do it wrong, it becomes oh, you know what I went through and then it's like they go through a whole monologue. Yeah, so all you guys out there that have that thing, the snap out of it thing, the key with that is that your friends are supposed to believe that that's not you. Like you're not the complainer person. You need to snap out of it and go back to who you are and that's something that has the capability to handle it. So there's yeah, it's that thing of like if I'm doing that to someone, I'm not trying to tell them, oh you're invalid, this doesn't isn't worth my time. It's more like hey, you're not being yourself. Get out of that random mindset where you like hit that dip, you know? Or just go say the thing that you feel to the mirror and see if you sound gay or not. That's true. What if you're gay though?
14:20 Oh. >> That's not a problem. But it's such a tricky thing to navigate cuz it like, you know, like dudes ████ offing themselves is at a all-time high. Like people there's a saying like male loneliness epidemic and it's like I think we're just so socially screwed right now. Like where we got to and the trial and error that we got to to be comfortable with navigating like, hey I got to talk to you about this ████ right? And I need some help. >> Yeah. They don't know the difference between that and complaining and venting. True. So because it might feel like this might actually feel like they're opening up and they need some help. >> If you're handling it like a woman where you just want to complain and vent, that's not good. But if you're actually looking for feedback and trying to to improve yourself, I think that's tight. Yeah, so it if they if they're not a ████ or like
15:11 cuz some people just want to keep saying the same things over and over and over and do nothing about it.
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